Credit to unknown artist; I’m just so jazzed I have these Kedama mascots !!
I’ve been wanting to write about this for a long time now, but I put it off cuz it’s so personal. I mean what follows below, out of love for all identities, queer or not. Kizu Natsuki’s Given, has a pretty equal amount of [straight/gender conforming] and [not straight and or not gender conforming] fans.
⚠️ If you do not personally identify as aligned with the LGBTQIA+ assortment of gender and/or sexual identities, or if you do, but are not GBTmasc (male presenting person who also has same sex attraction) you may find this article a little uncomfortable.
If you DO want to read it; know that it is not meant to be uninclusive or antagonizing, towards anyone. It is written from a place love, and want for understanding, within AND outside of the community. There are topics that need to be addressed, for all LGBTQIA+ to be included in common knowledge of emotional and mental well being. This article is speaking to all BL readers, but pertains to GBTmasc persons; the real life subjects of BL . T for transgender; including non binary and gender fluid “masc”, which is why I will use the word “queer”. I know a lot of people have issues with this word, yet it continues to be the most inclusive and is used positively; by those of us that do not easily align with current language, terminology, or understanding of our identities. ⚠️
It took me 8hrs to type this up on my phone; I am currently without a computer, as it crashed a few weeks ago. I have recently found myself in a place of extreme financial hardship (I do not have family) as my employer’s stock just plummeted, so my savings is gone. My rent has skyrocketed above my means, in the last year, and moving is not an option in my area. If you want to contribute to my ongoing work, help me continue my classes (which I need a computer for), or just contribute to my efforts; please message me. I do not monetize my social media accounts, like Tumblr or Wattpad, because it locks non donating readers out, which is tacky. So I have never asked for donations before. That said; I still need a computer to write. Don’t even care if it’s a refurbished off brand. I’m saying this wholeheartedly; please Please don’t feel pressured or hate me for throwing this out there
That said; this blog has brought so many amazing, hilarious, loving people into my life and I am thankful everyday!! ❤ I try to stay in touch with all of you, but we have such a huge group here now, I can’t keep track!! That’s actually amazing I think we are close to 400 strong! If I haven’t talked to you in a min, or you just wanna say hi; please msg me!! Chances are; our previous msgs are just buried in the feeds
I started this blog, as a safe, and fun place to gush over anime, manga, and seiyu. I also throw in LGBTQIA+ topics from time to time, to educate and empower both LGBTQIA+ and allies. Sometimes posts will deviate from the normal simping and Given manga metas, to topics that may be uncomfortable. They are meant to empower, and enlighten; so that queer persons can eventually be accepted, as just as normal and common, as non queer persons.
This is one of those topics. Yes it is Given related.
Given has become a sort of touch board for opening conversation. No us vs them, but the simple fact of it is; we have very different perspectives of many basic life lessons. To put it plainly; (using this term as gently and inclusive as possible) the queer experience growing up, is not like growing up non queer. We’re the same, but our experiences are inherently different, and expressing that is still not up for discussion, openly. People aren’t even ready to talk about the fact that half of states in the US (its much worse in other countries) can still legally evict you, for being queer. Or that you can be removed from your partner’s entire existence LEGALLY, if something happens to them; through insurance, family wills, and even police action. Thats just in the United States. The majority of the conversations start AFTER you needed someone to talk to. About anything. But as a queer person. I’m not excluding ace/aro/demi; I’m just sticking to mainly GBTmasc persons.
Simple things like talking about relationships platonic or romantic, becoming sexually active, how you want people to take you, even health/puperty concerns; are cornerstones of becoming an adult, for EVERYONE. Your body is changing, your hormones are on wack, your emotions are high, and no matter how true it is that sexuality and gender are not the same; at this point in your life, it absolutely is in YOUR head. Add to that the stress of finding your way through school, family, everything you’re bombarded with on social media, what your ambitions are; you’re being pulled all over the place. And that’s across the board for every young person. Then you have societal “roles” of the sexes. [Females] are expected to be pretty and non invasive but strong and goal oriented while [Males] are told to be assertive and aggressive, but understand that empathy is also expected, but also makes you weak. ???? Wth?
We all say down with the system, now…but it really hasn’t changed a whole lot. We all know these ideals are ridiculous, but we all are forced into partaking in them to some degree, just by interacting with society. I wrote a piece on how in Asian counties, particularly East Asian countries like Japan; it’s much easier for gender expression non conforming [males] to get away with masking, if it’s part of their sexuality aswell. Because, as opposed to western countries; being physically “pretty” or soft in your mannerisms, is prized in males. It isn’t so much an issue if you’re feminine, it’s if you actually are gay. So many queers are able to go sort of reverse stealth, their whole lives. That’s nice…right? F no; it makes it that much more confusing, trying to determine which way you lean; are you just affectionate and effeminate in general? Or do you actually have feels for that other guy, you can’t stop being cutesy towards. In most places; you figure it out relatively quickly, even if you’re not out. It’s a little trickier in places like East Asia, where even boys are encouraged to gush over male idols, or handsome jocks.
Not even going into the human rights violations against transgender persons, but I’ve written on it, here before.
Half of the guys I’ve dated, have been Asian, either first gen AAPI or from East Asian countries. (I grew up in an East Asian community, still live in one, it’s not a fet or something. I myself am not exactly white btw) I bring this up, because (1) this story is about East Asian gay guys and (2) they are significantly unique in their experiences, compared to Westerners. My experiences as a white passing American, are inherently different. Yet, because I grew up within their homes, I had a personalized view. For one, theyre shamelessly and absurdly infantilized and emasculated, particularly by American society. Two; they are further shamelessly fetishisized, esspecially within the LGBTQIA+ community, if they ARE queer. They are very much aware of these facts, even if they aren’t queer. So aside from everyday stigmas (race and sexuality) they have culturally inherited homophobia, and their own separate set of obstacles, within the LGBTQIA+ community. I also grew up being moved from home to home; this one from China, this one from Korea, where no one would speak to me in English, so most people didn’t speak to me at all. Figuring out I was gay, was a very quiet and uneventful process. (I REALLY relate to Shizu.) The things I’ve learned have been baffling AND astonishing. The habits, ideas, perspectives of a queer man who is also Asian; are both poignant and heartbreaking. But very quiet and uneventfull. In eastern views, as well as western views, as I was uniquely exposed to both. By the time I dated a white American; it was a very strange experience, compared to what I was used to, because Asian men desidedly have them beat, in the masculinity department. Being queer is an unannounced, singular part of one’s life. The white boys had not gone through nearly as much internalized self awareness, which in turn had the Asian boys coming out stronger and more quietly self assured. The norm in most places is; you question, so you jump on social media. You find a ton of “support” and “encouragement”; affirm your suspicions and change your icon to reflect where you feel you fall on the rainbow. You have so many people to turn to, for understanding your identity, lots of troll fests to get amped up in, terminology to familiarize yourself with. An educational experience. Asian men do not really do this, the same way.
