Okay, so this fandom gets a lot of mileage out of Crowley getting comendation for things he isn’t even responsible for, and then the resulting angst when he has to go and check out ‘his’ work— but have we considered whether this ever happened to Aziraphale? After all, we see in the show that Heaven isn’t above the morally dubious, and there’s no reason why Aziraphale’s superiors wouldn’t assume he was the same.
Imagine him getting a commendation every time he’s in the wrong right area for a martyrdom, or a holy war, or— hell, why not an inquisition? Who’s to say that Heaven and Hell 100% agree on what counts as good or evil all the time?
Imagine him standing in a burning town, having just recieved a letter from Gabriel about how happy Heaven is to hear that people have been spreading Her religion to the local populace. “Good work, Aziraphale! Glad to see you’re finally acting like a proper angel and giving up all this namby-pamby peace and love nonsense! Keep it up!”
Imagine him having to witness centuries of blood and burning and bodies and not being able to talk about it to anyone— not even Crowley, because when you’re watching an atrocity and trying to persuade yourself that this is not only tolerable but somehow good, somehow right, the last person you need is the Demon of Constant Uncomfortable Questions.
(And anyway, a voice in his head that sounds a lot like Gabriel snidely reminds him, that’s probably the reason he can’t understand it. A Proper Angel™️ who didn’t waste time putting food and drink into his corporation, or playing around with books, or hanging around with demons— an angel like that would be able to make sense of this.)
Imagine later on, when the human perspective on some of these events changes, and Heaven follows suit. Aziraphale making one too many suggestions during a meeting and getting shut down with “well yeah, we would listen to you Aziraphale, but then remember that time you came up with that whole Crusades thing? That didn’t turn out so well, did it?” Imagine him brushing it off and pushing down the feelings of unfair, unfair, unfair, because Good Angels don’t question that sort of thing. Clearly he’s just made a mistake somewhere.
Imagine him post-apocalypse, finally being able to admit out loud to himself that Heaven wasn’t always right. (Imagine him finally having the courage to tell Crowley about it and getting to listen to several centuries worth of ranting about Heaven with a clear conscience— along with a side rant about “why the fuck didn’t you tell me, angel? I told you about the Inquisition!” “Yes, well… that was rather different, my dear.”)
I’m just saying, we’re really missing a trick here and… damn, now I kind of want to write this.
In that deleted scene where he’s getting ready to open the bookshop he’s given a medal for his 'devotion to Earth and duty’ but it sort of feels like an afterthought when Aziraphale expresses that he doesn’t want to go back to Heaven. As if he can be placated after being ignored for millennia with a pat on the head. (And he’s probably so starved for positive attention from Heaven that’s no doubt why we see him wear it on his vest ever after.) I’ll have to re-read though that scene with this in mind bc it is a very valid take.
After all Crowley does say ‘everyone stretches the truth in memos to head office a bit, you know that!’ And Aziraphale, angel of the Eastern Gate, lying liar who lies, mildly agrees with him without directly implicating himself of doing the same. (’Yes, but you told them..’)
P.S. Bonus -replyfrom@big-edies-sun-hat: I did the thing. I had been wanting to put up a series of ficlets (on no schedule whatsoever) about various awful ideas the two of them had throughout history. Herein, a ficlet in which Aziraphale gets an award for Prohibition.
I want to talk about how dedicated Aziraphale is to saving the world.Because despite his initial reluctance, the moment Aziraphale agrees to prevent Armageddon – that is his top priority.
One of Aziraphale’s defining characteristics is his commitment. While Crowley is notable for changing (his clothes, hair, gender, name, species) and for questioning (Heaven, Hell, the Almighty, Satan); Aziraphaleis notable for sticking with things (with angels, books, clothes, hair, ultimately Earth & a certain demon). That loyalty is why it takes him so long to turn against Heaven.
Yes, Aziraphale’s arc islearning to question* and break that blind loyalty…but his commitment and faith aren’tportrayed as inherently bad things, they’re also vital to stopping Armageddon.
(*Well it’s more admitting his questions tbh, because that rebellious angel been quietly doubting since Eden).
