the signs as shit my friends and i once said

aries: do you ever wanna angrily push all of the things off your desk and then grab a lamp or something and smash it against the wall and then stop for a second and then dramatically storm out of your house slamming the door?

taurus: i can reassure you that i’m not an old man

gemini: i meant just like glass, but if i said glass you’d think of glass

cancer: *watching a video of a monkey falling* i can’t explain the satisfaction it gave me when the fucker fell

leo: i feel like you are all studying me for identity theft purposes

virgo: *gets a tissue and wipes off sweat off of forehead* so did you or did you not click on the porn link?

libra: i would marry hera. she sounds like a bad bitch

scorpio: i’m suing the daily mail for emotional abuse

sagittarius: *talking to capricorn* i am 100% convinced you are a god, but like the gay coded kind

capricorn: i’m dropping out and stealing credit cards. this is the last you’ll hear of me

aquarius: might as well go ahead and sell feet pics. nothing matters anymore we are all going to die

pisces: passing math is for losers, i’m going to cry myself to sleep