#toxic relatives
Do you ever catch yourself hearing something other than reality?
https://minusthenegative.com/post/doyouwanttobeafailureyourwholelife
Spirituality ain’t all about being kumbaya and everything is love and rainbows and unicorns and all that other shit. And you really gotta be careful of leaders or masters who just tell you what you want to hear without telling you that there is continuous fucking W O R K to be done in order for you to reach enlightenment or nirvana
The higher you raise your vibration and come to realizations or breakthroughs about a lot of things especially your childhood, the more the demons are gonna rear their ugly heads.
I’ll be brutally honest, the only thing that’s keeping me from biting my mom’s head off (mind you, not out of hatred) is knowing that soon I’ll be out of this house. I’ll be even more honest and say that when her and my sister left for Texas and my dad and I stayed behind, the energy in the house completely lifted. The negative energy in the house stems from them two. Because they can’t smell their own shit and project it onto everyone else. Up until now, I felt as though I couldn’t achieve anything because my mom is the least encouraging person you could have as a parent; and I had to work and learn to not take that shit personally.
And although, my dad and I aren’t as close as we were when I was small; I was happy that it was just me and him here. I was happy because I was genuinely comfortable. Because I had been able to forgive him for not meeting my unrealistic expectations + some expectations that weren’t even mine. I could do my witchcraft and new moon rituals in absolute peace, out in the open, not anxious about him seeing me because I get the feeling that he knows what I’m about (my gifts trickle from his side anyway lol) and it’s possible it reminds him of home (garifuna;Honduras). All that he’s had to repress. All that he wanted to expose me to but couldn’t. After they came back, even more tower moments hit me. I didnt miss them not one bit. I was glad they made it home alive but…I just did not miss their presence. Our communication was better with the distance. The other was feeling my mom and I’s energy toward each other shift tremendously. Because I can see now the propaganda she uses to pit me against my dad or force me on him, making it seem as though everything in her life + my life is his fault. I stopped trying to please her, to make her happy because there’s nothing in this world that I could do to make that possible if she can’t even satisfy herself. I have to CONSTANTLY strengthen myself to forgive her for never believing in me; putting me down; for not allowing me to be comfortable/vulnerable with her enough to want to share my fears/thoughts/desires/goals/dreams with her because I know now that I don’t need anyone to do that for me when I can provide that myself for myself . I believe in me. My spirit guides believe in me.
I forgive myself for being selfish. Better yet, I forgive myself for calling me selfish. This isn’t selfishness. I am only loyal to myself. I am only responsible for myself and my own happiness and my own reality and my own world.
I just had to write that out so I can release this and continue to move forward. My emperor is coming home.
