#post mormon
Hi cult survivors,
You are amazing and valid
It’s hard for wlw who grew up in homophobic religions to form connections and not feel bad or weird about their sexuality. It’s especially hard for people who grew up in such a controlled environment where they tried to control how you dressed, who you dated, when you started dating, how often you dated, when you could date one on one, etc to make genuine romantic connections and sometimes people just turn out ace or aro (nothing wrong with that, I love my aro/ace buddies so much <3 ) because of how controlling the environment was. Controlling your teenagers dating life so much to where they can’t even look at someone of another gender or hang out with them (thanks Mormons) does NOT stop them from dating bad people, having s*x, doing anything of that nature. If you try to control them to that point, or your religion does, then it’s going to make things worse. I grew up in the church where if I even had friends of the opposite gender I couldn’t hang out with them alone. This has just made it super hard for me to form actual connections romantic and platonic.
Cult jokes are common in our society, especially within “dark humor”. People think of the really famous, obvious closed off cults. But people don’t realize that cults are more common and around than they think. People don’t join cults, they join movements, groups, etc. especially when they are low or down and need something in their lives. They are manipulated into joining and staying. Its oftentimes really hard to leave. It is possible to get out and rebuild your life!! It’s sometimes dangerous and hard to leave, but once they do leave things usually get better with a lot of effort and time.
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Toxic religion totally exists. Sometimes, if we are happy within our own religion we are quick to defend all religion, but we must acknowledge the existence of toxic religion. It’s very important to help people who are survivors of religious abuse and toxic religion and cult survivors. It’s so hard for them to leave and a lot of people don’t understand. It takes guts to leave and from there healing still has to be done. It is possible to leave and be happy outside of your toxic religion.
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When leaving the church, oftentimes our parents or family will still be in the church and have very different opinions than us. It’s okay for us to have different opinions. It’s okay for your kids to have different opinions (as long as the opinions aren’t hurting anybody). It’s a good thing to branch out and question what you’re taught, decide for yourself if you believe in it.
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Healing from the church is possible. Leaving and recovery are so hard, but it’s worth it. Holding onto a toxic thing for a long time can be discouraging and more damaging than letting go. Letting go hurts in the beginning, but as time goes by you learn to heal by coping, reaching out, and recovering.
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Tell me how you’re spending the holidays as an Ex-Mormon!
Except that the kids of murderers, rapists, and adulterers can get baptized. The kids of same-sex couples and polygamists can’t. There is no love here. There is no excuse for treating people like scum.
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More formal education might have helped Joseph Smith make a mathematically more reasonable population estimate.
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Holland: Bro, are you texting?
Hales: He totally is.
Ballard: I’m checking out the #ldsconf memes, chill.
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Sure, you may have the same issues putting a republican and democrat in the same room. And in my experience (also backed by research), it’s a human tendency to only attend to the information that already agrees with your world view.
But what if we could just ask each other simple questions without preaching to each other? What if instead of telling each other how the other thinks and feels, we ask those questions and get the real answers to avoid miscommunication, to help families understand each other, and to keep the peace?
This may go nowhere, but I think it’s important for people of differing views to be able to communicate so we can peacefully live side by side.
My question for true believing mormons/members (TBM’s): When someone you know has left the church, do you ask them why? Why or why not? Do you continue having those conversations or do you feel like you have to avoid the subject to maintain relationships?
Everyone on these tags knows that you can’t really get on here for uplifting insights, testimonies, and quotes without also seeing “anti-mormon” posts. These can range anywhere from the respectful (”I don’t think I believe this is true anymore because of…”) to the blasphemous and degrading (name calling, pornography, and one horrifying example that I saw- a picture that a man took of his wife in her garments without her consent).
My point is, if you’re going to be an active member on the internet, then for every few positive interactions you have you will probably encounter a negative one, too. Your reaction can and perspective can determine if it stays negative.
1. Before you react, ask yourself “Are they attacking me, or are they attacking a belief?”
2.If they are attacking you, walk away. Turn off anon, block the exmo tags (for those decent enough to tag it), just ignore it, whatever you have to do. You don’t owe them an explanation.
