“I never meant to hurt you. Not like this. It was stupid of me to think that you would ever give up. I realize now that it’s because you can’t. You truly believe in doing the right thing. I used to hate you for that, you know? You were always getting in my way, until the day I snapped and went too far-”

*sigh*

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, I just want to say that I’m sorry. And…and I love you. Please wake up.”

Reciprocate AU

Original:

Reciprocate I: Raven

Reciprocate II: Damian

Reciprocate III: The After *

2021 version:

Reciprocate I: Raven

Reciprocate II: Damian

Reciprocate III: The After *

*Part 3 is the same file.

Author’s Little Summary:

What if you have pined for someone for nine whole years. And just when you are about to give up, they finally looked your way. 

But what if it is also just the beginning of the end?

I guess this is that kind of story. A long pining romance filled with pain and tears.

Reciprocate III: The After

Reciprocate[ 1: Raven ,2 : Damian] 

Reciprocate 2021 Version[1: Raven,2: Damian]

~.~.~.~.~.

It took two years and almost a half for Raven to finally wake up from her coma. When she woke up her first reaction was to freak out. She jumped off her bed thinking that she had to go somewhere. 

 But Raven didn’t recall where she ought to go and what it was she had to do. 

 She knocked over a vase of flowers when her feet gave way and she was confused  as to why her legs felt like jelly. 

 She knew however that she had to check her surroundings and her current state. She was fortunate enough to not have injured herself with the shards of porcelain on the floor. She held onto her bed weakly, knowing that she had to go somewhere– but where?

“Raven!” A man had called out as he burst into the room banging the door loudly. She looked up at him with no recognition but the name he uttered was familiar to Raven however she couldn’t figure out why. 

The tone in his voice was filled with so much worry that she could not help but feel anxious too.

She observed him quickly scan the room until his eyes finally met hers. She was mesmerized by his green eyes and a strong sense of familiarity hit her. 

His uneasy state was greatly calmed when he saw her. When he sighed, she did too, and she shared the relief he felt too. He slowly approached her with a gentle expression as she remained on her spot, greatly leaning on her bed for support.

“Raven.” He whispered when he was two feet away and she realized that she was Raven– that was why the name was familiar. 

It was her name.

He picked her up and carried her in his arms and even though she did not know him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was at peace in his embrace– in his presence, she felt safe. And she did not make a fuss even when she didn’t know the identity of this man.

The strong sense of need then engulfed her, there was a name at the tip of her tongue that she felt she had to call out.

She struggled to form the word and then, “Damian.” She whispered as she squeezed him and sighed in relief. He had not corrected her so he must be Damian and she felt at peace knowing this.

She rested her forehead on his shoulder, as he carried her back to her bed. He set her down gently as he pulled away. She grabbed his right hand as she sat up as she studied their hands.

“It feels so perfect.” She gently told him, and Damian was startled by her words. A smile slowly formed on his lips and he found himself chuckling. And she found herself enamored by his soft laughter as a faint flutter settled in her chest. A strong sense of knowing came to her: that this man rarely smiled or laughed.

“I’ve been here almost every day, holding your hand. Maybe your hand molded into mine—” He shook his head in disbelief. “Or maybe the other way around.” Hearing his words ignited her anxiousness. 

What did that mean? How long has she been unconscious? And more importantly, who was he to her?

It occurred to her that there was nothing but blankness in her mind. These questions she couldn’t answer. She didn’t even know anything about herself. 

Why couldn’t she remember anything about anything?

Even so, Raven knew she had to at least try and stay calm.

“I—my memory is kind of fuzzy,” Raven said as she laid back in bed as she tried to calm her nerves simultaneously, but the realization that she didn’t recall anything bothered her. However, this man, named Damian, gave her a calmness that was indescribable. 

She knew him somehow. She trusted him without a doubt, even when she wasn’t sure of her name a moment ago– she knew she could trust him.

“But I know you, I remember you.” Raven continued on as she connected the dots that were vaguely on her mind. “I heard you so often, it became so scary when you weren’t there.” She knew him, she finally recalled, his voice that haunted her and the fear she felt when he said he would let her go. 

She did not want him to let her go, she recalled her dread and she clenched his hand. 

Aside from him, she was uncertain about everything else, and she was afraid to know the reasons and the hows or what, but she found herself drifting into sleep. 

Raven wanted to fight the drowsiness because she was so aware that she had just woken up, but there was a part of her that wanted to go back to sleep. If she woke up and he wasn’t there at least she can pretend that this encounter was just a dream, at least then it would hurt less. She held his hand tightly until she fully fell into slumber, to which her grip finally loosened.

Damian took the opportunity of Raven falling asleep to call the doctors and scientists to inform them of her recent development.

When Raven awoke again, she was afraid, even more than when she had awoken earlier that day. She was afraid that the one she called Damian would have really left her like he had said before. Those words that haunted her dreams for who knew how long she was asleep.

“I have decided. I am moving on– I am letting you go.” Those were the words that kept ringing in her head. The fear that came felt like an assault on her soul. It was unwelcomed and it hurt, but she did not know where to find solace.

When the thought of Damian not being there with her crossed her mind, the fear felt like it was about to burst out of her. Even Raven, with her non-existent memory, could tell that her fear was more than just hearing him tell her that he can’t wait for her any longer. It was like she couldn’t breathe even though the air was just there. She could feel that the fear was very deeply rooted into her and she wondered why it is so, why or what could have caused this suffocating feeling.  

What caused this fear to be this strong that it felt like he was life itself?

She jolted up on her bed, ready to jump out to look for him, but then she saw Damian and a tear slipped down her right cheek as a loud exhale escaped her lips. She found herself breathing again, as if the fear of losing him never attacked her in the first place.

It was like air was given back to her lungs, and life was given meaning.

Damian was talking to a doctor and a scientist, but to Raven she thought that he was talking to two doctors in a lab coat. Seeing strangers made her nervous. She started to breathe heavily and with Damian’s sharp hearing, he turned to her instantly and with long strides was already by her side.

“I’m right here.” He told her as he touched her shaking hand and she grabbed his hand with strength she didn’t know she possessed.

“Who are they? What do they want?” She asked giving him a death grip. Damian was surprised by her reaction and tried to soothe her in a gentle tone.

“Raven,” He looked at the doctor and scientist. “They are the head of their department that helped me keep you safe.” He continued on but he noticed the confused look she had on her face when he said head of their departments. 

Raven opened her lips but Damian cut her off, “It’s best if I don’t explain to you your medical history, it would only cause you stress.” He cupped her cheek and caressed her face gently, wiping the stray tear away.

“I– I understand.” She replied as she glanced at the two people in their lab coats. They looked at her like she was some kind of miracle but mostly like a specimen. It was another question added to her list: Why did they look at her like that?

“You two may leave, I will contact you later.” Damian ordered in a soft manner as he glanced at the two in lab coats. His tone was controlled to not freak Raven out. 

The pair look at one another for a moment and then, “We understand.” One said and they left quietly.

“See, those people are completely harmless.” Damian said, turning around to look at Raven like coaxing a child, but he was surprised to see her teary eyes. He couldn’t help but suck his bottom lip inside his mouth as he tried to look as neutral as he could, but he was suddenly wrapped in her embrace, her small back shaking. 

“Everything is fine.” He told her as he slowly wrapped his arms around her. Raven suddenly burst into sobs.

“I thought you were gone!” She wept, hugging him as tightly as she could in terror as she caved in. Hearing this, Damian felt his heart ache and the next second he was convincing himself not to keep his hopes up.

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” He comforted her in a low voice and she froze. She pulled away to look at him, staring directly into his green eyes as if seeing right through him.

“You said that too, I heard you. But– but–” A tear slipped down her eyes as she blinked. “You then said you were going to leave me.” The words barely got out of her mouth, as her lower lip quivered. Raven found that she could not hug him again, instead she buried her face into her hands as she wept. “You promised.”

He was frozen hearing this, he heard her? How long had she heard him? Did she hear everything?

“I–” He shakily said but Raven cut him off.

“Don’t lie to me!” She glanced up quickly at him and then sobbed back into her hands.

“No. I wasn’t going to lie.” He said and she stopped crying and looked up at him with doubtful eyes. He cupped her face in a solemn expression. “I just– I couldn’t see you like that anymore.” 

She wondered if he was lying, and he wondered the same too. Raven silently gave him another hug as she silently cried. After minutes passed, Raven finally stopped crying, but he continued to hold her for a few more minutes before pulling away.

“You need to gather strength, you need to eat a lot, and train your legs.” He told her in his best soothing voice while wiping away her tears and caressing her face. He wondered if this would be the first and only time he could hold her and touch her in such a manner. 

She nodded profusely in response. “Okay.” She agreed instantly.

“Okay,” He said as he stood up and she looked at him with slight fear. “I’m going to get a damp washcloth to put over your eyes.” He said in the same tone he had been using this whole time– gentle, tender, caring and perhaps even loving.

“Alright.” She said with a small nod and pressed lips as she slowly lay down in bed. He nodded at her and slowly left the room. She kept her eyes on him until he was out of sight and kept her gaze by the door waiting for his return. She patiently waited even though her anxiousness was growing louder as his absence grew longer. 

When Damian finally returned she sighed at the instance she saw him. He had a bowl with water and a face towel inside soaking in the water.

A thought crossed her mind, Raven felt like she was the cloth and Damian was the water, she couldn’t but absorb him into her and want to keep him with her, the basin ensuring that the two will always be together.

“Relax, I’ll be here unless you tell me to leave.” He sat down on the chair beside her bed and she frowned at what he said. “I’m sorry, I’ll be here, always.” He corrected himself and she nodded firmly, closing her eyes. Damian takes that as a gesture that he may place the cloth over her eyes. He twisted the cloth in order for the excess water to leave it, and she placed the damp cloth over her eyes.

He looked at her with grief, certain this time would pass as she was merely just confused. She didn’t actually need him, Raven will surely find Garfield again.

The next day came and when Damian went inside her room Raven was already awake on her bed. Her head turned towards the door and their eyes instantly met.

“You’re already awake.” Damian was surprised as it was still quite early in the morning. In fact, the sun had just risen a few minutes ago. 

When she saw him, her eyes watered and he came running to her side.

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Should I–” He turned around ready to call a nurse, but a cold hand over his hand stopped him. His head spun to look at Raven with an ashen expression and Raven wiped away her stray tears with her free hand.

“I just wanted you here.” She confessed in what was barely a whisper. Hearing that made Damian kneel before her as he clenched her hand and brought it to his forehead which was lowered. This had been a habit he had developed over the years he spent waiting for Raven to awaken.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized as a tear slipped away from his eye. “I–”

“You’re not going to leave me, right?” Raven’s voice broke as she asked but she still held onto her resolve to look strong. He looked up at her with green eyes that held terror at the thought. She thought that this was an image she never knew he would show, and yet she was uncertain why she thought so.

“I swear Raven, I will be here throughout your recovery. No matter what.” Damian swore tears pooling in his eyes. She withdrew the hand against his forehead and reached out to his temple, he closed his eyes as she brushed her thumb gently under his eye.

“I will hold you to that.” She replied, pulling her hand away.

“I can’t tell you how you got this way– I can tell you your medical condition– granted not in full, in order not to add stress to you.” He said his tone back to a gentleness she was certain wasn’t his norm. 

Raven placed her hand over his again and nodded in understanding. Even if something was telling her this wasn’t how he normally acted, she still embraced it, maybe only because it was only for her that he was acting like this and no one else. And she kind of hoped that this version of him was indeed only for her, even if it was a selfish thought.

“Okay, so good news is: because of your magical origin you didn’t really lose weight. In fact, because of your magic you were able to survive.” Damian noticed the confused look on her face, and he found himself rather alarmed. 

“What is your latest memory Raven?” His tone on edge, she just looked at him blankly and then eventually frowned.

“I don’t– I don’t recall anything.” She replied and Damian inhaled a sharp breath.

“Yesterday was the same?” Damian tried to confirm even though he did not want to know the answer and she nodded in reply.

“It’s just a blank haze.” Raven mumbled with a frown. 

“Okay, okay– no it is fine, okay?” Damian mumbled although his eyes were shifty. Raven squeezed his hand to try and calm him and reassure him. It was odd how she naturally wanted to comfort him over anything else– over the fact that she has known since she had awaken– that she knew nothing at all.

“I’m in no rush to get my memories– as long as– that is, you are here.” Raven looked at him with calm ease. But his expression did not look pleasant, and a blanket of fear settled over her heart. “I realize– I don’t know how we are related– you must have someone–” The tension in her voice was stifling and Damian immediately cupped both her cheeks forcing her to look at him, making her forget her unreasonable fears.

But were they really unreasonable?

“There is no one else I’d rather be with than with you.” Damian said, leaning his forehead against hers, and she sighed as she closed her eyes, cupping his cheeks in return. She didn’t want to break the silence, and she felt– she was certain he felt the exact same way. Raven couldn’t explain why she knew that but they bask at the silence and their warmth for as long as time would allow.

