#the dark mother

EMOTIONAL MATURATION

SUN, MOON, MERCURY & VENUS in CANCER says let’s TALK about the FEELINGS and the DARK side of our RELATIONSHIPS and the way we do MONEY. Let’s not hide them in the SHADOWS. Feeling horrible? Don’t hide it. Feeling lonely? Don’t try to hide it! Feeling upset? Ride it!!!

Truth is ALL our FEELINGS are birthed in the SHADOWS until they are expressed, out in motion. Feelings derive from our shadow, unconscious world. It is the expression, the movement of those instinctual sensations that honors the heart Energy’s need to be in Motion. (E-Motion) Problems develop the moment we begin to hold them in for FEAR of something we have imagined.

You can RUN from whatever, or whomever triggered those FEELINGS but you can’t HIDE from them or from yourself.

Example: a longtime Facebook friend. After writing a review for my book, and I extended the discussion on promoting it with her, She agreed to one of my ideas but choked on the second one. This one turned the light on her SHADOW. I could feel it although we were miles apart. She was uncomfortable with my request for reasons created and held by her SHADOW. But instead of her focusing on the FEELINGS that surfaced from deep within her, instead of expressing how it made her FEEL or what came up for her she flipped the script on me! I could literally see her emotional demons swirling around her vying for her sincere attention. She instead turned it on me and criticized my asking. EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE - a moon dis-ease many many women suffer from.

So she chose to UNFRIEND me without saying anything to me. Now that is hilariously SHADOWY!! Insincere, shady & femininely treacherous. For You can NOT eliminate the TRIGGER person! I triggered her deep SHADOWY emotions but she had no clue. She only reacted from the very same SHADOW place. She saw it as me and not her. How many of us are guilty of that?

EMOTIONAL DODGING!!!

This stellium in CANCER offers us a chance to MATURE EMOTIONALLY. I believe that is what MOTHERHOOD is meant to teach us….for our children pull out and challenge our own emotional inner child and we often times react from our childlike selves. EMOTIONAL E-DISCIPLINE, E-MATURITY, E-WISDOM are fundamental to our WELL BEING!

Be WISE with the FEELINGS!

Try not to Project Instead…REFLECT! We have so much to learn about our FEMININE ESSENCE - we are so far behind, remaining in the Dark. We need to catch up with our MOON selves!! The Cancer Season is here to guide us!!

Love
Mama Surya

YOLA ☀️♋️
The Yoga of Living Astrology

Sag-Scorp Full Moon Rising

The Scorpio Moon is here again and this time I am intently being still and intimate with it in a new way that helps me progress and move  beyond the shadow misunderstandings I have with myself. I have done more entries around the Scorpio Moon than any other sign time. Now I understand why.  The dark Mother calls and visits every month at this time. My natal mother’s Scorpion Moon lives in that spot where the dark emotional imprints of my childhood is still linked to her playing itself over and over each month. 

It was a familiar struggle last night. I was in the corridors of death and for a moment there I had no choice but to just let go. I had to do something different.

Death knocks at our emotional door when the Moon is in Scorpio. It offers us a space and time to let something old within our emotional bags die. I can relate to the snake or scorpion that devours and destroys itself when it is backed up into a corner. Therein lies the privilege and honor of taking one’s own life rather than having one’s life and death dishonored by another. Scorpio defies the religious paradigm of suicide being the greatest sin. Nonsense!

Frozen in the dark of the darkness, I took a deep breath, loosened up my entire being and just sunk even deeper into the steaming waters. It was an emotional abyss with no bottom - only everlasting depth of feelings.  I recognized the tug between my ego and the Phoenix. 

My son always gets it. He gets to witness and experience the wrath of the dark mother in me. I simultaneously observe his potent silence, motionless, waiting, aware of his feelings of being backup into a corner himself. His Scorpion rising showing itself. This irritates the dark mother even more. She feels out of control, powerless. The Scorpion brings up the dark side of our relationship every month. The part where my archaic  and destructive feelings surface and I am knee deep in emotional mud.

I feel hate towards my role and place as mother.  I have tasted just how destructive I can be, the hints and previews of where it could take me, the desire to destroy that which I created rises up within me and overwhelms me for what seems like an eternity.  I become someone else. Dark and dangerous.  Red eyes flaming, teeth grinding. Cujo ?? It’s this dark and dangerous side that often gets smudged and disregarded. Hardly getting a chance to breathe, enflame like it needs to and be a part of the rest of me.

Then last night I paused and with a gentle determination I sat with the inner dark mother. I was able to distinguish her features and identify her this time.  I heard her call and this time I listened. I began to talk to her, to let her know that I recognize her, I acknowledge her in a new and gradually accepting way. It was a subtle breakthrough. I stepped across a line and into a territory I ever dare to travel to. 

There I saw her vulnerability, her own story of how she came to be, emotional crutches and torches passed down from generation to generation.

I became more aware of the god/dess Neptune and how it has watered down a lot of the dark and destructive forces amd capabilities of the dark mother within. If the Spiritual God/dess did not live in my second house of Scorpio, I would be fully ruthless and deadly and probably even more messed up. No one’s power or gifts are encouraged. We live in an existence that strives on disempowerment and anti-love that begins at birth. But Neptune helps me understand the glamour and illusion within the power pyramid structure here in the matrix.

Thankfully, my energetic configuration does not uphold that. It is designed so that I can, if I desire, use the Scorpion powers for higher good. The magical powers of Neptune lives in my 2nd house where Scorpio breeds and manufactures its power in my life. Neptune as tenant, helps dissolve and dissipate the hard core shit that Scorpio knows how to pull out. And it’s never, ever about avoiding, denying or hiding. It’s always been about bravely embracing the unknown. 

The movement of love is untamed and wildly creative – spinning out of the unknown – and is never going to conform to the way we thought it would be. We have latched on to illusive theories and impractical gestures that creates a wheel of constant anxiety and ignorant strides to make perfect what already is. 

The freedom we are longing for will never be found by means of this “project of conversion” that the rats of the human race  take on 24/7. It is not about trying to quickly convert fear to courage, the unknown into the known, uncertainty into certainty, or darkness into light. It’s not a race to see how fast we can get to the cheese to mask our vulnerabilities and glue back our broken pieces.  Nor is it about the urge to abandon the darkness or no holds barr of some ridiculously imagined state of resolve where only the feelings you like or think as good are present. 

The truth is that unacquainted part of you yearns to be held and to hold you. It too needs a space of refuge and safety, where there is warmth rather than rejection. It too needs to deliver what it was created to do. It carries something special that we can never know if we keep running from and avoiding it. When we begin to respond to our inner theatrics in new ways that are integrative and self honoring and validating of wholeness, we will discover and experience the dissolution of loneliness and the divine moments of the kind of INTIMACY you can never know elsewhere or with any other.