3. If they are attacking a belief, then frame your response as a discussion on said belief. Do not attack them personally even if they phrase their views in abrasive, jarring ways.
4.Use the Holy Ghost in your response. If you feel yourself compelled to send out a passionate anon message as quickly as possible to convince that person that they are wrong, then you probably are not responding with the Holy Ghost. Take your time, pray, and remember that there is a real person- another child of God- on the other end. They, at one time, also made the decision to follow Christ, and His light still resides in them.
5. If they are attacking a belief, ask if they are attacking at all. Questioning is not the same thing as attacking. Someone who is merely questioning or looking for a respectful discussion is probably going to be more rewarding to engage with than someone saying crude insults along with their arguments.
6.Telling them to stay off the LDS tags won’t work. They want to have discussions/get reactions from members, and the tags are how it’s done. Would you rather them do it in a sacrament meeting? When utilized properly, the internet is an equalizing platform for these discussions to be had in a non-disruptive manner.
7.Respond with love and understanding (goes hand in hand with #4).Just as you might have that gut-wrenching, defensive response to anti-posts, there are reasons these people feel the need to speak out against the church. They might have been hurt by imperfect members, struggled while learning about church history and doctrine, or have a hard time living the commandments and thus see them as restrictive and brainwashing because they do not see the blessings they offer. These are just a few reasons, but my point is that very few of them wake up like “Yesssss, even though I know the church is true I’m going to get online and drive a few more people away from the Celestial kingdom to make me feel more justified in my sins! HAHAHA!” Like…no. Let them know, in genuine, non-passive-aggressive ways, that you care for them as people. Send them kind messages, parts of doctrine that you find inspirational/helpful to their plight, and pray for them.
8.Know your stuff. I’m not saying you have to be a Mormon apologist with years of research into every anti-argument, but don’t say things out of turn. If, for example, someone thinks General Authorities are paid too much (which…no), then look up how much they get paid, why they are paid, etc. Use this information to bolster your testimony in your response.
9.Be genuine in your online representation of yourself. You don’t always have to be positive and uplifting to be a “good Mormon blog.” Sometimes you will have rough days and trials. Share those along with the more lighthearted moments. It can show people that Mormons aren’t just painted-happy robots, and that God can lift people out of despairing times. Above all else, bear testimony of Christ, at all times, in all things, and in all places.
10.Know that you don’t have to respond to everything. If you feel that someone is just looking for a fight and you don’t have a good feeling about responding, then don’t. There are plenty of positive, knowledgeable, and kind members to interact with on Tumblrstake instead. Not everything has to be your fight, and if they are not open to other viewpoints then you don’t have to exhaust your spirit by offering yours.
Eh, kinda good advice I guess.
Just a few little alterations that I would make though…
1. Never bare your testimony - especially if you are expecting it to be an answer to the attackers claims and facts. I believe we landed on the moon. No matter how much you tell me we didn’t… it won’t change how I feel about it. The same thing with a testimony of the church.
2. Huge problem with this idea…
They might have been hurt by imperfect members, struggled while learning about church history and doctrine, or have a hard time living the commandments and thus see them as restrictive and brainwashing because they do not see the blessings they offer
This is such a classic Mormon way of thinking, it’s what is likely to spark a debate to begin with.
Also…
if, for example, someone thinks General Authorities are paid too much (which…no),
I think I need to refer you back to point #8 you made.
And try to look at things from another perspective. If you found out that the truth claims of a church you associated with and based your entire view of the universe on were completely false, how would you process that? Some anger, some humor, some celebrating of the fact that you get to discover who you are and not who the church wants you to be, that garments are just pieces of cloth, that second Saturdays can be really fun, that life really is precious because it’s so short?
You don’t have to agree with our critique of a church you obviously find sacred. But most of us have been there - we know where you are coming from. Try to understand where we are coming from too.
Honestly, I wish Mormons and Ex-Mormons could have more frequent, honest, two-way conversations.
