We all know that Hoth was a simmering mess of hormones and stress and I would pay good money for a soap opera about them. Here are some things which Definitely Happened:
There’s a betting pool going on who takes Luke’s virginity. The favourites are Han and Leia, but Wedge Antilles has pretty good odds, and there’s a small contingent of aliens who are convinced it will be Chewie (after all, who could resist that Wookie musk? Headcanon: most alien races consider humans soft and gross. Most alien races find Wookies absurdly attractive. Han Solo isn’t the ladykiller; Chewie is.)
Leia and Han scream at each other in every corner of the base. Everyone is desperate for them to fuck. They do not. The sexual tension is so thick that it could be cut into blocks and sold as wall insulation. More than once they are ‘accidentally’ locked in a supply cupboard in the vain hope that claustrophobia will act as the catalyst that enables their frustration to spark into true love – or at least nasty raunchy cupboard sex. It does not. All that happens is that the offender has legally changed their name to escape the Wrath of Organa.
Someone paints a shirtless Han Solo on their X Wing. Leia is furious. Han is delighted: both at the highly flattering portrait (he has an eight-pack, he is shredded) and at Leia’s fury (you’re jealous princess/no I am not/you’re jealous, hey I can pose like that for you if you –). Hoth’s winter had nothing on the chilly silence that followed that suggestion.
Luke and Leia both have very graphic dreams about Han Solo. Han Solo has very graphic dreams about the twins – individually, together, he’s thirty fucking years old, why is his brain doing this to him.(Later on they will, individually, realise that due to Luke and Leia’s Force-bond they probably created a circle of Han Solo Sex Dreams: Leia had them, so Luke sensed her lust for Han which intensified his own lust for Han, which led to Luke having Han Solo sex dreams, which led to Leia lusting – and so on, and so on. For the sake of their sanity, they never share this revelation which each other.)
Luke is SO COLD. All the time. WHY DOES NO ONE APPRECIATE HOW COLD HE IS. He comes from a desert world. Of course he’s cold! What is all this white stuff? It was pretty for the first fve seconds but holy fucking Force it is so cold it burns and what the hell is going on with that? He bundles himself up in so many layers that he waddles rather than walks. Fearsome Last of the Jedi indeed.
Luke tapes a knife to a cleaning droid (disc-shaped things that swish around the base, sucking up dirt) and names it Stabby. Why, says Leia. Luke, the boy from Tatooine, shining and happy despite everything sayswhy not. Why not indeed. Stabby is very fond of chasing Han. Han wants desperately to shoot the fucking thing– but then he sees big-eyed Luke and sharp-toothed Leia cooing over it and, well. A little bit of light stabbing is nothing, compared to those two smiling.
STABBY THE SPACE ROOMBA!
I am torn between wanting Stabby to be grabbed and evacuated along with the Rebels and make it to the next base, and wanting Stabby to get Vader.
Compromise: shortly after losing the Millennium Falcon, Vader, storming through the Rebel base, is startled to feel a sudden jolt of pain from the artificial sensors on his left leg prosthetic: a sharp sensation on his ankle. Surprised, because he sensed no threat–is the limb malfunctioning?–he looks down, and there is a cleaning droid with a knife taped to it, a little painted-on Rebel lieutenant’s insignia, and the word STABBY written on it.
He stares down at it, completely and utterly taken aback for the first time in over a decade. Fearlessly, it chitters back at him, sounding very triumphant.
He picks it up.
Off in the fractal weirdness of hyperspace, Rebels on several ships are surprised to find an update on Stabby’s kill-update feed, and then thoroughly shocked at the accompanying image: the upward-pointing camera has captured an image of Darth Vader staring down at the droid.
It’s the fastest news ever to travel through the Rebel grapevine, the mix of triumph and loss that is, they are certain, Stabby’s heroic last stand.
Until a day later, when the thing updates again, this time showing an extremely confused Imperial officer. And another, and another, and another, day after day.
They cancel the funeral.
Vader hasn’t done much just for the fun of it in two decades. Watching Imperial officers swear and clutch their ankles as a cleaning drone with a knife taped to it, an Imperial emblem, lieutenant’s insignia, and the word STABBY painted on it, bumps into them and then chatters triumphantly, he’s figured he’s earned.
STABBY FIC! STABBY STARWARS FIC! YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY!
But do they send in a rescue unit to reclaim their most honorable POW?
no, the rebels are all too happy to have vader backing one of their most valuable psychological weapons. stabby’s antics are invaluable for their ability to escalate tension within imperial ranks, and vader’s personal amusement means stabby will get to keep running his miniature interference mission for a long time to come
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS
STABBY LIVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Grand Moff Tarkin limps into Vader’s quarters. Again. “Lord Vader, enough of this.”
“I have altered the droid; pray I do not alter it any further.”
(If there’s one thing young Anakin Skywalker can appreciate, it’s a hot-rodded maintenance droid, c’mon.)
VADER PUTS A LIGHTSABRE ON STABBY
HE CALLS IT HIS APPRENTICE
MY SON WILL NOT TURN TO THE DARKSIDE BUT MY SON’S STABBY SON WILL
Stabby is eventually recovered and given a medal after the defeat of the Emperor, but his poor little chassis is too badly damaged by then to even hold onto the knife anymore. His internal mechanism is removed and upgraded, and then the Master Droid Tech charged with fixing him casts around for a new casing to put him in.
“Hey!” calls a teenaged Poe Dameron, walking into the Droid repair shop. “I got this decommissioned BB-8 chassis they said to bring in here. It needs a new owner. Captain said I can have it if I can find a new mechanism for it.”