He told her that she was special and in an almost round-about manner that she was related to a powerful being, whose name and identity shall be omitted to ensure she will not be overwhelmed. And because of this entity, she was born with magic which then aided her rather impossible recovery. If she wasn’t this special, he feared the worst, and Raven knew what that meant.

She could have died.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Almost two weeks had passed and Raven was utterly frustrated. She wanted to remember something– anything. She wanted so desperately to know him.She couldn’t sleep because of it.

“I know you are having a hard time remembering, so I understand why you are restless in an unfamiliar place, but you need to get some rest.” Damian urged Raven quietly with arms crossed. She looked at him with furrowed brows, she was on her hospital bed that was elevated for her to sit.

“Haven’t I rested enough?” She wondered aloud and he shook his head.

 “You know that is not what I mean.” He replied to her.

 “I just can’t sleep.” Raven confessed in a quiet voice as her eyes dodge around the white walls anxiously.

 Damian took a step closer to her, “Why?” He asked in a gentle manner and her eyes fell on him. The gentleness in his voice is almost associating to his default tone– almost.

 “I’m afraid.” She replied with watery eyes, and her hands started to shake a little. He couldn’t help but press his lips, he did not know what to say. He was supposed to show her how firm he could be but he could see that she had become weary because of exhaustion.

 “Why?” He simply asked as if talking to a child, and she suddenly held onto his wrists.

 “What if, when I wake you’re not here?” She said nervously, her eyes darting to the door momentarily. In fact, she would refuse to eat some meals if she had not seen him for the day.

 “I already don’t know much about you.” Raven looked back at him, her eyes visibly shaking. “What if– what if–” Her stare seemed to unfocus behind him which worried Damian.

 “What if I wake up and I don’t remember what little I know about you?” Her violet eyes suddenly looked at his green eyes which startled him. The fear and the distant gaze made his heart ache and made him equally worry. “I already don’t know anything about you.” Her breathing became ragged and he felt guilty.

 “But what if you remember?” He asked simply in a soft voice as he looked down, he did not want to acknowledge it, but it had to be said.  

 Suddenly Raven held his shoulders and was so close to his face that he was left startled again. Her eyes filled with terror that Damian almost mirrored the same thing.

 “What if I don’t like what I remember?” She asked as she exhaled in an almost wheezing manner. Damian’s heart sank hearing her words. 

 “But– what if you do?” He heard himself barely whisper. He was certain that the first thing she would remember was Garfield and all the happy memories they shared. He had not thought of Garfield in the past weeks, but it made him realize how he had to tell Garfield that Raven was now awake. 

 Damian looked at her with the most indifferent expression he could muster, and cupped her cheek and sighed. But the indifference in his face made her scared. He had told Dick not to tell anyone she was awake for now, as to not have any visitors that could overwhelm Raven, but it is probably time to introduce her to other people. 

 “You know, I think if I introduce you to people you knew before the accident, it can help you.” Damian said slowly, not even looking at her face. Raven’s eyes widened in sheer terror, and her shaking hand reached out to Damian’s jaw to make him look at her. She couldn’t even make him turn his head to her because she had no strength in her body left at his suggestion.

 “Please, don’t make me.” Tears fell down her cheeks as her voice broke. Looking at her like this made Damian feel a different kind of guilt that stayed heavy on his heart. 

 “Okay, okay, okay.” Damian scooped her up into his arms. “I won’t force you.” He comforted her as he rubbed her back. She wept for a few more minutes and then pulled away.

 “But you have to promise me that you will try and get proper rest.” Damian added gently and she pouted. 

 “If you sleep with me.” She replied in a serious tone, but the words shocked Damian to his core, he almost wavered and gave in to her request. Damian knew he shouldn’t.

 He sat there frozen, which made Raven frown. “I can’t do that.” He said standing up, his tone uninviting as he turned his back against her. Raven pressed her lips but did not try to persuade him. She laid back down on her bed, and stared at his back.

 “Fine.” She agreed silently. “I don’t want visitors yet.” She added in a slightly louder tone as she observed Damian nod his head.

 “Let’s just focus on your recovery first then.” Damian turned around to look at her again, but this time with a smile and Raven felt that she had no choice but to pretend to not be hurt at that moment.

~.~.~.~.~

The days passed which then turned to weeks, the doctors and the scientists were surprised with her incredible recovery. 

 In less than two weeks Raven had already found strength in her legs to hold her body. She was still frail, but she could walk a couple steps, albeit with trouble. However, they attributed her speedy recovery from her origins, her magic that she must have been unconsciously using all this time.

Damian had once mentioned to Raven that she could heal herself and be back to normal in a matter of seconds. But her response, which also frightened him, put a stop to any attempts of convincing her to heal herself– Raven simply said she didn’t know how to.

Damian’s heart ached at the implication of Raven not knowing how to do something she was currently unconsciously doing. It could mean she was never using her magic to heal herself, and surviving or waking up was sheer luck. Or perhaps she won in the gene lottery because of her father. If it wasn’t magic that got her this far, perhaps the different composition of her father’s blood in her had helped her somehow. And if that was the case, it would still boil down to sheer luck for Raven to live this long.

The implication was something that he hated. 

Luck was intangible and as untrustworthy as his own mother. If luck was the reason Raven was still here, then he was so close to losing her for all eternity. This was something he could not accept.

“I don’t understand why she can’t recall anything.” Damian asked from outside Raven’s room. Raven was leaning against the wall by her bedroom door. She had initially wanted to go out to meet him, but his worried voice from outside just made her pressed her lips instead. 

Raven felt bad that she couldn’t remember anything, but she also liked the pace she and Damian had. There was a fondness in the fact that their moments together were completely theirs and no one else’s, Raven purely enjoyed this.

“We theorize she doesn’t want to remember.” A voice replied which she recognized as the head scientist.

“Well, aside from obvious trauma.” The doctor added and she pressed her lips again. Raven decided she did not need to hear what they had to say next, as she slowly walked across the room, lost in her thoughts.

“I can’t make these kinds of decisions for her.” Damian had said in a faintly pained voice. 

The door to Raven’s room is eventually opened by Damian as he walks in quietly. Raven was standing by her window as she gazed at the lawn outside. 

“Raven, when did you wake up?” He asked her, the pain in his voice gone and was replaced with a stifling gentleness that she recognized as unfamiliar and yet that was how he had been talking to her since she woke up– gentle, tender, caring and almost so very, very loving.

“It’s odd…” She mumbled, looking out the window and then glanced at the windowsill. “ I am certain you normally don’t talk in such a manner.” She brushed her fingers on the windowsill as she heard footsteps go to her. He stopped a little behind her, and she shifted her gaze out the window again. 

“And yet, I have no memory to supplement–” She raised her hands and gazed at her palms. “This knowledge.” Damian looked down on the ground unsure on how to comfort her or reassure her without having to lie. 

“I just know… you’re not this gentle– but–” She turned to look at him. “I also feel that you are only ever gentle with me.” Raven noted his fluttering eyes which then quickly avoided her, she cupped his cheek making him look at her.

“You still refuse to tell me what we really are to each other.” She said, and she noted how he closed his eyes.

He sighed, “I don’t think you’d want to know.” Was his reply as he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. “We are–”

“I believe you.” She cut him off in a firm but gentle tone. She didn’t want to know, but she wanted to live in this moment. “I believe you’re right when you say that I don’t want to know.”

Raven’s gaze at him was patient and unhurried, she didn’t want to know especially when he said she wouldn’t want to. She smiled at him softly and he stared back at her, hiding the pain he felt. 

Damian concluded that he couldn’t get lost in this moment because when the bubble burst– when she recalls, he knew who she would run to first and it was obviously– it couldn’t be– him. No matter the small hints dropped, Damian had to believe it was unintended because she was merely confused with the missing memories.

He will endure this pain until she chooses Garfield all over again. It was always Garfield– it was never him.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 A few weeks passed by and Raven was finally walking without a problem, she had ventured through the villa and knew every room as if it was her home. Damian had just convinced Raven to take walks outside the villa and she begged him that he had to be there whenever she did go for a walk outside the building. 

They went down the stairs, but being self-aware that she was expected to walk out of the building scared her. She knew she wasn’t ready and she squeezed the hand that held hers firmly. Damian’s green eyes looked at her trying to hide the worry, but she saw through it. 

Raven knew that she had to be strong for him at least, that alone was enough to bring her to the end of the staircase. She knew he asked this of her for her own good. She knew he was worried how she had locked herself inside the villa. She knew these even when there were no words that were said directly to her. 

Raven knew and she did not know why, but she knew all of these.

Damian would ask her if she wanted to know more about her, but she would just shake her head, rejecting his offer. Raven then would tell him that she was content with what little she knew of herself. And she knew and could feel his turmoil as if it was hers, but she would not delve into the matter any further.

She didn’t want to know more about herself. Raven simply wanted to know more about Damian.

Damian guided her to the main entrance, a door she would more often than not pass by as if it did not exist. There were a couple of times she would glance at it and rarely stare for more than two minutes and then proceed to ignore it. She found she had no interest in the outside world, she liked it here, inside this huge mansion with Damian. That was more than she needed. She wanted to be with him– the man holding her hand.

Raven squeezed his hand again as they stopped in front of the door. 

Damian had reached out for the doorknob with his free hand but feeling her squeeze his hand again made him turn to her.

“Do you want to do this?” He asked sympathetically, and she tried to smile to comfort him but her uncertainty had become bigger than her. She squeezed his hand again as she forced herself to nod. 

Damian took a deep breath and opened the door and as it swung open and revealed the green grass, Raven’s legs buckled. An image in her head overlapped with the green grass. And she no longer saw the tranquil lawn outside– instead she saw destruction.

Raven’s breathing became heavy as the image remained in her sight. Cars littered everywhere, smoke and flames, and then there was–

Raven screamed as her palms covered her face. She had fallen on her knees screaming as she wept.

“Raven!” Damian yelled as he dropped to his knees to hold her in his arms. She screamed as she held onto him.

“No, no, no!” She repeated as she held onto his shirt as if she’d ripped it from how strong her grip was. “Damian!” She screamed his name in so much terror his heart dropped to his stomach and he hugged her tightly.

“I’m here, I’m here.” He repeated but her repeating words of no was louder. He called her name but she didn’t respond, just sobbed and called his name in a broken whisper. He forcefully pulled her away from his chest, and she struggled in his arms not wanting to let go. 

“I’m here Raven, I’m here.” He  forced himself to say as he kept her at a distance so she could see his face. She continued to scuffle at him, her eyes unfocused as tears streamed down her face. “Raven!” He called her name as loudly as he could so his voice would not be drowned out by her voice. He sounded like he was about to burst into tears and his chest ached even more seeing her tremble in place at the sudden sound– at his sudden burst.

Raven’s eyes found his, her hands quivering, “Damian.” She hugged him and wept in silence.

“There, there.” He patted her back and they remained that way for a moment, he adjusted his hands so that he could carry her back to her room. “Let’s go back, let’s try again some other day.” He coaxed her quietly. He felt her nod against his collar bone. 

Damian squeezed her one more time and then found his footing in order to stand up. Raven continued to cry as he climbed back up to her bedroom.

When they arrived in her room and he settled her on her bed, she confessed to him how afraid she was that night of the accident. She was afraid she wouldn’t get to experience a life with him by her side. 

Raven initiated their first kiss, and in the confusion he kissed her back with the passion he held onto and had for her for years. Raven kissed back, slipping her tongue inside his mouth and she recognized his inexperience because of it and he confirmed it when he pulled away.

Damian couldn’t help but mention she had dated before, couldn’t help but say Garfield’s name and thus had to see her expression shift right before his own eyes. 

She longed for him– Garfield.

Raven was confused because she didn’t have any memories of Garfield, but her heart beats loudly upon hearing his name. Her expression could not help but mold into longing, and Damian saw all of this. She could vaguely feel his pain behind the turmoil that was brought about when Damian said Garfield’s name.

She still wanted to choose Damian even if her heart and body remembered this man named Garfield, even if she reacted in such an extreme manner. But the turmoil inside of her made her tired, she wanted to rest and yet she still wanted Damian.

Raven asked if they could try walking outside again tomorrow and he quietly obliged. She knew she had to tell him before her feelings got lost in translation– lost in words that were never said. 

Raven had to define what she wanted with him. What she wanted with Damian and no one else.

“I would like to date you, Damian.” Her words were sincere and certain even when she was clearly reacting towards that name– Garfield.

But Damian quickly shot her down by saying, “Your memory isn’t like what it was, Raven. I think it’s too early to say that.” She pressed her lips, she hated how he replied. She hated how he shot her down so quickly. But then, she also hated herself, what could she have done to someone this good to her, to reply that easily? To reply in such a manner?

Garfield, even though the name sparked a reaction to her physically, she didn’t remember her love for him. If someone told her that her heart was beating because of the love she had for Garfield, she’d tell them instantly: that isn’t the case. 

This beating was more akin to fear, she didn’t want to know anything about Garfield because to a degree she was aware it would affect her relationship with Damian. 

Now that was something she did not want at all.

But Raven will be patient, she had to be. 

