#vixx n

{210823}51k/WKorea update “For Earth, For Us”

Greenpeace Korea celebrated its 10th anniversary, and 10 actors including Hakyeon, gathered and raised their voices to overcome the climate crisis

Hakyeon’s quote: [“Since when, we have been living in symbiosis  with a  hazy atmosphere full of fine dust and smog .  Unfortunately, the use of fossil fuels around the world is  increasing.  It is time to pay  more attention to eco-friendly energy .” - Cha Hak-yeon "]

{210820}Hakyeon’s Instagram update

{210816}Hakyeon’s Instagram update “Record of the Day_20210816 Vacation ”

Length - 3670 words

Characters - Hakyeon x Sanghyuk

Rating - General

Summary - Late summer passes in yearning for a love that Sanghyuk believes is elusive and Hakyeon wishes for.

Series

Tag List -  @tomatoholmes@merlionmen@seraphistols @k-craze-97@blossomtearsleo

-

01

“We know that in September, we will wander through the warm winds of summer’s wreckage. We will welcome summer’s ghost.”

— Henry Rollins

The morning after the storm is bright and golden. Sanghyuk wakes up when the sun is well above the horizon. The rattling of the windows in the storm has kept most of the manor’s occupants awake and he only manages to sleep once the storm passes, well into the night. He makes his way down the halls to the kitchen. The house is quiet, as if slumbering after the stormy night like its inhabitants are. All except one Sanghyuk discovers as he finds Hakyeon in the kitchen.

“Good morning” Hakyeon greets him and Sanghyuk greets him in response. His throat is constricted in the mornings and his voice sounds husky with sleep. He makes a beeline for the nearest chair and tries not to rub his eyes and fails.

“Did you sleep well?” Hakyeon asks, brewing tea and adding some extra water to the kettle for Sanghyuk. He slides onto a tall stool by the counter, sitting next to Sanghyuk who yawns sleepily when handed his mug. Hakyeon almost melts at how soft Sanghyuk looks right now with his hair mussed, eyes half closed and sweater pulled down to cover his fingers as he warms them on the mug with the hot tea. He stuffs the warmth in his chest deep down and tries not to let the sudden overwhelming amount of affection show.

“More or less,” Sanghyuk says before yawning again. Hakyeon smiles knowingly and Sanghyuk sighs, admitting to the truth.

“The storm was really loud yesterday,” Hakyeon says, staring out of the window. In the distance, Sanghyuk can see the garden filled with leaves and jumbled flower beds and feels terrible for Jaehwan who has been slaving away in the gardens since he came home.

“I hope the farm is better off” Hakyeon says, knocking on the table thrice. Sanghyuk’s family’s farm has many open fields and Hakyeon doesn’t believe flowers are as sturdy as some other crops grown around town. At least vineyards have wooden frames supporting the growing plants.

“Our fields and greenhouses are sturdy, don’t worry,” Sanghyuk says. The rain storms of Amboise are not new to his family and the farm has safeguards in place to protect the produce. The great storm during his great grandfather’s time had been a hard lesson with an entire year’s worth of crops lost.

“You know” Hakyeon starts and his smooth voice pulls Sanghyuk out of his reminiscing. “On a more peaceful day, it’s refreshing to sit outside in the garden in the mornings.”

Sanghyuk hums in agreement and Hakyeon wistfully stares outside. He turns to Sanghyuk who looks at him thoughtfully. He raises an eyebrow and Sanghyuk shakes his head. Sanghyuk sets his mug down, idly running his finger around the rim as he rests his head on his other hand.

“The rains will stop once September starts” Sanghyuk says. “And we’ll have a few days of sunlight in early fall before the cold creeps in.”

“That’s my favourite part of the year,” Hakyeon confesses. “When it is a pleasant temperature and there is still sunshine to warm you up.”

“We should go on a picnic then like we did last week. Or simply walk by the river. The trees along the banks turn orange and look beautiful” Sanghyuk proposes.

“I’d like that,” Hakyeon says, smiling brightly. “We should make a plan once everyone else wakes up. But I don’t know if Hongbin and Jaehwan are staying in Amboise that long.”

“Ah” Sanghyuk says, looking at his own mug. He doesn’t meet Hakyeon’s eyes. How could he have forgotten about Hongbin? Taekwoon and Jaehwan’s enigmatic guest who seems to have captured all of Hakyeon’s attention with his easy and friendly going charm. Jealousy is an ugly virtue but it hits Sanghyuk full swing.

“Hopefully the weather clears up before he has to leave” Sanghyuk says out loud without truly meaning it.

