My beautiful fiancee & I enjoying another great date night #VegasLocals #DTLV #FremontStreet

Evolving involves Eliminating.

Blessings

This has been by far the toughest year of my entire life . By the grace of God I am still here.

My parents have been my rock. My kids have saved me. And she has been my back bone.

Onwards and upwards.

“If I die young - bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn - send me away to the words of a love song.”

Our story #1

She said she’s got me

She’s got me when my heart bleeds

When my tears run

And my fears speak

She said “baby talk to me”

But I cant speak

Cuz I cant breathe.

God save me

From me and me alone

Throw stones

Break my bones

Feeling all alone.

Im leaving scars on top of scars

Marks on top of marks

Tears drowning out tears

Plucking out my hairs.

Sick of the pills

Sick of the lies

Try to convince my self that the lies are fine

Self destruct

I dont trust

No one

Not even myself.

Full of shit pricks

That chip chipped

But I don’t give a shit shit -

Anymore.

One step forward

And 10 steps back

Wishing for a heart attack -

So I dont have to live in self hate

Open up the gate

To the place where I belong

Hell is home.

Running in rage

Right to my grave

Spilling these words

It’s the only spilling that works.

Sip sip on poison

You can’t give give

me a reason to stay.

Let my heart skip skip

Several beats

Survived several bleeds

Been on my knees

Begging please

Take me now

Or I’ll take my plea

Guilty!

Head loss

Vision fogged

Thoughts blocked

Can you help me.

Full stop

No question mark

Rhetorical question

Cuz I know you can’t.

Lost control

But all I know

Is that my humming bird has got me.

Full on collision

Crashed in to my reflection

Brittle

Broken

Barely living.

But she says “baby I got you”

Words I didnt know that I’ve been longing to hear.

Clear clear my thoughts.

My healer got me healing

Feeling -

Loved

Bleeding -

Blood

I’m - fiending for love

Unfolding my self like a scrunched up piece of paper being unravelled

Imperfection

Bumpy gravel

But I’m learning to walk again.

I’m going to treat others how they treat me and I’m going to act how they say I act.

You bring me to climax without sex.

4.48 psychosis

She swallowed over one hundred pills, but was then found and taken to a hospital, had her stomach pumped and survived.

Unfortunately after that she was left unattended by the hospital staff for over an hour before she was found in the hospital lavatory, where she had hanged herself with her shoelaces.

Sometimes my silence screams as well.