Dear past me,

You are going to make better friends.

You are going to make friends who actually care about you.

You will make friends who actually act like friends.

You deserve much better than what you are accustomed to.

You deserved much better.

It will come.

I love you.

Me

pinkonionfairy:

averagefairy:

i feel like a lot of the time people make it seem like cutting a toxic person out of your life will be an instant weight off your shoulders and you’ll feel free and better and it’s usually like…. not that happy of a situation like it’s not FUN cutting people off but it’s often necessary. especially if it’s someone you’ve been through a lot with you’ll probably feel guilty and bad and a little regretful even though it’s the best thing for you, it’s not as easy or as instantly satisfying as it seems.

This is really true. It isnt satisfying. You have a void in your life, and can feel empty. You can feel regret and want to take that person back and tell them you were wrong and feel like you made a terrible mistake sometimes, so no it isnt really an instant relief like some people think, especially if you were close with this person or people.

PSA: It’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life

-You owe no one a second chance

-Mental illness does not excuse abuse.

-Apologies do not entitle anyone to forgiveness

- It may seem selfish to remove these people from your life, but self preservation is not selfish. Or if it is, it’s entirely reasonable.

-It’s entirely legitimate to forgive and want the best for someone, but still not let them back in your life.

5 Steps to Cutting People Out

I’m only twenty-five and I’ve definitely cut out at least as many in my lifetime.

And guess what?

I’m proud of it, and the best part is that my therapist approves!

There is so much toxic energy in this world, that I honestly don’t need.

via GIPHY

It started in high school. I was bullied, called a slut, and my “friends” often were talking behind my back. In college, the same thing. So, I simply…

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eleanore-delphinium:

Part 1: Reciprocate I: Raven(you are here)

Part 2: Reciprocate II: Damian 

Reciprocate I:Raven

‘There she was again at the foot of her bed, in her room in the Titans Tower—weeping. It was like she was grieving. But knowing her—she probably was.’ He stood unmoving.

Raven’s head was buried into her hands as she cried.

This again. How many times has Damian seen Raven like this? How many times had he come and comforted her?

Raven noticed someone’s presence inside her room. And there was only one person who would come into her room in the state that she was in.

Damian Wayne.

Damian Wayne is the leader of the Teen Titans at the age of nineteen. And Raven has been a member of said group for seven years. And at twenty-one she has been one of the longest active team members, alongside Garfield or also known as, Beast Boy.

‘Garfield. It has to be him again.’ Damian thought bitterly. And how many times has he comforted her over him?

“Damian?” Raven calls out in a broken sob as she wipes her tears and glance to her left side to find him. When she met his blank gaze, she couldn’t help but give a faint smile and cried again.

“We broke up again.” She cried into her hands again. In response to her words, Damian just clench and unclench his right fist. Of course, Raven would not feel the turmoil he was feeling and had not seen his reaction. She always failed to notice him.

“And what? This if for the nthtime. Am I supposed to be surprised?” Damian said in a rather cold voice laced with something else. Raven stopped crying and stared at him– and he regretted his tone. She looks so broken and hurt, he wanted to undo how he had said his words. But the thing was—he meant it.

“You don’t understand.” Her voice comes out so weak that his heart sunk. “This time—” Raven’s eyes widened a bit. “This time—it’s for real. No more do-overs. No more makeups. This time—” Raven starts to hyperventilate. “This time we’re really done.”

And saying the words aloud—despite it not actually being loud—just vocalizing it, made Raven realize how true the situation really is. Only a tear slipped down her left eye as she sat there frozen and very unmoving.

This time it’s for real.

How many times had he heard that–was he supposed to believe it? But seeing her empty gaze and unmoving body—he knew—that this really was for real.

‘Until that ‘for real’ becomes another lie.’ Damian’s mind couldn’t help but whisper to his heart.

“He says his leaving the team— his going to join Young Justice.” Damian was surprised to hear this as the information has not gotten to him yet. “He told me not to follow him—because this really is the end of the line for him and I.” She pressed her lips together.

“Raven.” He calls out to her as he approaches her slowly. Her eyes flickers to meet his gaze and as she did so, silent tears fell from her eyes again. “Maybe that is a good thing.”

And Raven did not take it well. What did Damian mean? Her tears fell faster as she broke into a sob, she covers her mouth with her right hand.

“Raven.” He calls her again, as he sits beside her and touches her left hand with his right hand. “This could be a good thing. You can finally let someone take care of you the way you deserve.”

This wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Of all the times Damian had comforted her over her numerous break-ups with Garfield he had never—ever—said such a thing to her. And she felt as though he had punched her, she wept loudly in response.

