My church leaders gaslit me. Now I’m gaslighting myself.

“The heart is deceitful above all things,” my church leaders would often say, quoting Jeremiah 17:9. But rather than mentioning the following verses, which addresses God’s omniscience and the fate that awaits those who “gain riches by unjust means,” they warned us middle schoolers that, despite what our favorite movies told us, we can’t “believe in ourselves” and “be true to our heart.” Doing so is sinful.

It’s been more than a decade since I stepped foot in that church, but I still carry the lessons I learned there. And to this day…

• I don’t trust my own instincts
• I minimize my spiritual struggles
• I doubt my ability to interpret the Bible
• I freeze when making the smallest decisions
• I try to talk myself out of experiencing negative emotions

Ironically, I stumbled upon this article while writing this post:

What is Healthy Faith vs. Spiritual Bypassing? - Alison Cook, Ph.D.

In the midst of this revelation that I’m gaslighting myself (and still have a long road of spiritual healing ahead), I am…

• dealing with shifting family dynamics
• having to set boundaries with people who do not affirm me, and contemplating cutting formerly close friends out of my life
• working for a company that does not value me, my coworkers, or our clients, and contemplating a career change in the midst of a “labor shortage” and the “Great Resignation”
• living through Year Three of a pandemic, and processing news about a highly contagious variant anda change in CDC guidelines for staying safe

To say I’m facing uncertainty is an understatement.

All this to say that I’m attempting to be open and honest about my struggles. I don’t have any words of encouragement today, nor do I want to anticipate a future that God surely has in store. What I do want to do is acknowledge that I’m going through a lot and that I’m taking things day by day—the greatest act of faith I can do right now.

Love of money is the root of toxic theology

The post I just reblogged got me thinking about how many concepts that Christians (especially white evangelicals) apply to marginalized groups were actually intended for the rich.

Weird how that works.

Case in point:

Modesty

How it’s taught today:Young girls and AFAB children must dress in a way that prevents men from lusting after them.

What it actually means:Christians shouldn’t call attention to their social standing, especially at church.

1 Timothy 2:9 describes immodest women as wearing elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, and other expensive items. They’re distracting other worshipers not because of their sex appeal, but because they’re flaunting their wealth.

Interestingly, the King James Version uses the phrase “modest apparel,” while many modern translations like the Amplified Bible, NIV, and NASB simply use “modesty.” You can compare translations of 1 Timothy 2:9 here.

Lukewarm Christianity

How it’s taught today:Christians who don’t fervently serve the church in some capacity (such as blue collar workers, single parents, and other people who don’t have the time) are a disappointment to Jesus.

What it actually means:Christians shouldn’t put their trust in material wealth because it will leave them spiritually bankrupt.

In Revelation 3:14-22, Jesus chastised the church at Laodicea for having so much money that they didn’t realize they were spiritually “wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.” He then urges them to be “zealous” (which Thayer’s Greek Lexicon translates as “to be full of zeal for good”) and quit chasing after material wealth.

Leaving Everything to Follow Jesus

How it’s taught today:“Sinners” and other nonconformists (such as LGBTQIA+ folks, sex workers, and working women) should give up the lifestyles the church doesn’t approve of to serve God in a more acceptable way.

What it actually means:Christians shouldn’t seek security in their possessions and social status.

Here’s how the Amplified Bible translates Matthew 19:21-24:

Jesus answered him, “If you wish to be perfect [that is, have the spiritual maturity that accompanies godly character with no moral or ethical deficiencies], go and sell what you have and give [the money] to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me [becoming My disciple, believing and trusting in Me and walking the same path of life that I walk].”

But when the young man heard this, he left grieving and distressed, for he owned much property and had many possessions [which he treasured more than his relationship with God].

Jesus said to His disciples, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, it is difficult for a rich man [who clings to possessions and status as security] to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man [who places his faith in wealth and status] to enter the kingdom of God.”

I’m sure these are just a few of many examples of Christians nowadays pulling verses out of context to avoid accountability and further dehumanize marginalized groups of people.

lokacinna:

you know, considering how many times rich people are mentioned as sinful in the Bible versus how many times homosexuals are mentioned as sinful in the Bible, it’s really funny how I’ve never seen entire Christian organizations go out of their way to criticize, boycott, or deny services to rich people… 

weird how that works, huh