-

02

“Notice that autumn is more the season of the soul than of nature.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s Sunday and Sanghyuk chooses to stay behind at the farm. He intends on spending the day in bed, wallowing in self pity. Now that Hakyeon has company of someone he likes, it feels stupid to continue meeting him at the farmer’s market and giving him flowers.

In hindsight, it sounds like an absolutely stupid plan and Sanghyuk is embarrassed by his past self. Who would think that flowers are a good indication of affection in this day and age? For all he knows, Hakyeon probably thinks flowers aren’t even that significant to him since he grew up on the farm.

Sanghyuk rolls around on his bed and lets more mortifying scenarios pop up in his head. It’s acutely painful and Sanghyuk thinks romance is just not worth it and he should wash his hands off it before he does any more damage to his dignity.

His phone chimes when he receives a message from Jaehwan asking him where he is and why he isn’t at the market downtown. Sanghyuk racks his brains for a plausible excuse and settles for being needed to help his mother at the farm. The sunflowers need to be harvested and he really should lend her a helping hand and he resolves to do so once Jaehwan replies.

Perhaps he should have immediately left his phone behind because Jaehwan messages him to say that Hakyeon missed him and Sanghyuk almost cries in frustration at his own feelings.

-

“I know what you are doing, you know” Jaehwan says, using a clipper to snip at the thorns of the rose in his hand.

“What am I doing?” Sanghyuk asks, focusing on the task at hand instead of focusing on Jaehwan.

It’s the starting of September and these will be the last batches of roses to bloom on the farm. His father puts him to work on removing the thorns from the flowers before they can be sold to the town florists. It’s time consuming work but it is perfect to avoid your thoughts and Sanghyuk agrees to do it.

That is, till Jaehwan shows up.

Jaehwan is a persistent man (and a good friend for checking in on him). Sanghyuk doesn’t like to admit it but he has been moping ever since he returned from dinner at Taekwoon’s house. He doesn’t think he was that obvious but here Jaehwan is, sitting in his greenhouse and dethorning roses and looking at him knowingly.

Jaehwan’s scrutiny makes him feel foolish and silly and Sanghyuk decides not to look his way.  Jaehwan isn’t deterred by this. Sanghyuk doesn’t hold a candle to the flame that is Taekwoon avoiding talking about feelings.

“You’re being foolish” he says plainly. The sky is blue, the wind is chilly today and Sanghyuk is being foolish. All three sentences can be expressed to the same effect in Jaehwan’s tone. Sanghyuk splutters and snips a leaf off by accident. The leaf falls to the ground, its existence mocking his lack of subtlety.

“You should be glad Hakyeon is here with you and not cities away, too busy or too tired to talk some days” Jaehwan says bitterly.

“I know…” Sanghyuk starts. He sympathizes with Jaehwan. He doesn’t know Wonshik but he must be a wonderful man to have Jaehwan so devoted to him even when there are miles between them. But he doesn’t have the assurances for his affection that Jaehwan has from Wonshik.

“I don’t think… I don’t think he likes me the same way I like him” Sanghyuk admits. The words hurt and he busies himself with sorting through the bundles of flowers and arranging them into neat bouquets.

“You couldn’t be further from the truth” Jaehwan scoffs. “Anyone with a functioning pair of eyes can tell Hakyeon likes you.”

“Maybe he used to but-” Sanghyuk cuts off. If Jaehwan doesn’t know about Hakyeon’s actual object of affection then it is not his place to tell him. To be honest the idea of Hakyeon liking him, even if it is once upon a time is quite incredulous.

“But?” Jaehwan prompts.

“Nothing” Sanghyuk lies. He sighs and lets his shoulders drop. It really is starting to get colder. Amboise doesn’t have cold winters but Sanghyuk wonders if this season just reflects the heartbreak he feels.

“Well, he likes you and you like him and you are being stupid by not asking him out when you can” Jaehwan says and Sanghyuk sighs.

-

Sanghyuk doesn’t plan on hiding forever. The town is small and he will eventually run into Hakyeon. If not at the farmer’s market then at the small movie theatre by 2nd Street that Hakyeon frequents whenever there is a new movie released or at the amphitheatre in the Town Square where the travelling troupe performs when they are in town. Hakyeon really loves plays and you can see his eyes lighting up when he watches performers deliver unrealistically dramatic lines.

Sanghyuk knows that running into Hakyeon is inevitable. But he doesn’t expect to run into him at the delicatessen because it is so far from the area Hakyeon lives in. (A part of Sanghyuk wonders if he pays too much attention to Hakyeon or if it is normal to know so much about a person after knowing them for so long.)

“Hi” Hakyeon says, as surprised as Sanghyuk feels.

