#relationship abuse
If your partner feels threatened when you want alone time: RUN.
welp
thats creepy
This applies to you boys too- if your girlfriend won’t let you hang out with your friends, RUN
No matter what gender you or your partner are, if they refuse to let you spend any time with your friends that’s a big sign of danger.
GUESS WHAT MY EX BELIEVED
Last time I reblogged this I lost ten followers, someone I liked blocked me, and I got hate mail in my inbox for several days. Let’s see what happens this time.
Abuse begins with insecurity
My ex wouldn’t even accept a ride from my friend who offered to drive us home in the pouring Orlando rain and instead forced us to walk 12 minutes in the rain, soaking my only pair of work shoes and giving me a cold. FUCKING RED FLAGS
Me: doot doot doot doot *reblogs this* doot doot doot *reblogs this again* doot-
If you gotta worry about a girl’s night then either your S/O isn’t trustworthy and you know it, or you’re paranoid and controlling, and in either case then you shouldn’t be in that relationship.
Also, this still applies with platonic friends, too. Possessiveness and emotional abuse don’t have to include a romantic or sexual component.
Post link
I used to write whenever I felt hurt and unable to express my emotions. Unable to show how I felt because I was simply tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of arguing and tired of trying to make things work when they simply. Didnt. I re-read an old piece that I wrote. One that I wrote when I was in a relationship with the ex (not mozart but my first love). Keep in mind that it was something I wrote just after a fight. While there was bad there were also good moments. You may judge me or him but I simply want to expose something that I felt at that moment in my life. This is what I wrote down. This is what I was feeling when I was 20, living in a studio with a boy in Iowa who no longer really wanted to be in a relationship ….
These are the rules for being with The Ex and the best possible way to keep him happy.
- Don’t ask him to do chores
- If you do ask, only as once. If it is still not done after a week PLEASE dont ask him to do it again. That is nagging.
-Dont ask him to go on a date. As he puts it, going on a date with me is a chore, so instead I have to entice him with a date and tell him all of the benifits of it.
-Be more interesting than what you are now. Talk about different things other than your day, jobs, your family or your dog.
-make sure you look extrememly interested when he is talking about computers. Even if you ask him questions and make suggestions to show that you are indeed interested, your body language has to be interested too.
-bring up something that he will like to talk about. If not you will either sit in silence or he will tell you he simply doesnt care.
-when he wants to be left alone do not talk, look, text or bother him in any way. he will not text you back. he will ignore your calls. he doesnt think you exist. leave it alone.
-when he drinks alone every day of the week do not say a word.
-dont ask him to go to a party with him. he will ask you if he wants you to go. If you do ask he will make up an excuse or simply tells you that you cannot come.
-Do not ask him when he will be home over the weekend. he wont know and only get mad, thus staying out later. expect it to be anywhere between 3-8am, no matter if you have important things to do the next day or not.
-Do not talk about studying abroad
-Keep the dishes clean. Never let there be no silverware left. Make sure to clean off all of the soap. Apparently if there is some soap left on there he can get sick.
-Do not get mad if he blames you for getting him sick or if he gets an eye infection.
-Do not complain if he wont get up to go with you to the store. Give up, you wont win. Let him stay on the couch.
-Get used to doing things alone and dont complain if he sleeps til 6pm everyday.
-Dont tell him to go to class.
-Dont ever talk about jobs unless it is super positive.
-Dont talk about graduation
-Dont ever ask to leave a party early. And dont be upset if you do and he tells you that you can leave, thus making you decide to either stick it out until he is ready or walk 30min home alone in the middle of the night.
- AGREE with him when he is drunk. When he calls you an idiot, a dumbass, a retard, just agree with him. Avoid the fight…please.
-If he throws water at you while he is drunk, do not cry. He will only make fun of you more.
-NEVER block the door. Especially when he is angry. He will grab you by the wrists and try to force you away.
-Dont trust yourself to get drunk around him. He will always be too drunk to take care of you if you need it.
-when he is drunk, take care of him. When he is throwing up on himself, help him. When he passes out in the bathroom, figure out a way to hoist him to the couch and periodically check to make sure he is still breathing.
- Dont get mad when he will never thank you the next day for staying up all night to take care of him. He will simply tell you that no one asked you to do it.
-When he tells you girls on tv are hot dont get mad.
-when he ignores your call and texts you not now, dont question any more.