If Damian wasn’t ready now, she will wait, and she will not have someone who she didn’t remember obstruct her. She knew she chose Damian on her dying breath and that meant something stronger than this person she didn’t remember, named Garfield. 

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Raven had stopped keeping track of the days but a week ago she was finally able to step out of the mansion. Previously they would stand in front of the entrance ranging from a panic stricken melt-down to a staring contest that could last a few minutes to hours and yet she could never step out of the building. 

The first time Raven struggled to go outside helped her remember something though– her accident. She had an inkling why she was afraid of going outside and now she knew her accident took place in an open space. 

Raven found this out the first time she attempted to step out and saw the fast field. Her legs gave in as she so vaguely recalled a scene that overlapped the green grass. It was an unpleasant memory which she had not informed Damian she recalled, even if so very faint. Even when he carried her up to her room and comforted her, she didn’t tell him the details of what she had seen and felt but now it was different.

Raven knew for certain that it involved the man who was always there as she recovered– Damian. 

She tried to calm her mind in order to find peace to try and put the pieces together. And that was how she knew, just a week ago, why she held Damian so tightly every time, why she had to see him, why it had to be him that accompanied her.

Today Damian promised he would go out and join her for a walk. If he wasn’t by her side she would refuse to even attempt stepping out of the safety of the building he provided for her. They stood in front the main entrance of his villa, Raven holding his wrist with both hands in a tight grip. Even though they have gone out over a couple of times, it still wasn’t an easy feat for Raven. 

Damian rested his free hand over her cold hands that were tightly wrapped around his wrist. Even when she was evidently shaking he never forced her out. But there were so many times where she would just faint out of pure fear which then would make him wonder: if Raven knew how painful it is to catch her like that, would she refuse to leave the villa?

Did he even have the right to be hurt when he is someone she didn’t love in that way?

“Damian?” Raven called in a small voice, her eyes worried as she looked up at him. He smiled at her faintly.

“I’m sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” He admitted, no matter what, he cannot be delusional. It might have seemed like she held her hand out for him twice, but it could be that it wasn’t– no it isn’t the case. She could have been confused and thought he was Garfield. He sighed and closed his eyes tightly.

He recalled what happened weeks ago, where they had shared their first kiss, she said doesn’t remember Garfield but when she does recall her old flame, Damian knew he’d be left with a broken heart. She didn’t know any better, and he tried his hardest to pretend it never happened. He knew Raven could see through him and did not cause any trouble, instead she played along with his unspoken wish. 

Pretend like she didn’t tell him that she was scared to not experience a love with him, pretend she didn’t kiss him and he didn’t kiss back.

“Damian.” She called his name again, her voice sounding like she was at the verge of tears and he looked at her worriedly. “Do you know why I’m scared of going outside?” She thought that even if she just knew a few days ago of the reason why she found it hard to step outside, she had to tell him, even if– when her memories return, it might not be the truth anymore. 

Even when he was clearly pushing her away.

Damian didn’t look at her, he only looked down on the floor. He did not want her to continue. 

And it made her heart ache, it made her wonder why he would act like this. When her memories return, she would know why he is like this, she must have hurt him a lot before. And there was a part of her that hoped she wouldn’t have those memories back, because there was one thing she knew for a long time– she wanted to build a future with him.

She wasn’t sure she could if she really did something awful to him. 

Was she an awful person?

Raven pressed her lips together, but she still had to take a chance, “Whenever I get to hold your hand.” She pulled one of her hands off of his wrist and laced her hand with his. “It feels so perfect, when I get to hold you like this, it makes me feel so safe. Like I would never get lost, and I would never lose you.” She leaned against his shoulder as he remained quiet.

“Please don’t tell me that I will regret this when I have my memories back.” She softly added as a tear slipped her eye which she hid from him. And they remained silent as she found the strength to open the door and step out. 

And for the first time, it was her who guided him out, not the other way around. 

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Then the day she finally met Garfield came, Garfield called her name out and it made her freeze. The beating in her chest wasn’t out of fear, it was love and Raven hated it. She hated how she recognized his voice and when she turned to look at him– she remembered him. She recalled their happy memories. She instantly knew something about him and it scared her.

Raven had been so happy these past months because of the man beside her– Damian. And yet, this person– Garfield, decided to barge into their pleasant conversation. She still didn’t remember much about Damian other than being so terrified when she thought she was dying and couldn’t spend time with him.

But with Garfield it was like her life with him was flashing through her eyes, and she was feeling everything as if it was still happening. 

It was overwhelming her, she knew she loved him. She loved Garfield so much. 

Raven could feel Damian’s turmoil– his pain. She could feel Garfield’s joy at her being awake and his anger at Damian for not telling him. She could even feel the guilt of the man behind Garfield, whom Damian called Greyson. And she can feel the love she had for Garfield for nine long years.

Damian confirmed what he knew– in her eyes Garfield will always surpass him. But this moment also made Damian realize just how much he had allowed himself to sink into this make-believe life they built within the mansion. He wasn’t her boyfriend, and she didn’t have a space for him in her heart. 

The unexpected guest that Greyson brought was a much needed wake-up call.

“Get out.” Raven said firmly and as mean as she could but her words came out gentle and tired. Damian was surprised by this and turned to her instantly, but she turned around and looked out the window. “All of you.” 

Raven was combing the memories that felt more than an assault than anything else. It was her happy memories with Gar, she was sure of it, but she hated it so much. She crossed her arms over her chest refusing to talk to anyone and they left one by one, Damian being the last to leave.

When the hours passed by she felt better with more control over her emotions. Raven sat down by the windowsill thinking of what she could or would do with these new found memories. She knew firmly how she did not want to pursue Garfield even when her memories were playing tricks on her. 

Yes, tricks that is what these memories are– tricks. 

Raven knew who she wanted to be with Damian, it doesn’t matter how her memories of Garfield made her so desperately want to run to said person. She had made her choice, the night of her accident, that she wanted her future to be with Damian.

And yet, why was it that she was convincing herself over and over again of that choice?

When the door opened and she heard footsteps come her way, even when her back was facing the intruder, she knew it was Damian.

“He hasn’t left has he?” She asked even if she did not have confirmation that it was Damian, but the voice that responded was the one who had been with her since she woke up– no since she was in a coma. His voice always followed her.

Damian told her how Garfield refused to leave until he talked to her, but Damian didn’t come here to convince her to talk to Garfield, he came because she had to eat dinner. 

Raven agreed to eat dinner only if Damian joined her and Damian did not complain. He was rather surprised that she would want his company, perhaps this would just be like how they have been living so far, another stolen moment– a temporary happy memory. And yet, he still could not complain, he was still rather glad, even if it was temporary he was still being chosen– for this moment, for this hour, for this day.

Damian brought the food up for the two of them and they sat across from each other in silence. Raven was picking on her food and he remained quiet and patient. 

Raven sighed and then said, “It’s odd, when I saw him, it felt like I just realized the world was a puzzle with missing pieces, and his presence just made all the missing pieces appear on it’s designated places. He was familiar, he was someone I knew— love , maybe even… but something didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to approach him and I didn’t want him to approach me.”

There could have been more said after what Raven confessed and yet the pair knew there was nothing that needed to be said or done. They were completely fine with each other’s company. She recognized his pain and his suffering for all these years, and he recognized how upset and angry she was at how Garfield made her react the way she did.

But they said nothing to rely on what they already knew about each other and instead remained in silence which was a comforting embrace for them both.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Three days passed when Raven finally decided she could meet Garfield. She had to face him sooner or later and she was mostly thankful for his unexpected visit as it became the firestarter for her memories to really come back to her.

It hurt and it was overwhelming, she knew she loved Garfield, but that was a version of her who has always known nothing but loving him. She saw clearly how bad they were together and yet the love she had for Garfield was like looking at the scorching sun directly in the eyes. No matter how bright the sun was, staring at it directly would pain one’s eyes.

It did leave her so utterly confused. But her decision hasn’t changed, it was still Damian whom she wanted to be with.

The day Raven saw Garfield was the last day she had seen Damian. She grew so very anxious, she had lost her appetite to eat or go out of her bedroom. She wondered if her refusal to eat would at least prompt Damian to visit her again. 

Why had he not visited her for days? Had he seen her with Garfield that day– out on his lawn?

She had to explain herself to Damian and then she would find herself standing by her bedroom door thinking of leaving, to look for Damian herself. But her body couldn’t, it refused to go out, she would find herself puking into her toilet instead. 

Her days without Damian passed like that, she couldn’t go out of her bedroom without him. But she wanted so badly to see him and talk to him because the fear in her chest was so heavy it felt like it was crushing her ribs. She didn’t realize until now how dependent on him she had become.

Raven was currently laying on her bed, looking at the ceiling as she tried to control her emotions. She didn’t count the days that she hadn’t seen Damian after the third day because she was afraid that he might never come and being that aware of how many days she hadn’t seen him pained her too much.

She wanted to cry, she was so scared, but she couldn’t even find her voice to express her fear and pain.

Raven got up and faced the door when she felt another wave of panic assault her. She covered her face as she caved in on her emotions. The memory of the night when she was attacked flashing before her eyes.

Was it too late to tell him? Will he never come?

She wanted so badly to be with him, the fear of not being able to– was choking her.

The door suddenly opened and she shot up on her feet, hoping it was him– she catched the familiar black hair and green eyes and that beautiful tan skin of Damian Wayne. Her feet moved fast with a sob as the distance between them only felt like two steps as she gave him a tight embrace. 

Raven was scared, she was terrified that maybe she was manifesting a fake Damian because of her desire to see him. But holding the warm body and familiar aura of the man who had patiently waited for her for years– she knew, it was undoubtedly him.

Damian was confused, but when she felt his strong arms gently returning her hug, Raven held onto him even tighter as she placed her eyes against his shoulder as she wept, refusing to let him go. 

“I thought you wouldn’t come back. I was so scared.” Her pleading voice made his heart ache. 

He didn’t know what to say, “I’m sorry for worrying you.” A soft reply as he tightened his hold on her and held her down so her feet would touch the floor. But she did not let him go and he did not either and so they held each other tightly for a bit longer.

Eventually Raven pulled away as she tried to collect herself. She wiped her tears as she looked at those emerald eyes. She instantly saw the confusion in his eyes and her heart skipped a beat in fear. She reached for his hands, afraid he’d suddenly turn around– deciding to leave her for good.

So she told him all the things that were running through her head. 

“When Gar came and guided me outside, I couldn’t find the strength to step through the door. All I could think about was that I need you. I need you to hold my hand as I step outside. While that night kept flashing through my mind. But he held my hand– and it felt so familiar. And all my fears just vanished.” Raven looked down on her feet, she could remember vividly how that day went. And if Damian had seen them at the lawn, how it must have felt for him to see such a scene.

“And I found myself outside– with him.” She added, sounding distressed, but she hadn’t finished and she found herself holding onto Damian’s hand tightly as if looking for strength to continue on. A broken smile was on her lips as the tears on her eyes slipped and fell onto the floor. She didn’t want to continue, but she had to. 

“I forgot the time I was injured, till the time before he held my hands. It felt like I could breathe again.” Her eyes suddenly met his green gaze and Damian was startled, he had to admit: he hated this conversation. “He will always be someone that matters to me, we will always have history. I have loved him for nine years, we shared so many memories– so many firsts. But I do not want to be with him. I want to be with you. And I know I am asking a lot, but if all these don’t bother you– I would love it, if you would date me.” She said as quickly and calmly as she could. Raven felt like she was just ranting and making a fool of herself now. And it was worse when there was only silence that greeted her.

“I want you. I want to be with you.” She softly added, thinking that maybe it would make a difference. But the silence continued and her confidence shrank even more.

“I don’t mind.” Was his soft reply that she didn’t hear, because Raven was convinced that he did not feel the same way for her. 

She indeed was such a fool.

“If that is an issue for you, then I completely understand.” She mumbled.

“I don’t mind.” He repeated, a bit louder this time.

“I know it’s been two years, and that there must have been someone you became interested in. Or maybe you’ve even dated a bit. I know we don’t talk about it, but I get that–” She tried to rationalize because it made sense. Damian wouldn’t wait for someone who broke his heart over and over again. And yet, it hurt so much, she squeezed her eyes trying not to cry at the truth. 

He didn’t want her.

But Raven’s tone gave her away, she was so close to sobbing. She was so scared of losing him.

“Raven,” Came Damian’s steady voice that echoed into the room, she found her eyes looking straight at him. His strong hand against her cheek, his green eyes steadily gazing at her in a tender manner. “I want to be with you.” She couldn’t find the strength to believe him.

“I’ve always wanted to be with you– I waited for you.” His words finally reached Raven’s soul, she felt his relief and her tears washed away her distrust over his confession. “I almost gave up, I admit that.” He looked away and she cupped his cheeks.

“If I were in your place, even I would waver.” She admitted as she tried to catch his gaze. 