“Hey” Sanghyuk says, pushing his hands into his pockets. Blunt ending to a long lasting crush or not, it still is a pleasure to see Hakyeon. It’s cold enough for him to start wearing thin sweaters and he smells of earthy spices and his favourite wood scented perfume.

“Haven’t seen you in a long time” Hakyeon says, paying for his order and putting the wrapped meats away in the basket he is carrying.

“End of summer harvests usually means a lot of work at the farm” Sanghyuk tells him. Hakyeon steps back to let him order but hangs close by, unwilling to end the serendipitous meeting first.

“Well, if you are free this Wednesday then we were thinking of a small wine tasting outing to the vineyards in Bordeaux. Nothing fancy” Hakyeon tells him.

“So no dressing up in suit and ties with Taekwoon quoting great dead French poets of the past?” Sanghyuk asks teasingly.

“I’m afraid not” Hakyeon laughs. “Hongbin is going back home by the Sunday train. We wanted to take him there before he goes there because he doesn’t know when he will return.”

“A shame” Sanghyuk says. His order is ready and he pays for it. This is a perfect cue to escape this conversation. Sanghyuk isn’t inclined to be the third wheel to a getaway where his crush can be stolen from him. But he makes the mistake to linger because he has missed Hakyeon too much to cut him off.

“Taekwoon and Jaehwan are clearly distraught. But what do you say? Would you like to come along?” Hakyeon asks hopefully.

Sanghyuk has never been able to say no to his doe like eyes.

-

03

“The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks.”

― Tennessee Williams

“I’m glad you decided to come along” Jaehwan says as Sanghyuk helps him load their luggage into the car trunk.

The trip is short and the company settles on using Jaehwan’s convertible for the trip. The amount of bags makes Sanghyuk question their decision but Jaehwan insists that his baby can make the trip and so he defers to his judgement.

“Are you going to go to Paris with Hongbin on Sunday?” Sanghyuk asks Jaehwan.

“No. But I am leaving on Sunday too. I am going to Manchester to meet my father. Business stuff” Jaehwan says. Sanghyuk doesn’t know what exactly Jaehwan does but he knows his father works in the fast fashion business and assumes it must be something related to that.

“How long are you traveling for this time?” Sanghyuk asks, making idle conversation while they wait for others to show up.

“A few months. I think I’ll be back in spring next” Jaehwan says, counting and estimating in his head.

“On the plus side, you will be with your family for Christmas,” Sanghyuk points out. Jaehwan smiles and Sanghyuk is glad. He thinks he will miss Jaehwan and finds that he genuinely means it.

“Can’t say that will be a blessing. I guess it’s time to go” Jaehwan says, watching as Hakyeon and Hongbin emerge from the house followed by Taekwoon who locks the door behind him. The two laugh at something while Taekwoon indignantly protests. Hakyeon puts his hand around Hongbin’s waist and Sanghyuk looks away wondering if he has made a mistake agreeing to this outing.

-

“I don’t know why we travelled all the way to Bordeaux when we live right next to Loire Valley” Sanghyuk confesses as they unpack their luggage in the shared room. The group stops at a motel for the night. The two cities are not far by road but no one wants to drive for hours after a long day and in the middle of the night.

“We travelled because Taekwoon believes Bordeaux red wines are the best when clearly Samour sparkling wines are superior but then Taekwoon just said I had cheap taste buds” Jaehwan scoffed. He flopped around on his side of the bed before pouting and burying his head in the pillows.

“So you basically agreed to travel here to prove a point to Taekwoon” Sanghyuk says, amused at the elder’s antics.

“Would have snuck in a bottle of bubbly too if it wasn’t ‘in bad taste’ and ‘not allowed Jaehwan’” Jaehwan says, imitating Taekwoon’s disapproving voice and adding air quotes for emphasis. Sanghyuk laughs and Jaehwan continues his impressions, happy that he has an audience in a person who isn’t clearly protective of his brother.

Their reverie is interrupted when Jaehwan gets a call from Wonshik and Hakyeon steps out of the shower, announcing it is free for whoever wants to use it next. Jaehwan steps out into the balcony to answer it and Sanghyuk looks to Hakyeon who simply has a towel wrapped around his waist. His features are softer than what Sanghyuk imagined and Sanghyuk commits those lines and curves to memory.

“You’ll catch a cold like that” he says when Hakyeon catches him staring. Hakyeon blushes and pulls a t-shirt over his head. Sanghyuk looks away and gives him the privacy to get dressed. His cheeks have a matching flustered shade of pink and he focuses on picking at the frills of the pillow instead of looking at Hakyeon.

