Me? Back on my Zolf/Wilde/Hamid bullshit? It’s more likely than you think
Hamid groaned as he reached to shut off the alarm clock. The sun wasn’t even up yet.
“Morning,” Wilde said with a yawn. “Are you ready?”
Hamid sighed. “Yeah, I am. But right now I just want to stay here.”
Zolf responded by pressing a slow kiss to Hamid’s shoulder, his hand resting on Hamid’s waist.
“You’ve been excited about this conference for ages,” Wilde replied.
“I know, and I amexcited. But that doesn’t mean I don’t also want to stay sandwiched in between the two of you.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be right here when you get back,” Zolf murmured, his fingers playing with Hamid’s shirt as if he too was loathe to let him leave.
“And we’ll miss you the whole time,” Wilde added.
“And I’ll miss you too.”
“Hey, at least this time you’ll only be gone for a little over a month,” Zolf said. “Last time was way longer than that.”
“That was the worst,” Hamid cried, and Wilde nodded.
“And one of your next conferences is in London, so we’ll be there.”
“You won’t be able to get rid of us,” Wilde teased as he brushed a flyaway hair from Hamid’s face.
“You’ll easily be able to find Oscar in the audience; he’ll be the one snoring,” Zolf remarked dryly.
“Hey! I would never fall asleep during Hamid’s talk. Someone else’s talk… entirely possible.”
Hamid chuckled, savoring the warmth he felt with Oscar and Zolf at his side, both physically and figuratively. He had found a good mixture of work-life balance, where he could travel the world, do his research, and give his talks, while also coming home to that little pub and its proprietors, but that didn’t mean that the leaving was any easier.
“Thank you,” Hamid breathed, taking one of Wilde’s hands and one of Zolf’s into each of his own. “For letting me stay here. And for making his place feel like a home.”
“Itis home, Hamid,” Zolf said, and squeezed Hamid’s hand tight. “As long as you want it to be.”
“And home will be waiting for you, however long you’re gone,” Wilde added. He reached out his free hand to wipe away the tears that started rolling down Hamid’s cheek.
The trio sat like that for a little while longer, savoring each other’s presence, until Zolf broke contact.
“Alright, you really do have to get up and finish packing, or you’re never going to make your ship in time. I know how long it takes you to pack. Getting you or Oscar anywhere takes days.”
“We can’t all wear the same three shirts, Zolf,” Wilde replied. Despite his sass, he too relinquished his grip on Hamid’s hand and sat up, stretching and letting out another noisy yawn. “Some of us understand fashion.”
“Yeah, I understand fashion. I understand that I don’t understand it.”
Hamid laughed again as he sat up and began to drag himself out of bed. Once he was stood on the cold floor, he looked back at Wilde and Zolf. “I love you. I love you both so much.”
Zolf, still seated in bed, reached out for Hamid. He took a step closer so that Zolf could cup his cheek and kiss him, before they fell into an embrace. Meanwhile, Wilde crawled across the covers to stretch his arms around the both of them, holding them tight.
“Okay, now, really – go get packed,” Zolf snapped jokingly when they all started to weakly release their hold on each other.
“Alright, alright.”
Hamid darted around the room and the pub, gathering up his essentials and a frankly ridiculous amount of Zolf’s Cambell fanfiction for the voyage. The place had become a home to him in the months he’d spent there with Zolf and Wilde, and every time he left it felt like losing his magic all over again, as if he was separated from something so intrinsically a part of him. But this time, he would come home in a matter of weeks and see them again, ready to tell them all sorts of stories from his travels. Zolf would complain that Wilde still didn’t know how to pull a pint, and Wilde would in turn complain that Zolf still oversalted the food, and it would be like he never left.
He shook his head, a safe distance away on the jetty. At least the moon was mostly full, so Hamid, Cel, and Azu’s midnight swim wasn’t as dangerous as it could have been, even if it was still extremely ill-advised.