When their eyes were finally locked at one another she added in a gentle tone, “Garfield will always have some meaning to me– his all I have known for nine years, even before sleeping for two years– my history with him is half my life. I was afraid. I thought he was the only one who could possibly love someone like me– I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. I want my next memories and moments– with you. And slowly those memories I had, and my history with him, will just be a fraction of my life. I want you. I want every possible milestone with you, Damian.” She felt that she had to explain herself, had to make him fully aware that being with her would be a challenge, that it wasn’t going to be easy because of her ex. But God– Azar, this was all she wanted since she woke up. 

It was difficult to hold to the desire of wanting to be with Damian when her memories made her feel her love for someone else. It hurt so much and it was draining her, but she had to hold on because she had to see if she had a chance with him– with Damian.

He nodded and she wanted to cry in disbelief and happiness. He really chose her, despite everything and the challenges that had faced and they will face. She knows very well, first hand, how hard it is to hold onto the thought of a future with Damian.

“I never thought this day would happen.” A gentle confession from Damian as he leaned against her, resting his forehead on hers. The contact made her smile softly and they remained like that in silence.

It was Damian who would break the silence, “I was afraid to ask, or open up about this, especially since you were still recuperating– and your memories are fuzzy. But who would have thought you would catch me by surprise and open up the topic yourself?” 

Raven didn’t want to hear him talk anymore because to her ears, it was Damian confirming how closely she evaded not having him in her life. And Raven took another chance– she kissed him and she was surprised when he kissed her back shyly. 

Raven deepened the kiss, wanting to taste more of him. Her worries about losing sight of wanting to be with him are lost at the back of her mind. The kiss seemingly a symbol that anchored her to him. 

She pulled away when she recalled the last time they shared a kiss, his inexperience– the same kind that was now awkwardly against her lips.

“We will take it step by step. I might still remember more about Garfield, and I might get a little confused. But remind me that I chose you since that night.” Raven stood on her tippy toes and rested her forehead against his head. Their eyes locked at one another and she caught the surprise that flashed in his eyes for a moment and then he brushed his thumb against her cheek. 

“I finally caught up to you.” He whispered and Raven couldn’t help the small laughter that she tried to hide from coming out.

Raven felt that it was truly the other way around. It was her who finally caught him.

  ~.~.~.~.~.~

 Damian was asleep with Raven in her king sized bed and he awoke when he noticed the familiar frame that was usually resting on his chest turned to her side, away from him. His green eyes slowly opened, aware of the missing weight and warmth of his girlfriend. His eyes were still half open when he heard the shallow breathing of Raven.

“Raven.” He called out as he turned her to lay on her back, she did not respond but he noticed the sweat forming on her forehead.

“Gar…” She whispered between wheezes. Damian froze hearing her call for Garfield.

“Gar– Please.” He heard her stifle. “Don’t– please.” She turned her head from left to right. “Don’t leave me please.” She begged as tears streamed down her. 

“I love you.” She whispered and then wept, Damian felt like his heart was ripped away from him, but looking at her like that all sweaty and in tears– he couldn’t let his pain get ahead of himself. With shaking hands he wiped her tears with one hand and wiped her sweat with the other.

Raven suddenly jolted awake from the touch. “Gar?” Was the name that she called out first as she sat up and placed her hands on Damian’s chest. Damian’s expression remained as stoic as possible, but he couldn’t hide the slight widening of his green eyes.

“Gar– I thought– I thought–” Raven’s voice sounded desperate and Damian hated it. Her violet eyes were also filled with the same kind of desperation. 

Raven’s shaky eyes stared at Damian’s emerald eyes, but he could see and understand that his girlfriend was not seeing him. He saw how Raven’s gaze of despair slowly turned to pure confusion then fear.

To Raven she had seen Garfield’s green skin, but once she gazed at his eyes, she found that it was not the same shade or shape as Garfield’s eyes. And then suddenly the image of Garfield was replaced by Damian Wayne.

“Damian?” She asked in confusion, almost chokingly. “What are you doing in my bed? In my room?” She glanced around and realized she did not recognize where she was. “Where am I?” Her tone was pure fear and Damian could only press his lips in silence.

Raven stumbled as she got off the bed in her confusion, “Where– where am I?” she mumbled as she gazed at her surroundings again and she tripped backwards. Raven felt extremely hopeless, she placed her hands over her eyes as she wept.

“I don’t- I don’t.” She mumbled as she heard rustling from the bed. Damian got up and slowly approached her and knelt by her side. He was hurt, he was so hurt that she was still looking for Garfield. This wasn’t the first time he would wake up to her hysterics, but it did not make every single one after the first episode any easier. 

This started happening a few weeks after they got together and the intervals became closer as the time progressed.

He reached her hand and she heard her loud gasp as she looked up with wide amethyst eyes that showed both her confusion and fear. She felt guilty at how loud her own breath was.

“Damian?” She asked as she sniffed, there was recognition in her eyes and she hugged him as she wept. “I did it again, didn’t I? Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry.” She cried and he hugged her tightly.

“It hurts, I admit that much.” He whispered as he put his face against the nook of her shoulder and neck and there was silence from Raven as she held in her sobs by sucking in her lips. “But you are not going to get rid of me that easily. You made me promise, remember? To remind you that you chose me since that night.” 

Raven pulled away to look at him and cupped his face, the tears pooling in her eyes and she nodded as she tried to smile. 

“Yes, that’s right, I chose you. You– Damian Wayne.” She whispered her eyes searching for his pain. His thumb neared Raven’s left eye and she closed both her eyes as he wiped her tears. 

“You choose me, and I will fight whatever fucking monster I have to– to remind you that you chose me– until you don’t want me anymore.” Damian spoke gently as he rested his forehead against hers.

“Me? Not wanting you?” She repeated back, a concept she could not understand and she shook her head. “All I’ve ever wanted in my coma was you.”

Damian felt a warmth in his chest and he found a small hand rubbing against his sternum gently. Her eyes glanced at his chest for a  second.

“May this warmth bloom and grow bigger, I am not letting you go ever.” Raven then suddenly gazed at his eyes. Damian was startled by the firmness in her  eyes.

“Okay.” He couldn’t help but reply. He was more than alright with that. He smiled at her affectionately. 

Damian was always taken aback by her skills as an empath, especially on times like this; when Raven would reaffirm his affection for her by reminding her in small gestures that she can feel his love for her, and he never needed her to say that she loved him back because it was clear in her eyes, in her touch, in her voice– she loves him back wholeheartedly.

It wasn’t something  they questioned when their minds were in this kind of tranquility. 

 ~.~.~.~.~

 They had been officially dating for a couple of months and Damian could clearly see how positively this fact has affected Raven. She was laughing with him so much and she would look at him with such an endearing gaze; which was rather suffocating for Damian, only because he still couldn’t believe it himself– that they are finally together. 

Raven would run around with him through the villa like kids, and they would steal kisses from one another. Whenever he was here, the two would have so much fun. It was unbelievable that the two had been pining for someone for nine years.

When Damian would have to leave, and when his absence would be longer due to missions, he could see the fear and worry in her eyes and face. And it made him want to stay by her side, but he couldn’t do that, he was a hero, this was his job. The guilt and pain Damian felt when he had to leave Raven for long missions was worse now that they are dating.

The feeling of not wanting to leave was so strong that it made it hard for Damian to part from Raven with a tranquil mind. In fact every parting since they started dating had made the feeling even more stuffier; for a moment or two, he had considered leaving the team and Batman entirely.

The couple were in Raven’s bedroom, they were sitting on a new bed that the two had gotten to replace her hospital bed a long time ago. They even spent so much time renovating her entire space. When Damian would step into the room, he could now tell it was hers. She had a space in a house he had asked from his father for her. There was a level of permanency that could not be replaced and could not be described with this fact. He had finally grown and nurtured such an intimate relationship with someone.

However, Damian has to leave for two weeks and he can see it in his girlfriend’s violet eyes that she does not want him to be away from her.

“When you’re gone, now that we are together, your absence feels longer than it actually is.” Raven confessed, she was finally no longer lying on the hospital bed that she had slept on for years, it was oddly comforting. 

Damian was sitting across from her on her bed and he looked at her gently as he brushed her cheek, hoping he could brush off her sad expression.

“I will be careful.” He whispered, the moonlight being their only light within the room. 

“I know, it’s what you always say every time.” Raven answered back, and they stared at each other.

But this time it was different. 

Those were the words that the couple didn’t say aloud but knew was in each other’s minds and it was clear on their faces. 

But this time it was different. It is true, this time, it was different. 

To Damian this would be the first time he would leave her as her boyfriend for two whole weeks. To Raven, when he leaves she could no longer ease her mind by exploring the villa anymore, just so she would not think of the perils he would be in. She wished that she could do more, but she couldn’t remember how to use her magic or more like it wasn’t cooperating– working, even though she really wished it would.

“I need to go now.” Damian said with a heavy heart and they looked at one another. 

When Damian moved, Raven grabbed his shirt and he looked at her with a broken expression. He held her hands, squeezed them and urged her to let go by pulling her hand off of him. 

It was clear to Raven that he did not want to leave, but they both understood that he had to.

“Be safe.” She said, conceding to his wishes but he pressed his lips and Raven’s eyelid twitches.

“I will try my best.” Was his reply, and she closed her eyes, his hands no longer holding hers as he stood up. Raven stood up too and he looked at her one last time. She leaned closer to him and kissed him on his lips.

“Be safe.” She said again and for a second he rested his head against hers and then planted a gentle kiss on her lips and left her room. 

Damian refused to steal another glance; it never made leaving easy. He couldn’t be tempted into staying any longer. He knows his duties and she knows it clearly too.

Raven couldn’t lead him out of the villa, she was scared of seeing his figure out in the open at night. So she stayed in her room quietly, refusing to even take a peek outside the window to seek out his  figure. 

The thought that maybe this time would be the last time she would see him would overtake her thoughts often, tonight  was worse. Now that they are together, she couldn’t exactly not think of him on missions, she couldn’t distract herself by roaming around the mansion he got for her because all she would see was him and her now. 

They had accumulated so many memories within the mansion that it would be too difficult not to think about him at all.

What kind of dangers would he be facing? How close would he be to death’s door? What decision would save his life?

These thoughts often would haunt her mind when Damian left for missions. 

Raven gazed at her palms, wishing and hoping she would remember how to work her magic at that very moment.

She wanted to protect him. But all she remembered were things about Garfield, Damian leading them as a team– some instances with her team members and– that was all. 

When she tries to remember the night of her injury, she only recalled the fear of losing him. She recalle

DISCLAIMER: Repost with additional details and edits from same title piece found in DAMIRAE ENTRIES.

But this particular one didn’t really change much as compared to the 2021 version of part 1.

Finale:Reciprocate III: The After

Reciprocate II: Damian

 In a sterile white room devoid of any color and of any indication of ownership or personalization, laid a single figure on top of a white medical bed, white sheets tucked over her sternum. The room felt bright because of the color, it was also rather lonely and rather very empty—except for the pale woman with long purple hair that laid on the bed. An empty chair on her right side and bedside tables with nothing on top, on either side of her bed. Her hands laid on her sides and her eyes closed. There was no indication of movement except for her quiet breathing.

The door opened to reveal Damian Wayne in a white button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black slacks and black dress shoes. Despite his neat outfit, his hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot with eyebags underneath. He looked as though he had not slept well at all—which was likely the case.

Afterall, he had not slept well since the day Raven got stabbed. There were good days and bad, now—today was a better day. He walked to the empty chair beside Raven’s right hand, his back facing the door. He sat on the chair and gazed longingly at the figure on the bed.

And he recalled what had transpired that night—the night that caused Raven’s current medical condition.

Raven had fallen and her eyes slowly fluttered close. He could tell that she was trying not to lose consciousness. Raven lifted a hand towards Damian and Garfield’s general direction making Damian wonder if she was trying to reach out to him or Garfield.

‘It had to be Garfield.’, He thought because it would not make sense if Raven was trying to reach out to him. Damian couldn’t help but feel very bitter inside. She would never choose him. She would unlikely want to hold him with her dying breath. 

At this moment the creature was distracted by Tim who was on the other side, seeing this—Damian took the opportunity to run to Raven. He took note of the footsteps that followed behind him, Garfield was right behind him as they ran toward Raven.

Her raised hand was faltering and Damian felt as though his heart was about to jump out of his throat– out of fear.

No. You cannot close your eyes. I will not allow it! 

Damian ran faster towards Raven and as her hand fell to the ground, he finally reached her side. But her eyes had also closed, and Damian held his breath as he– so very gently, held her in his arms.

“Raven! Raven!” He called to her frantically. “No. No. No. Don’t close your eyes, please come back, stay conscious!” His breathing was ragged, his heart beating loudly in his ears. Damian bit his lip and held his breath in a conscious manner, as he tried to calm himself, and think. He had to think.

“Raven! Oh god no.” Garfield stood hovering above Raven, and the next second he was reaching out to Raven. But Damian pulled her closer to him and gave Garfield the darkest and cruelest glare Garfield had ever seen. And Garfield froze, he took a deep breath and gulped down his fear.

“Gar…” Terra came running towards Garfield, and her eyes laid on Raven. “No, if-if she didn’t try to protect me—” Damian gave Terra the same glare Garfield received, making her unable to finish her thought. She froze in fear too.