Damian sighs and hesitates to hug her, but eventually was able to wrap his arms around her shaking form. It was not the tightest hug one could give, but it was all that he could muster to give to her.

“I love him, Damian.” She wept as she gave him a tighter hug than he was giving her. Damian flinched at the words she spoke, but of course, Raven failed to feel it.

Love? Damian wanted to snicker.

“Have I not tried everything to please him? Where have I failed?” She pulls away from his hug, the distance between their faces were only a mere two feet away. Her hands were on Damian’s chest as she looks up at him. “Am I not enough?” She sobs as he furrows his brows.

Not enough? He felt the anger that he had buried a long time ago shimmer from very deep within him.

“Is my love not enough? Is this why he never chooses me? Didn’t I try everything to please him? Do I not deserve love? Is this why I’m always—just—I’m never chosen?” She rants as her left hand wrapped around Damian and her forehead rested on the back of her right hand that was on Damian’s chest. And Raven continues to cry.

“You call this love?” He whispered unexpectedly. And when Raven pulled away to look at him with confusion on her face—Damian understood that he had spoken his thoughts aloud. He can’t take it back now. He looks down at her, mirroring her confusion.

“How can you call this love?” He says in such a low voice with plain disbelief and confusion. “How many times have you cried over Garfield? How many times have you said you two will never get back together—and yet somehow you get back together—despite how many times he has hurt you. But you hurt him too—but still—the pain you two inflict on each other—when will it be enough?”

Raven felt like he had dumped cold water on her and as Damian looked at her expression– even, he had felt that he had dumped cold water on her.

His mouth quivers as he contemplates whether he should take it back–of how he should take it back. But he had meant every single word. Raven’s face was ashen from his words. She took in three deep breathes.

“How could you say that?” It came out barely as a whisper and her grief over her break up had become forgotten. She wipes the tears off of her face, as she completely pulled away from Damian by standing up.

“How could I?” He asked with a broken laugh after as he stood up. “How could you not? How many times have you two broken up in the span that I have been part of the team? Let’s not even count before I even became part of the team! How can you—” A pause. “You two—not respect one another enough to just call it quits the first time—or maybe by the third time of your break ups. Why would you—you two—drag out this pain for all these years?” Damian’s voice had a hint of suppressed tension in it. And Raven laughed at his rant, but the laughter sounded so resigned that Damian’s heart couldn’t help but flinch. She had looked away from him as she laughed.

“Of course, you wouldn’t understand how I feel!” Raven pauses from laughing to stare at his green eyes coldly. “I can’t believe that I had thought you understood me—I can’t believe I expected you to understand!” Another fit of broken laugher. Damian clenched his fist at her words. The distain she had for Damian—he felt. And yet she still did not see his feelings– she still did not feel his feelings.

“I knew him for seven years Damian! Seven bloody years! And I love him. I love him so, so much.” And Raven could not help but start to cry again. “I love him for seven years.”

“Time does not guarantee that you are meant to be with someone.” Damian said it so simply and when the words fell on Raven’s ears—she froze.

“Why are you doing this?” She whispers not expecting an answer, as she simply had just spoken what was in her mind. She really did not expect this from Damian.

“Just because you know someone for a long time and love them just as long—it doesn’t mean you could not love someone with the same intensity even when you just met!” He continues on, and Raven wanted to scream to him and ask why he was continuing on.

Why was he doing this?

“Get. Out.” Raven heard herself say, it came out softly and with no weight to it. Damian looks at her with evasive eyes. “Get Out.” She says a bit more firmly to which Damian stands unmoving with furrowed brows.

He seems like he wanted to tell her more. But Raven did not allow him to.

“Get Out! I said get out!” She yelled. Damian glares at her with his jaw clenched and hands in a fist. She tried to match his anger as she glares back. Damian concedes and leaves quietly out of her bedroom. Before the door was fully closed, he hears Raven fall on her knees and wept again, muttering something he couldn’t quite catch.

“I love him for seven years…”

                                                        ~.~.~.~.~

Damian was in the gym room of the Titan Tower. He was punching a sandbox with wrapped hands. He had been at it for a few days—in fact since his first failure in comforting Raven over her break up. He had tried to be unbiased, but everyone had a tipping point. And Damian Wayne simply hit his on the matter.

Even so, he tried to act accordingly as the leader of the Titans. He had started comforting Raven in the pretense of his obligation as the team leader. But maybe it wasn’t a pretense—and if so—when had it start becoming a pretense?