Once Aziraphale’s aboard the Antichrist plan, he’s not just following Crowley’s lead – he’s pushing forward of his own volition. When they discover they have the wrong boy, Aziraphale doesn’t shrug and go “we tried, back to Heaven with me” the way you’d expect an initially reluctant conscript to – he keeps trying.
He’s the one who suggests going to Warlock’s birthday party, he comes up with hospital idea, he proposes using other humans to find Adam and offers his agents. At the end of it all, he produces the winning ‘Great plan’ argument and rallies against Satan when Crowley wavers.
Caveat: “It’s the Great Plan Crowley” – his lies to Crowley and himself.
Of course, where Aziraphale seems to falter (breaking all our hearts in the process) is that goddamn bandstand scene – “There is no our side.”
But like, even when Aziraphale appears to be giving up and supporting the war….he really isn’t. While he’s loudly preaching about the great plan out front; in the back he’s tracking down Adam and appealing to Heaven to stop things. Aziraphale’s commitment doesn’t change, but he employs different tactics when he realises the original Antichrist plan has failed, and he’s scared and he pushes Crowley away.
Of course, lying to Crowley and trusting Heaven was wilfully misguided. And he realises that.
But that brings me to the biggest point –
When finally faced with Heaven or humanity Aziraphale doesn’t hesitate
Aziraphale spends so much of the series convincing himself he can save humanitywith Heaven, can stay loyal to his superiors and to earth, and histwo belief systems will line up neatly.
And it takes him so, so long – literally from the voice of God itself – to realise that’s wrong.
This post talks about moment with Metatron when Aziraphale realises Heaven (and he thinks God) doeswant the war . And fuck, it’s heartbreaking.
What’s noticeable from then on though? There’s never anydeliberation on Aziraphale’s part about supporting Heaven. There’s no “oh maybe the Almighty is right,” “maybe I should join the other angels,” “well, if everyone else agrees, maybe I’m in the wrong.” He throws aside his previous dithering and doubts.
If Heaven doesn’t agree with him on saving Earth, then that is it.
When he realises he can’t have both; it’s the world or Heaven – he goes with humanity. Without flinching. Without hesitation. Because that’s been his priority since he and Crowley shook on it eleven years ago.
Mere minutes after facing the truth, Aziraphale rejects Heaven in the most badass way possible, complete with yelling at other angels and possessing people.
There’s a great meta from@ilarual about just how ballsy Aziraphale’s rebellion against Heaven was, and about how he finally let loose all the doubts he’d been supressing for 6000 years. To quote:
Basically, Aziraphale backflips out of Heaven with both middle fingers in the air, and frankly I think it’s amazing.
In comparison to Crowley
Now obviously Crowley is also committed to saving humanity. Obviously. He came up with the original Antichrist plan, pleads with God over everything, argues with Aziraphale and drove through literal fire.
(And Crowley doesn’t hesitate either – his instant reaction to the Antichrist is pure horror and it takes him less than a car ride to be on the phone to Aziraphale and concocting his thwarting scheme).
However,from when they discover they have the wrong child, Crowley is making back-up plans. He’s ready to run away to Alpha Centuari and leave humanity to it.
Partly that’s because, unlike Aziraphale, he doesn’t have the information about Adam – but Crowley was flagging before that.
On route to Tadfield, its Aziraphale offering suggestions to find the Antichrist and Crowley blocking him. (“And then what? And then what?”). After the convent visit failed, Crowley’s basically sulking over Aziraphale’s ideas – which Aziraphale does not stand for a minute tbh. (“Do you have a better idea? A single better idea?”) And even later on its Aziraphale, not Crowley, who commits to killing Adam.
To be clear, I am in no way judging Crowley for doubting they’d succeed and planning to run. He’s not obliged to help Earth, the fact he even tried was incredibly selfless. There’s a brilliant piecefrom@theniceandaccurategoodomensblog on how much Crowley was risking to stop Armageddon and how his escape plan was justified.
Him preventing the war was always against Hell’s plans and put him in the line of fire, whereas Heaven at least pretended to support Aziraphale efforts.
Plus, Crowley was right in knowing that the two of them wereon their own and not to trust Heaven, which Aziraphale didn’t get. Crowley benefits from Aziraphale’s will & determination, while Aziraphale benefits from Crowley clear-eyed view of the world.
