#wlw things

i woke up this morning cold and almost crying.. i hate how realistic my dreams can get…

do you ever just sit and wait.. hoping that your phone will light up with a notification that will make you smile… i know that i won’t get one because it’s like 9pm but.. i don’t know

i’m currently crying while listening to “ready now” by dodie,,, it’s a vibe,, i’m vibin,,,

in the past when i was in relationships i would always say stuff like “i love you and i just want you to be happy so if you find that with someone else i’ll be okay” and that was never really true.. i just felt it was the right thing to say.. it always hurt so much when someone left.. but with her if i’m not making her happy then i don’t want her to waste her time on me.. i’d do anything to make sure she’s happy.. it will sting if she moves on but if that’s what’s going to make and keep her happy then i’m happy.. and that’s the first time i’ve said that and truly meant it..

i’m good at writing and the words just flow so easily most of the time. i can write childrens stories, i can write essays, i even have a 15 chapter story i wrote in 6th grade, but when it comes to writing about her and how she makes me feel.. the words just suddenly stop.. it all just becomes this emotion.. this feeling that i cant describe. it’s impossible to put into words how perfect she is. the word perfect doesn’t even begin to describe her and no analogy, no metaphor, would even be able to help you completely understand the way i feel when i think about her. i can keep saying she makes me feel warm like that one particular sun spot on the couch on a warm spring day but thats the bare minimum of how it feels. i can say things like safe, and comforting, and calming but again those words even fail to explain just exactly how i feel when shes around. i’m no poet and i’m not some big english major or some shit but i just know that there is not a single word, not a single sentence, not a single metaphor or analogy, not a single image, not one single fucking thing on this huge ass planet that could properly describe the way i feel about her, or how amazing she is, or how i feel around her… it’s so complicated but so simple at the same time..

THATS IT YALL IM GONNA FUCKING CRY- SHE SAID AND I QUOTE “anytime my love” WTFFFF THIS WAS LAST NIGHT BUT STILL LIKE NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED ME THAT AND IT JUST FELT SO WARM AND KAJSKSJD THATS ALL

i miss her.. and not in a “we haven’t talked in a while” way because we talk almost daily.. i miss being in the same room has her… i miss seeing her smile and hearing her laughing in front of me instead of through earbuds.. i miss her calming presence that makes my heart flutter and everything feel like the warmth and brightness of sitting in that one sun spot on the couch during a nice spring day… i miss us just walking and her talking about anything honestly.. like the cool facts about the abandoned buildings we went to on our last date.. basically i miss her.. a lot.. and she’s pretty much all i think about..

I asked YOU on the date so you HAVE to paint these CDs like minecraft discs with me NOW !!!

she put up with my obnoxious ass for like an hour while we played minecraft,, that’s how i know she’s good,,, is when i say i’m gonna blow shit up in minecraft and she just goes along with it,, n e ways we built a bench like tommy and tubbo and i made my basement floor crafting tables and it was very fun and chaotic and i loved it,,