Raven and Garfield appeared to be as civil as they could around each other. And finally, Garfield had talked to Damian about leaving the team. Something about moving up the ladder. And God hearing that made Damian want to punch the man.

What did that entail ‘moving up the ladder’? Did Raven not fit Garfield’s desire—is that why they broke up this time around? She wasn’t too high up that ladder? But Damian never voiced out the thoughts that invaded him as he heard Garfield say what he did.

In fact, Damian try not to comment about Raven and Garfield’s relationship, or lack thereof, just as he always had. But the same could be said with anyone else. He tried to be as much of a team leader as needed be—and he did not—absolutelydid not mention their personal romantic relationships with one another unless it was to remind them that he does not wish for it to affect the group dynamic. And maybe that was what led him to comfort Raven the first time around.

Damian valued the team dynamic too much just for a couple to ruin it.

After Raven kicked Damian out over what hopefully was the last break-up of Garfield and Raven, Damian went out of his way to avoid Raven in the most casual and indifferent way of his. It almost bordered to normalcy.

“Damian.” A familiar voice calls out to him, but he did not hear it as he was focused on his punches.

“Damian.” He paused. Damian steadies his sandbag and turned to look behind him with furrowed brows.

“Raven.” He greets simply and was about to continue punching the sandbag again. But she calls out to him again and he sighs.

“What is it?” He asks indifferently, his hands on the sandbag, keeping up the appearance of steading it.

“I’d like to apologize.” He raises an eyebrow, shook his head and mock punch the sandbag, it swings a bit.

“You don’t have to—” He steadies the sandbag. “I should be the one apologizing.” His eyes do not look at her though.

“I suppose.” She said quietly after what felt like a minute had passed in silence. “But you made a good point.” He stiffly nods, the apology he has been meaning to say was at the tip of his tongue. Another minute passes in silence.

“I know your looking out for the team. Thank You.” She says quietly, waiting for Damian to respond but he just nods again. Another minute of silence.

“I—I think I will take your advice—” Advice. She had called it advice; Damian’s eyes look up at her. He was surprise to see her violet eyes look at him intently with patience. “I—I should move one—close that part of my life. Start a new book.” Damian’s eye twitched in surprise. The apology his been meaning to say still in his mouth.

She smiles at him and she nods and then did a 180 turn on her heel.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said but it was only a whisper his right knuckles against the sandbag, as his eyes follow her back. For a moment he thought she froze on the spot, but she continued to walk away.

‘No. She had heard. But she did not give me a hard time over it.’ Damian thought as a faint smile found itself on his lips.

                                                           ~.~.~.~.~

‘Why was I back in this situation again? Had she not said that it was over for real then? I guess today is the day it finally became a lie.’ Damian was standing as if he had seen a ghost.

Last time he was here—she was twenty-one. Now he was the twenty-one-year-old and she is twenty-three. Two years had passed since the last time he was in this situation—in her room—watching her cry herself raw on her bed.

And yet Damian knew—it has to be about himagain.

Garfield.

His eye twitched at the thought. An empty smile on his lips as he looked at Raven sob.

‘Didn’t you say it was over—so what is this.’ The words never came out of Damian’s lips, but it almost had. But she felt his intentions. And if Damian had known that his thought had been conveyed to her through his emotions—then maybe he’d think: for the first time she noticed myfeelings.

Raven noticed that Damian had entered her room—how could she not with what he was emitting. It has been so long since the two were in this situation. It has been two years. And she felt guilty—because the last time he had comforted her in here—she said her and Garfield were really done.

And here she is—a proof of a lie.

“I—” Raven tries to muffle her cry but fails. “Him and I—we hooked up.” And to Damian those words were crushing but not as crushing as what the word ‘hooked up’ entailed. Was she—she couldn’t be— “And so we secretly dated after that.” Damian couldn’t help but sigh when he heard her say that.

It wasn’t as bad as the thought of Raven being pregnant. He thought that he must be an awful person for thinking such a thing.

“But then… does that mean—” Damian looked at Raven in confusion, piecing something together. How long has she been lying?

“For almost a year.” She softly sobbed as she wiped a tear away. Damian felt like he had been punched. A year. He had been trying to make her happy for two—but that one year—that half time he placed in effort, even when it was masked mostly as group activities—was happiness that Damian was not able to give her—but Garfield had.

And Damian simply saw the truth of the matter, the recent year when Raven seemed even more happier than the last—it was not because of him. He should have known. No—he must have noticed—Ah. That is right. He had seen the signs but choose to ignore it.

“Isn’t he with that girl named Terra?” Damian asked softly quite blindsided by the truth. Raven nods in response and he felt that same old anger he had not felt since that time two years ago—in this room, seeing her nod. An anger that had been buried had been reignited yet again.

