#autogynephiliac

Relatable to every introspective boy growing up…. knowing just how hard it was having to pretend that men weren’t sexy

Like every crossdressing schoolboy, I was adamant that my dressing in no way meant I was gay. Also like every crossdressing schoolboy, everything I so desperately wanted to believe about my sexuality, changed when I went through puberty….

“But mum! It is bad enough that I already look like a girl with this stupid long hair! But if I go into school in a skirt, my friends will really think that I actually like it, that I am actually a sissy and want to be one of the girls!…. My life will be over!”

“Stop being so dramatic son! And what did I just tell you… you can’t wear your boxers under that skirt, it’ll ruin it’s shape! Put on your sister’s knickers.”

The photography of champagne facials that so strongly evoke such a relatable insatiable yearning for males and their masculinity…..

Me: “My hair is just a bit on the long side… it isn’t like I’m going to become a sissy or anything!”

Me a year later:

As a boy that happened to grow up almost entirely around girls, I would come to unsettled and confused by the faghag sentiments I often heard around me and provocatively said to me. Perhaps the most unsettling of it all, was how a part the girls desire for all boys (including myself) to be homosexual, was just how undeniably exciting it was….. and even that was frighteningly compounded with just how delighted the girls would have been if they knew I felt that way…

The sexual fantasy is manifestly determined as the anxiety of one’s association to symbols of emasculation. The “humiliation” fantasy scenarios are merely scenarios where that very anxiety is displayed in explicitly recognisable terms.

The sexualization of anxiety itself.