The bed dips and Hakyeon sits next to him. The two of them look at the balcony where they can see Jaehwan smiling as he talks, parts of his conversation reaching them through the open window and the dusk frames his visage. The sky visible above the neighbouring buildings is already blue. The sun is setting and Sanghyuk feels the night wash over. Next to him, Hakyeon is warm and smells of berry scented shampoo. Their shoulders brush and knees touch. Hakyeon doesn’t move away so Sanghyuk stays too.

“We have some time before the wine tasting” Hakyeon says.

“We do” Sanghyuk agrees.

Hakyeon puts his head down on Sanghyuk’s shoulder and the younger tenses up. “Wake me up when we need to leave” he says, closing his eyes and resting against Sanghyuk. His frame is sturdy and his body is all muscle and broad shoulders after working on the farm for years. It feels warm and safe. Hakyeon’s own skin is cooler after the shower and the contrast feels pleasant.

“Okay” Sanghyuk agrees. Hakeon feels him relax and hunch a bit so he can rest properly. He puts an arm around Hakyeon and Hakyeon places a hand on his thigh and slowly falls asleep the way blooming flowers close at the end of day.

-

04

“Autumn leaves don’t fall, they fly. They take their time and wander on this their only chance to soar.”

- Delia Owens

As predicted, Taekwoon and Jaehwan argue the moment the sommelier withdraws after pouring the first round of wines. Hakyeon shushes them to get them to behave the two huff petulantly. Hongbin looks at Sanghyuk and the two try not to laugh too hard. Taekwoon and Jaehwan restrain themselves till the third wine is served and then break into barbs and jibes at the other’s taste with no hope of reconciliations any moment in the near future.

“Are they always like this?” Sanghyuk asks Hongbin as Hakyeon sighs and drags them away from the high table to a more peaceful corner where they won’t disturb their fellow diners.

“Hakyeon tells me that Taekwoon is only this lively around Jaehwan. I am inclined to believe him” Hongbin says.

“You and Hakyeon seem close,” Sanghyuk casually comments. He shouldn’t be petty but he is and slightly jealous too. But Hongbin doesn’t notice the bite in his voice.

“Hakyeon is like an older brother to me now. We get along better than I thought we would but Hakyeon is just so friendly you know?” Hongbin tells him.

“A brother?” Sanghyuk asks in surprise.

“Trust me, I was surprised too” Hongbin agrees. “I don’t make friends this easily. But then again I don’t normally travel to far away towns with people I have only known for a few days or fall in love with someone I just met.”

“In love… with someone you just met? Taekwoon?” Sanghyuk asks, multiple pieces of the puzzle clicking into place together in his head.

This explains the odd glances and the way Hongbin and Taekwoon always gravitate to each other when Taekwoon is normally so reserved. All of a sudden, Sanghyuk feels foolish for not knowing this sooner because it has always been in front of him as plain as day.

“Yeah” Hongbin confirms, glancing over at his lover who stands to the side with his hands folded and glaring at Hakyeon and Jaehwan who are in a deep discussion about something else. Hongbin walks over and rescues Taekwoon from the conversation that will have no end and Taekwoon puts his hand around Hongbin. Sanghyuk feels very silly indeed.

“Between the two of them, I am going to age faster than I should” Hakyeon says when he comes over to talk to Sanghyuk. “I swear I have a few grey hairs already.”

“I think they would suit you” Sanghyuk says. The realization that Hakyeon does not like Hongbin because Hongbin likes Taekwoon gives him a rush of bravery that no wine can. The merlot is potent but the intoxication of affection is deadlier.

“Grey hairs?” Hakyeon asks, amused at Sanghyuk’s declaration.

“I think you’d still be pretty after aging for many years” Sanghyuk tells him.

The sincerity of the statement makes Hakyeon blush. He seems to be doing that a lot around him. Crush or no crush, Hakyeon thinks Sanghyuk will be terrible for him. The indulgence and affection will spoil him beyond measure. If only Hakyeon has the courage to reach for what he wants.

“Ah well, it’s only till Sunday I guess. Then it will just be me and Taekwoon again” Hakyeon says ruefully.

“I’ll miss both of them” Sanghyuk says. This time he means it genuinely. Hakyeon hums in agreement and the two of them sip on their wine in a companionable silence.

“If you ever feel alone at the manor, you can come down to the farm sometimes. There’s always people working on something or the other and the sights from the fields are pretty” Sanghyuk offers. “Jaehwan comes over all the time now. We always have room for one more if you want company.”

-

Sanghyuk sees Hakyeon next in October, two weeks after their trip to Bordeaux. The homogeneously green trees give way to a mix of brown, orange, yellow and green and the summer rains give way to clear blue skies where the white clouds float, content to just exist and drift.

