#❤ htz

juyeonrk​:

。˚∘ the way your heart goes ;

for a little while, at least in juyeon’s head, the world stops. stands still, it pauses. juyeon in midst of her moment is still rattled with disbelief and she a little bad about it. juyeon tries to put herself in chungha’s shoes, just what must chungha feel right now, watching juyeon have a breakdown in front of her? juyeon could be thinking anything. but it’s hard for her to verbalize just what she is thinking, even if it’s a mass of positivity and excitement. it’s wonderful that chungha has found a special somebody who she can really bewith. but it’s even more wonderful that … it’s a girl. juyeon had gotten so used to everything being so straight and so boy and girl. she loved dramas but opted out half the time because the plot lines were boring. she favoured her yuri manga and animes because it gave her a semblance of her being normal for once.

juyeon has known for a long time. but it’s alwaysbeen her secret, her thing she keeps to herself. but a secret like this, sharing something like this with someone like you … that was something. juyeon finally manages to snapback to reality, taking in a deep breath. she looks across to chungha, her expression saddens juyeon a little. she looks nervous. fuck.bad juyeon,bad. it’s what chungha says next that really makes juyeon want to smack herself upside the head. is that okay? do you think i’m weird for it? her wanting to come out to chungha, the words sit there in the back of her throat, edging to the tip of her tongue. she wantsto say it.

she has to alleviate the awkwardness and say something. she can’t just sitthere and hope that this feeling goes away. “i’m sorry for reacting the way … the way i did, unnie.” she says softly with a nervous sigh. “it’s just … i’venevermet … i’ve never met anyone who uh …” juyeon stops, biting her lip. juyeon pulls out her own phone, pulling up her notes tab where she quickly writes somethingout before holding her phone to her chest. she can feel her heart racing under her phone. nerves. “what i mean to say, unnie is that … it’s okay. and you’re not weird.” juyeon says with a smile, reaching out to hold one of chungha’s hands with one of her free ones, the otherstill holding her phone to her chest. “because if you are …then … i am, too.” she holds out her phone in front of her so chungha can read the screen. her hand trembles a little. typed out is a simple, basic sentence. words juyeoncan’treally say aloud right now.

  i’m gay :-) 

it takes a lot in her to remain calm. although her heart was hammering in her chest, thumping loudly in her ears, chungha willed herself to stay rooted in her spot next to juyeon. her friend. if this went sideways chungha would do what she did last time: deny, deny, deny. it was all she could do. she’d upload all evidence to her icloud and restore her phone to factory defaults. despite her fight or flight (mostly flight) response was being triggered, she knew that she logically had a way around all of this. she (and meiqi) would be okay if worst comes to worst.

though she’s not sure how well she would recover losing a friendship with juyeon. covering her ass in the company was one thing but having her heart ripped out from a crumbling friendship was a something else she wasn’t prepared for.

tears are a few seconds from springing in her eyes before juyeon finally says something and alleviates chungha from the myriad of thoughts that plagued her. the stupid thoughts that hissed insults at her for trusting such a heavy secret with someone who clearly wasn’t okay with it. it was as if juyeon’s apology absolved her of all insecurities immediately. for that, she was thankful. chungha chokes out a small laugh, leaning on the other just a bit. “it’s okay, i get why you would react that way.” it’s shocking for anyone to learn. chungha is sure that sometimes she comes off painfully straight (somehow) so this could blindside anyone unsuspecting.

“thank you,” chungha whispers, slipping her fingers between juyeon’s when she reaches out to her. she eyed the way the younger had written on her phone. and maybe chungha figured juyeon was going to drop a bomb of her own. she was quickly reading juyeon’s initial shock as something else. her brain was too slow to make any valid connection though. she was just happy that juyeon didn’t think she was weird….

because …… i am, too.

chungha’s eyes immediately snapped to juyeon. if there was one thing chungha felt she was good at, it was finding the non-straight ones. yet she supposes the debut project had taken up a majority of their lives and their topics of conversation. chungha never even got the feeling from juyeon.

her eyes drop to the phone once juyeon finally angles it for her to see. the message is simple and short but it means so much. juyeon’s behaviour and reaction finally made sense. it all fit together. “am i the first one to know?” she asks, eyes still bouncing between the two words. juyeon was nervous because she identified similarly. it meant so much to her in that moment.

she lets go of juyeon’s hand, wrapping her arms around juyeon with a small squeal. “i’m so happy!” it felt good. validating. even knowing someone else in the same predicament as she meant the world to her. (as much as she loved chris with her entire heart it’s not as if he could understand how she felt when it came to her girlfriend.) “i can’t believe i never knew. you keep it together so well, juyeonnie.”