“We have to stop her bleeding.” Damian absent-mindedly said, his voice cold, and as he scanned Raven’s wound, his eye twitched. Raven had a gaping hole on her chest, Damian did not want to think about it—but the situation was truly grim.

“How are you going to—” Garfield received another glare from Damian.

Damian was not asking or seeking their help to stop Raven’s bleeding, he had said what he had said to inform them only. He will deal with Raven’s injury, no one else is suitable.

Damian reached for something in his utility belt, and he pulled out three silver balls. His facial expression seemingly frozen in a cold and uncaring manner as he placed the one-inch sized ball strategically on her gaping wound. He placed one on top and two at the bottom, forming a triangle. It beeped and glowed a faint blue and from it came out a purple like foam.

Damian’s right eye twitched, his lips pressed together so much that his lips became pale and his brows drawn so closely together, that he looked like he would punch the next person who would touch him.

He had no choice. This was the only way to ‘plug’ Raven’s gaping hole. She was losing too much blood because of it.

Damian clenched his teeth even more, if that was even possible. He leaned Raven on his right arm as his hands clenched tightly. If he had not had gloves on, then anyone would be able to see how white his fist had become. His brows still tightly knit together, it looked painful to watch his brows like that.

And to Garfield and Terra, he looked like the scariest man on earth. They seemed to fear Damian more than the unbeatable monster that had stabbed Raven into this state.

Damian hated what he had to do. He hated that he had to plug Raven like this. He hated that he knew he had to put her down now. Now.

There was a moment of hesitance, but Damian bit his lip till it bled to keep his focus.

“We need to put Raven in a safe spot,” He said in a clipped manner as he picked Raven up in his arms in a princess carry, “Distract that thing and keep him far away from her.” He continued absent-mindedly as his eyes quickly analyzed the best spot to hide her away.

And at the same time, he recalled her injury. There were no organs that were damaged, that at least is a good thing. And he hoped and prayed– at that same moment– that Raven can survive this.

With Damian standing on his full length, Garfield snapped out from his frozen state and had begun to reach out for Raven once again.

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Damian snarled in such an unsightly manner that Garfield remembered the initial fear Damian gave him. Terra did not feel the fear again because she was looking at Garfield with worry and realization. Terra missed to see Damian’s expression and his words did not register in her mind because she knew at that moment while looking at Garfield—that Raven and Garfield will always have history.

Of course, she knew of Raven and Garfield’s relationship and didn’t mind it. Raven was simply his past. Garfield told her that he loves her, and that he would never go back to Raven—if that was something Terra worried about. And he must have kept his word. But the years Raven and him shared was something that could never be erased. And emotions built up throughout those years was something that couldn’t be replaced so easily. To realize such a thing now of all places—

Damian had accidentally hit Terra as he started moving, cutting Terra’s thoughts. For a second her eyes laid on the boy wonder—and to her, she did not see a hero protecting or saving someone. She saw a man holding someone in a way that showed he was too afraid to hold any tighter in fear of losing her. A man refusing to blink, too afraid that it would be his last sight of her and that she would turn into dust any moment now. He held her in such a cautious manner—that it hurt to see him so forlorn like that.

That was something she thought she would never see in Damian Wayne. His body—every cell seemed to radiate a want to not let go of the woman in his arms. A conflict of holding her so tightly so he can remember how it feels to hold her and yet—still, he was a man of responsibility. Despite his desire to just be with her—he knew where he stands—the monster was still there.

Terra quickly turned, refusing to see Garfield’s expression—it was something she did not want to see right now.

“I will cover for you, Damian.” She told him firmly not waiting for a response and simply initiated her suggestion.

Damian sighed loudly in the white room, his forehead resting on his hands that was propped up on the bed beside Raven’s right hand. When they finally got to neutralize the enemy, the first thing Damian did was run to where Raven was. He was so afraid that when he got there, she would be cold and blue.

But she held on.

She held on.

He sighed again, as he turned his head that was resting on his right hand towards Raven.

He begged his father to help him keep her alive, and the first few months—God those were awful. When they arrived to have her healed, nothing was working. Whatever that creature was and what he did, messed with her. He begged his father to do anything—anything. Somehow, they found a way to stabilize her and close the gaping hole in her chest—of course every step was a struggle.

Seeing her with so many tubes and monitors, some advanced tech and some actual alien tech, hurt Damian in a way that a bullet shot could not compare. And he felt so helpless. It was probably the helplessness that hit him even worse than a bullet wound. 

Damian Wayne—son of Batman, son of Bruce Wayne, a robin—a boy wonder—an assassin at some point, still a man seen as the heir of the Demon’s Head—felt so powerless despite all the titles and honor and glory those titles held. He still felt powerless.

He held the woman he had loved for years in his arms, and had to leave her in her injured state to defend the world of the very same creature that injured her in the first place. He left her all alone in a corner—not even knowing if she would be alive when he returned. He knew that having someone guard her would be a waste of manpower. He had to think of the bigger picture—because it is his responsibility, he couldn’t put her over that. And a small part of him hates himself for it.

He had seen her struggle to survive day after day, and night after night since then. The rejection her body faced—and his selfishness, thinking—hoping that she would survive it.

And she did.

She survived everything. And most of the tubes and monitors were finally taken away. Of course, she still had an IV drip and a monitor checking her vitals, just in case. Still, it was fifteen less tubes and monitors—and doctors and scientists.

Damian reached out for Raven’s right hand with his left, his palm resting on the back of her hand. He had gotten so used to all the tubes and monitors, that the first week without them was so unfamiliar to him.

Every time he visited her, he expected the tubes and monitors to multiply and revert back to when they couldn’t seem to cure her. Up until just a few weeks ago, he expected that they would return because she would become unstable again. But it never happened. He was so thankful it never happened. He slipped his right hand under hers, his worries just seemed like paranoia.

“Raven, won’t you wake up already?” He muttered as he had gotten used to talking to himself whenever he visited her.

“I still planned to confess to you,” He chuckled emptily “Won’t you at least let me do that?” He brought her hand to his forehead. “Let me be selfish…”

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door to Raven’s personal room opened, revealing Damian in his robin uniform, his mask off. He walked to her in a slightly slump manner and he took her hands on his and sighed.

“I’m sorry Raven, it appears that I can’t visit you for the unforeseeable future. Something came up.” He looked at her sleeping face sadly.

“Don’t be angry, I try to visit you every day after all, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes, but I never missed a day since you got injured.” He paused a vacant look on his face. “If you ask me, I’m pretty sure they were lenient on my lack of participation in missions recently because I looked as if I had lost a lover.” He laughed in a broken manner.

“It’s funny– how I am reacting as if I had lost a lover—when we never really got to be together. It would be nice if you wake up—at least let me confess to you clearly. And you can put a rest to my pining.” He didn’t know why, but he felt that he had to rearrange her hair before he left and so he did.

“I will come back, I promise you.” He said as he reluctantly let go of her hand. He refused to look back as he left the room, and took his mask from his utility belt and puts it on.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door opened gently again as Damian Wayne in an all-black outfit walked in. He was in his signature black turtleneck. He had on a thin black framed eyeglass on his nose and held a book on his left hand. He had gotten used to opening the door slowly and gently, out of the fear that when he opened the door she wouldn’t be there anymore.

At first, he thought that it was an unreasonable fear, but clearly it was not. He was afraid that the time he wasn’t with her, she would have long been gone. And when he comes to visit, he would be greeted with an empty bed. And he would not be able to even say his farewells.

He closed the door even more gently—because when the door is closed this time was theirs—well his. Because she was still unconscious—still very unaware of his presence.

“Hey Raven, I brought the book I last read to you—I have enough time today to read to you just a few chapters.” He said as he walked to his position beside her. He took a seat on the chair and held her right hand with his right hand. “It would be nice if you woke up soon.” He smiled grimly, the words have started becoming something he said out of habit.

Damian gave her a little recap of what he had read to her before as he held her hand. After that, he continued where he left off, holding her hand when he wasn’t flipping through pages. He read in a slow manner; his mind more aware of the fact that her hand felt so very right against his, instead of the words he was saying aloud.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Raven was still lying unconscious in the white room, on her white bed. Everything was quiet inside.

“Damian it’s been almost eight months!” Came a voice from outside the room.

“So, what Grayson!” Yelled back the voice of Damian Wayne. He was in an argument right outside of Raven’s room with Dick Grayson, his adopted brother—also known as Nightwing.

“Are you serious Dami?” A pause. “At least let others see her!”

“By others you mean Garfield, right?” A loud bang was heard from inside the room.

“Well—shit, yes! Why won’t you let Gar see her? He has been asking about her or where she is.”

“Don’t you dare bring Garfield to see her—don’t you dare!” A furious reply from Damian as shuffling footsteps were heard.

“Look man, I get it. I really do. But Damian, you can’t just hide her away from her teammates.” Dick said in a tone of anxiousness.

“You see her too.” Was Damian’s quiet response. 

“You know that’s not what I mean.” A louder bang entered Raven’s room ending Dick’s words.

“She planned to leave anyway.” Damian said defensively. There was silence for a few seconds and a frustrated humph could be heard from outside the room.

“I—I didn’t think anyone would be able to deal with seeing her in that way—I” Damian paused. “I don’t think they’d want to see her in a coma—I thought it was for the best. I—I’m sorry Grayson, I will let them see her—but—just not Garfield, Grayson. That is all I am asking from you, just not him. He caused her enough pain.” And the door to Raven’s room opened. She still laid there asleep. Damian did not wait for Dick’s reply and he slowly closed the door behind him.

He was in a black button up polo shirt tucked into his black slacks, that was held into place by a black belt with a silver metal piece and he wore his black leather shoes. He looked tired but there was no hint of anger from what had transpired outside Raven’s bedroom.

“You must have heard our little argument, huh?” He said approaching the familiar chair he always sat on when visiting her. “I’m sorry to have disturbed your sleep.” He continued as he sat down on the chair and took her hand in his again. “Of course, I didn’t disturb your sleep, after all you’re still unconscious.” A hollow chuckle soon followed.

Damian placed the back of Raven’s hand against his forehead. “You can wake up now. Scold me for being so selfish. For not allowing Garfield to visit you. In fact, for not letting anyone else visit you aside from a select few. But—mostly Garfield. I will not allow him in here too— in this space– so why don’t you wake up and just tell me how selfish I am.” He tilted his head to look at Raven while her hand was still pressed on the temple of his head.

But as usual there was no response, he was so used to talking to himself by now. At this point, Damian was very convinced that Raven had tried to reach out for Garfield, one last time, before she fainted. And the thought was something that caused him bitterness.

Even in her near-death, Garfield was the last in her mind.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Damian was sitting on the same chair holding Raven’s hand. Three months have passed since Damian and Dick’s heated argument outside of Raven’s bedroom. He wore a red hoodie with black pants and black shoes. This time around, for the first time, he looked less tired since this whole ordeal happened.

“It looks like you had a lot of visitors this month too.” He glanced at the flowers on both bedside tables, pictures in frames of Raven with the team and other things. Now the room seemed to have a little bit of a personality.

“I think it’s great that you have some visitors. Though I admit, I think that eventually they will come to visit less and less, so I think you should wake up soon. Everyone misses you a lot. I think the longer you stay asleep people would forget about you. Everyone you know is a hero Raven, and even though you stay asleep—we still have to defend the people. Everyone’s priorities will shift and they would have less time to see you. And because they have started settling with your absence, for sure the visits will lessen. But I promise, I will visit you every day until you wake up.” Damian placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand and he froze.

His lips hovering over her hand. He wiped the spot he kissed her at, with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, I should be asking permission. I didn’t—” He stared at the back of her hand. “I’m sorry I don’t know since when I started doing that, but I’m sorry. I overstepped.” He gently placed her hand back on the bed and stood up. “Let’s see what’s in the drawers, shall we?” He muttered to himself and surveyed every nook and cranny and objects in her room, keeping a mental inventory.

“We will be starting a new book soon. I no longer keep track of the books we’ve read.” He said after finishing his inspection of the room and went to sit back on the chair and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Well—I mean I keep track of the titles but no longer itemize them…” He added quietly, he used to count them but stopped at around the fifth book because it seemed like the list would continue to grow. And seeing the number rise would just be another reminder of the fact that the days waiting for Raven to wake was stretching to impossibility.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It was a little over a year since Raven has been in her comatose state. The room felt heavy and she stirred because of it. Her breathing a little louder—a little labored. Her eyes fluttered open—her vision a blur. She saw two figures at the foot of her bed. The taller one looking at the shorter man. The shorter one was looking at her startled—he seemed to have an odd skin color. She could almost swear it was green. Raven’s eyes started to roll back to unconsciousness.

“Dick, she’s awake!” It was a familiar voice; Raven couldn’t help but think.

“What?” Dick turned to look at Raven, her eyelids slowly closing, her labored breathing slowly quieting down.

“I saw her eyes open; I swear it!” She recognized the voice as Garfield, but knowing who it was did not give her any extra motivation to fight her sleepiness.

“What the fuck is going on here!” Another familiar voice furiously entered Raven’s faltering consciousness. She wanted to wake up—to fight the tiredness she was feeling. But it was simply too late now.

