#ex mormon

I know I go on fuck terf rampages every couple of months, but it’s really alarming how many people in the ex cath and Christian tags have “terfs dni” in their bio and yet interact with and reblog posts from terfs!!

it can be hard to spot dogwhistles, but if you consider yourself an ally to trans women you have to make the effort. here are my tips for spotting terfs:

(disclaimer: i am a white, transmisogyny exempt trans lesbian, from a very white part of the united states. i was raised catholic, clearly am not anymore.)

• If on desktop, download shinigami eyes. This is a browser extension that shows transphobic people in red, and trans allies in green.
• Block the tags “radical feminism”, “gender critical”, and “terf safe”. when these posts pop up on your feed, you can usually find a whole chain of terfs to block.
• red flags in bios: excessive use of the word female; the word goddess; most mentions of vagina, vulva, or womb; the phrase “gender critical”; mentions of pagan goddesses (more on this below)
• i have less than 100 followers on this blog, so i understand that this is not viable for people with larger followings, but if you take 30 seconds to search the word “trans” on a new follower’s blog, you see either positive or negative posts about trans people.
• another common red flag i see a lot is defensiveness over whiteness. i saw a post recently in the ex christian tag that said “well i am white and live in a predominantly white area but i am still oppressed by the patriarchy!!” and when i went to her blog she ticked off every point on this list.

i specifically mentioned pagan deities earlier. i know that a lot of people, once they have left christianity, jump into pagan religions and they find a lot of solace in them. most of these people are fine. but there is so much rampant transmisogyny, misognoir, and antisemitism in the pagan and witchcraft community, that anyone who advertises this on their blog instantly becomes a red flag to me (and I’m usually right).

I really implore everyone in the ex christian and ex catholic community here on tumblr to start taking action, and start blocking terfs. don’t engage, don’t argue with them, DO NOT GIVE THEM A PLATFORM, just block them, tell your friends to block them, and move on.

fuck you.

Brad Wilcox like “you think Black people couldn’t have the priesthood because what, Brigham Young was a JERK?” And it’s like, yes, historically that is what happened. Joseph Smith can go fuck himself, generally, but he did ordain Black men. Black men held the priesthood under his leadership. And then he died and Brigham Young took over and banned Black men from holding the priesthood.

Like this is all documented historical fact, we don’t have to speculate, so yes, Black men were barred from the priesthood because Brigham Young (as well as every Mormon “prophet” up until Spencer W. Kimball) were, to put it lightly, jerks.

Tell me how you’re spending the holidays as an Ex-Mormon!

Sure, you may have the same issues putting a republican and democrat in the same room. And in my experience (also backed by research), it’s a human tendency to only attend to the information that already agrees with your world view.

But what if we could just ask each other simple questions without preaching to each other? What if instead of telling each other how the other thinks and feels, we ask those questions and get the real answers to avoid miscommunication, to help families understand each other, and to keep the peace?

This may go nowhere, but I think it’s important for people of differing views to be able to communicate so we can peacefully live side by side.

My question for true believing mormons/members (TBM’s): When someone you know has left the church, do you ask them why? Why or why not? Do you continue having those conversations or do you feel like you have to avoid the subject to maintain relationships?

mormon-lucifer:

perkylizzy:

Everyone on these tags knows that you can’t really get on here for uplifting insights, testimonies, and quotes without also seeing “anti-mormon” posts. These can range anywhere from the respectful (”I don’t think I believe this is true anymore because of…”) to the blasphemous and degrading (name calling, pornography, and one horrifying example that I saw- a picture that a man took of his wife in her garments without her consent).

My point is, if you’re going to be an active member on the internet, then for every few positive interactions you have you will probably encounter a negative one, too. Your reaction can and perspective can determine if it stays negative.

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1. Before you react, ask yourself “Are they attacking me, or are they attacking a belief?”

2.If they are attacking you, walk away. Turn off anon, block the exmo tags (for those decent enough to tag it), just ignore it, whatever you have to do. You don’t owe them an explanation.

3. If they are attacking a belief, then frame your response as a discussion on said belief. Do not attack them personally even if they phrase their views in abrasive, jarring ways.