“Nah, I’m good,” Zolf called back to Hamid. “Someone’s got to get help if something happens.” Given how tipsy he was, he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d be able to make it back up the walkway regardless, but he could at least make an attempt and yell loud enough someone might hear. And besides, it was a good excuse that kept him out of the water.
“Wait, do you not want to because… Poseidon, and all that?” Hamid spoke the god’s name furtively, as if whispering a deep dark secret.
“No, sod him, I don’t care about that. We’re all drunk and it’s dark; we shouldn’t be out in the ocean at all.”
“Pfft,” Cel said, taking a break from making dolphin noises as they splashed around. “Zolf, you gotta swim with us.”
“I do not,” he insisted.
With that, Azu climbed out of the water and back onto the beach, marching straight toward Zolf.
“I’m going to pick you up now,” she said.
“No, no, no…”
“Just because I’m getting older doesn’t mean I’m not still strong enough to carry you into the sea with us.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Zolf cried as Azu lifted him out of his chair and gently carried him toward the water.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Hamid added as they crossed the sand. “We’re not going to force you.”
“I can put you back,” Azu offered, and Zolf shook his head.
“Eh, why not?” He said with a shrug. The whole idea of swimming at night while drunk was already a bad idea, but they’d survived worse. He might as well have some fun. “I’m not sure how well I can tread water or balance with only half my legs, though.”
“We won’t let you sink, don’t worry,” Cel said.
“I can give you a floating piggyback ride if you want,” Azu suggested as she stepped into the waves.
“Uh, yeah, let’s try that, if that’s okay.”
“Of course!”
Azu set Zolf down just at the edge of the water, then knelt down so that she could carry him on her back instead of in her arms like a baby as she had been. Once he was repositioned, she stood up and walked slowly into the sea, careful to make sure Zolf’s head was still safely above the waves. Cel and Hamid cheered as the whole crew entered the water.
“Yeah, alright, this isn’t so bad,” Zolf admitted, even cracking a smile. He had his arms on Azu’s shoulders so that he wouldn’t drift off, but he was managing to float on his own without too much trouble. The waves were much calmer than they were on their last visit to that beach.
“Told you!” Cel yelled. Then, their eyes went wide with an even more ill-advised idea. “Azu, put Zolf on your shoulders, and I’ll put Hamid on mine, and we’ll do a chicken fight!”
“Zolf?” Hamid asked, checking to make sure Zolf was alright with the plan before he agreed.
Zolf laughed, shaking his head with the ridiculousness of the situation, but then he narrowed his eyes. “You know what? You’re on. And you’re going down.”
“Hey, Hamid, you got a minute?” Zolf wheeled over next to Hamid as they both found themselves at a lull in the reunion.
“Sure! How are you?”
Zolf gave a noncommittal shrug in response, and Hamid nodded knowingly. Then, Zolf added, “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a dick.”
“Zolf, I mean this in a kind way, but when has that ever stopped you before?”
For a split second, Hamid regretted his words. Zolf was actually reaching out, trying to make conversation with him despite all of the time and arguments between them, and the first thing he did was call him rude.
However, he didn’t have to worry long, as almost immediately Zolf let out a loud laugh, a sound neither of them had heard in far too long. Hamid couldn’t help but smile as he did so.
“You know, that’s fair,” Zolf said. “I guess, I just want to say, I know you’re not doing well, and-”
Hamid slumped and sighed, then tried to right himself as much as possible. “Is it that obvious?”
“I know we didn’t really spend that much time together, but when you fight alongside someone… I can tell. I think we all can. The others are just too polite to say something outright.”
With a smile, Hamid teased, “Your bedside manner did always leave something to be desired.”
“And it hasn’t gotten any better,” Zolf chuckled, then he continued. “If there’s anything I can do to help with things, let me know, yeah? I don’t know what I can do, but if you think of anything, just say the word. I know losing magic hit me hard; I can’t imagine how it’s been for you.”
