#wxhluyp original caption
Relatable to every introspective boy growing up…. knowing just how hard it was having to pretend that men weren’t sexy
Like every crossdressing schoolboy, I was adamant that my dressing in no way meant I was gay. Also like every crossdressing schoolboy, everything I so desperately wanted to believe about my sexuality, changed when I went through puberty….
“But mum! It is bad enough that I already look like a girl with this stupid long hair! But if I go into school in a skirt, my friends will really think that I actually like it, that I am actually a sissy and want to be one of the girls!…. My life will be over!”
“Stop being so dramatic son! And what did I just tell you… you can’t wear your boxers under that skirt, it’ll ruin it’s shape! Put on your sister’s knickers.”
Those uncomfortable boyhood memories when looking at scantily clad women with my friends. How they had no idea how little I was excited by the girls in the magazines. To imagine if they knew that I regularly dressed in my mother’s lingerie, makeup and a wig, and posed seductively in the mirror, for an imagined crowd of males, being driven wild with desire for my effeminate, glamorous little body. If only they knew what really excited me. If only they knew that I was a fairy….
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The photography of champagne facials that so strongly evoke such a relatable insatiable yearning for males and their masculinity…..
Me: “My hair is just a bit on the long side… it isn’t like I’m going to become a sissy or anything!”
Me a year later:
As a boy that happened to grow up almost entirely around girls, I would come to unsettled and confused by the faghag sentiments I often heard around me and provocatively said to me. Perhaps the most unsettling of it all, was how a part the girls desire for all boys (including myself) to be homosexual, was just how undeniably exciting it was….. and even that was frighteningly compounded with just how delighted the girls would have been if they knew I felt that way…
The other boys on my street used to say that I didn’t deserve to wear pants. That I should be in dresses along with the girls.
They were right.
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Things you can relate to when your boyhood best friends were girls…..
All the girls in your circle of friends experienced that mortifying embarrassment and the delighted laughter from friends, upon receiving on their birthday, framed photos of them from the eve of their birthday the night before.
You would know exactly how that felt, having your very own framed photos in your bedroom.
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My second video attempt: “A Tale Of A Boy’s Descent Into Effeminacy And Homosexuality”
Mother’s amusement in dressing me in her clothes and makeup, may have only been matched by how visibly uncomfortable it made me, her scrawny, shy, insecure son. How she so felt proud of herself when she gifted me a framed photo she took of me, of I, laying in bed, posed alluringly and seductively for the boys.
How mortifying it was having that framed photo in my bedroom, being the first and last thing I saw each day. The dreams it induced in me, finally tipping me over into homosexuality.
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How if I had seen such as ad in my younger teenage years, it would have mortified me knowing that there were boys like myself, that could have been like that. And worst of all, knowing deep down, that I could be like that…. a fairy.
How I could imagine my worry, of my friends finding out, that secretly on weekends when I wasn’t at school, I would be going on dates in makeup and skirts, with other fairies. How under their very noses, there being a whole underground network of shy, sensitive boys meeting one another, and often just to make out.
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The perfect gift for shy, sensitive boys, who are insecure in their sexuality, and are absolutely mortified by the idea of seducing and sleeping with men!
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Throughout my younger years, the boys and girls were two tribes frequently arguing as to who were better. In secretly being a shy, sensitive fairy, I sometimes imagined the hysteria if one of the boys happened to join the girls side. How the girls would be so delighted in the truth of girl’s superiority, and the boys devastated.
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“Follow Greg and his best friends, through the ups and downs of the average schoolboys. Of makeup, gossip, rivalry among the prettiest, and crushes on boys!”
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“Effeminate Teen!” - The magazine for sensitive, shy boys. The kind of boys that when home all alone, secretly dress in their mother’s clothes. The kinds of boys, that…..
……. pretend to be into girls!
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