What non queer persons don’t realize (not shaming; they really have nothing to base it on) all of this isn’t productively real. Outwardly; you have this family you’ve found. You have an inclusive group at school, or in your neighborhood, or gay TikTok. But. They’re all trying to figure out their own way, too. They’re just as confused about how it all works, as you are. Those basic cornerstones of coming into yourself, are extremely daunting anyways, and now you find you’re not fitting the mould. Your opportunities for NORMAL (meaning every human) growth are slim and even stunted. By stunted, I mean; how many queer people experience importer syndrome, suicidal thoughts, practice unsafe sex just to have some kind of intimacy cuz you’re fn lonely. I mean even certified resources talk about the joys of safe cruising. Why the f do we need cruising, its 2022! You go on to find more serious questions, usually about being sexually active; are given only clinical, sterilized, or even vague (yet glowy) answers. ESSPECIALLY concerning bottom experiences. Or poor guys trying to wrap their heads around all the cute aggression they’ve been having. No one wants to be the one who told you something wrong, or debatable, so no one gives you straight forward answers.
In Asian countries, or even but not so much, in Asian American communities; you don’t even have any of that. Of course you’re pretty, you dress sharp or cute, you have a hygene regimen that would put a Kardashian to shame, you’re soft spoken and gentle, you have effeminate mannerisms, a high voice and all the lovely stereotypes *gasp* you can pass as a girl if you feel like it. That’s great! You’re a well rounded young man and will make a loving husband for a lucky GIRL. No validation for queer identity. Because again, as opposed to western societal views; all of the above is kind of expected, in young men. It makes things even more confusing, if you actually DO have same sex attraction. Even MORE so if you are an ally. Because in their society; you don’t talk about sex, or intimacy, or your preferences, because you’re making yourself stand out, or making your views more important than those of who you’re talking to. Even non queer persons don’t want to burden their families or communities, with any concerns THEY personally have. It’s not that they don’t care; but the emmense sense of community above all, takes precedence over concerns of sexuality, mental health, emotional well-being, gender or sexual expression and even really important topics like consent, suicide, or gender equality.
Non queer persons globally (again: with respect and love) have everyone, and all of society, and their spiritual leaders, and councelors, and community leaders, and their aunt Joan too; to ask questions about love and life and relationships and even sexual health. Its just every day subconscious knowledge, for them.This is sooo difficult to even get allies to notice. Queers on the other hand, no matter how forward facing we perceive ourselves to be; still tediously gauge wether or not, we can even talk to our friends and family, before we say anything. Not coming out necessarily; but those normal questions about life and love. I mean, how many times do you pause before you say “my husband/boyfriend” even if you are out and know that person knows this. (I’m not getting into gender or terminology inclusion topics, which I’m very positive and passionate about btw, this is already a long post) Or you wanna talk about something bothering you in your relationship, like asking a friend if you think so and so is into you, or is this relationship issue normal.. but you stop and ask yourself first; is this person im asking, going to be uncomfortable. Eventhough its a basic everyday conversation. Just because I’m talking about another guy. Then the rabbit hole… Are they fetishisizing in their head right now. Are they trying to picture who does what.. ? And next thing you know, your in a whole other level of feeling like an exhibit on display. Not a friend asking a friend for advice. This isn’t just with non queer friends, that you’re talking to, either. The toxic ideas of roles and expression and masculinity, are just as bad within the community. But non queer people don’t have these added issues.
Again not us vs them; non queer people just don’t have to worry about any of this. Example; and this one always seems to floor people: Simply walking into a room, as a single; and knowing they can choose from half of it, as potentially romantic partners. That doesn’t even cross their minds, it’s just normal societal experiences. Queer persons on the other hand; are lucky if there’s one person, in that room. Even then, what are THEIR views. Say this queer person is trans, or are they hyper masc, or are they hyper feminine, and how does the one other person, who’s also queer in the group, perceive these things. Because there’s a lot of toxic uninclusive views, in the GBTmasc playingfield. Not to mention all the normal; are you single too, are we even attracted to eachother, do we even get along. Now what if you’re just looking for a friend, or a shoulder to cry on. Yeah, not a lot of irl opportunities.
Enter Hiiragi, from Given; why does he need to be forgiven? He actually needs to forgive himself.
What if you actually have something incredibly serious, you need help with, like idk I think my friend’s bf might be suicidal and I don’t know how to be there for either of them. Nine times out of ten, you would have to get past all the prefaced notions, before you could even start talking about the actual concern. Like yeah I said “he” twice, yes they are both guys, yes they’re gay and what the hell does it matter if their parents know, did you not hear me? I think my friend is suicidal!! *crickets* other person pauses, and then asks something like, yeah but are they out…? What the actual F ? does that really matter? You know what, nevermind. (Actual convo teen me had) And this is with non queer AND queer persons, your trying to talk to. More than one! Friend tries to kill self, survives, is put in conversion therapy. Cuz ya know, it’s cuz they’re gay. Not cuz their parents are awful sheeple, or anything.
This is why we have the joke; yes we’re all gay. Cuz we do flock together when we find eachother, and even grow up together, because we sensed that otherness in one another, even if we didn’t know what it was at the time. Or didn’t have words for it. Or ever really talked to each other about it. Or even knew how we felt about it. And this is where Mafuyu, Yuki, Hiiragi, and Shizu are at, in the majority of Given.
