#platonic friendship
Our jumper sleeves tangle and the colours clash. Smiling softly into your hair as your head rests upon my chest.
We whittle on, discussing how life has changed for us both. How our futures will look in comparison to our dreamt up futures as younger teenagers. You’ll ask me how my mother is and I’ll return the question.
I’ll mention how I’ll write about this moment and you’ll mention how you’ll forget. We laugh at the truth, I promise to make you remember next time we see each other.
Knowing each other since you were young, changing but never really. I’ll still make you laugh at stupid things and you’ll tickle me when I’m sarcastic.
That night, walking back with bottles of wine in a carrier bag. We joke about the cashier who flirted with me. We’ll run across empty roads. You ask me to play specific songs in the kitchen that you love but can’t remember the title of.
Does this help you remember?
My partner and i recently got married. We’re really happy, but for the past half year I’ve caught feelings for two other friends. My husband feels the same way and these two friends are already in a relationship and poly. My husband has feelings but more platonic than my romantic feelings and doesn’t really wanna pursue anything. Every time i try to have a discussion about it he gets overwhelmed or jealous. But its like I just want them in queer platonic polycule?
I don’t want to have sex or even kiss them but I want to go on dates and hold hands and live together and raise kids with them. My partner feels exactly the same way but he is still super hesitant. He was this hesitant when we started dating so idk what to do about my feelings. Am I a bad person for wanting to pursue this even though my spouse is lowkey jealous? And am I a bad spouse for even wanting another relationship while being just recently married? I don’t want to weird my friends out but I don’t like to just not tell people how I feel about them. It feels wrong somehow. And on another note, sorry for all the questions, if my partner and I did decide to pursue this kind of relationship, how do I even go about it?
The good news is that the arrangement you’re describing is as old as humanity itself, and in fact how most families have been raised over the course of history. The “nuclear family,” where only two adults live in a detached home and are expected to meet all of each other’s financial, developmental, emotional, physical, culinary, etc. needs - as well as those of any children - is a very recent concept.
You may be well served by letting go of the concept of a “queer platonic polycule” and exploring language for what you really want that doesn’t signify a necessary departure from the monogamous marriage your husband feels committed to protect. What you’ve described may be well represented by other concepts, including family friends, kinship networks, close neighbors, chosen family, or non-blood cousins. Raising kids together, spending quality time together, supporting each other, and “doing life together” might be less threatening ways to talk about this, at least for your husband.
Talk with your husband about what he wants, and what he does not want. Be specific, using examples and real-world concepts rather than conceptual terms. What is his best case scenario, and what is his worst case scenario? What is he afraid of happening? Can he describe where his jealousy is coming from? What do you mean by “go on dates?” What kind of quality time spent with these other people would feel like “too much” or “jealousy-inducing” for him?
Talk through actual situations. Would you two want to plan joint vacations with this couple? How would you handle things like joint finances or individual healthcare costs? What does “raise kids together” mean for you? Are there any examples from books, movies, or your own lives that you can draw inspiration from? Do you know any neighbors, extended families, religious congregations, or other people who can help serve as a model for this kind of life?
Once you’ve figured out what you actually want, you can bring that up with the other couple. Instead of asking “do you want to form a queer platonic polycule,” ask them “what are your thoughts on co-living with us?” or “would you like to go camping with us next weekend?” Worry less about what words to put on things, and focus on how you want to be in relationship. In some cases, you might not need to have a Big Serious Relationship Defining Conversation, and can instead simply start intentionally living into the type of connection you want.
Finally, you ask whether you are a bad person for having these feelings and desires, and my answer to that question is a resounding: absolutely not! Our thoughts, feelings, and desires are entirely our own business and don’t have the power to make us a good or bad person. It’s how you act on them that matters. If you’re pressuring your husband into doing something that he doesn’t want, or you’re acting manipulative or otherwise disregarding his boundaries, then those are not great things to do, but I’d still caution you against equating “did an unhealthy or unhelpful thing” and “is a bad person.” You are you, and you contain multitudes, and you’ve hurt people and you’ve helped people, and you’re just a person. Try to let go of this notion that anything you think or do can make you “a bad person.”