Sanghyuk waits for Hakyeon, this time carrying a bouquet of roses. It’s a surprise batch of late bloomers and his mother allows him to take a few. It’s too cold for roses but the sun shines bright on some days and the flowers thrive and Sanghyuk thinks that this is reflective of his own feelings for Hakyeon. He’ll never verbally admit to Hakyeon, but he can’t think of any alternative except to give them to him.

“You have roses!” Hakyeon exclaims in happiness when he walks up to Sanghyuk. His arms are full with his purchases and Sanghyuk takes a few bags from him so he can hold the flowers.

“Late bloomers” Sanghyuk tells him by way of an explanation.

“Still very pretty” Hakyeon says. The roses aren’t red and this isn’t a tacky love confession but he finds the light pink colour pretty and any gift from Sanghyuk is a gift he will treasure.

The two walk down to the parking lot and Sanghyuk helps Hakyeon put things away. Hakyeon holds onto the flowers, insisting that they are too pretty to part with. Sanghyuk loiters and they make idle talk about the weather and the townsfolk they know and how the winter this year seems colder than the previous year. When they run out of topics to talk about, they talk about more trivial things till Sanghyuk looks at his watch and realizes he must go back to help his family.

“I also have tickets to a play by the travelling troupe you love” Sanghyuk says, shuffling his feet like an awkward child. “If you’d like to go with me.”

“I don’t think I would like anything more” Hakyeon declares. He smiles and Sanghyuk thinks he looks prettier than the flowers he is holding. In fact, Hakyeon’s smile might be the prettiest thing in the universe. A sign of the spring of the heart in the midst of the somber autumn all around that seems to gain colour as the old leaves softly drift through the wind.

-x-

Characters - Hakyeon & Taekwoon, VIXX Ensemble, Original Characters

Genre - Angst with happy ending

AU - Figure Skating AU

Words - 3300+

Summary -  The music starts and Hakyeon glides across the ice.

A/N - Another oneshot that I have been writing since forever

Tag List- @tomatoholmes@merlionmen@seraphistols @k-craze-97 

Hakyeon breathes. The sound of the applause is deafening but Hakyeon already has it blocked out the moment he skates into the rink. This is it. The Olympics. It is his last chance to get a score that can make it or break it. He has a lead from the short program but he can’t afford to fuck up and let it slip away.

He skates around the rink once, acknowledging his crowd and the judging panel with practiced ease.

He stands, raising his hands above his head to form a teardrop like shape. Three, two, one.

The music starts and he glides across the ice.

-

“Look Yeonnie! You are skating!” Wonshik yelled in delight.

“I’m skating!” Hakyeon exclaimed. The two three year olds giggled as they haphazardly moved on the ice, breaking in the new rink that Wonshik’s father had bought.

-

A triple lutz and a triple toe loop. Hakyeon nearly over-rotated there but he doesn’t. The execution is perfect and the technical score for the execution of this element is in the bag. Three more elements to go.

Hakyeon lunges into the next formation. The routine is three eighths of the way through.

Up next is a quadruple toe loop. The toe loop moves into a backward step that forms an eight across the rink and concludes in a salchow. Hakyeon smiles, trying to match the rising tempo of the song and emotes the determination the melody means to convey harmonically. He moves to the rhythm in a practiced manner. He has executed this routine nearly a thousand times now.

The axel concludes in a Biellman spin, his body forming a teardrop as the music crescendos in its climax and finally drops with Hakyeon spreading out and stopping in his ending poses, trying to control his heavy breathing long enough to not collapse.

The crowd breaks into a roar, applauding what is surely the best performance they have seen today.

All of it rings hollow to Hakyeon.

-

“I never want to skate again!” Hakyeon yells. Or tries to as the tears forming in his eyes lead to his throat choking on his own sobbing. Hakyeon falls over on a particularly tricky spot of ice on the rink and deduces that never skating is the best way to never risk injury again. Specifically when it hurts so bad and feels so cold.

“You’re fine you big cry baby” his sister tells him. Joohyun is five years older than Hakyeon but feels much older and more mean. “Falling is how you learn.”

Hakyeon shakes his head furiously, with all the stubbornness a six year old can muster when she offers her hand to help him.

“Suit yourself buddy” Joohyun says as she gives up and pretends to skate away.

Hakyeon is suddenly seized by a panic. Joohyun won’t leave him here right? The fear heightens when Joohyun disappears behind a group of teenage girls skating and is nowhere to be seen.

Hakyeon struggles but lifts himself up. He wipes his tears because they only cloud his vision and do not help in his search. He looks around frantically till he spots a familiar red wooden scarf flying around the rink and pushes forward, determined to chase it.