“But they had taken a break when Garfield and I got back together.” She quickly added before he could say something. And oddly enough that subsided a bit of Damian’s anger. “It was just a hook up, no attachment. He was upset and hurt and I was lonely—and we knew each other well.” Raven had stopped crying at this point and was picking on her fingertips looking for hangnails with burrowed brows.

“It wasn’t supposed to mean anything—”

“But the love you had for him was reignited, right?” Damian couldn’t help but cut her off with a bite in his tone. And he chuckled—it was empty and shallow. “So, what is it this time? Am I supposed to be surprised you broke up again? Well this isn’t the first break up you two had—and last time surely wasn’t the last!” A hollow laugh came from Damian as he ran his hand through his hair.

“God, how stupid!” And Raven stood up to glare at him.

“How can you call me stupid! I loved him whole-heartedly for seven years and continued to love him for two more—you don’t forget that. Even when its muddled—it’s a fact that I have loved him for so long and invested so much into him—into me—for him and me– us. And even when we broke up—I will always love him. He will always have a special place in my heart.” Raven pauses. “Even when he broke up with me now—because he realized he loves Terra.” She bites her lip and Damian looks at her like she was the stupidest person on earth.

Damian suddenly laughs, it was a rather wholehearted laughter and yet it held such muted grief.

“You think I called you stupid?” He looks at her in the eyes, and something about his stare hinted to a degree of insanity. “You actually think I called you stupid?” He shakes his head with a faint smile on his lips as he glances at the space beside her. “I’m the one who’s stupid!” Raven took a step back in confusion, she studies Damian with a knot in her chest—she thought that Damian looked a little mad.

“I like you! For the longest time, I have liked you!” Raven looked at him as if he had grown an extra head. “I might even actually love you—but what do I know—after all—you said it yourself: I don’t know what that is like!” Raven looks at him thinking when had she said that, and she realized it must have been the last time they were in this room together when he was comforting her. She had opened her lips to tell her that: that was not what she had meant, but Damian continues.

“But you never noticed my feelings for you! I was just a fly in comparison to Garfield. Maybe if I wasn’t three years younger than you—then maybe you might take me seriously! Or maybe if I had known you first than Garfield—then maybe you would actually look my way!” Damian’s stare had started to become a hateful glare. “You know when you two broke up for reals–” He says mockingly. “I thought that maybe—maybe—this was it. This was my chance to get you to notice that I had liked you for the longest time. Maybe this was the moment you would let Garfield go and let someone else show you—just how much you deserved to be treated. How special you are to that one person—how important you are to at least one person.” Damian’s angry glare softens into resignation.

“It didn’t have to be me. It could be anyone.” A pause. “That is fine. I don’t think I deserve that kind of special someone to dote on—and love me.” He pauses again, but Raven didn’t know what to say as he looked down on the floor. “But I wanted you—” He looks back at her again with mournful eyes. “I wanted at least for you, to be happy. I wanted to know that all the years you spent crying over some stupid guy over a stupid little thing because of a stupid relationship—is happy beyond belief. I wanted that for you.” He pressed his lips together as he shook his head and evade her shock eyes.

And then the silence allowed the two to think of what had just happened. It gave Damian the time to really process what was happening—what he had said and he was shocked at what he had done.

No.

He had just confessed to her.

No.

He looks up at her with a shocked expression, his eyes so wide in realization. He had said aloud the thoughts that have been plaguing him for years, the glimpse of how his thought process has changed as Raven’s relationship with Garfield became a bane of his existence—of what he thought was also her’s and Garfield’s.

Damian’s face pales, wishing he could take back what he had just said and done. The secrets and frustration he had held in was finally said. And it sat between them rather heavily.

“I—” They had spoken at the same time and a pause followed. Damian stared at Raven, unsure who had spoken—was it her or him. Before anything else could be said and done, Damian stormed off with his fist clenched and with long strides close to a dash.

Damian had been punching the sandbag aggressively for almost two hours now following his confession. He was embarrassed and frustrated. And thinking of so many ways to take back what he had said and done. Prior to those thoughts, he had evaluated how he could have handled the situation better.

Damian gave the sandbag a very powerful right punch that the poor weakened sandbag gave in to the hit. His fist was inside the sandbag and as he was about to pull his fist out, the sand spilling out from the hole, he hears Raven calling his name. He turns to his left to look at her with furrowed brows, and her eyes shifts from him and the sand pouring out from the sandbag, her expression worried.

