#why am i so dumb

okay so in my college prep english class, we had an autobiography project where we have to write 10 stories about like “core memories” in our life. and the last chapter had to be a story from our pov of like us in the future. SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO LITERALLY WRITE DYLAN OBRIEN FANFIC FOR MY ELA ASSIGNMENT

I haven’t seen the lyrics translated yet, so I’ve used my measly skills to do it myself.
Everything I know is from Google and Tangorin. Mistakes are likely to be present, but hopefully this will serve as a draft for someone to do a better translation.
Please give me a credit in case you will use this translation anywhere.

***
Haine Kleine
This world, you know, was always, yes, always
Yearning for sweet things.
Haine Kleine
Ever since I came to be born,
The sour flavor of living
Was something I didn’t want to taste.

The birds dwelling on the dirty riverbank
Won’t eat from the clean riverbank, and knowing that,
To some extent, the future course of my tone
And the space I occupied were the only things I came to think about.
Having drank up the golden paralyzing poison, I left the bar.
Should I become a buddha tonight,
Or should I sink to the level of a vagabond.

Bellboy gave me a surprisingly swift reception.
“I was eagerly awaiting your arrival,” - he said,
Then slipped up and sneered.

Haine Kleine
This world, you know, came to always, yes, always
Look away from problems.
Haine Kleine
I have a heart full of holes, and to make sure no one sees through that
I have no choice but to pull through life.

After resorting to sell organs for a living,
That boy earned money, and was laughed at
By slave traders who offered no reward or compensation.
It’s obvious which one of them is a fool,
But I was asked which one of them was pitiable.
Words clog up my throat;
I rinse my mouth with a dark purple mouthwash
And they float along with it.

Haine Kleine
I’m certain that the true love exists,
Yes, it just has to exist, that’s what I’ve been preaching.
But right now I’m all by my lonesome,
And for the rest of my life, I don’t want to acknowledge that.

It’s about time I checked out,
But the bellboy wouldn’t have it.
“You’re a warrior spending days to fight inferiority complex,
So by all means take it easy.”
The boy who sold organs has actually
Bought a car with the money he earned, or so I heard.
The real situation is like that, and I don’t want to accept it,
Since I’ve been told: “No one is weaker than you.”

A small haine.
This room, you know, was always, yes, always
Chock full of bitterness.
An insolent haine.
Ever since I came to be born,
I was soaked in my falling tears.

Haine, Kleine
It’s alright to not go on tomorrow.
Hey, we’ve been always
Tightly pressing our hearts against each other.
It’s alright to not lead a neat life,
From now on and always, I will
Go on living in this world, dirty as I am.

And then, I wonder if I’ll get used to it.

***
Translation notes
“The birds dwelling on the dirty riverbank won’t eat from the clean riverbank” - I think 餌は取らない can be also translated as “won’t take the bait”, but idk how much sense in makes in context.
“To some extent, the future course of my tone and the space I occupied” - seems like this is a continuation of the previous line (i.e. “I know about the birds, and that’s why I think about myself”). Also, 取り付く島 is more like… “my home turf”? I think? It’s closer to the meaning of “the territory in my posession”, but either way sounded off.
“Slipped up and sneered” - 嗤う is straightworward, くすり gave me a bit of a trouble. It’s not hiragana for “medicine”, since that doesn’t make sense in context; but there’s a word for “unintentionally letting out a quiet laugh” which is either くすっと or くすりと.
I’m not sure if I understood the verse about the boy selling organs, but the way I see the grammar, that’s what seems to be happening? I’m not sure about 無償無料, since it’s looks like a four character idiom, but it’s actually put together from two words that basically mean the same thing (“free of charge”). Also, I’m not sure if the boy is supposed to be selling his own organs or somebody else’s.
“No one is weaker than you” - 弱者 is actually “the weak; vulnerable person; disadvantaged person”, so essentially someone with a disability, I think? But again, I couldn’t figure out how to work that into the translation.
“Bitterness” - 辛い means so many things oh my god. First of all, it’s “spicy”, but also “salty”, and it can also mean “harsh” as in “harsh critisism”? And then “bitter” as in “difficult; tough; painful”. The context seems to suggest something closer to the latter, so I went with that.
“A small haine” - “small” as in “of short height”? I think?
“An insolent haine” - 不埒 is also “lawless”, “outrageous” and “inexusable”.
“I was soaked in my falling tears” - 浸かって is a て-form of 浸かる, which also means “to be well seasoned” or “to be marinated”. Also “to be fully immersed in a condition”.
“We’ve been always tightly pressing our hearts against each other” - I think 押し付け合った was my first time seeing a composite made up of three different verbs. 押し付ける is a composite verb that means “to press; to force” and “to impose one’s will”, and 会う, from what I know, is a common composite part that suggests the verb in question is something that both parties do to each other (e.g. 分ける is “to share”, 分け合う suggests that while you share something you also get something in turn).
“It’s alright to not lead a neat life” - 綺麗 is “pretty; beautiful” and of course “clean; tidy” as well. I thought “neat” fit well enough. And it really should be “It’s fine to not become clean” if we’re going literal.
Also, I think I messed up the translation of -なくて forms of both 行かなくて and ならなくて, I hope someone clears that up.
“From now on and always, I will go on living in this world, dirty as I am” - this is the line I’m the least confident about, because I can’t figure out the grammar? And like, I can sorta feel the meaning behind this, but I’m just… ugh. Like, I couldn’t convey that the lyrics talk about “being dirty a great deal”, and there might be shades of “I’m going to get even dirtier”? Probably? And the grammar suggests that it’s the world itself that is going to go on living, because that’s what the が particle tells me, but I haven’t been taught properly so I’m not sure??? Somebody please make a proper translation, the anxiety wouldn’t stop nagging at me.

Bestie if you’re going to do something to impress a man, just don’t.