The door had banged open when Damian entered. Damian was still wearing his black outer coat, his shoes dirty as he had just arrived from outside. He had no time to freshen up to visit Raven because he found out what Dick was up to.

When his eyes laid on Garfield who was looking at Raven, he wanted to rip Garfield’s head off. Damian Wayne looked like he was going to pop a vein on his neck. He glared at Dick with such open hostility that Dick was taken aback, and Garfield beside him recalled the fear Damian instilled in him that night Raven got injured.

“Her eyes opened; I saw it!” Garfield said frantically, hoping that would ease Damian’s anger. Damian stole a glance at Raven—but she was at the same state he had last seen her in.

Comatose.

“I asked you one thing, Grayson!” He growled as he slowly stomped his way to Dick whose hands were up in a ‘I surrender’ way. Damian grabbed Dick’s coat collar and pulled him close. “One thing Grayson!” He shoved Dick and pointed at Garfield.

“Look—you can’t continue denying someone who wants to visit a friend.” Dick tried to calm his brother down as he straightened his coat.

“Friend?” Damian snorted in response.

“Look, Damian I begged Dick to bring me to her.” Garfield said and he received Damian’s angry glare.

“Get. Out.” Damian simply said, he looked as though he would kill either of them any second now. For some weird reason Garfield got a little more courage at that moment, he began to open his mouth. Dick seeing Garfield’s lips open—quickly intercepted by pulling Garfield by the arm and pulling him towards the door.

“I’m sorry little D, we will talk about it outside.” Dick said as he draggedGarfield out, giving Garfield a stern look to ensure Garfield’s silence. Garfield wasn’t happy but he understood that Dick was looking out for him.

Damian stood where he was, glaring at Raven as he waited for the door to close behind Dick and Garfield. He was stiff in his spot and his fists clenched so tightly. He was still very much angry. He stood like that for five more minutes before he tried to calm himself down. His fist unclenched and his brows unfurrow.

“So—well, stop pretending then—he’s gone now—so wake up.” He demanded in a low voice as he hovered beside Raven near the chair. She did not move. And Damian laughed brokenly as he fell on his knees. He reached out for her right hand absentmindedly and rested his nose on the back of her palm.

“So, it turns out you just needed him to visit you to wake up?” Damian whispered as tears fell on her hand. “So why aren’t you awake already?” He sobbed.

It was never him—she never chose him.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It had been four months since Garfield had been regularly visiting Raven, and at times he would also bring Terra with him. Damian had conceded Garfield’s wish to allow him visitation rights to see Raven. Damian could not stay angry at Dick for over two weeks, and the pair reconciled, despite Dick undermining Damian’s wishes. Damian understood that Dick was looking out for him.

Damian’s family was very much worried over him since Raven’s fall. He acted more detached and unapproachable. He wasn’t sleeping well and every second he could spare he was always hovering over Raven. In fact, he slept well hunched by Raven’s bedside with Raven’s hand against his hands and forehead. Damian was even unwilling to celebrate his twenty-second birthday with Raven still unconscious. And they could see the toll it was taking on Damian.

His family knew he needed a little push to try and let Raven’s state go and pushing Damian to allow Garfield entry was the way to do it. Damian needed to move on.

But here he was again, in the white room he specifically prepared for her. Her accommodations are all arranged by him, and his visits are always a constant. But the past four months were difficult, as he was also actively avoiding having to meet Garfield when Garfield was visiting Raven.

When Damian was able to take a step back from his anger at what Dick did—he knew that his family did it to distract Damian—to keep him away from lurking around Raven. He understood it was made of good intentions. Damian reached out for Raven’s hand, a habit he has come to develop long ago.

He wore a plain white shirt with jeans. His hair was not as neat as it usually was, and there were eyebags under his eyes yet again.

“But I guess I am a man who will only love one person in their lifetime.” He muttered, placing Raven’s hand against his right cheek. “I’ve come to wonder sometimes if I am unfortunate to be such a man—or to fall for you—” he studied her face; he has memorized every detail about her. How could he not when he was here, beside her so frequently.

“I’ve come to learn that loving you is not something to be regretful about. In fact, I am rather thankful for it. But you really got me pining over you, Raven.” He sighed, his eyes not capturing even the smallest of movement from Raven. “I love you.” He whispered and brushed his lips against the skin on the back of her hand.

A week and a half after, Damian paced at the foot of Raven’s bed, very much frustrated. He paused and glared at Raven, running his hands through his head, a sign of his developing anger. He stomped towards his spot as he glared at Raven again.

His hair was a mess, his eyebags had gotten darker. His clothes that was a plain black shirt with jeans had creases, very uncharacteristic of him.

“I don’t get it!” He said, containing most of his anger. “You obviously woke up the first time Garfield visited you! Tsk, as it turns out, all you need was for him to visit you– for you to wake up. So why did you go back to sleep!” His tone louder now and he sighed to try and dispel a little of his anger. His hand at his side clenched into balls.

Damian was seething in anger, and he exhaled and inhaled in air as if he was palpitating. Finally, the anger he had dissipated. But it was replaced by raw hopelessness, anyone who would see him in such a state, would feel their hearts knot.

“You really—really got me pining over you.” Damian said as he knelt on the floor with a hunched back as he took her right hand in between his palms. “It’s funny how you pined over someone else as I pined over you—it seems that you’re making me pine over you just as long as you pined over him.”

The chair he usually sat on was across the room, toppled down. A droplet of water falls in front of Damian’s right knee.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Two months passed just like that. Raven’s friends had long since stopped visiting her as frequently as they did the first three months. Asking them to take so much time off of their busy hero life was too much to ask for. But Damian always made time for her, and at almost a year and a half the toll of doing so had fully manifested.

He looked so tired, his eye bags are in the darkest shade it had been since the accident. He looked thinner, not scarily thin, but it was obvious he had lost some weight. His clothes were as neat as it could be. His white button up shirt crisp and so is his black slacks. His black leather shoes are very shiny. He placed a lot of effort in his appearance because even he could tell that his health has waned, and he was compensating with his clothes.

When Raven was in ICU for the first three months, he was in such a bad state. When she finally got relatively cured but was in comatose, he looked better– more relaxed. Then a little after, he had to continue with his responsibilities, particularly as a hero and somehow, he managed. The weight he had initially lost, he had regained and now he had shed perhaps even more than he did at that time.

But now at almost a year and a half of juggling hero life, personal and family life. Being with Raven almost every day since the night she got hurt. To actively avoid Garfield while Garfield was visiting and arranging his own visits to go around Garfield’s visitation, but also keeping to his schedule and preference of seeing Raven on a very regular basis. And Raven still not waking up—Damian was quite spent.

He was sitting on his chair facing Raven’s right hand. His head propped onto his hands which were propped up on his knees. He was looking at Raven’s face blankly, dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t know how much longer he could do this.

Raven’s state was always at the forefront of his mind. And when he was on a mission, he tried to put it as a lesser priority. But when he is near to death his first thought is: If I die who will look after Raven? And so, he fights with every screaming fiber he had, even when he was in such excruciating pain. After all, he still had to see her wake up.

One would think a year and a half wasn’t really a long time—but it did not feel like it has been just over a year for Damian—it felt like he has been waiting for her to wake up for five years.

He had just realized quite recently, just exactly how much stress he had gotten due to all this. And it was taking a major toll on him. He now completely understood why his family was worried about it—about him. Hindsight after all is 20/20 and he now clearly saw exactly how concerning his state was.

There was only one solution. His eyes flickered to Raven—he had not noticed that his gaze had drifted off of her and was surprised when his eyes laid on her again. He sighed and suddenly stood up, and picked up a lock of her hair.

“Raven, your hair has grown quite a bit—it’s already at waist length. I thought of having it cut—but I think that should be your decision.” He placed it back down. “If you don’t wake up any time soon—I’m afraid I would have to let you go.” He mumbled to himself as he turned around to lean on the bed and gaze at the ceiling blankly.

Two weeks after, Damian was back in her room, looking even worse. This time he was just standing beside Raven with a very empty gaze. He had been standing there in his black slacks, black dress shoes and a green button up polo shirt for fifteen minutes already.

“I give up Rae.” He looked down on the ground. His words were so soft because he was very much afraid of the implications himself. He knew he had to let her go.

“I—I don’t think I can visit you like this.” He fought the tears as he said his words a little louder. And there was nothing left to say, he just softly touched her hand for a second and pulled away and then looked at her blankly.

A month after Damian’s decision to let Raven go, he realized getting to the conclusion and acknowledging what had to be done and executing his decisions were two completely different things. He was still visiting her in the same consistency that he always had. And he knew he had to fight to break the habit that he had already formed. Seeing her was second nature to him, and he simply had to break it.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 Two months after, Damian was finally able to decrease his visits. And had even met Garfield a few times and actually didn’t mind it. His visit reduction was not really significant but the fact he was able to decrease it at all, was a win for him.

He was in jeans and a red shirt, looking very casual and he looked more unbothered and not so tired. His hands in his pockets as he just stood. For the first time, he looked genuinely relaxed. His gaze at her was soft and the eyebags he had been sporting in different shades, for almost two years, were significantly less dark this time.

“I know I don’t visit often anymore—and you probably can’t tell—aside from the obvious,” A small twinkle in his eyes at the little joke. The fact that he could make a joke like that, spoke volumes of how far he had come. “You really made me pine over you for the duration you pined over Garfield. Nine years—you really made this whole thing come into full circle. You pined for him for nine years and decided to move on completely—but this happens.” He gestured at her generally.

“Now I have pined for you for the same duration, and I have decided to move on too.” He said grimly and the hint of playfulness he had prior was gone. “It really came full circle.”

He just stood to her right with a small smile. He tried his best not to stay so long to visit her nowadays. Damian found that standing was the best option in order for him not to stay longer than he intended.

Damian puts his hand atop Raven’s, he has also avoided holding her hand properly or else he’d find himself sitting on his spot and just holding her hand. He would then talk to her and the intended short visit would become like his regular visits from before.

“I have decided. I am moving on—I am letting you go.” And he pulled his hand away a little too quickly, afraid of the temptation that was the familiarity of her hand against his—or maybe it was his hand against hers. After all, it was always him holding onto her.

His head had looked away to look at the flowers on her bedside tables. He has been talking to her about visiting her less, and letting her go for a few months now. At first it was just a passing thought. But the last two months, it seemed Damian had to tell her every time he visited. He was unaware of how frequent he was telling her that. But in retrospect, he could tell now that he had been dropping hints.

It started from hints, to telling her absentmindedly, to repeatedly telling her every time he visits—until finally he was able to visit less. And because Damian turned his head, he missed the small twitch of Raven’s hand when he pulled his hand away, to look at her bedside tables.

There was silence, as he looked down and closed his eyes. He squeezed his eyes for a moment then sighed as he looked at Raven, a faint smile on his lips. He took a step back, feeling as though he was leaving his heart on this spot. He then turned feeling lonely yet strong and regretful at the same time.

When he was gone, Raven’s eyebrow twitched.

The next day when Damian decided to check on Raven’s condition, he was frozen in fear to see the scientist and doctors hovering over Raven who was attached to so many monitors and tubes.

It was like he had stepped into the time she was brought in to close up her wound. He was unfrozen when she saw her spasming. He ran towards her, as her chest lifted and she was choking, black almost slime like blood came out from her mouth and spilled from her oxygen mask.

“Sir—we need you out of the way.” A doctor pulled Damian away. “Who let this one in!” The doctor added and a nurse took Damian away, trying to console him.

“This is odd—there seems to be no traces of the compound we found last time. But her body is rejecting something.” Damian heard the doctor say, at that moment Raven’s eyes opened and her line of sight fell on Damian’s instantly. Her hand lifted slowly to his direction; her eyes wet as her face slowly turned red from the lack of oxygen. A doctor had already punctured her lungs to assist her in breathing, but black blood was oozing out from it.

“Let me, the fuck go!” Damian yelled as he strongly shoved the nurse off of him. He was normally someone who didn’t do this, but seeing Raven’s face slowly contort to fear and resignation, he actually went against the nurse. He remembered when she was in ICU for the first few months he observed quietly from the distance, but he couldn’t now.

“Raven!” He called out as he knelt on the floor and held her right hand that she had stretched out. “I promise, I will not leave you. So, you have to fight this!”

She squeezed his hand in hers as best as she could as her eyes closed and a tear slipped from her eye.

“Sir—I’m sorry but you are being a distraction.” A bulky man approached Damian, giving him no choice but to let go of Raven’s hand and put his hands up as he slowly left the room.

“She’s—I heard the subject has powers—” A person in a lab gown said, perhaps a scientist.

“Patient.” A doctor cuts off the scientist.

Before Damian was shoved out of the room, he stole a glance of Raven, her hand was glowing a faint purple black hue. And it seemed that she could breathe.

“Sir—there seems to be something appearing—” And that was the last thing Damian heard before the door was shut close in front of him.

Two weeks later Raven was finally stable but still in a coma. They were fighting with her condition for those two weeks—cross referencing and analyzing data, finding and testing out new information. And everything has now calmed down. He was only allowed entry today after the stunt that he pulled.

