The Heart at War: Amanda J Brown: 9781502783127: Amazon.com: Books

If you’re into poetry that I’m sure many of you can connect with, check this out, it’s relatable and affordable.

Self published by me, my thoughts, my words. Displayed for you to read, feel, embrace.

Thank you ☺️

Sometimes I don’t know where to start. I’m just a woke girl who wants to save the world. Lead, Advocate, Plan, Apply, Write, Speak. I got plans I’m scared to start. You know how many times I put my business on hold? In my mind I’m a force to be reckoned with; with my powerful poetry, gifted mind and hands. My ability to mentor and empower. I can’t seem to just START. Weight loss, Veganism, Hair Growth, White teeth, clear skin, manicure, pedicure, books, pageant crowns, business, innovation, motivation, love, marriage, acting, teaching, leading….BEING. Being myself is the hardest thing because…I want to save the world, I know how…I just..don’t know…where to…START

you must bring your daughter to church
the devil used her to tempt her uncle
it is the devil that has possessed her
fourteen year old body.

when she tells you she hurts,
scold her for tempting men
make her feel ashamed of her body
you must bring her to church
for deliverance.

when she is seventeen
and the boys enter her room
she does not go to you
the next day, your daughter
washes her body
and sits in class.

the day she sat on the couch
somewhere in London
screaming at the therapist
begging for help
she never mentions it to you.

when she is twenty-three
standing
with a degree in her hand
and an eye full of pain
between you and that uncle
she does not smile.

your daughters sat down
sharing secrets of pain
one after the other
revealing a timeline
of secrets.

they are not silent
like their mothers
and they sit, holding their heart
curing their pain with love.

your daughter is twenty-five
she called me
begging me to make the darkness
go away. go away. go away.
go away. go away. go away.

your daughter is thirty
you begged her to make you
a proud mother
so she married him
broken heart and broken ribs
two miscarriages later.

the days she says “no”
he yells ownership of her body
and she lets him.
and she lets him.
and she lets him?

but, remember
your daughter was fourteen
and you begged her
and you begged her
to learn the language of silence.

-Ijeoma Umebinyuo

Free flow

I’ve never been good communicating or expressing my emotions .

I would rather secretly shed a few tears than pour my heart out to the emotionless,

Pen to pad ,

non therapeutic ass vultures.

Sitting in a cold gray doctors office,

The minute I start to express myself and my feelings their quick to past me a prescription that promises artificial healing.

Skim and skip over the side affects and over look the health warning labels.

Listen up and listen good.

Take this twice a day and be sure to chase it down with water.

It’ll wipe those sad blues you call a depression stage,

away.

What good does an animal tested prescription do?

You’re at a greater risk of being locked up in a psych ward,

Rather than speaking to someone qualified to ease your worried mind.

As I stand on stage dropping lines,

I feel the weight lifted off of my shoulders,

Because I gave it a go and let every emotion I’ve encountered in the past flow.

A Beautiful Mind

The mind is a beautiful thing.

Mentally and physically capable of doing just about anything.

Similar to the heart it can decipher when to let go of bonds that were once strong.

Not to point fingers at anyone but both parties were in the wrong.

He never gave what they had going on a title.

So she thrived off of assumptions and southern feed lies.

The day she started to put the pieces together that’s when tentions started to rise.

Her blood began to boil at the thought of fornicating with a guy who had someone else but only wanted her as a side

The moment she brought this to his attention,

what she figured out.

He denied it without a blink of an eye.

She continued playing his game.

Sneaking and geeking.

With a little soul seeking and hidden cryptic Social media post,

He pulled the plug afraid of being exposed.

The most beautiful thing about the mind is that it can recognize what the heart is blindly trying to deny.

Blacknificent!

Follow my insta: saffy_dee

Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. My lord, she is a Black Woman.

Sapphire Dyer

Rose from the ashes after my feathers went up in flames

Recycling the victims of a hate crime, like it’s a game

Roll the dice

Same colour but a different name

It’s a-shame.

Infinitive steps backwards

Mind spiralling uncontrollably

I can’t change my black

But that’s why you’re coming after me

You can’t dilute this kingdom

So you might have to just kill me

I bleed black power

So you’ll be spreading me all over these streets.

Think twice

Act fast

My silence wont last.

You thought

Brittle black

break that black…

But I rose from the ashes after my feathers went up in flames.

It’s a shame

That you thought this black was the same.

-Saffy D

Our story #1

She said she’s got me

She’s got me when my heart bleeds

When my tears run

And my fears speak

She said “baby talk to me”

But I cant speak

Cuz I cant breathe.

God save me

From me and me alone

Throw stones

Break my bones

Feeling all alone.

Im leaving scars on top of scars

Marks on top of marks

Tears drowning out tears

Plucking out my hairs.

Sick of the pills

Sick of the lies

Try to convince my self that the lies are fine

Self destruct

I dont trust

No one

Not even myself.

Full of shit pricks

That chip chipped

But I don’t give a shit shit -

Anymore.

One step forward

And 10 steps back

Wishing for a heart attack -

So I dont have to live in self hate

Open up the gate

To the place where I belong

Hell is home.

Running in rage

Right to my grave

Spilling these words

It’s the only spilling that works.

Sip sip on poison

You can’t give give

me a reason to stay.

Let my heart skip skip

Several beats

Survived several bleeds

Been on my knees

Begging please

Take me now

Or I’ll take my plea

Guilty!

Head loss

Vision fogged

Thoughts blocked

Can you help me.

Full stop

No question mark

Rhetorical question

Cuz I know you can’t.

Lost control

But all I know

Is that my humming bird has got me.

Full on collision

Crashed in to my reflection

Brittle

Broken

Barely living.

But she says “baby I got you”

Words I didnt know that I’ve been longing to hear.

Clear clear my thoughts.

My healer got me healing

Feeling -

Loved

Bleeding -

Blood

I’m - fiending for love

Unfolding my self like a scrunched up piece of paper being unravelled

Imperfection

Bumpy gravel

But I’m learning to walk again.

4.48 psychosis

She swallowed over one hundred pills, but was then found and taken to a hospital, had her stomach pumped and survived.

Unfortunately after that she was left unattended by the hospital staff for over an hour before she was found in the hospital lavatory, where she had hanged herself with her shoelaces.

Sometimes my silence screams as well.

The waves sway like uncle at a reggae dance
Side to side
My uncle glides
Rocking his body to the beat
As everyones eyes follow his sway
Uncle rockaway.
His body eases to the music
Then he grabs aunties waist
They float across the dance floor
Making everlasting memories
Smiling into eachothers eyes
That’s how loves meant to be
He gives her a peck on her warm soft cheek
Then takes her hand so they can take a seat.
His loose silk shirt
lightly blows in the breeze
As his little plaits jump to the beat.
The next day we got news he had past away
Pain hit me like a truck or a train
Heart burned like I was inflamed
Eyes watered like I was engulfed by a tsnami
This cant be!
My heart got heavy as they filled his hole
My mind went blank
As I watched him float
Like a feather on air.
Uncle rock away like a boat afloat
Uncle rock away to the sound of calypso.
Fly uncle fly
My angel in the sky
Rockaby uncle on a cloud top
Uncle don’t drop
My love wont stop.
Sway uncle sway
Wave uncle wave
Uncle’s so slick
His memory will stay.

Should’ve Could’ve Would’ve,
Didn’t Didn’t Didn’t.

I write because no one LISTENS.

Speak to me. Do not yell.

How can emptiness be so heavy?

It’s fucked to think that the one person who keeps me afloat is the same person who drowns me. 

The storm within her raged on.