。˚∘ spirit ;

rksuas​:

their breaks are short in comparison to the hours on end that they practice to make things perfect.  the group performances of the month are just as important as their solo ones, and with a constant shuffling of the girls, whether they’re being introduced or on their way out, there’s always new challenges to face and little quirks to get used to.  even during the break, there’s things that sua has learned about the other girls that she probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t in the project  -  things like the way chungha lays upside down on the couch, or how many of them there are to avoid stepping on when they’re all sprawled out on the ground.  her lips purse a little as she looks around her, but chungha makes a move first  -  reaches for her, even.

they haven’t spoken in a long time, even within the project.  chungha has seemed wrapped up in her own worries and sua decided it best not to press it  -  especially since she seemed a little more at ease with the newer additions.  she sits next to her with a small sigh, her elbows resting back against the back of the couch.  how are you feeling  -  and of course, chungha wouldn’t know.  after all, sua doesn’t let onto her emotions as much as the other girls, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking.  even now, she shrugs.  how should she admit to chungha that she hates this project with every fibre of her being?  just the fact alone that eunbi was bullied to the point of fear and tears made her want to rip some of the girls to shreds.  " okay, i suppose.“ the words are tight when she speaks them, brows furrowed together.  she knows better than to speak her venom in front of the others.

she brushes a hand through her hair, biting the inside of her cheek.  ” do you?“ sua finally counters, turning her head to face chungha.  after all, she probably wouldn’t be all too bothered if she doesn’t make it into the group.  in her mind, there’s nothing for her there except a death of her own spark and the death of her individuality.  they’ve already tried to quash it once before, she has no doubt that they’ll be ten times worse if she was actually chosen for a group like heartz.  

at the same time though, sua knows that chungha would probably be devastated.  ” i think i care more about the girls than anything.  i think that’s what keeps me hanging on  -“  even though i hate it.  ” it’s not good for them, so i want to make sure they’re okay.  stupid, isn’t it? they didn’t ask me to.“ sua snorts, taking a look around at some of the dozing trainees around her.  ” but even if i’ve only been training for a year, i can tell when someone’s starstruck.  i don’t want them to get hurt in the end.“

chungha’s compliment though makes her raise a brow, turn her head to face her.  ” i may be talented but i assure you, it’s not a trick.  i’m not going to do something radical to pull the rug out from under any of you.“  reaching out, she tucks chungha’s hair back behind her ear.  ” i promise.“

chungha easily adjusts herself so she can wrap herself around sua with an exaggerated content sigh. it was nice to cuddle up to a friend. and sua was easy to reciprocate the sentiment. she blows a raspberry, looking up at the other. there was something about the way she said that she was “okay” that chungha just didn’t feel convinced with. but maybe she was just frustrated as chungha had been about two months ago.

she’d like to think that if it was anything serious then sua would divulge it. maybe it was wishful thinking on her end. but there was no way to know that for sure.

“do i?” chungha repeats back. she wasn’t anticipating her question being returned. logically she should have. yet she finds herself unprepared. “honestly?” chungha starts, eyebrows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think so. i don’t think i’m prepared to have to do this until the very end.” in fact, after this month she’s sure she has nothing left to show them. show improvement? she’s already doing that. show new talents? done. show what she can do? that’s also done every single month. there was nothing fresh from chungha from the end of august onward. the pit in her stomach reminds her she’s a little more worried than she lets off.

“i don’t think it’s stupid,” chungha says with a frown. what sua was doing was a thankless job. it was one that no one asked for but it was one that everyone is thankful for. “i find it very….noble. selfless.” but she didn’t want sua thinking that was the only thing she was good for. she had a lot more to offer to the heartz collective than she realised.

maybe those were the qualities that makes a leader. chungha wouldn’t know. she didn’t want to be the leader of the group. that idea was packed up a long time ago. she feels like she’s better off not having all of the “responsibility” put on her. lord knows she doesn’t have the decorum for a position like that. but it seems like that sua does.

chungha chuckles, shaking her head softly as sua tucked a hair behind her ear. she scrunches her nose. “you’re so silly. of course i’m not worried about anything like that.” that sounded a bit cocky but she meant it earnestly. she elabourates to avoid any confusion. “i didn’t mean it as in you’re going to do something to undermine us all. if i’m being honest this doesn’t really feel as cut throat as i’ve experienced in other companies. i feel like sphere girls are more compassionate than that.” and that included sua. chungha didn’t mean to imply that sua would do anything dirtyto ensure being signed to heartz. besides, would it really be playing dirty if she was simply showing what she could do?

chungha sighed. “i think a lot of us are just tired.” she wouldn’t be surprised. “only the newer girls are still so pumped about everything. i know i don’t have the same energy levels now as i did a while ago.”

