#queer issues

So I was thinking, broadly, about romance/attraction and the idea of insta-love and how that gets parsed for m/f vs m/m. I see a lot of it. I see so much of it that I don’t think it even registers unless it’s *love*. Like, for ex instant attraction and sudden/fast physicality in m/m stories and fic is pretty much the default. It may even be less overtly prevalent in straight romance. In gay romance, if you’re not having sexual thoughts at first sight, you’re probably a closeted and/or repressed character. The standard really depends on characters being modern and out, though. Not modern or not out are accepted reasons to have slow-burn and/or denial.

In m/f romance, often enough sex is deferred, but generally only because it’s seen as the ‘prize’ where the hero is having some emotional experience rather than merely physical. Generally, many authors even go to extreme (and silly) extents to defer het sex just so it wouldn’t be meaningless at first. Though of course sometimes you have a lot of sex and that’s the path to a lasting relationship and the reason for angst/development. This is common in m/m stuff, less so in contemporary m/f, which clearly seems unfortunate, or at least retrograde somehow. The women definitely feel fast attraction too, but excuses are made, obstacles arise and sex remains a reward.

Anyway, it’s rare when sex isn’t had and kisses aren’t either, *but* it’s just because that’s the natural progression and not 1) the author is very clearly not into writing smut and so sex feels like it isn’t really real anyway, so kisses may substitute for the timing sex would have; 2) there’s the the reward dynamic where it’s used as a motivation for change or a reward at the end, like I mentioned.

Alternatively, of course, there’s the insta-love phenomenon. It almost never happens in m/m romance, though it does in fic 'cause of the desire to skip to the good part we all know is real from fanon. In m/f romance, I suspect it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card so you can have sex as early as desired 'cause the emotions are in the bag. This sort of manipulation gets old, though it can be done better or worse. You start seeing gradations after enough exposure. I like mating bonds. At least it’s an excuse.

What happens in male-written m/f action/plot driven stuff is something else again. Kisses from the woman are sort of used as currency or a reward, which is bullshit, but a similar dynamic exists in female-written stuff, except the reward is held back longer. It’s hard to be incensed since the whole thing is stupid. There’s always more and less annoying ways to go about it, though.

WithGood Omens, I could tell the witch and the witch hunter were set up structurally. That’s more of a connection than you can expect, like the guy in the Battle Angel Alita movie– he was just the first her age to pay attention to her. Here, the exchange (so far) is more straightforward in that it’s sex/kissing (attraction under extreme circumstances) and not a shoehorned “love” of convenience. The two things are pretty different. If anything, I support random pairings based on physical attraction. That’s realistic, 100%. There don’t need to be Deep Thoughts or Feelings involved. That’s where it all goes wrong: romanticizing sex for spurious reasons. Possibly to placate women or moralistic people. I dunno.

Slow-burns that feel real and earned and not like people who fight their attraction for invented reasons are rare like hen’s teeth. Honestly it also works better when you have characters who are asexual or closeted. Normally, people don’t need deep or meaningful reasons to have sex or even have a relationship, unless there are outside factors. Especially het people. Like, I dunno, this applies to average guys in bars but even a guy like the one in Good Omens (the schmuck) ultimately is just a guy who never wanted to be a schmuck and will take the first opportunity to stop, definitely.