All we want for queer perspective, is for our voices to be heard. Our contributions seen. Our presence acknowledged. Uneventfully. What I mean by that, is a promise of a future, where our experiences don’t have to be prefaced. Where a young person is free to decide how they express themselves inside and out, without being isolated on the fringes of conversations, and fed toxic stereotypes. All while being told we’ve been unabashedly included, because companies are selling rainbow print….we’ll know things have truly changed, when we can talk about our relationships, hopes, and everyday problems; when the fact that we’re queer is as equal to saying that we’re just a regular person. And our identities are part of being regular person. Even if that particular identity is vastly unique to what maybe you have experience with. We don’t usually have someone around that we can lean over to and be like ‘Hey, see that guy over there? Cute right!? Should I talk to him? OR 'Hey I’m having this thing with my person, and I don’t know if it’s ok how I feel about it. Have you any advise? How did you deal with [fight/self essteem/potential red flags/broaching moving in/talking marriage/relationship status]’ Even queer allies suddenly clam up. Wether it’s literally that they stop talking, or something shines in their eyes like fear, as they try to push through the conversation, and be caring and helpful. They can’t help it. For as much as queer relationships are the same as straight; there are so many things a non queer person might never even realise.
Media makes everything seem idk straight relationship parallel, when it’s not. Like just watching most people’s reactions to Stranger By The Shore..you know what im talking about, if you’re GBTmasc. If not let me explain; Shun is much older and larger than Mio, but the first time they sleep together, Mio tops. To GBTmascs watching the anime; it was a moment of quiet reflection and validation. Its not as happy a scene as it should be, for them. Since we’re talking acurrate depictions of gay boys in BL; there’s good reason as to why they have the dynamic they do, in that story. But we can’t explain the dynamics in our stories, when sex itself is always the draw. We understand the appeal of tropes and roles in BL, we understand how that works for non queer persons, who BL is marketed to. It isn’t real. (But I mean look who you’re talking to; I like to read about gay guys too) On top of that; non queer persons have been conditioned to equate queer identity as sexual identity, only. They say and believe they don’t, but it’s so ingrained in the straight normative perception of queer identity. Example: You’ve been conditioned to see a queer relationship conversation, as an inherently sexual conversation, eventhough you probably don’t consiously notice; instead of for what it is. Just a conversation about life milestones and LOVE. Same as anyone else’s.
But at the same time, I mean our sex lives IS what separates us, right? Riiiiight? That little detail, is infact what would be queer about us, right? Food for thought: Sexality is fluid. Gender is a social construct, designed to label the human experience for reproduction and status purposes only. Aren’t we capable of greater things? More meaning and purpose? I am being 100% serious when I say that, if it comes down to our sex lives; we are all (every single one of us) born just a little queer. Straight, cis, heteronormative is the uncommon state of being, in the context of nature. And it is taught to you in most cases, through societal nurture.
With anything in life that seems to marginalize, or claim to have authority over right and wrong…follow the money. No seriously. Who benefits from you being in line and arguing us vs them, or even how inclusive can you make terminology? I know I don’t fit. I’m small, often mistaken for a woman, don’t mind that I’m mistaken for a woman, but I’m not a queen. I am male. I like feminine looking/masculinely aggressive males, I like being the one pursued, but I’m usually the dominant person in the rest of the dynamic. Hi Aries, Scorpio, and Leo I’m waving at you ;) I like being spoilt. My hair grows insanely fast, so I wear my hair long (like down my back) sometimes. I own make up, no I don’t do drag. Im not the [girl] and neither is he but I am the romantic, nurturing partner, my love language is acts of service. I confuse the stereotype.
Actually I’m coming to terms lately with the fact that I may be a queen…queen is not the same as “Drag” queen. Hiiragi is a queen, Ugetsu is queen status. I’m what we call “baby”. No it’s not an age thing; it’s like soft or “comfy boy”. Mafuyu would be baby, Haruki is kinda baby, but he’s more neutral. (There is also “baby” in regards to coming into gay male sexuality ie Ritsuka is baby gay, Hiiragi is baby queen.) I think Hiiragi rubs fans the wrong way, regardless of the story, because they just aren’t used to seeing a queen portrayed accurately and not as a stereotype, so they don’t know what to make of him. Same with why some readers portray Haruki as a pushover. These kinds of guys don’t fit neatly into a caricature, and Kizu is actually writing them realisticlly.
I also think women should be in charge of everything. Women are way more inclusive, thoughtful, and attentive than we are. They’re also stronger in all aspects of life. No other gay men are really more belittled by other men than queens, or fem nb and fem trans men are. Esspecially whenever they do exert their masculinity; I’m sure you can imagine why. It’s like the internal misandry and loathing insecure men have of their own perceived weaknesses or femininity, are transferred in the same way misogyny is towards women. The way Akihiko treated Haruki, is pretty common irl, unfortunately.
One easily overlooked point in Given, I’ve found through the eyes of non queer readers, that shows the difference in our experiences; is that none of the characters, except Ritsuka, are closeted.
I adore the fact that Kizu put such subtle crafting, into showing us these characters, after they already know they’re not straight. Only Ritsuka, who is the main focus of the synopsis; is questioning, when we meet him. Even Haruki is out, and their moments are more about crushing, and coming to terms with their LEVEL of queerness. Hiiragi, if you noticed; never told the audience he was coming to grips with his sexuality; but with the fact that he realized his attraction was to his best friend. This has always been a topic Kizu has worked with, and is a big part of Given. It’s not that they’re falling in love with other guys; it’s that those guys happen to be their closest friends, and how does that change their dynamic. What boundaries are placed, which are broken, how does behavior change, or perceived notions of one another.