Hamid scoffed into his drink. “Please. You needed magic to walk. I used it to do my makeup and tailoring. I should be handling it better.”
“Magic was a part of you, mate, part of who you were, and you lost that. It was a tie to your family and your past. Plus, I saw you in combat. Fireballs and lightning bolts and magical armor – you saved my life more than once. Your magic did a lot; we wouldn’t be standing here today, one way or another, without it.” After a pause, Zolf added, “And, listen, I never entirely understood the whole obsession with prestidigitation all the time, what between you and Wilde always worried about how your suits fit, but it was important to you, and that means that being without it is hard.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Hamid’s fingers tightened around his glass as he tried not to cry. “A lot of people have it worse, though. I have a family I can go back to, a home that was able to be repaired without too much trouble. I shouldn’t be worried about magic, or even my own line of clothing.”
“They matter to you, so they matter,” Zolf insisted. “Just because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean it can’t still hurt. I know I spent long enough dismissing my own pain because of that mentality, and it still gets me sometimes. And, Hamid, I don’t mean to upset you,” he said as he noticed the tears at the edges of Hamid’s eyes, “I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”
Hamid whipped around a little more intensely than he meant to. As he did so, Zolf looked down at his hands.
“I mean, we’re allhere for you, but I can’t speak for the others. I canspeak for me, though, and I wish there was something I could do to help you out, to help you feel more like yourself in this new world. Or to give you back your prestidigitation, if nothing else.” He smiled, briefly meeting Hamid’s gaze for a moment and then looking away.
“I think I overheard that you might be staying with Wilde for a while?” Hamid asked several moments later, choking down a sob.
“Yeah, that’s the, uh, that’s the plan.”
“I might come visit, if that’s alright.”
“Of course. I mean, it’s Wilde’s place, so you’d have to ask him, but I know I’d be happy to see you.”
Hamid chuckled, “Though, it would only be fair for me to break into his place after he broke into mine, all those years ago.”
“I think I headbutted him?” Zolf said as he scratched the top of his head.
With that, both of them burst out laughing. “We’ve had a crazy ride, haven’t we?” Hamid said.
“We have. And it’s not over yet. Come visit, or maybe I can come visit you in Cairo.”
Hamid beamed. “I’d like that.”
“Again, like, if there’s anything I can do… I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I think I kind of understand what you’re going through, in a way. You’ve lost a part of yourself.” Zolf gestured to his missing legs. “Not quite the same, of course, but…”
“Thank you, Zolf. I really appreciate it. And, obviously, if there’s anything I can do for you…”
“We’ll keep in touch, yeah? Something I want to try and do with everyone, truthfully, since I’ve never been very good at it.”
“You are entirely within your right to say no, but do you think I could give you a hug?”
Zolf rolled his eyes and sighed, but there was a smile on his lips. “Yeah, alright.”
Hamid lunged forward to embrace Zolf. Zolf was a bit slower to move his arms around Hamid, patting him on the back as if he still wasn’t quite sure what to do in a hug. Not wanting to overstay his welcome, Hamid gave a quick squeeze and then drew back, wiping his tears as he did so.
“It’s good to see you again, Zolf.”
“Yeah… I wasn’t sure I was going to come, to be honest, but… I’m glad I did.”
Zolf looked up from his things when he heard Wilde softly call his name.
“Yeah, I’m here.” He smiled over at Wilde, who emerged from behind the small wall that served to separate the various parts of Geoff’s mausoleum.
“Are you coming?” Wilde asked.
“Just a second, I wanted to make sure we had everything…” Not that it mattered now. They had Babbage and themselves, and that was all they really needed. Besides, any other supplies were back at The One that Got Away and far out of their reach.
But Zolf couldn’t find it in him to rest, to find any solace from the voices in his mind and the fear that coursed through him. They had to succeed. Or the world was doomed.