Joohyun spots him but sticks her tongue out at him and simply skates ahead. Hakyeon cries indignantly and follows, speeding up to catch up to her. She taunts him but slows her pace down and Hakyeon finally catches her by holding onto her coat.

“Was that so bad?” Joohyun asks when she puts her arm around her clingy brother. Hakyeon nods and she laughs.

“But you came so far all on your own. Skating was never your problem Hakyeon.”

-

Hakyeon wonders if he would be here today if not for Joohyun’s words twenty years ago. He stands in the kiss and cry and does his most mature expression of grace and modesty as he scores a high mark for his program, guaranteeing him a gold with the lead obtained.

His first Olympic gold. After years of dreaming about this moment, it’s finally here. Hakyeon modestly thinks he is getting ahead of himself but the numbers on the board don’t lie. The gap between him and the defending champion has him in the lead and he is the second last to perform.

He spots Joohyun and Wonshik in the crowd, cheering for him and his eyes well up just a little. He wouldn’t be here without them today. He couldn’t have made it this far without the support of his loved ones and the sacrifices they made to help him achieve his dream.

A small nagging in his head wonders if he would rather be here at all.

-

Hakyeon’s mother smothers him in kisses and his father proudly brags when Hakyeon humbly hands him his gold medal. Their family has a gold medalist now. The nation’s pride. He’ll be telling this story for generations to come.

There is a mini crowd gathered around Joohyun who regales everyones with tales about the setup for the games and the sights she has seen. She’s lucky to have a kind brother who would drag her along and show her the wonders of the world. Of course the jet lag between time zones is horrible but the memories are worth everything.

Hakyeon poses for pictures with the neighbourhood kids. Everyone wants the memory of meeting a celebrity who lives near them. Wonshik is the one who comes to his rescue and shoos everyone away, claiming Hakyeon must rest after his long travel so he can stay in top form. Everyone agrees instantaneously. A model athlete must take care of themselves and stick to their routine, of course.

Hakyeon bows out and retreats to his room to take a shower and lie down. The press will circle in like vultures tomorrow morning but he has today for himself. He goes through his phone and sends perfunctory thank yous to congratulatory messages, clears out notifications from different social media apps and closes his eyes.

He normally dreams of his routines, practicing even in his sleep. Tonight, he dreams of an empty ice rink and his first ever pair of competition skates. He weighs them in his hand and sighs.

The echo of that sigh remains in his bones when he wakes up the next morning.

-

“What do you want to do now?” Joongki, his coach asks as he blows on his instant noodles to cool it down.

“Think of a new routine for the next season, I suppose” Hakyeon replies as he pushes the cherry tomatoes in his salad around.

The preparation of a new routine is a tedious process. Years of experience make translating the ideas in his head to steps on the ice easier but he is never satisfied till it is perfect before demo-ing to Joongki. But getting a vision of what the new routine should look like is hard at the moment. Nothing seems to coherently meld together in a way that satisfies the perfectionist in him.

Joongki laughs and pats Hakyeon’s head. “Always a workaholic. You don’t have to start preparing for the next season right away. You deserve a break. You’ve just won an Olympic medal my son!”

Hakyeon smiles sheepishly as Joongki launches into a list of ideas for what Hakyeon can do in his free time. He has ideas for overnight trips and retreats to week long holidays in foreign locations that would be cost effective at the moment. (“I might even let you go for a month you know! You’ve earned it!!”)

Joongki only stops when Sanghyuk, the owner of the small noodle shop they are currently seated in, stops by to congratulate Hakyeon and declare that their lunch is on the house today. It’s not every day that an Olympic gold medallist eats at his humble establishment, Sanghyuk declares dramatically. Joongki laughs and orders another round of the fried chicken to celebrate.

Hakyeon turns to the window and lets his mind drift as he watches the last of the brown leaves on the ginkgo tree fall. There’s still some time to spring, he thinks idly. How patient must the trees be to wait winters year upon year to bloom once again.

-

Hakyeon takes to walking at night. It’s the only time the town is peaceful and no one disturbs him. The night breeze is pleasant now that the cold is letting up and he doesn’t need more than a scarf and a long coat to stay warm.

He takes the familiar route from his home to his gym and then to the ice rink at the far end of the block. He passes by the neighbourhood they used to live in before Hakyeon took up competitive skating. His parents decided to move to their current home because it was close to the rink and affordable. Hakyeon doesn’t have many memories of this place since he was very young then but it still feels homely.

The small neighbourhood slopes uphill to a small cluster of private villas owned by a resort. The main rad is free for vehicles and people to move through. He walks till he reaches the sunset viewing deck on top of the hill. The viewing deck has a beautiful overview of the small town and Hakyeon has a habit of coming here to hide and simply breathe whenever he feels overwhelmed by the pressure of competition.