Shizu wasn’t quiet about his reciprocal feelings because of out status; it was about not wanting to uproot the already strong bond and opportunities they had with Hiiragi’s career goals. That’s what he means by not “suffering” when he’s talking to Ritsuka. Neither Hiiragi, nor Shizu appreciate Ritsuka’s gay panics, and a queer person picks up on this, while a non queer person may only see the comedy of his melt downs. But it’s actually really disrespectful to Mafuyu, who they’re very protective of. Shizu is not understanding or empathetic, to Ristuka’s closeted behaviors OR trying to decide which is more important to prioritize; bands or relationships. He explains to him the feelings Ristuka is experiencing, are alien to him. Being gay was never a concern to him, ie no “suffering” there. He fully owns his sexuality and doesn’t skip a beat, as Ristuka is having a heart attack in the middle of the crosswalk, hearing him just openly state [why yes I’m gay and yes I love Hiiragi] Not distracting his best friend from his dreams was the real obstacle, if they were going to open up to one another romantically; so he continues to try to express to Ritsuka, that Mafuyu is concerned he distracts him. Leading to him feeling like its better if he’s left behind.. Which is a problem he and Hiiragi don’t have, not because they’re a stronger couple, but because their dynamic is different. Ristuka doesnt get it. Eventhough this is a relationship issue, not a queer identity issue; most of the non queer readers as well, dont really seem to see what he was getting at. (Ive asked across multiple platforms) which says a lot about how we experience things differently. This is what he’s trying to say to both Mafuyu and Ritsuka, when he tells Mafuyu to just stop, if Given is too much for him emotionally. He knows, and Mafuyu knows; he is both encouraging and distracting Ristuka from his passions. Thus was the tension with him and Yuki. Thus was the tension with Akihiko and Ugetsu. The synopsis tells us the story is about Ritsuka’s passion for music; not Mafuyu’s. Then Shizu tries to broach the same concern for Mafuyu’s wellbeing to Ritsuka, but stops when he begins to get irritated with Ritsuka’s gay panicking. He is concerned for both of them; Mafuyu being emotionally supported, and Ristuka’s goals with music.
Music for Mafuyu, was about grieving, and his healing process. He may not want, or need to revist processing his emotions this way. This is unfortunately, something that was done so beautifully; readers don’t want to not go back to it. Ritsuka on the other hand, lives and breathes music; he can’t keep from internalizing his feelings, and making everything about music. Mafuyu is more mature, and has more life experience; he sees that they need to have a some kind of relationship outside of music. Being one of the best depictions of a Pisces; he shuts down when he tries to express this. It’s too important to him, to just blurt it out, and it be taken the wrong way. As Hiiragi and Shizu both tried to explain to Ritsuka in ch32; pg10:
Ristuka asks Hiiragi and Shizu their opinion on Mafuyu being emo; not hanging out, not answering about a Given debut, thoughts on SYH (specifically Given debut, this is right after Mafuyu was ignoring him.)
Hiiragi: He’s always been the type to take a long time to think.
Shizu: He won’t give in once he’s made up his mind. Make no mistake, he’ll stay silent until he’s decided on a reply.
Shizu’s remark about 'won’t give in’ is to not answer at all.
Side note: Leos love giving silent treatments, and Pisces loves watching them break, cuz we do it right back, if its something important to us, we need them to understand. This is typical Pisces behavior, particularly with fire signs. We do exceptionally well with Taurus and Scorpio, because they just get us, and give exactly those kinds of answers, above. Taurus nurtures Pisces and Scorpio protects them.
Our stories, queer stories; as of this time and place, are often dark, and full of confusion. If not just token and queerbaiting. Everyone has an opinion..and it’s not how media makes it out to be; queer narratives aren’t all tragic OR triumphant. Yet it’s not a rainbow sprinkle party either. We would make it that way though, if the world would let us. Who the hell knows, why we like fem things, why shouldn’t we? Who says it’s fem? Maybe it’s that we grow up having to check ourselves to make everything copacetic, that we need to heal our inner children with things that induce dopamine? Just sayin. We don’t have the privileges of recognizing ourselves in 90% of the room, like non queer people have. We get drawn into gayTok and what media wants us to believe. Who we are; categorized, labeled neatly.
Writing is my way of giving something pure and beautiful to the world; to better our love and understanding of eachother. Maybe someone might read something I wrote, intitially because they find queer stories, boys in love with boys, or boys being cute; to be endearing, but suddenly realise that our IRL community is not something mythical. We are present, and if you want our stories; we can tell you with honesty, they come with equal amounts of trauma, as they do liberation, AND normal life lessons. I think this is why so many non queer readers gravitate towards our stories. Yeah there’s the whole self insert with [female] audiences and BL, but I think it’s an internal desire to see something tangible, that helps one discover their own traumas and otherness, without being gaslit and told get over it. Ie disabilities, disadvantages, inequality in race, gender, and wealth etc.
The complacency with misrepresentation in queer depictions, is fueled by the bitter taste of hearing people complain or comment about something they don’t even understand. They don’t have a way to; they see themselves in everything, as everything is portrayed as straight normative. Even QUEER stories.. Yet they’re beginning to see that normative is pretty uninclusive to issues they DO have, like social inequalities. BUT they’re not thinking out side the stereotypes, just yet.
For young [female] readers of BL; they can relate to being head over heels with a boy in class, and being afraid everyone will find out because (self insert as another boy) feeling insecure, is a normal growing pain for most HUMANS irl. The self insert serves to help you identify your self image of what you want, how you want to be seen, and what your boundaries are. But irl girl X boy; crushing and insecurities are portrayed as you’re over dramatic, gas lit as just having teen [girl] probs, and should just get over it. Yet it IS valid. It’s a part of growing up, and finding your romance language. But you’re not given the whole story. The real story. You read BL or a fanfic about boys in love, and it’s always about them coming out, dealing with insecurities, painting the pair as tragic. Or a running joke. Or an insufferable queen, who’s trying to back stab everyone and undermine the hero’s plotline.
Never the irl isolation, never as beautifully human in their self righteous faults. Like, not speaking up for eachother. And not knowing how to be there for eachother, and NOT being tragic, but regular guys, who love other guys, and the affection and love in platonic friendships. If one did read it open heartedly, they should be uncomfortable. Because they should notice how this isn’t ever portrayed media, even though it’s realistic. To know what it’s like to look around for a guiding hand, and there never be anyone there. To love someone so asuredly, yet already have convinced yourself; they’re nothing like you. And couldn’t love you. Wether it’s that they’re not queer aswell, or they just don’t have the same views/preferences. (Im looking at cis queers who can’t see non cis queers romantically.) To choke down how thankless your love is, as a young queer male. Esspecially strong feminine males, in western society.
We have wisdom, non queers you can embrace vicariously, and it’s free. We already paid for it. Why did Hiiragi want to be forgiven? What could he have possibly done that was in need of forgiveness?