The Master Droid Tech looks at Stabby, then at the BB-8 chassis, then back at Stabby. Stabby turns his unsheathed ocular sensor to Poe and beeps adoringly. (This is a common if relatively new reaction to Poe Dameron, who has just graduated from his Awkward Stage.)
“Yeah, I got one for you right here,” the Tech says, grinning.
I love that Stabby exists in all sci-fi universes.
For Azrealm! I really adore the colors and shading on this piece, it looks really bad ass! Az had really good ideas for this piece too, the effect at the bottom by his feet was all her. Together, two artists, so powerful!!
It was great to finally meet her at MFF and hang out!
Available: Whipped this up while I was waiting for some kydex to cool off. 3/16" diameter solid copper, 5.5" OAL. Textured and lightly buffed #03MW #03MetalWorks #knives #blades #knifemaker #knifemaking #copper #cu #stabby #stabbyasfuck #SupportTheWarriorClass #STWC #MarineJoe #SaltyAsFuck
One more fatty available, pretty much identical to the first one. 5/8" diameter titanium spike, 5.5" OAL. Textured, blasted, buffed and heat anodized. $105 shipped, PayPal only. Email or DM if you want it #03MW #03MetalWorks #knives #blades #knifemaker #knifemaking #titanium #ti #spike #stabby #SupportTheWarriorClass #STWC #MarineJoe #SaltyAsFuck
The judges taste-tested each and every one of the amuse-bouche your chefs prepared and came up with TEN finalists!
AADRITI SINGH // kiwi butter on lemon shortbread ARASHI YOSHINAGA // beef kebab with kecap manis glaze AYDEN JACKSON // brie and marmite bread puffs with herbs CHESTER MAKOARE // dulce de leche and marshmallow creme cups DELPHINE GBEHO // salmon and pear tartines smoked with pine sprigs FABULA DETATE // crostini topped with watermelon-jalapeño jelly and black salt LUCILLE HOÀNG // crispy eggplant fritters with lemon-harissa vinaigrette dip RO‘ONUI FALEMALU // chouquettes filled with creme (sweetened from simple syrup made from pop rocks), covered in pop rock sugar glaze, rolled in crushed pop rock dust SIYA KUMAR // broiled shallot bites glazed in lavender and lime honey KEITH “STABBY” LAMBERT // whipped mortadella studded with minced gherkins on focaccia squares
A little test run of Stabby with the impact trigger hooked up to the audio. The battery pack is not secured yet so it tends to fall off the back a little. The next step is continuing to put his frame back together while making sure all the wires stay out of the way of the motors, and continuing programming.
We attempted to retain his original wheels but couldn’t make them work, so we’re using two wheels meant for scooters/roller skates. The original front wheel of the roomba remains as that was never motorized and exists for balance support.
We hooked up one of the 3w high output LED for the heart beat function, the voltage sensor so that we can display battery status on a led, and have the speakers hooked up. Thus when we hit the accelerometer the following happens!
The next steps are to get the remaining components mounted inside the Roomba and to calibrate the accelerometer so that it does not trigger when acceleration is from the motors and only from an impact.
We’ve added a acceleration monitor, so Stabby will react when it hits something and stops suddenly. The difficult part will come when during programming as we filter out normal movement forces from the impact forces so the response animations will only trigger upon an impact and not from normal speeding up/slowing down.
For now these are test lights showing the reaction as well as a heartbeat blinking pattern. Different, brighter lights will be mounted on the actual roomba.
With this we have most of the parts to begin assembling and programming Stabby. We have a backup if things go wrong though hopefully we’ll be able to use both a start building a fleet of Stabbys! OG Stabby will likely remain unedited foever.
These are the current ideas for Stabby the Roomba. Some of his ideas deviate a bit from the original internet concept of Stabby, but his ‘normal’ setting will stay true to that image. However we proudly enjoy looking at something and going ‘but what else can we make it do’ and so Stabby will hopefully be able to do all of the following:
Lights: Fully selectable lights under the outside edge of the Roomba. These would change with the voice options
Mute – Either no light or a nice cool blue or green
Talkative – Blue to White as he runs into things
Pissed – Blue or White progressing to pulsing Red as he hits more and more objects.
Pulsing red like a heartbeat
We may able able to color code the little battery light on top to indicate mode
Control: Remote control using a Wiimote with nun-chuck
Joystick - Speed and direction
Button C - On nun-chuck, Voice without hitting anything
Button Z - On nun-chuck, selects Voice & Lights mode (1, 2, 3 or 4)
Button C+Z - Would make him shake back and forth or spin in a tight circle at high speed
+/- on Wiimote - Volume
Blue Leds on Wiimote -Indicate which mode Stabby is in (1,2,3, or 4)
When Stabby hits something he will stop and turn 45 – 90 degrees. We may want a standard mode when he keeps moving slowly until overridden by the joystick.
Needed parts:
Pi Zero
Arcade Bonnet (to interface bumper sensors)
Two 600 RPM motors and mounts
Two 2.5” skateboard style wheels
Motor controller
4 cell LiPo battery (14.2v)
Audio Amp & Speaker
Strip of side light NeoPixel LED’s or 5 to 6 - 3 watt pixie LED’s.
The idea of Stabby the Space Roomba has been going around Tumblr for a long while, and about two years ago we decided to made this little guy out of a broken 1st Gen Roomba. There won’t be a long post about his creation because it basically consisted of forcefully ripping out the vacuum parts and screwing a rc car on in their place.
We are excited to begin our process of upgrading him to a walking, talking, stabbing, controllable Roomba! Progress updates will be done the same way Wheatley’s were, so stay tuned to hear about Stabby’s progress!
Note: Please don’t use real knives on your Stabbys; that’s dangerous. Real knife is for photo purposes only because we temporarily lost his plastic one.
