I can’t believe two days ago Phoebe Bridgers invented the “woman smashing a guitar against a monitor during a performance” move on snl, setting fire to the studio and killing american comedy forever.
And for what it’s worth, not a single vote in here has your name on it.
This is a historic tribal council. Most idols ever played at a tribal – three. Most people ever safe at a tribal – five. And the most significant and devastating part of tonight’s history-making tribal for you, Cirie, is you become the first person in 34 seasons to be voted out simply because there literally is no other choice. There’s no need to revote.
One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid
i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”
It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“
At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.
A sound like a trigger word, throwing you off the cliff into a trance, tumbling through memories. Once Upon a Time in the West seeping out of the television, alone with a just a pizza for company at fourteen. Desaturated desert and Ennio Morricone blasting out at you like a gunshot. Nothing ever so eerie, not then, not now.
My life has always been soundtracked, but never has a soundtrack ever grabbed me in such a way. The trumpets, frivolous and mournful, the guitar like a ghost, the echo of a melody. I fall into melodrama, but then Morricone was always about melodrama.
To add on for those unaware of this bakery, this is Bruce:
He’s an absolute mammoth of a chocolate cake (10 layers I think? Maybe more) that they sell by the slice and everyone adores. Birthday Bruce I think is just regular Bruce but with a fuckton of (apparently illegal) sprinkles
that cake is named after the cake and the kid from matilda and that is bomb as fuck
imagine being the mayor of the foggiest maple murdertown turned psuedo police state by a short king with the essence of a sixteen year old nerd, soap opera villain and dracula juiced in a blender. and having to deal with a weird kid with a weird beanie strut into your office everyday with his silly little map and red marker.
The thing re Weird Al that I think is worth recognizing is illustrated by the Spike Jones Jr quote “One of the things that people don’t realize about Dad’s kind of music is, when you replace a C-sharp with a gunshot, it has to be a C-sharp gunshot or it sounds awful.“ It’s like really good parody has to do it all backwards and in heels, and Weird Al gets in there and counts the syllables and pours over the phrasing and word choices so that it all sounds precisely like the original, and then re-records the song, acknowledging the tiniest details of the recording, and also makes it a highly detailed spoof of an adjacent and absurdly unrelated piece of popular culture. I think really good parody has a love for the source materiel that’s impossible to fake. It takes real musicianship (or craft) to do and it usually gets tossed aside as “novelty” recording.
You gotta be fuckin’ good if you want to fuck it up.
Al will also try to reuse the original music video sets if they’re available, and bring back the same background actors.
I assure you, in the music industry, Weird Al is highly respected. If he makes a parody of your song it’s acknowledged that it means you have ‘made it’ as an artist. Rappers have commented on how ‘scary good’ at rapping he is. His range is right up there with Danny Elfman in terms of how incredibly huge it is. Accordion players have commented that he’sinsane on the accordion, and does it while jumping around on stage, I may add. He learns from his mistakes and to top it all off he’s a really kind man (I’ve met him).
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