Raven had been calling out for Damian a few times before he had noticed her. If Damian knew he would be greatly disappointed with himself.

“Damian…” She started, her eyes at Damian’s fist that was still half inside the sandbag.

“Look—forget what I had said. I said it to distract you. I did it as my obligation as the team leader.” He says coldly as he fully retracts his fist from the sandbag, more sand pouring out from his action. He looks away from her as he checks his fists in front of him for damage. He was surprised to see that his fist was bruised and bleeding a little. His right hand getting the most damage.

“No.” Raven said as she took a step forward, he turns his head at her with a glare. Raven does not back down. “We need to talk about this.”

Damian was contemplating how to bolt from this situation and Raven could tell his intentions. So, before Damian could act about his thoughts, she grabbed his fists. He flinches.

“Seriously, we can’t have our leader’s fists injured.” She says as she checks his injuries up close, turning his fists in her hands, taking her time. He was quiet but his jaw was clenched and brows so closely knit to each other.

“I—” Raven looks up at him straight into his eyes, Damian is startled as his eyes met hers. “I had noticed your feelings before.” She softly confessed and Damian’s fists clenched, before he could yank his hands away from hers— Raven firmly held his hands in hers. “I had noticed.” Her expression seemed to have glazed over and she sighed aloud and dispelled her thoughts.

“I had noticed. But it became overlooked as I was more focus on—other things—” And for a moment her eyes glazed over again. “On Gar.” A sad smile on her lips.

“His love overshadowed your little crush on me. I—focused on him and me so much that anything else was just white noise. I forgot that you had a crush—it was just an afterthought that was forgotten.” To Raven, Damian looked as though he wanted to yank his hands off of hers and storm off, but with a clenched jaw he fought not to. “And I am truly sorry.” She says as she heals his hands.

Raven licks her lips and pressed it together but her eyes looking at the ground, “And—yes—our age had been a factor – why I didn’t take you seriously. There was one time that I considered the possibility of dating you. And our age gap–” Raven made a displeased face. “bothered me. And three years, I know it isn’t much,” She glances at Damian. “But it’s undeniable that at some point I was of legal age and you weren’t. And that—that unsettles me. But mostly—it’s because of my love for Garfield– that made me always overlook your crush. And—I really am sorry.”

Raven was looking at Damian with wavering eyes, she felt guilty, but she was also very sincere on her apology.

‘This,’She thought. ‘is the final push I needed to really move on from Gar.’ As she lets go of Damian’s hands.

“I hope, everything said and done today—doesn’t affect our relationship—in fact I hope it clarified the things between us.” Raven says dispelling the guilt she had. “You are a great leader Damian, you always think of everyone, and I guess that is why you never said or did anything that could be permanently damaging to the team.”

With that Damian buried the thoughts that he was having, like did he have a chance to be with her now? No—Raven is right—he couldn’t risk the team dynamic.

‘It’s probably why you never attempted to confess to me—to not add to the mess that was Garfield and me.’ Raven had mulled over.

                                                         ~.~.~.~.~

Three months after Damian’s sudden confession, Raven took the initiative to go to Damian who was in his bedroom.

It was rather late at night but she had made a decision already and wanted to tell Damian at this very moment. The room was rather dark but they were both used to it, their eyes adjusted well or maybe even better at dark.

After Damian’s confession, their relationship was rather strained– how could it not be with such a revelation? But the two worked hard to flatten out the strain and finally they were in a position that was back to normal but never quite the same. But it was perfect—in the oddest way—it was perfect and they were contented.

“Damian, I know it’s late…” Raven rubs her left elbow with her right hand. “But with everything that has happened—I know I have to tell you this now.”

Hearing this Damian was worried. “Please Raven, continue.” He says as he pats the space beside him, on his bed. But she shakes her head in rejection and she avoids his gaze. He understood that the words she was going to say were difficult on her part, and he waited patiently. He quietly observes her as she chewed on her lips and finally sighed.

“I’m planning to leave.” The oxygen in Damian’s room felt like it wasn’t enough for him to breath. And Raven instantly became worried seeing him in a mix of shock and fear. She approached him cautiously, her hand extended towards him. Raven was two steps away from Damian when he suddenly shot up to his feet and she froze as she studies him.

Damian was ashen, his jaw clenched and his fists flexing, but his eyes that was on her—seemed to go through her and in his green eyes she saw him shredding his initial reaction into oblivion. He closes his eyes tightly and took a deep breath and when he exhaled, that was when Raven found herself unfrozen and had touched Damian’s arm. She looks up at him, a fear in the base of her throat that felt like it was going to burst, but he only glances at her in confusion.