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AAAAAAAAAAA! ( ;0; ) I don’t deserve you guys!
The Soldier one didn’t turn out very good, but is longer???? For some reason???? Sorry about that.
I had to stop myself from doing the whole: “You see me as a father figure?” “More like a bother figure!” lol
———————-
SOLIDER 76:
“Hand me the rag to your left.” He would request.
“Yessir.” You’d automatically reply.
“Don’t forget your holster, solider.” He would state the next day.
“On it.” You would answer, completing that task.
“Make sure you eat before we leave.” Today was no different. It wasn’t uncommon for him to tend to you, or anyone really. He’d play it off as if he only cared about the outcome of the mission, which he did, however that wasn’t really it.
It seems even through the turmoil and heartbreak, the compassion still remained. Albeit, gruff and grumpy, it was still there, growing slowly, and steadily stronger; almost to the unyielding love and support that he had practically exhaled in his youth.
“Okay, dad.” Your words fell out, not with a second thought, or notice. You glance up at him and note how rigid his stance is. More so than usual.
He pauses, nods, than turns to leave. Not too far off from his normal response. But still, off.
You shrug and decide to follow his suggestion and have a snack.
____________
“What’s the matter, Jack?” Ana looks over her tea smugly.
“I’d prefer it if you weren’t always able to tell when something’s on my mind.” He lets out a huff as he sits beside her.
She chuckles briefly, “It just so happens that you can be very readable. Even when you try to not be.” She sets down her cup with light clatter and holds her head in her hand. “Now, tell me the problem.”
“It’s not really a problem….” Ana hums in curiosity and he clasps his hands together in thought. “Ana…..am I…..a dad?”
“Wha-” She outwardly laughs, removing her head from her hand and patting his back. “Absolutely!”
“Absolutely? Didn’t think I’d get an answer that definitive.” He chuckles, her happy response calming him down slightly.
“You’re so dramatic sometimes, Jack, I swear.”
____________
The sudden crashing from the kitchen led Hana to pause her game, set it down, and investigate.
“Woah, what happened here?” She eyes your frozen form and food on the floor.
“I just realized I accidentally called Solider, ‘dad.’”
“OMG,” she snorts.
MERCY:
Modern medicine sure was marvelous.
Even that felt like an understatement.
Angela sighed, handing you a small bottle of medicine for your quickly healing leg. “You are lucky that it is just broken. If it were not for your boots……well just know it could have been much worse.”
“Thank you, Angela!” She begins explaining the process of healing, the time it took (a whole whopping week!), the meds, and the regular checkups. It doesn’t seem like anything you can’t handle.
She smiles softly, gently tightening the hard cast-like boot. “As always, tell me if you have a problem with ANYTHING.” She pats your shoulder, “You should be good to go! Go get some rest.”
“Alright. Thank you, mom!”
“Mom?” She repeats.
“…..mom…..” You echo, embarrassed. “Momma-mia! You did a good job, haha! I should go get some rest, like you said!” You start to scoot off the table, minding your mildly aching leg, as you hobble off in the direction of the door.
“No wait!” She reaches towards you. You pause. “You called me mom. Do you think of me as your mother?”
“……..yes……?”
“Really!?” Whoo boy, she sounds ecstatic, and a quick look at her face proves your assumption. “Oh my! Thank you so much!”
“You’re……..welcome…..” You wheeze awkwardly. That was just something you referred to her as with your friends, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t actually see her that way.
You continue to scoot out, feeling like you could die from embarrassment right then and there.
_____________
“Haha, no way!” Lúcio booms during lunch.
“Yeeeaaaahhhh.” You cover your face with your hands. “And she was so happy too.”
“Rip,” D.Va chimes in with a snicker, typing away at her phone.
“Hey, it’s impolite to talk about your mother behind her back!” Mercy announces, food tray in hand, sitting herself beside you punctually.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooo,” you whine, hiding your face further, into a barrier of your arms.
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