Damian was sitting on his chair, holding her hand. He wore a white t-shirt with many creases. His hair is a slightly better case compared to his shirt. And the outfit was complete with a plain pair of jeans and casual shoes. And to top it all off, his eyebags had become darker again.

”You really scared me. God, I forgot how afraid I was of losing you recently—you really know how to make someone remember, huh?” He muttered as he put her hand against his forehead, he was shaking a bit, as he fought his tears. And he felt her hand twitch against his—and he choked as he looked at her face.

Her eyes were still close but for the first time, he actually felt her react. In two years, she finally moved. He smiled tightly and nodded his head. He brought her hand against his lips and softly kissed her hand.

“You reached out to me that night, didn’t you?” He put her hand against his cheek as he turned his head towards her again. “You have to wake up and clarify that to me.” And he heard her loudly inhale.

For the first time in months, he finally had hope that she would wake up. “I promise you; I will wait for you to wake up. This time, I will not break this promise.”

 ~.~.~.~.~

 The door suddenly opened with a panic stricken Damian. He was unable to take off his outer coat and change into cleaner shoes because he heard a crash from generally where Raven’s room was located, on the second floor, when he had just entered the building. 

“Raven!” He called out his fear practically at the base of his throat.

When he heard the loud crash, he feared for the worst. His eyes at first saw an empty bed, and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. The vase on her right bedside table with flowers had shattered on the floor. He quickly searched for Raven, and exhaled deeply when he spotted her at the foot of her bed. She was holding onto her bed with great difficulty. Her eyes observed Damian wearily.

He approached her, thinking that maybe this was a dream.

“Raven.” He whispered when he was two feet away, her violet eyes did not show any recognition at seeing Damian. He picked her up and carried her in his arms, and despite not recognizing him at first, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Damian.” She whispered and he squeezed him back. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, as he carried her back to her bed. He set her down gently as he pulled away, she grabbed his right hand.

“It feels so perfect.” She gently told him, and Damian was startled by her words. A smile slowly formed and he found himself chuckling.

“I’ve been here almost every day, holding your hand. Maybe your hand molded into mine—” He shook his head. “Or maybe the other way around.”

“I—my memory is kind of fuzzy,” Raven said as she laid back in bed. “But I know you, I remember you. I heard you so often. It became scary when you weren’t there.” Her eyes started to flutter, she seemed a little bit too tired. But she continued to hold his hand until she fully fell into slumber, to which her grip loosened.

Damian took the opportunity to call the doctors and scientist to inform them of her condition.

When she awoke again the doctors, scientists and Damian were talking.

  ~.~.~.~.~

 A month after, Raven was already walking by herself inside her room. She started walking around the villa quite recently. But she has not been able to walk outside yet. She found that once the door to go outside the villa was opened, her knees would buckle. So, for the past month she was mostly roaming indoors.

She had found out that this was one of Bruce Wayne’s properties, and Damian had asked for the property. Damian was someone who would never ask anything of anyone if he could do it himself, so it was surprising to everyone that Damian had asked for this villa. And because of that Bruce granted Damian the property, if not for that, in the very least to give Damian some peace of mind. At least then Damian would know Raven had a place to stay and would not be kicked out if he so much as vanished.

She also found out that Damian did not spare any expense in her recuperation and that her situation was quite odd. The creature’s origin could not be quite narrowed down, thus its effects on her were up on the air. But that was where the doctors and scientists and all the tech was for, alien tech included. With the collective resources provided, they were able to make something to assist Raven’s condition.

“Raven, I think you should really try to get out.” Damian said as he walked in. He looked so happy seeing her, just standing by the window gazing out. She turned her head to smile at him.

He looked better—in fact the happiest and relaxed he had ever been in two years. His clothes were pressed well, it was a casual attire, and he had no hint of any kind of weariness. No more eyebags, and his eyes no longer looked so dead.

“If you go with me, I can try.” She responded, she had not seen him in two weeks due to his busy schedule, with the team and talking to her doctors and scientists. Him learning and relearning everything about her condition since she got attacked, and he also had family matters, he didn’t really have time to be with Raven recently and she understood.

She kept herself busy by building her physical strength through walking within the walls of Damian’s villa. She also used the time to comb through her thoughts.

“Okay.” He agreed as he offered her his right hand and she accepted it with both her hands. Until now he couldn’t believe that she was awake.

“I really thought I was dreaming when you woke up a month ago.” He confessed again as he sighed and led her to the door.

“I’m here. Everything is still a bit fuzzy. But I know you—I trust you. Your Damian.” Raven responded unhurriedly as she placed a hand on his arm.

Fifteen minutes later, Damian came in with Raven in his arms weeping.

“I—I can’t… it—it…” And she wept.

“I’m sorry, we will take it step by step. I will be here if you ever want to try and go outside.” He comforted her as he placed her on her bed. She nodded as he wiped away her tears.

“I thought I was going to die—” She sobbed. “There was something I wanted to do… I don’t—” Another sob, “I don’t recall what.”

He held her hands and then she suddenly froze on the spot. She looked at him in the eyes, and she blinked as the tears fell. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

And this time it was his time to freeze on the spot. Raven pulled her hands away from his, and she placed her fingertips on either side of his face.

“I was afraid that I didn’t have enough time with you. I wanted to know you more.” Her vision seemed to go back to that night. “I wanted to be with you.” She absent-mindedly brushed her lips against his. And when the pressure registered in her brain, she pulled away, an apology at the tip of her tongue.

Raven was surprised to feel an even heavier pressure against her lips. And she returned the kiss as well as deepened it. She noted how she was reacting very naturally over the situation, and how inexperienced Damian was. And she pulled away.

“Is this your first kiss?” She asked him. And he looked away with a small blush on his face.

“It’s—I’m very inexperienced with dating…” He admitted, and she observed him as she wiped her tears.

“I’m assuming, I have dated before.” She replied impartially. 

“Yes, Garfield.” He responded blankly, and when the name came off Damian’s mouth, he saw her expression soften. His eye twitched as he looked away. He suddenly felt her hands against his, making him turn to look at her again.

“Gar… field…” She muttered, his hand clenching at the way she called his name. “Was he the only one I dated?” Damian nodded in response.

“I see…” She said with furrowed brows. “My head is aching a bit. I think I should rest…” Raven lets go of Damian’s hands.

“Can we try going outside again tomorrow?” Damian was pulled out from his reverie with the inquiry, surprise in his eyes.

“Of course, I would love that.” She smiled at his response.

“Can you—” She looked at him hesitatingly. “Can you hold my hand when we do?”

He was even more shocked to hear those words, and he smiled as he placed a hand on her cheek. “Of course, Raven.”

“I would like to date you, Damian.” Raven stared at Damian, who just pulled his hand away from her cheek and straightened his posture as he looked away.

“Your memory isn’t like what it was Raven, I think it’s too early to say that.” His response wasn’t something she enjoyed but Raven pressed her lips together and did not push him.

She didn’t recall her love for Garfield at the moment and assuming she would choose Damian when she does recall, would  be too much of wishful thinking on Damian’s part.

~.~.~.~.~

 The sun was setting and the white room was filled with an orange hue from the setting sun outside. Raven and Damian had just arrived from walking outside. This time around she was able to stay outside longer without having flashbacks of the night she got stabbed. It was great progress. But she always held Damian as if he was the only remaining lifeboat in an open, turbulent ocean.

Damian and Raven were continuing a pleasant conversation they had outside in her bedroom, when suddenly the door opened.

“Raven!” Garfield came in with such a relieved look on his face, his eyes expectant as he searched for her. Damian and Raven’s happy conversation grew stale as they turned their head to the door.

“Raven!” He called out again when his eyes landed on her but Raven remained in place. “Of course, you wouldn’t tell me she is awake!” Garfield added with a glare to Damian, whose head was casted down.

“Tsk, Greyson.” He muttered, Greyson right behind Garfield but was hidden from Damian’s line of sight. Despite Damian’s head casted down, he took note of Raven’s reaction.

She was still, she stood in place, but Damian could tell, she was so close to running to Garfield and hugging him. And all Damian could do was squeeze his eyes shut, as he inhaled softly while clenching his fists.

Seeing Garfield, Raven felt like her soul from inside her was vibrating with excitement. And yet, at the same time it felt as though a thin layer of frost blanketed her entire body, and it was enough to render her frozen. Despite her deep desire to hug Garfield, her feet were so heavily planted on the floor, that she didn’t even move an inch. Her breathing was shallow and unhurriedly soft, and she just focused on that.

The days had passed so pleasantly after Raven woke up that Damian had thought that he had a place in her heart. But seeing her like this, he knew—Garfield still outweighs him.

“Get out.” Raven said, to which Damian snapped his head to Raven’s direction, who had simply turned her back and walked to the window. “All of you.”

Damian wanted to say something, his fists curling and uncurling by his sides, but he saw her stiff figure with crossed arms as she stubbornly looked outside. He was the last to leave.

He came back a few hours later, to see Raven sitting by the windowsill looking outside.

“He hasn’t left has he?” She whispered hoarsely not looking at who entered. Damian shook his head as he replied, even though she would not see it.

“His downstairs, hoping you’d at least see him.” He got no response, but she tilted her head.

“I didn’t see him leave.” She muttered vacantly.

“I’m here to convince you to eat dinner.” And Raven turned to look at him, a frown on her face.

“Okay,” She sighed. “But you are eating with me.”

Damian was startled at hearing this, a second passed before the words sunk in.

“Alright.” He blinked at her.

“Here.” She added and he told her that he would be back, as he left for a moment to get them their dinner.

When he arrived with food, they sat on a pub table that was added a little after Raven woke up. It could only sit two people, and it was made of some nice honey brown wood. The cushions of the chair are red and its frame is made of the same wood as the table. It was rather small for two people, but they made do.

Raven was vacantly playing with her food while Damian observed her with a frown. He had not yet scolded her for not eating, as he was giving her just a little more time.

With a sigh she said, “It’s odd, when I saw him, it felt like I just realized the world was a puzzle with missing pieces, and his presence just made all the missing pieces appear on it’s designated places. He was familiar, he was someone I knew—love, maybe even… but something didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to approach him. And I didn’t want him to approach me.” Damian just listened as she said her piece. 

The two were enveloped in a tranquility that evidently belonged to them, and them alone. They felt secured in each other’s presence and there was no response needed.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 It took Raven three days to be able to even meet Garfield. The sun was setting, and from Raven’s window, one could see Raven talking with Garfield. They were sitting on a bench facing the sunset, their backs facing the window in Raven’s room.

So, it was a given that the two did not see Damian observing them from the window. He did not look upset nor joyful with the scene he was seeing. But once Garfield placed a hand on Raven’s hand, and she tilted her head a bit towards Garfield, you could see Damian’s face slowly turn into unpleasantness.

When the minutes passed, and Garfield nor Raven had not pulled away from one another, his face contorted to wanting to storm out from Raven’s room to standing still and just holding his breath—just hoping and wishing—that she had not chosen Garfield.

But the minutes continued to pass, and Garfield’s hand continued to rest on Raven’s hand. And Raven glanced at him with a smile forming on her lips. And Damian couldn’t help but think that despite Raven having difficulties in leaving the building with him, if it was Garfield with her—of course it would be easier for her to be outside with him– with Garfield.

And Raven started closing in on the space between her and Garfield, and Damian did not want to see that. So, he turned around quickly, and he stood with his back against them, as he flexed his fists, and sighed. He had hurried to see her; he had gone through the garage so he was unable to see them in the yard. Once he got into her room, and she wasn’t there, Damian absentmindedly walked to the window. That was when he saw her and Garfield together on a bench, looking like lovers.

He wondered how long he stood by the window looking at them. He closed his eyes and sighed again, by the end of the day it was never him. He walked to the door without looking back.

A few days later, Raven is pacing her room anxiously. She had not seen Damian in days, she worried he saw her and Garfield the other day and that was why he was nowhere to be seen. But she wanted to explain to him what he had seen wasn’t what he thought. She had to tell him.

And she could feel the panic go up onto her throat. She sat on her bed, facing the door. She had refused to step out of her room after she talked to Garfield—not without Damian. She could not find the strength to go out of her room after her chat with Garfield.

Raven buried her hands on her face as the tears started to stream from her eyes. All she could see under her closed eyes, was the time—that night, when she reached out for Damian. The pain when that black spike hit her sternum.

She recalled her desire to be with Damian, but right now she felt it so very intensely that she was afraid. She was so afraid that she had lost that chance. And the door opened, and in an instant she was up on her feet with wide eyes. Seeing that it was Damian, she sobbed as she ran towards Damian and tackled him with a hug.

He was startled and it took a moment for him to realize that she was hugging him so tightly. He gently returned her hug.

“I thought you wouldn’t come back. I was so scared.” She wept on the nook of his shoulder, her feet not even touching the floor.

“I’m sorry for worrying you.” He replied softly, and tightened his hold on her as he set her down a bit so that she could touch the floor. They stood like that for a moment.