“I don’t plan to leave now—I was just making you aware that I will—maybe in a few months.” She blurts out in order to speak before Damian could. “I think it’s for the best—it’s still kind of hard to see Garfield. Especially now—no maybe particularly now—because I really want to move on from him.”

“He will always affect you.” Damian whispered with the smallest hint of resignation. And before Raven could acknowledge it, he adds, “It can’t be helped, our team and Young Justice cross paths now and then—and recently it seems to be more frequent.” His tone was that of a firm leader that Raven completely forgot his previous remark.

“Yes, that is exactly it.” She softly agreed. In the silence that followed she realized that she was still resting her palm on Damian’s arm, she pulls away quickly and looks away from his general direction.

“I’m not planning to leave anytime soon—so you really don’t have to worry about my replacement yet.” She says jokingly but he only quietly nods as he observes her.

Not even a week after Raven’s revelation of leaving due to the difficulty of seeing Garfield, the three found themselves in a room in the Titan Tower. Damian was standing in front of Garfield while Raven stood by Damian’s left side with her arms crossed over her chest. A rather strained triangle was formed between the three.

“We need your help on this Damian, I’m here to try and convince you.” Garfield says. Damian taking notes on Raven from the corner of his eyes. She looked as neutral as she could, but he knew that she must be having difficulties seeing him so soon— with Garfield acting as though him and her were not a thing a few months ago.

“I don’t think I need the convincing, Garfield. If it’s an order from the league I cannot say no to it.” Damian simply responses.

“Well, that is true, but I guess I am here for formalities sake.” He replied but his eyes glance at Raven, who had caught his eyes and so did Damian.

“Raven is my right hand, and she had been in the team the longest. We will discuss how we can best assist and inform our team.” Damian firmly decided, Raven nods her head, arms still crossed.

“Oh—well—” Garfield glances at Raven then Damian, “I thought maybe I could—"

“We need to discuss how best to help as soon and as quickly as possible.” Damian cuts in, and Raven nods again silently. Garfield at this point is blatantly looking at Raven. He had intended to try and talk to her, but it seems that she did not want to.

“I—” Garfield had begun to say.

“We will contact you Gar.” Raven quietly says before Garfield could say anything else.

Maybe she did want to talk to him, it’s just that they were more focus on the mission and intel he had just provided. Garfield thought as he nodded absent-mindedly.

Damian turns to leave and Raven follows before the conversation between the three could be dragged out by Garfield.

Damian walked quickly to his room and Raven followed absent-mindedly. When they arrived in Damian’s room, Raven just stood in the center blankly. Damian clears his throat.

“I know this isn’t the best place to bring you in—” She hears him say and glances at her surroundings, realizing where she was. “But you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to.” Raven simply shakes her head.

“No. I am a part of this team; I am just as responsible as you are Damian.” And he knew her well enough to know that Raven had made up her mind, and that she will not change her mind. If only he had known then, what would happen in the mission– because he had allowed her to go, then maybe things would be different for him and her.

“I know you wanted to leave because of Garfield—and this happens—if you ever want to leave this mission half-way, I totally understand.” Raven looks at him with a gentle gaze, glad for Damian’s thoughtfulness. But this was work, she should be able to do this mission. And maybe—this should be the last. And she nods as her respond to his offer, little did Damian know Raven was thinking of having this as her last mission as a Titan.

A good way to end a bad relationship she supposed—working one last time with an ex she was trying to avoid.

“I need to call in for a team meeting.” Damian sighs while shaking his head and putting a hand on his forehead. And she smiled faintly at him, but her mind steering back to a green skinned boy, she still knew she loved.

                                                       ~.~.~.~.~

Damian did not expect things to turn out like this. They were pushed in a corner, the creature facing his direction trying to spot anyone on his side. Tim was somewhere behind the creature tending to a team member who had fallen. Damian was unsure if Tim was tending a Titan or a member of the young justice team from his hiding place behind a car.

Terra attacks the albino twenty-foot creature. And Raven who was on the far side of Damian’s general left area, hears Terra’s battle cry. The next thing Raven knew was a knot in her heart as she heard Garfield who was in vulture form, screaming Terra’s name.

Raven instantly stood up from her hiding place and ran to the center still very far from Damian. She sees Terra’s body being flung to her general direction, Raven caught her by putting a shield around Terra and slowing and protecting her from a dangerous fall. But the act left Raven extremely vulnerable.