-dont text him too much
-Dont expect him to ever drive anywhere. He claims that he doesnt have a car but I really think he is scared. Always drive the hour to him whenever you are home from school
-dont be mad when he doesnt want to hang out with your friends. He finds most of them annoying and doesnt want to spend the time with them.
-dont get mad when he doesnt come over to your house .
- accept that he wont make an effort to meet your extended family. you have to set it up and make sure he has nothing that weekend, get him and bring him back home
-dont ask him to turn down the brightness or the sound on his tablet, or to turn over so you can sleep. he will but he will get annoyed.
-when he is drunk he will say he doesnt care about you.
-dont get mad when he will eat all of your food on a drunken binge
-dont remind him that he hasnt paid rent yet.
-dont ask him to be romantic when he wants to have sex with you. if you want it you have to ask for it.
-right after you have sex dont get mad if he falls asleep right away or stays away from you.
-dont get mad if he texts throughout your date.
-dont get upset if he doesnt want to put down his computer and talk to you. he will claim he is still listening or he doesnt care.
-put headphones is, he doesnt want to listen to your music, he thinks it is crap.
- always offer him food whenever you are hungry and making something.
-dont show him your art. he wont like it.
- when you ask him to not touch you in a certain way or to say something like bro or bitch he will do it more.
-when he wakes up judge his mood and act accordingly.
-dont try to wake him up ever. you will not be successful.
-let him give you attention when he wants. dont ask for more.
-hope that he will miss you when you are away. try to trust him. try to get him more involved. pay for a date once in a while. try to survive. when he is mad dont expect him to be nice. when he is mad he does not love you. he will not care if he hurts your feelings or makes you cry. he will call you fat, he will call you an idiot, he will call you a worthless girlfriend. Try to ignore him. Try to believe that he doesnt think these things about you ant try to forget…
I know this piece is long, but when I read it 4 years later I began to cry. All that was said above was said to me or expected of me during my 3 year relationship. I wrote to begin to understand and keep tract of everything that I apparently was doing wrong. Dont let any person make you feel like I felt during the time that I wrote this. Know your worth.
to anyone suffering from psychological, and/or emotional abuse, and to anyone who has escaped that abuse and is now dealing with the effects:
it can be easy to downplay your experiences. however, mental and emotional health is no less important than physical health, and abuse that targets your mind and heart should be taken just as seriously as any other abuse. you are worth more than your abuser(s) made you out to be! you deserve love, positive attention, safety, and gentleness.
fellow survivors, you have all our love.
It continues to fascinate me that people think they know who the abuser is in Depp v Heard. I have no fucking idea who started it and who’s just reacting. None. Every time I think I do, something else comes out that the other one did where I’m like “what the actual goddamn fuckshit is this”
Like, people are all “so and so is obviously the liar here” but whenever they do that I just see a proxy war for “can men be abused, or is it almost always women?” Who looks like an “obvious liar” seems in most takes I read to follow from that.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen, “you know I usually think men abuse women but Amber shitting in the bed is… yikes” or “i really hoped this would be a clear case of how men can be victims, but Johnny getting violently aggressive toward complete randos when drunk/high makes me really wonder if he might have started it.”
It seems like a political proxy war all the way down.
Yes, women get abused by powerful male celebs who get away with it because people love them. Yes, men get abused by women who get away with it because it’s unmanly to be a victim.
No, I have no idea which of these is happening here.
Yes, absolutely. Although the way I’d frame the trial is that there are really only two things we can know about their personalities and behavior with a reasonable sense of certainty:
- Johnny Depp has a fairly serious substance abuse problem.
- Johnny Depp and Amber Heard each, to some extent, abused the other in their relationship, which was a profoundly toxic one.
I guess everyone wants to “pick one side or the other” which means deciding that one of them was the “main abuser” so as to represent an example to the world of how women are routinely abused or how men can be abused too, etc.
Maybe this is my bias somehow, but I would say that this should definitely be taken as an example to the world of how two people in a relationship can be abusive to each other, a dynamic which I suspect is much more common than is widely acknowledged.
(I will say that I’m seeing less politicization of this current event than I saw with, say, the Rittenhouse trial, or than I suspect there would have been for this trial if it had happened some eight years ago when feminism was What Everything Was About, but maybe it’s an evolution in what shows up in my rather limited social media.)