It’s ironic that he ends up here again when he should be feeling euphoric and on top of the world.

The stars look brighter and clearer here than they did back in the Olympic village. Hakyeon sits down on a bench and counts the stars in the sky. He no longer remembers the constellations his father taught him to identify and using an app just doesn’t have the same feeling.

Hakyeon takes a picture of the view for his instagram. He captions it with the date. He likes to keep his captions simple and short. He uploads it and switches off the notifications of likes and comments rolling in.

-

“If it isn’t the local celebrity” Jaehwan says as he notices Hakyeon. He stands up from the splits he’s attempting and envelopes Hakyeon in a hug. Jaehwan’s students aren’t here and Hakyeon is grateful for the privacy. He has had his fill of awestruck glances for a lifetime.

“How have you been Jaehwannie?” Hakyeon asks. He’s normally formal with everyone but Jaehwan’s very being inspires cute addresses.

“The same as when you last saw me” Jaehwan says with a shrug.

“So no progress on asking Sanghyuk out then?” Hakyeon asks, sitting down and doing his own stretches. Jaehwan sputters and indignantly protests as he sits down next to Hakyeon and goes back to stretching. (“I don’t know what gave you such a ridiculous idea”). Hakyeon laughs at Jaehwan who threatens to hit him with the nearest stage prop and bears his threats as graciously as possible before collapsing into fits of giggles and falling to the floor. Jaehwan takes the opportunity to wrestle him down completely and the two rough house for a bit before Jaehwan gives up and pulls away.

“Why are you here today? I would have tidied up a bit if I had known you were coming” Jaehwan says when both of them have taken a moment to calm down. Hakyeon simply hums in response.

“I was taking a walk and thought I would drop in to trouble you” he says mischievously.

“You are never a bother” Jaehwan says sincerely. “I thought you would be practicing right now though. You never seemed to do anything other than practice.”

“I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing,” Hakyeon says. He pretends not to notice Jaehwan’s gaze on him. Jaehwan is intuitive like that. He picks up on whatever Hakyeon doesn’t say even before Hakyeon realizes what he isn’t saying. But if he doesn’t look, he can pretend to hide his melancholy forever.

-

“It’s good to see you here” Taekwoon says when Hakyeon comes to stand next to him.

The national sports organization organizes a free program in Seoul to celebrate the performance of their athletes in the winter olympics. Hakyeon receives the first press invite as the gold medallist and current champion. Taekwoon receives it too as the current silver medallist but three time gold champion before Hakyeon.

This is the first time in three weeks that the two of them have had the time to talk since the competition ended. It’s only when Hakyeon sneaks away to the empty auditorium after the program is over that he finds Taekwoon and decides to say hello instead of leaving. Taekwoon is a man of few words and Hakyeon appreciates that since his socialisation battery is running low.

“It’s nice to be here” Hakyeon replies, leaning against the wall enclosing the ice. Taekwoon hums and the two of them watch the empty ice without saying much.

“You live in a pretty neighbourhood” Taekwoon says and the statement surprises Hakyeon. “I saw your instagram” he adds by way of an explanation.

“Didn’t take you to be a social media stalker Mr Jung” Hakyeon says playfully.

“I am stalking your cute friend. Please set us up” Taekwoon deadpans and Hakyeon laughs.

“Wonshik likes someone” Hakyeon confides in him. “I’m afraid I can’t set you up with him.”

“He’s not the one I had in mind” Taekwoon says with a shrug and Hakyeon is surprised by the admission. Surely Taekwoon has been joking with him.

“Have you started working on your new program yet?” Taekwoon asks, switching gears mid conversation.

“I'm… thinking about it” Hakyeon admits.

“Just thinking?” Taekwoon hums and leans back. He looks at Hakyeon with an incredulous face. This is Cha Hakyeon who always has too many ideas to try and too many elements to practice.

“I have a few ideas. Nothing has clicked into place yet.” Hakyeon confesses.

“You don’t have much time to modify it if you want to practice it to death like you always do” Taekwoon says. He hits the nail spot on and Hakyeon does not appreciate his thoughts being deciphered accurately.

“I know that” he snaps, unable to hide his irritation. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

“I’ll beat you again next time. Last month was a one time fluke Cha” Taekwoon tells him.

“It was not!” Hakyeon argues. He is aghast at Taekwoon’s brashness and not so charmed by the roguish grin as Taekwoon expects him to be.

“Continue thinking about your routine” Taekwoon says, with a smile on his lips like a cat toying with its food.