。˚∘ better together ;

gahyecnrk​:

gahyeon chuckles lightly when chungha asks her what she’s doing here – she’s pretty sure it’s obvious but still. she doesn’t answer until they pull back from one another, which additionally is when gahyeon realizes that chungha’s crying. it’s not that gahyeon considers chungha unemotional, she just so happened to have never seen the elder girl cry – so her initial response of, “same thing you are, ”is immediately interrupted with a quiet and rushed, “why are you crying ?”becausewhy is chungha crying ? did i do that ? what did i do that made her start crying like this ? she certainly didn’t intend to do anything to make chungha cry – but maybe the look on chungha’s face is enough to tell her they’re not sadtears.

but gahyeon is notoriously bad with crying people.

“ahh, don’t cry, unnie, ”gahyeon murmurs, reaching up to brush a tear off chungha’s cheek that she’d missed. she purses her lips and smiles up at chungha – “oh please, you’ve been at this longer than i have. chances are, it’s the other way around. ”gahyeon hums. “i think i shouldn’t let myself get comfortable. everyone’s fighting for the same thing – and because of that, we all have to be on our toes. ”gahyeon points out quietly, shrugging. “but we’re together now. so … it’ll be okay, i think. hey, maybe we’ll even get a shot at this together, huh ?”gahyeon offers, raising her eyebrows at the elder girl. “ better together than against one another, right ?” gahyeon says, shrugging. “how have you been ? i hope sphere’s been treating you nice since you’ve been here. ”she hums.

“now i get to make sure of that myself, huh ?”gahyeon chuckles gently. a debut project was something gahyeon had to be honest about, she never thought she’d manage to get into. this was more than she’d ever thought she’d get to, even if it was what she wanted, it seemed far away … not that she’d admit that in front of all the other girls. maybe later, behind closed doors, but certainly not now. “you’re gonna have to catch me up to speed so i’m not so behind, yeah ? that way i know what i’m getting myself into. ”gahyeon says, slotting herself between chungha and one of the girls at her side, who steps aside to make room for gahyeon. “i feel so behind already, all of you have been here so long … ”

“i’mhappy, stupid,” chungha says, laughing through her tears. she very rarely finds herself so overcome with emotion that she cries. usually her feelings translated into two things: anger or useless flirting. of course gahyeon would catch her so off guard that her body’s only response was tears. chungha rubbed her chest. it was so full from this. the feeling was indescribable. “i’m so happy you’re here.”

of course it wasn’t as if chungha wasn’t alone. the heartz girls had accepted her with open arms and never made her feel as if she didn’t belong. it was a completely different experience than that of her time in kt. heartz felt warm and comforting. inviting. chungha wasn’t alone by any means but she was happier to have someone who meant so much to her there as well.

“yeah i might have been doing this longer but i’ve also taken breaks in between,” chungha points out. even if logically she has years of experience (literally), she also has years at a time in between her times as a trainee. after sm, it took her years until she was in kt. then seven months after leaving kt, she joined sphere. those gaps in training mattered. it was really easy to get out of the mindset. “it would be nice to be together after all.” wouldn’t that be a dream? chungha just hopes that’s what the result ends up being. even if she’s not entirely sure, she could hope.

“sphere is great,” chungha says with a nod. she knows why gahyeon asks this. it makes her smile. above all else, gahyeon was trying to make sure she was okay. it’s cute. “everyone is friendly and nice. i get along with everyone.” she sniffles, holding gahyeon’s hands with a smile. “you’re going to love it here. i know it’s scary to leave behind everyone you know in royal but you’ll love it.”

it seems like a lot for gahyeon to catch up on. chungha wonders if gahyeon knows that pre-debut is supposed to take two years or that some members of heartz have already been confirmed and on the way to debut so there isn’t as many as twelve spots left now. it was vital information but chungha figures she’d better ease gahyeon into it. “yeah we’ve been here for a while but some girls are already in heartz. many of us aren’t. so don’t worry. even if it’s been a few months, everyone has an equal chance to show themselves every month.”

。˚∘ secondary expedition ;

rkwxnb​:

In retrospect moving into the dorms should encourage independence and self-growth. Except it has not really hit her yet, sure she’s hurling around her luggage with her halfway across the city to move into the dorms, but the symbolism of the move hasn’t actually set in. So no one can blame her for calling Chungha when Eunbi finds herself on another floor and nowhere closer to the dorms. 