Hiiragi already knew he’s gay. Mafuyu knew he’s gay. They both know the other was gay. This doesn’t have to be spelled out; it’s pretty straightforward, in the story. He needs to be forgiven, because he never offered a hand or an ear or a shoulder. That’s it. Saying he wants to be forgiven by anyone, but that he really wants to be forgiven Mafuyu himself; should be one of the most powerful lines you read in Given. He wasn’t able to be there, for EITHER of them, and one of them died. Of course it’s not his fault. Of course Yuki didn’t necessarily commit suicide because of his queerness or even anything to do with his relationship with Mafuyu (that thought blows people’s minds) but either way, we know Hiiragi felt the need to be there for them, esspecially Mafuyu. When they both removed that possibility from him, Shizu describes Hiiragi as beside himself with regrets. He even describes how, at times Hiiragi was closer to Yuki, than even he or Mafuyu were. (Kizu has him later clear up that he meant this platonically) So Hiiragi, outside of queerness, lost a confidant and a close friend, when Yuki died. Then he lost Mafuyu, because his own need to grieve privately. But for a queer group of friends; you can’t help but feel like your queer identities had something to play in it. Because of stigma, and again; not having mentors to turn to.
Remember, Hiiragi is telling us most of everything we know, other than what Ristuka or AkiHaru tells us. And they had only just met Mafuyu; they never knew Yuki or Shiiragi. They only just really found out about Yuki, at all, halfway through the manga. It’s easy for the reader to get so into one couple or one character’s development, that we forget this. Apparently the live action stage production straight up had Hiiragi narrate a lot of the story; emphasizing this. Much of Given, is Hiiragi’s perspective, esspecially where foundation back story is concerned. Hiiragi and Shizu know all about Mafuyu, Yuki, and Mafuyu’s descent as the fallen “princess” archetype. “Her” whole world taken from “her”. They also know through Mafuyu, the whole rest of the cast of characters he now resides with. And they will see him to a new life, safe and well. Their whole purpose is to deliver the hero’s journey and Mafuyu’s rebirth, to the audience from an inside perspective.
Hiiragi was the one who would try to bring Mafuyu into the fold, and when he wouldn’t come to the door; he was the one who went and got Yuki, and brought Yuki to HIM. He did the same with Shizu. He recognized the same otherness between Mafuyu and Yuki, that he knew in himself. Irl this is not just the basic need for validation and understanding,, but the need for confidants, mentors, and companions. But readers fail him for that, because of stereotypes they’ve been lied to about, to sell rom coms and drama. He never sought after Yuki in the way so many readers think they pick up on and continue to carry like a battle flag; because of queer formulas they’ve been convinced of. Or that an evil side character is casing someone’s man ie the ridiculous idea Hiiragi is trying to steal Ritsuka from Given/Mafuyu. Cue awful stereotypes of emotionally aggressive, feminine men ie insufferable queen, who’s trying to back stab everyone and undermine the hero’s plotline. It’s not like Kizu didn’t put these panels in early on. It’s not like they weren’t trying to tell us this is a different story.
Ironically; Hiiragi’s character represents these stereotypes. Kizu breaks them through him,, and presents to the reader; the real queer narrative of youth, in that he didn’t believe he could ever express or experience love the way he felt it, because Mafuyu and Yuki made it look so easy and fearless. Like the side of Hiiragi remembering Mafuyu giving Yuki like a whole damn orange, and complaining to Shizu, that Mafuyu never loves him. Meanwhile Shizu is falling asleep and passing a whole grip of orange slices to Hiiragi. The idea is that Mafuyu had a different kind of love for Yuki, just as Shizu does for Hiiragi, and it has nothing to do with Hiiragi’s feelings towards Mafuyu or Yuki; it’s brilliantly about Shizu’s feelings for Hiiragi.
So many readers want to believe his desire for forgiveness from Mafuyu specifically, must mean he deliberately wronged him in some way. Because they’re searching for a BL formula that would fit the type casts they’re familiar with. Rather than reading it for the queer irl experiences the story is literally about.. Young men arriving to the understanding that they have few mentors to lean on. Seeing the same otherness in each other, and still not respecting the understanding that they could offer the other. Hiiragi’s constantly saying how much he doesn’t want Mafuyu to hate him, how he loves him, regrets that he wasn’t there for him. But he doesn’t talk to him about Yuki’s song or Ritsuka’s involvement. He “wants to be forgiven” because he knew he COULD have been there for Mafuyu AND Yuki too, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t have the language, back then. Just like Ritsuka doesn’t, now.
Perhaps….just a thought…perhaps taking Ritsuka into his success with music, and giving him Yuki’s song….is being there for another gay boy trying to figure out how relationships work……
Hiiragi needs to forgive himself. He doesn’t know that though.
Readers don’t think about that, because that would break the formula people are comfortable with, because they’re not ready to hear how isolated we are, when we’re they’re age. Unless it’s the [pretty and gay so character must die] trope, as with Yuki. I honestly have always felt, this was tongue and cheek; why Kizu started the story off that way. Ritsuka AT THIS POINT doesn’t need guys in their twenties, who are already jaded and finding their way back, themselves; to give him advise. He needs boys his age. He needs other guys who aren’t questioning or still fighting the is it right or wrong banter. He needs guys who fully own their sexuality and have experience to pull advise from. Shizu is reserved and blunt, and clearly experinced. Hiiragi is dramatic and stubbornly sticks to his principles, and baby like Ritsuka. They’re perfect for where Ritsuka is right now, if he were real. He already sees their relationship, in his flashbacks; as something idealistic and flourishing. He looks back to Shizu adoringly taking Hiiragi’s hand, as Hiiragi is glowing like an angelic icon. Kizu even made a blurb about how they had to push to put that panel in, and purposely made it a full page. Hiiragi is portrayed as very pretty, and fashionable, and sought-after. Ritsuka reacts to Shizu, the way he reacts to Akihiko; he’s masculine and a little intimidating, and has a commanding presence that sometimes puts people on edge. So much so; Ritsuka was shocked when he realized he was gay, just like with Akihiko. Yet here is this couple breaking stereotypes, and Hiiragi is dominant and in charge of their dynamic AND finances. So people look for the formula, that isn’t there, and create a feminized villain scenario for him. Which ironically trashes the majority readers themselves.