“And here I thought that I liked you for a second” Hakyeon huffs out loud.

“I thought you worshipped me. I guess we were both wrong” Taekwoon says cheekily.

Hakyeon almost leans over and hits him on his shoulder. Taekwoon leans out of reach just in time and Hakyeon flounders. His competitive side flares up and he leans and leans forward till he finally manages to hit Taekwoon on his chest and the two men devolve into laughter.

Taekwoon readjusts himself before he can fall down and Hakyeon graciously does not hit him when he is low.

“I think I know why you still haven’t started on your routine,” Taekwoon tells him.

“I have started on it!” Hakyeon protests.

“Oh yeah, go ahead and show me what you have then” Taekwoon says. He points to the empty rink to emphasize his point and Hakyeon sighs deeper than he intended on.

“You’re not very happy with your victory” Taekwoon speaks the words he is too afraid to say.

“That… would be a very thankless thing to feel” Hakyeon says, drawing little circles on the floor with his feet. He doesn’t look at Taekwoon. Taekwoon always seems to know and he doesn’t need Hakyeon’s confirmation for the truth.

“Not at all. It would be just as natural as elation” Taekwoon assures him.

“What do you do when you feel like that?” Hakyeon asks him.

“Nothing. I admit how I feel and live with it. I look at why I feel sad and correct it or look for things to make me happy. Sometimes it is people, but mostly it is good food.”

“What if you feel nothing?”

“A break from emotions is not a bad thing” Taekwoon says gently.

“It’s not a break but more of… lack of knowing what to feel”

“You sound like you’ve burnt out” Taekwoon concludes. Something hasn’t been feeling right with his long time rival. Hakyeon usually blazes like the sun in whatever room he is in but now his fire is dim. Like the stars in the sky have taken a break and disappeared to a depth in space where human eyes cannot see.

“Can I afford to burn out?”

“No one can” Taekwoon says bluntly. Hakyeon winces but Taekwoon knows that he will appreciate his honesty more than sweet white lies. “Doesn’t mean that we don’t from time to time.”

“What do you do when you feel burnt out?” Hakyeon asks.

“It depends on person to person but I go looking for inspiration. I set my skates on ice once upon a time for a reason, I go look for it again” Taekwoon tells him. “Sometimes I find it, sometimes I find a new reason to go on.”

“But you always find a reason to continue?” Hakyeon asks. Taekwoon nods and Hakyeon feels hopeful in a way he hasn’t in some time. It’s okay. The way he feels is okay and he will find a way out of it. He isn’t alone.

-

When Hakyeon comes back home, he treks across the neighbourhood again. His mother yells at him to eat before he goes and he replies that he will whenever he returns and asks her not to wait up. He’s just going to Wonshik’s place, he lies and then sets off up the road and to the hill he visits.

It’s a clear and bright night and Hakyeon plugs in his ipod and listens to old playlists he hasn’t in a while. He passes by the large rink and then the convenience store and gym. He waves at a busy Sanghyuk in his restaurant as he jogs by and passes the markets and goes up the hill to the smaller villas where the lights are being switched on and the neighbours are walking their dogs. One or two yip at him and he waves in response before bowing to the pet owner and jogging by.

Unlike last time, he knows where he is headed to. Hakyeon starts to huff but doesn’t give up till he reaches the top and the sunset point rewards him with a view of the lit up city skyline. Hakyeon takes a deep breath and lies down on his back to look up at the sky. It’s a dull orange and purple with only the strong stars shining bright through the atmospheric scattering of light.

Hakyeon lies there till his breathing steadies. He feels the hours passing and knows he is well past the deadline his parents insist on but he doesn’t care. He watches the clouds drift, reflecting the city lights till there are none in the sky. The moon is a crescent and the stars twinkle and he can make out faint meteors moving across the sky. The stars are falling but it isn’t the end of the sky. Tomorrow the stars will be there again and the night after that and the night after that too.

He just has to do the same. Tomorrow he will get up and text Jaehwan to look over some new routine ideas. He’ll run the theme by Joongki before finalizing on the piece and he will simply not rest till he has the next perfect piece that will defeat Taekwoon and have his rival approving of his skills. Tomorrow, he will wear his skates and step on the ice again because that is where he belongs, regardless of his rank. It’s where he has always belonged, seven, seventeen or seventy.

Tomorrow, he will dance his heart out because he was always meant to dance on ice.

For tonight, he beams at the sky as the tiny stars fall and lets them reignite his once lost passion.

Kidnapper: We have one of your members.

Taekwoon: Oh really? Who?

Hyuck, screaming in the background: ITS ME, HYUNG HELP.

Taekwoon: You have the wrong number, have a nice day.