#saturn in something
you left and left
and miles and miles
between us are not
enough
I need you to buy
a rocket ship
I need you to
enter it, and
leave my thoughts
alone.
- r.iver
My book is out on Amazon
Worldwide ❤️
Like a Thief in the Night.
I still secretly wish for my back against
the side of your rib cage
underneath your arms spread widely
on the bed, like wings
never any intention of holding me close
never any intention of wanting me to go
I still secretly wish for that endless in between
while whispering ‘Kiss kiss, night night - see you never- again’
- r.iver
“In truth; no one can ever reject me as much as I reject me, no one can ever break my heart, only touch the parts that still required healing, only place their finger on the stitches and pick at them, while I called it love - when it was all I ever remembered from it.” - River Heuer
Love was only able to become a breeze
the day I decided I could become a breeze.
Love was always only as safe as I was to myself,
I really wasn’t.
And so love looked a lot like suicide,
over and over again and again
dying at the same check point
of my favorite video game.
- r.iver
I walked back in a January storm
it was a late night for some
still early for lovers, as I left your steps
I never dared sleeping next to you,
it was too intimate and we were
not even friends, just benefits,
this one time almost had me
fall from the edge of sleep
where you
kept me underneath
your wing and I, got up only to
wash my face, and silently sneak out
with every deep breath you took, I
whispered‘good night’ to your hallway
wrote you out of my veins, into these pages,
like a myth, a demi-god;
a man who cannot even begin to love
a woman like me.
- r.iver
I never dared sleeping next to you, it is too intimate and we are
not even friends, just benefits, this one time almost had me
fall from the edge of sleep where you kept me underneath
your wing and I wrote you away, into my book, like a myth,
a demi-god; a man who cannot even begin to love a force like me.
- r.iver
I have written you like a psalm
and you have written me like an epitaph
we meet in church, it is common ground
not betrothed – to be left and buried
we do not write any longer
we wish each other well now
and wish ourselves better.
- r.iver
today I was driving and
in came this melancholic feeling
of dying - then followed by
being dead - then leaving the trees
like leaves, soft wind blowing and
a collision of cars on the freeway
my eyes wide like moons
around Saturn and
suddenly the fear of
not being ready made me
so ready, as I was
not wishing to die
- I was hoping to live and
this is a new bought jacket, still a bit
too big, with a soft promise of new born me
growing gradually
into it.
- r.iver // 10.26.20
at first glance
your face
showed me
immediately
all the doors we shall not take
guiding me straight
to the back of our story
making sure neither of us will know
what it’s like
spending Sundays
with our lips locked
in love
or slow dancing
in the kitchen
with our dog-babies staring at us
in disgust.
- r.iver