One day; well get to where we don’t need to give Hiiragi a break, to begin with, because (1) we’ll see right off a boy who didn’t understand his own feelings and felt helpless to be there for another, because of that and (2) that sense of isolation, not understanding your feelings, because you don’t see yourself in 90% of the room; won’t even be a thing anymore. Because boys will love who ever they want without question…like the boy sitting right next to him, who loves him already, but also doesn’t have the words.
Thank you for reading 8 hrs of pouring my heart out, if you made it this far ❤
“GOLDEN” ON AO3 IS AT OVER 1700 HITS!! ✨ I can’t express my gratitude in words
For those of you who have been following me since August; you know how much that story took out of me. Like Haruki said; it was both responsible for me hitting rock bottom, and building me back up. I learned to co habitate with my own personal “Akihiko” [IE: found I did have things I wanted to say about my own experiences] and then discovered they were a lot louder and more rambunctious than I had ever imagined! And that it wasn’t so effortlessly done, but worth loving.
❤❤
Why did Hiiragi want to be forgiven? What could he have possibly done that was in need of forgiveness?
I was in the middle of writing a fic on it, and a few metas for here.. My laptop finally heaved its last death moan. I have no way to replace it right now, which means I can’t continue to work on my stories for potentially several months. At least the end of first quarter. I’m praying my un-backed up work, isn’t lost. I’m so thankful I just posted the first chapters to my current fics, here or those would def be gone.
* If anyone wants to contribute to my continued work, through a laptop fund; please msg me here. *
I’ve been doing all of this on my phone for weeks!! And it’s a 3yr old Samsung!
I keep trying to save backed up work on the app, but copy and paste options are wonky at best. I can’t complete my stories without a computer, unless I write directly on the app itself, and IDK that my work is 1 protected or 2 safe from being accidentally deleted. This has happened several times on here, already.
I was in the middle of writing a piece on the above question about Hiiragi, the phenomenon of hochigo in Japan, a couple of original stories, and two Given fics.
I’m going insane!! I kid you not crying
After having written several books, that did really well, very quickly; seeing a fanfic from a niche fandom, with an arguably unpopular ship, I whole heartedly know over 1600 hits is amazing
I thank you all You are all responsible ❤
I know, I know it’s a Yuri pic on a Given related post; but that’s how SEEN I feel right now ^^^
Look at that smile! That satisfaction! That sparkling gold ring!
What I mean by that, is a promise of a future, where our experiences don’t have to be prefaced. Where a young person is free to decide how they express themselves inside and out, without being isolated on the fringes, and fed toxic stereotypes.
All we want for queer perspective, is for our voices to be heard. Our contributions seen. Our presence acknowledged. Uneventfully.
Sexality is fluid.
Gender is a social construct, designed to label the human experience for reproduction and status purposes only.
After re reading Shiiragi’s story as compiled in the special edition of Kizu Natsuki’s Given vol7; I am absolutely proud of the story I wrote. No matter how dark. Because our stories, queer stories; as of this time and place, are often dark, and full of confusion. Everyone has an opinion.. It’s not how media makes it out to be; queer narratives aren’t all tragic. And it’s not a rainbow sprinkle party either (We would make it that way though, if the world would let us) We don’t have the privileges of recognizing ourselves in 90% of the room, like non queer people have. We get drawn into gayTok and what media wants us to believe. Who we are; categorized, labeled neatly.
Aren’t we capable of greater things? More meaning and purpose.
The ship wars and misrepresentation that led me to write Golden in just a matter of weeks, was fueled by the bitter taste of hearing people complain about something they don’t even understand. I was certain, no one would read it. Or I would be trolled for not painting the pair as toxic, but as beautiful in their self righteous faults. If one did read it open heartedly; I wanted the reader to feel Shizusumi’s anger, and be uncomfortable. To know what it’s like to look around for a guiding hand, and there never be anyone there. To love someone so asuredly, yet already have convinced yourself; they’re nothing like you. To choke down how thankless your love is.
But almost 1800 people looked at it, and who knows; maybe read it all the way through.
Publishing is always my goal. Writing is my way of giving something pure and beautiful to the world; to better our love and understanding
Maybe someone might read something I wrote, intitially because they find queer stories, boys in love with boys, or boys being cute; to be endearing, but suddenly realise that our IRL community is not something mythical. We are present, and if you want our stories; we can tell you with honesty, they come with equal amounts of trauma, as they do liberation. I think this is why so many non queer readers gravitate towards our stories. Yeah there’s the whole self insert with [female] audiences, but I think it’s an internal desire to see something tangible, that helps one discover their own traumas and liberation, without being gaslit and told get over it. Being head over heels with a boy in class, and being afraid everyone will find out because maybe you feel insecure, like you’re out of his league, is a normal growing pain for most. It serves to help you identify your self image of what you want, how you want to be seen, and what your boundaries are. Yet it can be seen as over dramatic, or you can be easily gas lit as just having teen girl probs, and should just get over it. Yet it’s valid. It’s a part of growing up, and finding your place. We have wisdom, you can embrace vicariously, and it’s free. We already paid for it.
But Here it is:
Even queer allies suddenly clam up. Wether it’s literally that they stop talking, or something shines in their eyes like fear, as they try to push through the conversation, and be caring and helpful. They can’t help it. For as much as queer relationships are the same as straight; there are so many things a straight person might never even realise. Media makes everything seem idk straight relationship parallel, when it’s not. On top of that; non queer persons (notice I veer away from specific lables) have been conditioned to equate queer identity as sexual identity, only. IE: You’ve been conditioned to see a queer relationship conversation, as an inherently sexual conversation, instead of for what it is. Just a relationship about life milestones and LOVE. Same as anyone else.
It’s not something bad. It’s not some formulaic, villainous twist. That’s a stereotype. There is no villain in Given. Hiiragi’s story is as important and meaningful as Akihiko’s or Mafuyu’s. We don’t usually have someone around that we can lean over to and be like ‘Hey see that guy over there? Cute right!? Is he cool?’ Or 'Hey I’m having this thing with my person, and I don’t know if it’s ok how I feel about it. Have you any advise? How did you deal with [fight/self essteem/potential red flags/broaching moving in/talking marriage/relationship things]“
Hiiragi knows he’s gay. Mafuyu knows he’s gay. They both know the other is gay. This doesn’t have to spelled out; it’s pretty straightforward.
