#suicide mention cw
Me: I’m chronically ill which makes me disabled. I managed to adjust my life so I can live as comfortably as possible, which means I don’t work, being poor, and not doing much. Sometimes I have to sleep all day, sometimes I go on hikes with my dog, sometimes I exist, sometimes I want to kill myself. That’s my life and I’m okay with it.
Ppl: BbUuuTTt — ThAt soUndS dEpreSSinNngG!
Ppl: buTtT — I COulDn'TttT lIvE liKe thIsS!
Ppl: BbuUUTtTtT — iSn’T tHEre ANyThiNg THaT caNn bE DoNe tO chAnGe YOur depREssIng stAte?
Ppl: bUuuUtT — LivE iS abOUt LIVING, NOT EXISTING!
Ppl: buTT — hOw cAn yOu LIvee LikE tHat?
Ppl: buTttTTTTT — DoNt be So neGaTiVe, if IT wAsS mE, I WouLd bE mORe HopEFuLl, That thEre WiLL Be a CuRe, AND My dePreSsIng LIfesTyLe WoUlD eNd.
Ppl: BUttT — YOure SUCH AN INSPIRATION!!! I wOuLdvE kIlleD MYsElf By NoW!
Ppl: BbUuutTtTTtTTttTTTtttTtFFTFTGdvdbdjaoownKGgafcwvsvezzeezhdhcbjdakwjcvgcudwkmqnbsgdhchnsbevahauJJKKKiHGFFFdDEGhJanBabakaksm
Me: Well, at this point we should think about who is the really negative person in this conversation.
Ppl:
Ppl:
Ppl:
Ppl: Yeah, no, you’re negative, saying you’re disabled is negative, disability is okay in and of itself, but don’t call yourself disabled, because that’s so negative, not having goals and not accomplishing anything in life is a wasted life, contributing to society is important, you’re so poor for not seeing how you’re wasting your life, you should really try to change something, although I admire you, because I would have killed myself by now, just saying.
Some rando: You should think about stopping your prescription
Me: My pills make me not want to die tho
They: You shouldn’t want to die, that’s not normal
Me: Yeah that’s why I’m taking my pills
Again: But you aren’t the *real* you when you’re on your pills
Me: I’m the alive version of me
An actual doctor, once: “Relying On A Chemical Crutch For A Hormonal Imbalance Denies The Fortitude Of The Human Soul”
Me: Cool so like I’m agnostic
They: “But you might be on pills the rest of your life!”
Me: “So?”
Good! That means that I have a “rest of” my life to continue living!
Thanks to the pills.
Meanwhile, no person ever: “You should think about giving up your insulin/antiretrovirals/beta blockers/anti-rejection drugs/prosthetic legs/daily multivitamin, because using those your whole life is bad for some reason”
Oh no, they do that too.
I have a kidney transplant. A woman once told me she didn’t believe in organ transplants and that people should just die when they’re meant to.
Sounds like a great set-up for a murder
People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky
Speaking of the luck of the non-disabled…I once terrorized a Karen who was using me to teach her entitled kid that disabled people are Other and should not be treated with respect. I told her (truthfully) that until I was twenty-eight, I wasn’t visibly disabled. Then a defective chromosome that I hadn’t known about kicked in. So my luck ran out. But until then, I had been normal–just…like…her.
The sheer terror on her face as the concept of “You mean I’ve just been lucky so far?” seeped into her brain was a thing of beauty.
People who are fully healthy, fit and neurotypical seem to think they are that way because they’re doing something right that the rest of us haven’t thought of, and not just because they got lucky
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“You are one stroke of bad luck, common viral illness, or traumatic event away from being just like me” is honestly the most terrifying thing you can tell an abled person - and you should. I was healthy and fit and doing everything ‘right’ too - right up until some inner switch flipped and my body crumbled right out from under me.
I’ve been meaning to give a personal update but it never seems the right time. Around dawn I’m either too tired, talking with —-, depressed, or not in the mood so I just haven’t posted about it.
April-May (sometimes June) are my suicide weather months, the times I used to go inpatient year after year before that last disastrous stay.
It’s June and I’ve made it out unscathed. Which is all I can ask for. & no hospital.
I got approved for an ABLE account! As most of you probably know legally disabled people in the US are not allowed to have more than $2,000 in assets. A rare exception is via an ABLE account for those who become legally disabled before age 26.
I’m relieved that it’s finally done. Been thinking about it for years but inertia had kept me from getting everything in order.
don’t wanna be selfish but i just want something nice to happen to me before i start contemplating suicide