4.Use the Holy Ghost in your response. If you feel yourself compelled to send out a passionate anon message as quickly as possible to convince that person that they are wrong, then you probably are not responding with the Holy Ghost. Take your time, pray, and remember that there is a real person- another child of God- on the other end. They, at one time, also made the decision to follow Christ, and His light still resides in them.

5. If they are attacking a belief, ask if they are attacking at all. Questioning is not the same thing as attacking. Someone who is merely questioning or looking for a respectful discussion is probably going to be more rewarding to engage with than someone saying crude insults along with their arguments.

6.Telling them to stay off the LDS tags won’t work. They want to have discussions/get reactions from members, and the tags are how it’s done. Would you rather them do it in a sacrament meeting? When utilized properly, the internet is an equalizing platform for these discussions to be had in a non-disruptive manner.

7.Respond with love and understanding (goes hand in hand with #4).Just as you might have that gut-wrenching, defensive response to anti-posts, there are reasons these people feel the need to speak out against the church. They might have been hurt by imperfect members, struggled while learning about church history and doctrine, or have a hard time living the commandments and thus see them as restrictive and brainwashing because they do not see the blessings they offer. These are just a few reasons, but my point is that very few of them wake up like “Yesssss, even though I know the church is true I’m going to get online and drive a few more people away from the Celestial kingdom to make me feel more justified in my sins! HAHAHA!” Like…no. Let them know, in genuine, non-passive-aggressive ways, that you care for them as people. Send them kind messages, parts of doctrine that you find inspirational/helpful to their plight, and pray for them.

8.Know your stuff. I’m not saying you have to be a Mormon apologist with years of research into every anti-argument, but don’t say things out of turn. If, for example, someone thinks General Authorities are paid too much (which…no), then look up how much they get paid, why they are paid, etc. Use this information to bolster your testimony in your response.

9.Be genuine in your online representation of yourself. You don’t always have to be positive and uplifting to be a “good Mormon blog.” Sometimes you will have rough days and trials. Share those along with the more lighthearted moments. It can show people that Mormons aren’t just painted-happy robots, and that God can lift people out of despairing times. Above all else, bear testimony of Christ, at all times, in all things, and in all places.

10.Know that you don’t have to respond to everything. If you feel that someone is just looking for a fight and you don’t have a good feeling about responding, then don’t. There are plenty of positive, knowledgeable, and kind members to interact with on Tumblrstake instead. Not everything has to be your fight, and if they are not open to other viewpoints then you don’t have to exhaust your spirit by offering yours.

Eh, kinda good advice I guess.

Just a few little alterations that I would make though…

1. Never bare your testimony - especially if you are expecting it to be an answer to the attackers claims and facts. I believe we landed on the moon. No matter how much you tell me we didn’t… it won’t change how I feel about it. The same thing with a testimony of the church.

2. Huge problem with this idea…

They might have been hurt by imperfect members, struggled while learning about church history and doctrine, or have a hard time living the commandments and thus see them as restrictive and brainwashing because they do not see the blessings they offer

This is such a classic Mormon way of thinking, it’s what is likely to spark a debate to begin with.

Also… 

if, for example, someone thinks General Authorities are paid too much (which…no), 

I think I need to refer you back to point #8 you made.

And try to look at things from another perspective. If you found out that the truth claims of a church you associated with and based your entire view of the universe on were completely false, how would you process that? Some anger, some humor, some celebrating of the fact that you get to discover who you are and not who the church wants you to be, that garments are just pieces of cloth, that second Saturdays can be really fun, that life really is precious because it’s so short?

You don’t have to agree with our critique of a church you obviously find sacred. But most of us have been there - we know where you are coming from. Try to understand where we are coming from too.

Honestly, I wish Mormons and Ex-Mormons could have more frequent, honest, two-way conversations.

Good talk ya’ll. Good talk. :)

tumb1rstake:

We’re doing this survey to get to know one another better in the Facebook group, and I thought it would be good to open it up to those of you who aren’t in the group. Please reblog this post with your answers. (If you copy/paste from Facebook, please be sure to edit out the last names of anyone you’ve met IRL!)

• First Name (or what you want to be called)
  
• Age
  
• Relationship status
  
• Where you live
  
• Favorite hour of church
  
• Favorite hymn (pick ONE!)
  
• For what percentage of your life have you been LDS? (Or baptism date if you’re lazy)
  
• Mission status (RM? Going soon? Maybe someday? Heck no?)
  