He needs to be forgiven, because he never offered a hand or an ear or a shoulder. That’s it.
Saying he wants to be forgiven by anyone, but that he really wants to be forgiven Mafuyu himself; should be one of the most powerful lines you read in Given.
Remember, he’s telling us most of everything we know, other than what Ristuka or AkiHaru tell us. And they had only just met Mafuyu; they never knew Yuki or Shiiragi. They only just really found out about Yuki, at all.. It’s easy for the reader to get so into one couple or one character’s development, that we forget this.. Apparently the live action stage production straight up had Hiiragi narrate a lot of the story; emphasizing this. Much of Given, is Hiiragi’s perspective, esspecially where foundation back story is concerned.
Reading the special edition vol7 really puts this front and center. Kizu is drawing genius story telling technique, from the likes of Shakespeare and Kurosawa. The hero’s journey is told through the eyes of a SILENT jester. As loud mouthed as Hiiragi is; he doesn’t speak on the things the audience would want him to. He puts a prompt out there, and then the main characters move through that prompt. This is extremely difficult story telling. The author has to purposely make the reader suspicious of the jester, or forget that they’re the one telling you the story at all. The jester will usually have a more straightforward "fool” companion. Perfect example: R2D2 and C3PO
We’re you ever aware that the entire main storyline of Star Wars is from the perspective of R2D2 and C3P0 ? This is one of the first things you learn in any major film degree.. not kidding. You review the brilliance of Kurosawa’s Hidden Fortress and how it was the template for Star Wars, which became the template for modern saga storytelling. Mata and Tahei (Hidden Fortress version of R2D2 and C3PO) are two background characters that are first presented as characters the audience should maybe be wary of. Yet they are the ones telling the bulk of the story. You then get drawn into the hero’s journey, and completely forget that this is through the lens of the jester’s scope of knowledge. Hiiragi is R2D2 and Shizusumi; C3PO. Or rather; Mata and Tahei. They ARE privy to everything. They know all about Mafuyu, Yuki, and Mafuyu’s decent as the archetype of the fallen princess. Her whole world taken from her. They also know through Mafuyu, the whole rest of the cast of characters he now resides with. And they will see him to a new life, safe and well. Their whole purpose is to deliver the hero’s journey and Mafuyu’s rebirth, to the audience from an inside perspective.
Hiiragi was the one who would try to bring Mafuyu into the fold, and when he wouldn’t come to the door; he was the one who went and got Yuki, and brought Yuki to HIM. He did the same with Shizu. He recognized the same otherness between Mafuyu and Yuki, that he knew in himself. He never sought after Yuki in the way so many readers pick up and carry; because of queer formulas they’ve been convinced of. And ironically; Hiiragi’s character represents these stereotypes, in that he didn’t believe he could ever express or experience love the way he felt it, because Mafuyu and Yuki made it look so easy and fearless.
So many readers want to believe his desire for forgiveness from Mafuyu specifically, must mean he deliberately wronged him in some way. Because they’re searching for a BL formula that would fit the type casts they’re familiar with. Rather than reading it for the queer experience the characters living. Arriving to the understanding that they have no one to lean on. Seeing the same otherness in each other, and still not respecting the understanding they offer the other.
It’s so irritating seeing nothing but trashing Hiiragi or Shizu, on every platform as we get closer to the SYH debut. I think they have the most growth out of all the couples. I really don’t get why people don’t look at this and see a kid hurting. Hiiragi’s just as confused as Ristuka. They’re really not very different, Hiiragi just confronts life’s hard lessons with an attitude.
I always think of this panel and get sent back to when I was his age and I didn’t know how to be there for another guy, I knew was like me. How could I? I didn’t understand myself. I come across as a b**** too, to people that don’t know me well. Like me; he’s solution oriented. His take on Ritsuka is made clear in the lunch panels as [if you can’t come up with a determined next step, don’t complain to me] He’s constantly saying how much he doesn’t want Mafuyu to hate him, how he loves him, regrets that he wasn’t there for him. He “wants to be forgiven” because he knew he COULD have been there for Mafuyu AND Yuki too, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t have the language. Just like Ritsuka, right now..
Hes always drawn by Kizu in an extra panel, looking back at Mafuyu when he knows he’s hurting, or afraid. A separate identical panel of the one before it, except Hiiragi looks back at him with clear concern. Not Shizu, not Ritsuka, not even Yuki. If this isn’t an artist’s way of showing this character always wants to be there for the one they’re looking back at, Idk what is.. Being catty is just his regular speed; it doesn’t mean he’s all the things he’s been made out to be. And the same with using Yuki’s song.
One of my former band mates is reading Given, and they don’t get what the big deal is, same as me. We all had a song book we shared, with the understanding it’s community property, and you express otherwise from the beginning(before you potentially die). Unless someone expressly said [I wrote this, all by myself, no one use it] then it’s everyone’s composition to use. He was very clear that they purposely stopped playing anything Yuki wrote, when he died; during the lunch sequence. He’s ambitious, that’s a good thing for someone who said they want to save the world with music. He said that. Kizu put it right there in one of his profiles. Shizu never questions him because he believes in him. You can makes mistakes, feel regret, as long as you keep growing.
Hiiragi is the one usually telling us the story. I would be shocked if such a high level writer as Kizu didn’t show us, this whole deal is Hiiragi’s way of showing Mafuyu that he was always there, in his heart. How many times has Kizu had Hiiragi or Shizu say that he was beside himself when they lost touch with Mafuyu? That’s why he was crying in the above panel. He was also shown as the one who included Mafuyu when they were little. Yeah Yuki met him first. But it’s always drawn as Hiiragi going and getting him to play, and whenever he’s not, Hiiragi is the one that goes and gets Yuki to go to him. That’s real deep love ish, and the SYH debut will be, too.