He knew this, he’d always known this. For so long, he deemed himself unimportant except in service to something greater than himself. But now, as he saw Wilde watch him fumble with their supplies, he didn’t want to serve. He didn’t want to sacrifice himself in order to save the world – he just wanted to run away from it all, find some isolated island where he and Wilde could live out their lives in peace.
Didn’t they deserve that? Didn’t they deserve that chance?
As if he could hear the doubts in Zolf’s head, Wilde soon stepped over to him and knelt beside him, placing an arm around his shoulders. “We’re all scared, it’s-”
“I’m not just scared, I’m angry,” Zolf snapped, not at Wilde but at their circumstances. “I finally feel like my life might be worth living, and we’re most likely going to die tomorrow.”
Wilde let out a tiny, breathy chuckle. “You know, having been dead, it’s not so bad.”
“Wilde, I didn’t mean to…”
“I know, and it’s fine. I’m still wrapping my head around having died twice. Figure I might as well hold off on trying to process it entirely so I can focus on what’s immediately ahead of us. But what I’m trying to say is that… yes, your life is worth living. And I hope we succeed and you get the chance to live it, and that I survive to share it with you. Even if we don’t, though, I know that you helped make my life worth living, and I will forever be grateful for that.”
Zolf spun enough so that he could fully pull Wilde into a hug as they both let the tears they were holding back flow freely down their cheeks. His throat ached with each sob, and when they ran dry, he pulled away enough so that he could look at Wilde and drink in his features for what might be the last time. “At least we had this time together. Even if running and hiding and fighting and all wasn’t exactly the most entertaining pastime.”
They both chuckled, then Wilde pressed a slow kiss to Zolf’s forehead. They rested their heads together for a long moment, breathing each other in, before Wilde chuckled.
“I don’t know what you’re worried about anyway,” he said with a smile on his lips. “We’re going to be fine. We’re going to climb to the rooftop, have a nice jaunty fly over to the tower, plug in Babbage, and be good to go. Easy as pie. Don’t suppose you could make me some pie with that fancy feast you’ve got planned for tomorrow morning?”
“I’ll make a bunch of flavors for you.”
“Mm. I’m sure a magic pie won’t be as good as one of your homemade ones, but it’ll do.”
“And after we win, and we find some place to settle down, I’ll make you all the pies you could ever want,” Zolf said, taking Wilde’s hand into his own and squeezing it.
“Maybe I’ll write a book about all this. Call it something fancy, like ‘Erasing the Line’? That’s got a ring to it.”
Zolf scoffed, but still smirked. “‘Erasing the Line’? That sounds ridiculous.”
“I wouldn’t expect youto understand anyway,” Wilde joked, and Zolf replied by giving him a gentle, playful shove.
“Thanks, Wilde,” he added.
“You’re welcome. As if you haven’t helped me stave off nightmares dozens of times already.”
“These nightmares are a little bit bigger than your usual ones, though.”
“True. Nothing we can’t handle though,” Wilde said. Then, he stood, and held out his hand to help Zolf up. “You really should try to get some rest. I know we’re all terrified, but we need you at your best.”
Zolf accepted the hand up, but didn’t let go after he stood. “Whatever happens, we’ll…” Fresh tears welled up in his throat and stopped him from speaking.
“We’ll be together,” Wilde finished for him.
Zolf nodded. “We’ll be together.”
“Come on.” Wilde tugged him along toward the adjoining room where the others had piled up blankets to make the tomb as comfortable as possible for their brief respite. He had already claimed a spot in the cocoon before he went to fetch Zolf, and now he settled back into it.
After wiping his face one more time lest any of their other companions see his tears, Zolf crawled in next to Wilde and wrapped his arms around him.
“Goodnight,” he breathed. “I… I love you.”
“I love you too.” Wilde brushed stray hair from Zolf’s face, then caressed his cheek. “And I always will.”
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