Raven eventually pulled away and tried to collect her bearings. She wiped her tears and looked at Damian in the eyes. On the other hand, he was wishing she hadn’t pulled away– maybe that was the only time he could hold her like that. And she reached for his hands and it felt so right.

“When Gar came, and guided me outside, I couldn’t find the strength to step through the door. All I could think about was that I need you. I need you to hold my hand as I step outside. While that night kept flashing through my mind. But he held my hand—and it felt so familiar. And all my fears just vanished.” She looked down on their feet. “And I found myself outside—with him.” There was guilt in her face and on the tone of her voice. And Damian honestly did not want to hear what she had to say next. But she held his hands tighter, making him decide to just keep quiet. A small smile formed on her lips as tears fell and splatter on the floor.

“I forgot the time I was injured, till the time before he held my hands. It felt like I could breathe again.” Damian’s right eye twitched, he wondered what was her point. She suddenly flicked her head to look at him, and he was startled.

“He will always be someone that matters to me, we will always have history. I have loved him for nine years, we shared so many memories—so many firsts. But I do not want to be with him. I want to be with you. And I know I am asking a lot, but if all these don’t bother you—I would love it, if you would date me.” But she was greeted with silence. “I want you. I want to be with you.” She softly added, her confidence fading.

“I don’t mind.” He said so softly, but Raven didn’t hear it.

“If that is an issue for you, then I completely understand.” She continued on.

“I don’t mind.” He repeated.

“I know it’s been two years, and that there must have been someone you became interested in. Or maybe you’ve even dated a bit. I know we don’t talk about it, but I get that—” She squeezed her eyes, her tone ready to break in a sob.

“Raven, I want to be with you.” He cupped her cheek and tilted her head towards him. She looked at him with the slightest hint of distrust. “I’ve always wanted to be with you—I waited for you.” He said, being able to say those words felt like such a relief to Damian. And the tears started falling from Raven’s eyes as the distrust was washed away.

“I almost gave up, I admit that.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her anymore. She cupped both of his cheeks.

“If I were in your place, even I would waver.” She told him, trying to catch his dodging eyes. When she finally was able to lock her eyes with his, she added. “Garfield will always have some meaning to me—his all I have known for nine years, even before sleeping for two years—my history with him is half of my life. I was afraid. I thought he was the only one who could possibly love someone like me—I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. I want my next memories and moments– with you. And slowly those memories I had, and my history with him, will just be a fraction of my life. I want you. I want every possible milestone with you, Damian.”

He slowly nodded, and when Raven’s eyes registered the nod, he couldn’t help but smile and chuckle. But she looked like she was going to cry out of happiness and disbelieve. This time she has chosen him.

“I never thought this day would happen.” He leaned in to rest his forehead against hers, and a soft smile formed on her lips. And they shared the moment in silence. After a while, Damian talks.

“I was afraid to ask, or open up about this, especially since you were still recuperating—and your memories are fuzzy. But who would have thought you would catch me by surprise and open up the topic yourself?” Raven took the opportunity to plant a kiss on his lips, and he conservatively kissed back to which she deepened the kiss. And she pulled away recalling Damian’s inexperience last time.

“We will take it step by step. I might still remember more about Garfield, and I might get a little confused. But remind me that I chose you since that night.” She leaned her forehead against his, eyes locked with one another. Damian’s eyes flickered with surprise and the confirmation that she chose him that night, made his eyes soften with the acknowledgement. He caressed her face with his thumb.

“I finally caught up to you.” He whispered, a giggle bubbling up on the base of Raven’s throat.

 ~.~.~.~.~

 A few months later, the white sterile room was no longer white nor empty. Raven had flipped the room with Damian’s help and approval. Its walls were now a soft lilac color. The room’s furniture was either accented with white, glass or silver metals. And the ceiling was littered with little crystals, that once the lights were off, would illuminate like stars in different colors. The medical bed swapped for a king sized bed. Her sheets were navy blue and white.

“Raven, are you ready?” Damian’s voice came from outside her open door. She turned in her white fitted dress with the thinnest spaghetti straps. Her long hair that passed her waist was tied into a fishtail braid.

“Of course!” She replied happily, as she ran towards the door, and tackled Damian with a hug and giggled.

“Excited for our brunch?” He teased.

“Absolutely!” She replied without missing a second.

Later that night they were in her bedroom. Damian sat on her bed and she was kneeling over his lap. Raven’s hair slowly unravelling from its braid. Their lips have been intertwined with one another for minutes now. He had one hand on her waist and the other on her thigh, a bit too afraid to rest it on her bum. While her hands were on his neck and on his chest.

Raven broke off the kiss, and started kissing his neck.

“If we’re going too fast, you can tell me.” She muttered in between kisses. But when she did not hear any response, she pulled away to look at him.

“I know Garfield and I had a lot of firsts together, if that bothers you…” Damian broke away from his dazed state and looked at her questioningly.

“I admit, at first it did,” His eyes followed his hand as it traveled from her thigh to her waist which he caressed. “Thinking of how he knows how to please you…” He looked back at her conflicted eyes. “But that just means I have to learn how to please you my way. You two were together for so long—it would be a given that I’m not your first. That is alright. But you are mine.” He admitted a small blush on his face. And she smiled as she kissed his eye and trailed kisses to his jawline. He was being brought back to his dazed state.

“I feel honored.” She whispered in between her kisses. And she playfully bit his ear after. Damian was startled and grabbed her butt and she gasped.

“Then I will take the lead then.” She whispered alluringly by his ear, as her hands travelled under his shirt. Her braid was completely undone at this point, soft black wavy waist length hair cascading  down her head.

 FIN.

 Bonus Scene:

Garfield and Raven were outside on the yard and they had been talking for hours that the sun had finally begun to set.

“You know, when I woke up, I couldn’t find myself to walk out of my room. Eventually, I was able to overcome it. But I found that it was so difficult to step outside the villa. All I could see was that night and being stabbed, and the last person I saw.” Raven confessed and Garfield placed a hand on hers to comfort her.

“But Damian was there, he guided me and stayed with me as we walked outside.” A small smile on her lips. “I always held him like I was in open water and he was the lifeboat. I was afraid of losing him. I mean, I still am. I still hold him so tightly, because I’m afraid that it would be my last chance with him. I thought I was going to die that night, Gar.”

“But when you offered your hand and held me, after you said you knew of my condition—my fear outside.” She glanced at the open area. “I forgot how afraid I was of going outside. It was like my fears these few months were nothing but a phantom. You were always associated with love and happy memories for me. But you and I both know, Gar, we were imperfect. We were destructive. We had become unhappy together for a very long time.” And she glanced at him fully.

“I want to say goodbye.” She finally said, and Garfield looked at her gently as Raven extended her arms to hug him. “I want to start a new romance—with Damian.” She whispered as they embraced one another.

“I wish you two happiness.” Garfield said as he pulled away.

“Yes, thank you.” She looked back at Damian’s villa. “I was so afraid I would lose him, I still do now, it’s why I always hold him tightly whenever we go outside.” She looked back at the sunset that was facing them.

“I held on because of him—I’m sure it was him, I could feel his hand and hear him every now and then, until all I knew was his presence.” She mumbled mostly to herself.

 Alternate (timeline) Ending:

 Damian was asleep on the table, and had woken up with a jolt, all teary eyed.

“Damian, what’s wrong?” Raven said as she approached the table.

“I had a dream, you got injured and you were in a coma.” He replied. And he tells her what happened in his dream.

 Alternate’s Alternate Ending: (Reciprocate timeline)

 “I had a dream, you got injured and you were in a coma.” He replied as Raven sat down beside him. She gently places a hand on his, as she smiles softly.

“Damian, that did happen.” She replied unhurriedly.

turkanvivia​:

Anvivia chokes on her laughter. She couldn’t keep it contained and nearly doubled over onto him. “You already have the best skateboard tricks! I can’t hold you up on a board!” She managed to calm herself down, tears in her eyes from laughter as she tones it down to a smile.

If any of the other Turks were around, it would be the first time in 2 years that they would hear that laugh come from their colleague. She had laughed, of course, when the mood of the others called for it, but it held no true emotion to it.

She had changed, just as everyone else had. The biggest difference between herself and the others was that she felt like not even a day had passed now that they were awake. With Ossis around, she felt like this had never happened. She still felt the guilt, but having them awake made it manageable.

She grins with Ossis. “I can sneak you some lobster.. If I can find some.. You know they are very shellfish around here.” She pauses to think for a moment. “Sunshine, how much did you lose?” She doesn’t want to ask, but she needs to know how much he remembers of her. How close she can be to them without making them uncomfortable.

Hearing her laughter and seeing her smile warms up Ossis’ thin frame from within. The sight distracted them from Anvivia words. However, they doubt it really matters, what matters is her happiness, and that they were the one who provided it.

Ossis’ own charming smile hasn’t left them, and they give another friendly squeeze to her gloved hand. Neither of them had let go of the other.

“That would be lovely.” Ossis purr in a hopeful tone - with an added chuckle at the pun. Pausing just a moment too long -as they begin to gather their thoughts on how to deliver the next follow-up suggestion- because that precise moment gave room for Anvivia’s question. A question which robs the bliss and invites the darkness back. Ossis could naturally, easily turn it back. All Ossis needs to do is to play oblivious and innocent and throw in a jest. It would be easy and comfortable, but if this is something that has pained Anvivia for some time then it’s better to give her some real reassurance.

“How much did I lose?…” Ossis tastes the question, weighting it on their tongue, while their head sinks into the pillows and the blue eyes moves to focus on something beyond the roof over them. Beyond the present. “Memory wise, let’s see… It is hard to tell, I woke up rather addled, though I believe I can now recall everything that I am supposed to remember.” Looking back at Anvivia with a small smile. “I recall who I am. What we Turks do. Our mission. And you.”

turkanvivia​:

Anvivia gives them a small smile, her heart racing in an anxious pattern. She wanted her friend back. No. That wasn’t quite accurate. That wasn’t what they meant to her. She should let go, but she won’t. Not this time. She won’t let go again.

She runs her gloved thumb over his hand. She didn’t know how much Ossis remembered, and struggled to ask.

“Just don’t fall and we’ll have nothing to worry about, right?” Don’t fall again, don’t love her. Don’t be close again. She can’t let Ossis be in danger like that again. It was her fault. It always is.

“How are you eating? Are they treating you alright?” She knew these were stupid questions, but they were far kinder than the ones she wanted to ask. The ones that would lead to Ossis either remembering that he should hate her or making her regret everything that she did to them to make them forget.

“Oh, you know I cannot make such promises, my lady. We all know I cannot resist the challenge in perfecting my skateboard stunts.”

The longer Ossis are observing Anvivia, the clearer becomes their mind –in a strange sense of matter. They have only woken up recently, woken up to a world that hasn’t stopped changing in their absence. Everyone who had come to visit had changed. Katana, Cissnei, Reno, Rude, Shotgun and— but Anvivia, she appears precisely how they remembered her. There’s a strange sense of comfort in that thought, even though Ossis bet that there are changes, just that they can’t see them right now.

The renewed smile on the blonde’s face is a familiar sight. It’s the sweet, angel-like, boy charming smile that they are known for. Wanting nothing more than to escape from misplaced feelings of guilt. Wanting to see Anvivia smile for real and not in pretend, Ossis changes the subject.

“I am being well taken care of,” Ossis assures, and a playful smile grows on their face, “However, the food is rather dreadful, if I get to be honest. Tell me, are that lobster restaurant still in business?” One does not have to be a mastermind to hear where Ossis is trying to steer this conversation.

turkanvivia​:

When she saw the change in behaviors with Ossis, her eyebrows tightened minutely as a small crease formed on her forehead of concern. She could see the Turk before her slipping from the present after touching her gloves. Quickly she pulled herself together and moved to wrap her fingers around his.

She wanted to ground them. Bring them both back to the present and stop that pain she hadn’t been able to in the past. She tried to hide the look of guilt and sorrow back behind her smiling mask.
Every moment of their last encounter played back in her mind daily. If she hadn’t delayed by just a couple of seconds. If only she had stretched further. If only her wound hadn’t acted up. If only they had not been partnered with her. Ossis would be still healthy.

“I’ll always be there to catch you, Sunshine. Even if I slip.” She tried to apologize. Tried to say that it should be her in the bed instead of Ossis. Instead she smiles at him and laughs. Play it off as a joke. Pretend to be strong for the other Turk.

This had never been the intend, but it was happening now. Nunchaku had momentarily slipped, letting the mask reveal things that were best to be concealed, now resulting in this other person’s discomfort. This… colleague. No- we know her. Say her name, it won’t draw blood.

Still composed, the smile less forced but fainter, Ossis looks at the troubled Anvivia -not as a colleague but as a friend. Giving her fingers a gentle squeeze with his.

“My, my,” The words are drawn out in a blithe like sing-song, “then I better work myself back into proper shape. Cannot have you slipping if you insist on catching me, now can we.” It wasn’t completely played off as a joke from their part, even though there’s a humoristic ring to the words, but this is Ossis’ way to say that Anvivia has nothing to apologize for. Even if she has, it’s all forgiven.