• Endowed?
  
• Who in Tumblr Stake you’ve met IRL
  
• If the fulness of the gospel hadn’t been restored, what religion would you be?
  
• Other than being a Mormon, what is your “thing”? (For-hire clown? Missionary girlfriend? Vegan? Successful mascara salesperson?)
  
• What would be your dream calling?
  

Name: ExMo. People shout that at me anyway.

Age: Probably older than you

Relationship status: married

Where I live: in the Bible Belt

Favorite hour of church: Used to be the hour after it let out or sometimes primary with the kiddos.

Favorite hymn: I had a few- If I could hie to kobol… I mean kolob (battlestar galactica anyone?), Lead Kindly Light, and I wrote a piano arrangement to Be Still My Soul. Now I prefer anything from “An Atheist Album” by Shelley Segal.

How long LDS: Basically my whole life until 2 years ago

Mission status: I got married too young the first time to be able to go on a mission as a woman. Cause you know, my priorities were right - stay in the home, have kids, obey my husband…

Endowed: Yes, they let me go through the temple before I got married. My endowment is nullified unless I decide to come back though. I may join a Masonic lodge instead.

Who do I know from Tumblr Stake IRL: I wouldn’t be surprised if I did know someone but not that I know of.

Fullness of the gospel: there was nothing to restore. And I’m atheist. Every religion believes they are the one true religion.

My thing: Well, not Mormon. Neuroscience, music, and parenting keep me busy.

Dream calling: woman prophet. So I can get up on the stand and say “let’s call the whole thing off.”

Thinking about just how difficult it is to figure out your place in the world when you were taught throughout your whole childhood and teenage years that you shouldn’t trust your own judgement.

When you were taught that you should only trust god and the church leaders, what do you do when you realise that god isn’t real and the church leaders had been lying to you, brainwashing you, using you, and controlling you?

What do you do when the only person you’re left with is yourself, and you don’t know how to trust them or listen to them?

Florence + The Machine singing “when I decided to wage holy war, it looked very much like staring at my bedroom floor”and“I know I may not look like much, just another screaming speck of dust, but oh God you’re gonna get it, you’ll be sorry that you messed with us” hits different for exmos

I’ve often heard people describe traumatic experiences as being broken, like a mirror or a vase. Shattered into pieces that they try to pick up and glue back together. But I never felt like that fit what had happened to me, and I think I now understand why.

Leaving the mormon church was not like a vase breaking. It was like an explosion. One that turns everything in the vicinity to rubble and ashes.

There was nothing left of the world I knew. There were no pieces to glue back together. Everything around me, everything I’d believed to be true, had been obliterated.

And I was left with metaphorical burns. Burns that caused and still cause such intense pain during the healing process. I have been forever changed, forever scarred.

Things will get better, I know they will, but I cannot be put back together like a broken vase. I guess what I’m hoping for is that, eventually, the burns won’t hurt so much, and something new will grow through the rubble and ashes.

Always aware of how fucked up my mormon upbringing was but hoo boy sometimes specific things hit me in the gut and this morning it’s the fact that the church pretty much created me. Created me to be a block of clay to mould into a mindless thrall. I would not exist if the church and the local bishop hadn’t directly pressured my parents to have a baby immediately after getting married, which due to financial reasons they almost certainly would not have done if not for the church’s orders. I am quite literally a product of mormon mind control. And that realisation makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Thinking about the recovery journey today and where I am in it.

Feeling very adrift in this space where I no longer care about what the church is doing, I no longer care about Joseph Smith or how the BoM and the whole history of the church as we were taught it is bullshit. I’ve gone through that. I’ve processed it. I recognise it for what it is.

I don’t care about the church anymore, but it’s clear that the monumental damage it inflicted is still here and still causing issues. I still have open wounds, and while I understand them so much better now, they’re still bleeding.

I don’t know what else to say except that this journey is hard, and that it takes time and effort, and even if you’ve moved on from the church itself and you’re completely settled in your non-belief and atheism, that can’t un-do the trauma and it can’t close those wounds.

I guess part of me believed that distancing myself completely from the church was the end of the recovery journey. But it’s not. And that feels strange.

But I know I’ll get there. More therapy, more work on myself. It’s absolutely been worth it so far and it will continue to be worth it. I know there’s a way out of this.