Garfield had landed near Damian and shifted back into human form. Raven’s eye caught the black eyes of the creature—if you can call them eyes. And she realized what it was about to do, she placed a force field around herself quickly as she reprimanded herself for her stupid move of going out of her hiding place to help Terra out. She knew completely that her decision was impaired due to Garfield screaming Terra’s name with such fear. She hated herself for being affected by it.

Suddenly—it was quiet. Raven’s face twisted into confusion. The shield around her was up, so why did she feel the blood drain from her? She felt rather weak. She heard Garfield screaming her name—she couldn’t help but smile. Thinking that Garfield could still scream her name the way he did when he screamed Terra’s—was oddly comforting. She turns to look at her left where Damian and Garfield were, confused as she could hear another male call her name.

Raven’s eyes landed on Damian’s face, a contortion of shock and fear and maybe five other more emotions that she could not quite place. He was screaming her name, looking as though any moment now he would run to her. And she was even more confused. She turns back to look at the creature, but her gaze was casted down and that was when she noticed what had happened.

Yes, her shield was up. But there was a black spike that passed through her shield. No—it wasn’t that it passed through, it seemed that her shield allowed it to—or to be exact her shield couldn’t close onto the black spike. She followed where the spike ends after passing her shield, and she was in a state of serenity to see that it hit her– just below her sternum.

The mix of screams from Damian and Garfield was something she tried to focus her mind on.

Her shield dissipates as she found herself coughing blood, and the black single spike on her chest retracted. She stared at the creature blankly as the spike entered its palm. Raven slowly dropped to her knees; her brows furrowed. She could not think straight.

They were still screaming her name. She turned hear head, initially planning to look at Garfield, finding it so very odd to hear him call out her name the way he was. She never knew that he would be worried about him like that after everything they had been through. But yet again, when she turned her head to the left, as her body tilted back—it was Damian who her eyes laid on.

And her eyes widened as she realized the truth. She could only hear Damian’s screaming now—but she was aware that Garfield was screaming her name too because he was in clear view from where she now laid. But her eyes focus on Damian.

For the first time she had seen and feel Damian in the most fearful version he could be. She could just feel him telling her not to give in. But her eyes were droopy. She felt tired.

And for the first time she truly felt his feelings for her. The rawness—the intensity. How could she have missed it?

Raven tried to extend her hand to Damian, feeling rather guilty—and hoping she was at least able to convey her apology though the act. But it was so very difficult to keep her eyes open.

‘I should have known.’ Raven thought as she tried to keep herself conscious. ’I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. I should have given you the chance—I should have taken the chance sooner to move on from a relationship that did me no good.’ Raven thought she saw Damian running towards her—but maybe it was just an illusion.

‘If there is some other life—I wish to give you a chance. I wish to be happy with you.’

And her eyes fluttered shut. Raven was unsure if she indeed felt her body being lifted up from the ground. But Damian held her gently in his arms. As he glared at the creature’s back who was currently distracted by Tim on the other side.

‘I should have seen and felt you. I am a pathetic empath for missing such an important thing. It was clearly so obvious—and clearly in front of me. You do love me Damian, I wish I could tell you that. You had loved me for the longest time—and I did not notice.

It’s pure and true—it is still love; The love I have been wanting— I’m glad I got it from you.’

Part 2: Reciprocate II: Damian

I just hit 100 followers! Wow!

A milestone!

And to commemorate, this is one of my favourite works.

alexiaugustin:

something that’s been bothering me ever since i watched that scene on s&b but especially after seeing it blow up on tumblr and twitter as this big romantic quote… inej telling kaz about other girls at the menagerie who she wants to help to get out of there because she firmly believes that nobody deserves to be put through sex trafficking and one of her main goals in life is to save other girls from the same fate that she faced and show!kaz telling her “no, we will not get anyone else out because nobody is like you” is one of the most and probably even the most disrespectful quote they could have ever put into that show.

obviously the fact that this is supposed to show the audience that kaz is in love with inej and framing this quote as this “”“romantic”“” line to just casually throw into that show makes all of this ten times worse. because show!kaz not only says that he thinks that other girls don’t deserve to be freed from sex trafficking he also explicitly points out that inej getting out of the menagerie is only of worth to him because he’s in love with her and she’s skilled enough. imagine telling that to the face of someone who is deeply traumatized by sex trafficking.

not only is this scene super disgusting and has nothing to do with who these characters are in the books because book!kaz kills r*pists, buys his gf a ship because he knows that her goal is to hunt down slaves and free their girls but also because book!inej would have been disgusted by anyone who says shit like that and would have punched show!kaz in the face for saying this instead of being flattered. it’s not the romantic scene you all think it is.