“Hey, unnie!!” The camera goes a bit unfocused as she steadies her suitcase, “I’m doing great!” Smiling brightly when she finally stands up straight and actually has a look at her friend over the device. “I’m trying to, Chungha-unnie. I really am but the thing is…” Blushing profusely as she sheepishly looks around her. 

“I think I’m lost.” There she finally said it. Eunbi is lost in the middle of a rather simple, secured apartment complex where heartz dorm lay. This is exactly why she called Chungha because if there is anyone who can help her find a place it would be one of her best unnies. “I’ve been in the lobby for a while then I moved into what floor I thought it was, but I still can’t find the dorm. So now I’ve just sat by the stairway… strategizing.”

chungha blinked at the other as she adjusted herself. it seemed like she was in the hallway somewhere. it caught her attention immediately because she figured that by the time she called her, she would be in the dorms with the other girls.

“you’re lost?” chungha asks. she had expected one of the other girls to accompany her in the very least. eunbi was young and easy to wander off. yet somehow had a terrible sense of direction. why hadn’t anyone promised to meet her in the lobby or taken her there themselves? and what help was chungha going to be when she’s never stepped foot in the heartz dorm building.

“okay, okay,” chungha says. at least she knew general layouts of buildings. it couldn’t be that hard could it? especially since she knows every new heartz girl gets an email or text with instructions on how to get to the dorm and which room would be theirs. if chungha could have eunbi read it to her and tell her where she is then chungha could guide her with simple logic. though there is an issue where sometimes buildings lay out their apartments in different ways but that would be a minor hiccup. there should be signs everywhere. “do you remember the instructions the coaches gave you when you enter the building? read to me what it says. i promise i can help you.”

mxnark:

ft.@rkchungha

mina always knew she would eventually leave home, but she didn’t really expect it to be soon. with the fact that she was still fairly young, she always thought she’d have a bit more time to spend with her parents at home, even if she’d rather not. she thought she’d have to finish her degree while under their roof and the moment she was done, she could be able to be an adult and live on her own. but, of course, life doesn’t exactly go the way kang mina expects it to. next thing she knew, she was unpacking in a smaller apartment, four months left until she’s officially an adult in korea.

it’s not like mina didn’tlike the change. in fact, if anything, she was more than content with it. if she was still at home, she’d stillfeel a drain in her emotions just opening her front door.  she knew herself well enough to know that she didn’t deserve that, especially if she’s going to be draining her physical energy while training. with the fact that she was now part of the heartz project with chungha, it only made sense to live with her now.

shestilldoesn’t have everything unpacked. sure, she couldunpack everything now, but she believes she deserves to be a little bit lazy. she leaves her newroom to head over to the living room, flopping on the couch before letting out a large sigh. “wow! i’m beat!” she says with a laugh before she looks around the room to find her roommate. roommate.she still couldn’t quite register that in her head! it’s exciting to her. “unnie!! i’m hungryyy!” she says with a pout as soon as she spots her. “do you want to eat jajangmyun?” 

chungha knew one response to when mina confessed to needing a home soon. she had grown quite fond of the younger in the time they’ve known one another. mina was like the little sister chungha never got to have. (admittedly, chungha is okay with being an only child. having a sibling would mean less funding from her parents while she was in korea pursuing her dreams.) asking mina to move in was a no brainer.

if she mentioned it to her parents, she knew they would have no trouble shelling out a couple extra hundred dollars to get the girls into a two bedroom in the same complex but with heartz and the uncertainty of who was being chosen next, chungha figured they could stick it out in a single bedroom for a bit. mina seemed to have no issue with cuddling.

this did mean re-organising on chungha’s part. she had to make room for the additional person in the entire apartment. she invested in a few more smaller shelved dressers and a closet organiser so mina would have space for her things too. it was a big move for mina and chungha wanted to be as supportive as possible. she was the older one and the one with more experience in that regard. she wanted mina to feel comfortable. having a roommate again could be fun.

“jajangmyun is really hearty,” chungha replies with a smile. she was currently folding some of her own clothes in the living room. her theory was that if she folded like her grandmother taught her to then maybe her clothes would take a lot less space in the room. not to mention that some are a little outdated and were deserving of being donated. “you might pass out with a full tummy,” she jokes, reaching out to poke mina. it was a good idea and they had worked themselves out by bringing mina’s boxes in. so chungha got up to prepare the food.

“how’re you feeling though?” she asks as she navigates the kitchen with ease. the kitchen was possibly the only area without anything being changed to it. “now that you’re technically officially moved in. this is your home now. nervous?”