“I never meant to hurt you. Not like this. It was stupid of me to think that you would ever give up. I realize now that it’s because you can’t. You truly believe in doing the right thing. I used to hate you for that, you know? You were always getting in my way, until the day I snapped and went too far-”
*sigh*
“I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, I just want to say that I’m sorry. And…and I love you. Please wake up.”
“I thought being healed faster would make me feel better, not worse.”
“I told you, it doesn’t work like that. There’s a reason it takes so long for humans to recover from sickness or injuries - it takes up a lot of energy. You feel that way because your body had to rapidly cannibalize your muscle mass and burn through your fat reserves.”
“Wait, you mean-no! My abs are gone!”
“Small price to pay for being alive. Next time, try to avoid getting mortally wounded.”
“No promises.”
“I’m serious. I was forced to accelerate your healing factor in order to save your life. But right now, if you got hurt again and I tried to heal you, your body would consume itself to dust.”
“You…you sound like you’re saying that from experience.”
“Oh, well if that was the only thing bothering you, I can fix that.”
“What?”
“Preferably, if you give me your parents’ identities, I can get rid of them right now. Otherwise, I’d have to systematically get rid of all this city’s parents with kids who are roughly your age, gender, and ethnicity. It’d take me a while, but it’ll be worth it to have you as my kid.”
Juan Ponce de Leon is perhaps best remembered for his legendary search for the famed Fountain of Youth, a magical source of water that was thought to reverse the aging process and cure diseases. This quest has certainly overshadowed his other accomplishments, though some have argued that the Spanish conquistador had never searched for the Fountain of Youth in the first place. He was, however, one of the first Europeans known to have set foot on what is today the United States of America, as his expeditions led him to Florida and Puerto Rico.
“Have you ever heard the expression ‘The best that money can buy?’ Well, have you ever asked yourself 'What’s the best money can’t buy?’ That’s where I operate. Here’s my card.”