Maybe you don’t put a steel blade to your wrist, but you constantly guilt yourself over a past that eats you alive.

Maybe you don’t abuse drugs, but you go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship because you weren’t taught any other form of love.

Maybe you don’t pop pills, but you drown yourself with liqour and parties because you’re too afraid to be alone with your thoughts.

Maybe you don’t have a traumatic past, but depression consumes you and you feel it isn’t valid because you’ve “had a good life.”

And maybe you haven’t tried to kill yourself, but you don’t feel alive either.

Self-harm, like abuse, is not just physical. It’s in your thoughts, your lack of action, and things much less visible. Treat your mind as your friend, if you wouldn’t tell your friend that she was worthless, ugly, and messed everything up, catch yourself when you do the same.

theconcealedweapon:

I lost my teenage years to a putrid worm

What are the types of toxic traits?

whatbigotspost:

even-the-losers:

chien-espagnol:

nankingdecade:

• the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
• the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
• the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy
• the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
• the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
• the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
• the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
• the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
• the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

This is excellent

I’m literally gonna reblog this on every single tumblr I have

Now this is SUCH A GOOD POST and what a helpful term!

Not that anyone asked me, but as someone who has been in a monogamous relationship for longer than some of you have been alive (19 yrs) this is some incredibly important and good advice. People ask me “how we’ve done it” and I’m like…that’s specific to us and while I do have thoughts about what makes a relationship function well, YMMV, drastically. But I can say w/ certainty that monogamy has worked for my partner and I and we have what I would call a healthy/happy relationship because we’ve either learned the hard way or already knew each of these points.

Relationships (of all kinds) have seasons and phases as they (hopefully) grow and evolve. The times that my relationship w/ my partner was most tense/at peril or stressful was directly related to one of these factors.

Toxic monogamy culture is SUCH a thing I see around me and I’m grateful for this term. Bringing specific, helpful language to something is a powerful experience for me.

Naughty isnt nice.

minusthenegative.com

Naughty isnt nice.

minusthenegative.com

Do you ever catch yourself hearing something other than reality?

https://minusthenegative.com/post/doyouwanttobeafailureyourwholelife

Spirituality ain’t all about being kumbaya and everything is love and rainbows and unicorns and all that other shit. And you really gotta be careful of leaders or masters who just tell you what you want to hear without telling you that there is continuous fucking W O R K to be done in order for you to reach enlightenment or nirvana

The higher you raise your vibration and come to realizations or breakthroughs about a lot of things especially your childhood, the more the demons are gonna rear their ugly heads.

I’ll be brutally honest, the only thing that’s keeping me from biting my mom’s head off (mind you, not out of hatred) is knowing that soon I’ll be out of this house. I’ll be even more honest and say that when her and my sister left for Texas and my dad and I stayed behind, the energy in the house completely lifted. The negative energy in the house stems from them two. Because they can’t smell their own shit and project it onto everyone else. Up until now, I felt as though I couldn’t achieve anything because my mom is the least encouraging person you could have as a parent; and I had to work and learn to not take that shit personally.

And although, my dad and I aren’t as close as we were when I was small; I was happy that it was just me and him here. I was happy because I was genuinely comfortable. Because I had been able to forgive him for not meeting my unrealistic expectations + some expectations that weren’t even mine. I could do my witchcraft and new moon rituals in absolute peace, out in the open, not anxious about him seeing me because I get the feeling that he knows what I’m about (my gifts trickle from his side anyway lol) and it’s possible it reminds him of home (garifuna;Honduras). All that he’s had to repress. All that he wanted to expose me to but couldn’t. After they came back, even more tower moments hit me. I didnt miss them not one bit. I was glad they made it home alive but…I just did not miss their presence. Our communication was better with the distance. The other was feeling my mom and I’s energy toward each other shift tremendously. Because I can see now the propaganda she uses to pit me against my dad or force me on him, making it seem as though everything in her life + my life is his fault. I stopped trying to please her, to make her happy because there’s nothing in this world that I could do to make that possible if she can’t even satisfy herself. I have to CONSTANTLY strengthen myself to forgive her for never believing in me; putting me down; for not allowing me to be comfortable/vulnerable with her enough to want to share my fears/thoughts/desires/goals/dreams with her because I know now that I don’t need anyone to do that for me when I can provide that myself for myself . I believe in me. My spirit guides believe in me.

I forgive myself for being selfish. Better yet, I forgive myself for calling me selfish. This isn’t selfishness. I am only loyal to myself. I am only responsible for myself and my own happiness and my own reality and my own world.

I just had to write that out so I can release this and continue to move forward. My emperor is coming home.