In the end
Ofc Aziraphale and his steadfastness and the importance of all that, culminates when Satan storms onto the scene.
Because when Crowley does falter (“we are fucked”), it’s Aziraphale’s determination that keeps them going (“We can’t give up now.”) Because, just to say it again – when Aziraphale commits to something he commits.
It’s this incredible full circle moment from Crowley persuading Aziraphale to stop the Antichrist, to Aziraphale pushing Crowley to stand against Satan. And fuck, that’s beautiful.
And now, post-series, now Aziraphale has abandoned Heaven, he’s 100% going to put his trademark commitment and dedication and devotion into his new side. His side with Crowley.
Tldr: While Crowley was the one who initially persuaded Aziraphale, from then on saving humanity was Aziraphale’s top priority: Even while he denied it, even over Heaven, even to the point of encouraging Crowley. Because Aziraphale loves and commits with everything in him – and that saved the world.
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@whispsofwindreply: A thing I really like about Crowley and Aziraphale is how complementary they are to each other.
Crowley is constantly moving. He has clever schemes and has already thought about plan B, C and D while he’s still executing plan A. He is ever changing, always trying to stay one step ahead of everything.
Aziraphale, on the other hand, is steadfast. Once he finds something he likes, he sticks with it and doesn’t see the need to change. Once he starts something, he commits and finishes it. Plan A is getting done one way or another.
Without Aziraphale as a constant, Crowley would be untethered, with nothing to give him stability. Without Crowley to give him a good push, Aziraphale would stagnate, never daring to get in motion.
Together though, Crowley can push them both into action and Aziraphale can keep them on track. They work better as a unit than they do apart, and it’s amazing.
It’s unstoppable force meets immovable object, and instead of crashing and burning they both come out better for it.
Alright here’s my two cents in the is Aziraphale soft or BAMF question: he’s both. He’s fully both and he’s always been both because, in spite of what we get told, there’s a certain kind of BAMFness that comes from softness. They aren’t actually opposites. Softness (compassion, kindness etc) is not weakness. It requires great strength and it generates strength.
There are two kinds of BAMF. There’s the one we usually see: the hot-headed, competitive, let’s take on the world and win, aggressive, ambitious kind of BAMF. That’s all bravado and hot anger. You know, the kind of anger that calls you to destroy, to conquer? And then after you may well regret your actions?
But there’s the other kind too: a protective, ruthlessly determined, aggressive yes, but in a defensive way kind of BAMF. It is a whole different thing. It isn’t a hot anger at all, but a cold one. It never calls you to seek out and destroy but it is the certainty that you must do what you must do to protect what needs protecting. And when it is moved it is absolutely ruthless. Actions taken are not regretted. They are, after all, simply what had to be done. This is the BAMFness that grows out of softness (compassion, kindness) because part of all of that softness is ruthlessly and fiercely protecting what you love, those you are compassionate towards. It is a kind of righteous anger (appropriately enough!) motivated not by ego but by correcting wrongs.
Think of a mama bear. From the cub’s perspective she’s all love and kindness. All softness. If all’s well she’s happy fussing about with her cave, her world, her cubs. She’s not interested in ego-related aggression like expanding her territory. Far better to make peace, to forge the kind of alliances that allow for a peaceful world in which her cubs can grow. But if you step into her cave and threaten her cubs you’ll see a very different side to all of that softness because she will kill you without hesitation. Not because she’s aggressive in a hot-headed way but out of compassion and love for her cubs. You simply must be eliminated and that’s that.
That is the BAMFness of Aziraphale. It isn’t in opposition to his softness. It grows out of it. His is a righteous BAMFness. He will do everything he can to forge the kind of peace his cubs (Crowley, humanity) need. He’s had no ambitions on anyone else’s territory. But if you step into his cave (the world) and threaten his cubs he will do whatever he thinks is needed to eliminate that threat (break his alliance to Heaven, possess a human, kill a child, argue with the highest authority in Heaven).
And that, for me, is a key lesson Aziraphale gives us: softness is not weakness. That is a lie. There is a kind of ruthless and righteous strength that grows out of softest parts of ourselves. Aziraphale is a soft BAMF.