Good talk ya’ll. Good talk. :)
#ldsconf meme business gets called out before #ponderize can expand to City Creek
Sunday night after a heavy controversy, ponderize.us was shut down, as was it’s Facebook and Twitter pages.
The word was used by Devin Durrant during the LDS semiannual general conference to encourage Mormons to ponder and memorize scriptures. It was discovered afterward that his son and daughter-in-law had setup a website with merchandise to sell the “ponderize” brand. After some controversy they claimed that funds would go to the Mormon missionary fund, then hours later the whole site shut down.
His son and daughter-in-law are Valerie and Ryan Durrant, but the public WhoIs data on the site showed that ponderize.us was registered by D Durrant early in September - a whole month before general conference. Devin had also been tweeting the term as a hashtag for some time on his Twitter account.
The idea wasn’t entirely ridiculous- conference memes have become increasingly popular, and quaint little buzzwords used during conference talks spread like fire among the righteous. It’s a built-in market, and isn’t the first time someone in the Mormon public eye took advantage of the money making opportunity there. Celebrities create their own money making brands all the time that take advantage of their ready-made following. But any amount of market testing would have shown them that this shot at religious entrepreneurialism would turn out to be a botched job at best.
The pre-planning involved in creating a brand for any profit that is then broadcast around the world as an innocent message to remind people to indoctrinate themselves on a regular basis makes the Mormon church seem more like a money hungry mega church. The church’s PR department may want to consider monitoring the general authorities activities a little closer, and offer to pay the extra few dollars a month to keep their website registrar data private. Or perhaps more planning could involve having a known third party buy the URL that they then purchase from said accomplice after the 30 day domain registration lock is lifted.
Then on the other hand, why hide it? They may as well have projected the site on a screen during his talk and proclaimed “Let’s go shopping!” The millennials at conference who were creating conference memes in between tweaking their deadly virus in an aim to wipe out the world on the game Plague Inc. (you know who you are) could have had a ponderize t-shirt in the mail before the closing prayer. Then they might have made enough money to expand into a boutique shop at City Creek mall!
Next time maybe.
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We’re doing this survey to get to know one another better in the Facebook group, and I thought it would be good to open it up to those of you who aren’t in the group. Please reblog this post with your answers. (If you copy/paste from Facebook, please be sure to edit out the last names of anyone you’ve met IRL!)
- First Name (or what you want to be called)
- Age
- Relationship status
- Where you live
- Favorite hour of church
- Favorite hymn (pick ONE!)
- For what percentage of your life have you been LDS? (Or baptism date if you’re lazy)
- Mission status (RM? Going soon? Maybe someday? Heck no?)
- Endowed?
- Who in Tumblr Stake you’ve met IRL
- If the fulness of the gospel hadn’t been restored, what religion would you be?
- Other than being a Mormon, what is your “thing”? (For-hire clown? Missionary girlfriend? Vegan? Successful mascara salesperson?)
- What would be your dream calling?
Name: ExMo. People shout that at me anyway.
Age: Probably older than you
Relationship status: married
Where I live: in the Bible Belt
Favorite hour of church: Used to be the hour after it let out or sometimes primary with the kiddos.
Favorite hymn: I had a few- If I could hie to kobol… I mean kolob (battlestar galactica anyone?), Lead Kindly Light, and I wrote a piano arrangement to Be Still My Soul. Now I prefer anything from “An Atheist Album” by Shelley Segal.
How long LDS: Basically my whole life until 2 years ago
Mission status: I got married too young the first time to be able to go on a mission as a woman. Cause you know, my priorities were right - stay in the home, have kids, obey my husband…
Endowed: Yes, they let me go through the temple before I got married. My endowment is nullified unless I decide to come back though. I may join a Masonic lodge instead.
Who do I know from Tumblr Stake IRL: I wouldn’t be surprised if I did know someone but not that I know of.
Fullness of the gospel: there was nothing to restore. And I’m atheist. Every religion believes they are the one true religion.
My thing: Well, not Mormon. Neuroscience, music, and parenting keep me busy.
Dream calling: woman prophet. So I can get up on the stand and say “let’s call the whole thing off.”
50 Problems With The Mormon Church
Today’s jam