I think in the series, we see Aziraphale trying to reject and deny his BAMF side a bit, just really fall into being the soft cuddly sofa person, “the nice one.” I think he loses sight, at times, of the fact that he can be both, that he is both, that denying one side or the other is denying himself.
Somewhere between “I’m not fighting in any war” and taking care of the soldier, he rediscovers his BAMF side. Not all at once, not at one specific moment, but action after action shows he is pushing away from his soft side because the world (and Crowley) needs the BAMF angel.
But then he goes too far. He forgets his soft side, and now he’s all-in on killing a child. The BAMF side is where he keeps his strength, but the soft is where his compassion is. He tried to put that side of himself away, and it was nearly a disaster.
But.
Then he finds the balance point. BAMF enough to debate theology with the Archangel fucking Gabriel, soft enough to comfort a scared 11-year-old and help him find the courage to save them.
And…that’s who Aziraphale really is. In that moment, he’s found his best self - the self that is as strong as those around him need him to be, and soft enough to know how to wield that strength.
It might take him some time to get comfortable with the way the two halves occupy his self, but the hardest bit - accepting they are both him, knowing he needs to lean on both sides, seeing them as his inner yin and yang not some dichotomy he has to choose between - that has come, and he has survived it.
@theniceandaccurategoodomensblogreply: No, no — I disagree with this. My whole point is they are NOT separate sides. His is the kind of BAMFness that grows out of softness. His willingness to kill Adam—in that absolutely extreme situation in which he honestly believes it is the only way to save the world—is an act of compassion—for the world and everyone in it—it is the fierce and protective side of compassion. Think: mama bear killing to protect her cubs. He isn’t balancing two sides. It is all one thing. But it is a kind of BAMFness that is rarely portrayed or talked about and so we find it hard to recognise.
@aethelflaedladyofmerciareply: Hmm, I think I didn’t articulate very well and now we’re talking past each other. Let me try again.
Agree:
Aziraphale’s strength comes from his protective instincts and compassion
There is a strength in softness
Soft doesn’t equal weak
They aren’t two sides that need to be chosen between
However:
Heaven’s strength is generally very aggressive, as is Hell’s. This is the lens through which characters see and understand “strength”
This includes Aziraphale - he doesn’t know his own strength, he thinks he’s weak BECAUSE he doesn’t show that kind of strength (I’m soft!) - he thinks he has to play by Heaven’s rules, be one or the other.
And as a result, he feels the need to be less compassionate while saving the world - he is still being protective of the world as a whole, but he THINKS his natural compassion and desire to protect those in front of him is a weakness
This leads to him almost shooting Adam, when a more measured assessment of the situation would have made him realize that he should be trying to help the child.
Then, while watching the Them beat the Horsepeople, he realizes his mistake. He recognizes their strength, and his own, and is able to embrace the balanced strength that comes natural to him
(What I’m reminded of is how in martial arts, people think of being calm and being active as two separate states - you’re calm/at rest/patient, or you’re active/emotional/strong. However, practitioners know you get the best strength from that calm state - they aren’t opposites, you use calm to fuel activity. Acknowledging this and finding your strength in the calmness is an important early step.
(The kind of strength Heaven shows is an opposite of compassion; Aziraphale’s flows from compassion. When he accepts his own strength, he rejects Heaven’s and becomes the better version of himself. It feels like balancing two sides when you do it, but it’s not - it’s rejecting the part you don’t need and learning to draw your strength from the right source.)
I hope that makes more sense…this is very hard to put into words!
@angel-and-serpentreply: He’s a level-headed BAMF. He believes in sacrificing one for the sake of many, if that’s what it takes. He wishes it wouldn’t come to actual violence, though. Destroying the Antichrist isn’t a nice job, but somebody has to do it and Crowley is too busy crying over his car, really darling I could use some help here!
Once he sees that Adam isn’t the unholy threat that they both imagined, but a child - a human child, no different than the other humans he’s been charged to protect - his priorities change then and there.
@theniceandaccurategoodomensblogreply: Yes. While he honestly believes—a totally reasonable belief at the time too—that the only way to save the world is to kill Adam, it is a morally reasonable step to take. It isn’t a failure of softness, it is motivated by compassion. If, when faced with the same scenario, he refused to kill Adam he would have had to live with the death of literally every other child on the planet.