I wrote an indepth piece on this topic, but I haven’t posted it, because I’m afraid it may sound uninclusive of non gay males in LGBTQIA+ or antagonistic towards cis/het readers. Please let me know if you you all feel up for reading it. ❤
Summary: Hybrids have always been known to humanity after scientist decided to test the limits of the animal genetics on humans. Now the world uses them as adoptable companions, which is why a group of friends found their way at a Hybrid Shelter. Though one trip turns into an ugly fight involving Yoongi to walk away—But what happens when that same male finds a cat hybrid that is scared out of her mind with a dark past. Who said that dark past was over?
~Pairing: Min Yoongi (BTS) | Suga x Hybrid f! Reader
Wild feline orbs snapped wide open, panic swirling through them while your senses refused to cooperate from the emotional roller coaster running inside. You hated that everything felt out of control, it was like a slap to the face. A reminder that the past is never really gone, despite Yoongi’s desperate attempts to shake it from your memories.
Without hesitation, you jumped into a defensive stance—practically pure instincts at this point—only to hiss when bumping your head against a hard surface. The sudden harsh movement having you wince as well, the injury on your shoulder blade acting up.
Right now… You felt like a blind man walking through a dark forest, breathing taking a sharp turn as your body trembled—You’re okay… You’re not back. It’s okay, just calm yourself.
A marathon of reassurance—comfort—chanted within, tail flickering and puffing in distress. Although you were still on edge, the words did help regain your five senses… From hearing to smell.
Unconsciously sniffing the air around, inhaling familiar scents that you’ve grown to come accustomed too as your stress decreased and faded. Knowing you were even remotely close to one of the seven puts you at ease. Vision coming back into focus, shaking your head to get it together before observing the surrounding area.
However as much as you tried to forget, focus on something else, like the vibrations taking place underneath your paws from the moving vehicle. Tears still threatened to spill—That dream… You can’t get it out of your head.
It’s been months since you’ve had a nightmare, especially one as real as this…
Yet, the darkness had swallowed and welcomed you back with a sinister grin. Almost as if those demons inside didn’t leave at all, only waiting for your return—Which, in a way, the past did wait… In the depths of your mind until they were triggered back to the open surface.
Shaking the thoughts away with a downward glare, you didn’t realize that your sharpened claws were digging into the carpet ground. The sight forcing you to flinch and crawl away, wanting to come out of hiding but nearly shrieking when tripping over something hard and… fluffy?
You didn’t even have time to catch yourself—So much for cats always landing on their feet as you stumbled before coming into direct contact with something wet and squishy.
Peeking an eye open, widening seeing familiar golden fur and a slightly large snout touching your own small nose—Hoseok.
The dog hybrid was halfway beneath the seat, as if he tried to forcefully squeeze himself through the narrow space. Carefully, you tried to ease yourself out of the way, only to freeze feeling something move and snuggle into your side. Ears perking up, finally noticing Jungkook was here too… In fact, he was probably the cause of your fall.
Huffing, all you could do was stare at the bunny who was sound asleep, squirming around for warmth as he breathed in your scent with a content sigh—Jungkook and Hoseok being there, despite pushing them away earlier, had a warm feeling spread into your heart.
What was this? You couldn’t find a word for it.
It was different, calming, new… Honestly it made you feel fuzzy and light inside.
But what exactly was it? You’ve felt it before with Yoongi. Although it was stronger around him, but you just couldn’t pinpoint what this new feeling was called. Maybe you should talk about it with Namjoon, he once told you that purring was perfectly normal so he should know about this… Right?
It’s funny… Never in your life did you imagine you’d be friends with hybrids that weren’t cut from the same cloth, no less humans for that matter.
Getting on all fours, you gently rolled Jungkook over to the golden retriever so the small hybrid could stay warm with the help of Hoseok’s fur. Cat-like eyes narrowing playfully to make sure the youngest didn’t try to inch himself toward you like the last few times.
When it was clear Jungkook was planning to stay… you turned around and only took a single step before freezing. Hesitating, you glanced behind and inhaled sharply, rushing towards the two hybrids to nuzzle their necks affectionally that caused Hoseok and Jungkook to smile blissfully in their sleep.
More than embarrassed, tail coming to cover half your face, you maneuvered out from underneath the shadows with a silent hiss. The need to know your location being greater than the pain forming on your shoulder, ignoring the sting as you squinted because of the light shining through each window.
Orange and yellow colors flowing in your vision, it seemed to be around sunset outside but still bright enough to where you wanted to crawl back into the shade.
Standing tall on your hind legs, eyes narrowing to the other sleeping hybrids—Jimin and Taehyung being in a cuddle session of their own. Although your head snapped towards the front, humming near the driver’s seat catching your attention almost instantly. You’d know that familiar tune anywhere, automatically speed-walking to get closer as if you were in a trance. Jumping into the lap of the male that changed your life… possibly forever.
Not expecting the sudden weight, Yoongi tensed for a minute before slumping in relaxation when hearing and feeling your purrs rumble throughout his body.
You weren’t sure when Yoongi decided to trade spots with Seokjin, OR when the eldest wasn’t in the car anymore for that matter. But you weren’t complaining, eyes darting out the window. Enjoying the scenery and quietness of the road… It brought a sense of peace.
And when a single hand started combing through your black fur, you didn’t tense like earlier. Instead, practically turning into Jell-O.
Yoongi didn’t bother talking … nor did he mention a word about what happened between you and that hybrid eagle. The music lover knew when to shut up, letting you come to him instead of forcing it out. Yoongi was just happy that you didn’t flinch or shiver in disgust at his touch.
A soft—rare—smile graced Yoongi’s features as you leaned further in his hand with an expression that told him you were in heaven. A much better change than the painful one.
Occasionally, Yoongi would check the rear-view mirror to make sure Seokjin and Namjoon were still following behind in the other vehicle. But for the most part, the side was comforting. The only sound being the lowered music as Yoongi hummed, rapping his favorite verse louder for your ears.
Although you didn’t exactly know where you were or heading… Right now, in this moment.
You’d travel anywhere as long it’s with him.
~
“Psst… Psst, Y/N! Time to wake up.”
Groaning at the noise, you curled up and turned around to face away from the new presence. Only to accidentally rollover, falling off the seat and hitting the ground. Cracking an eye open to glare at the laughing introducers that disturbed your peace.
“And here I thought cats always land on their feet…”
A snickering fox was glancing down as Taehyung towered over you two in his human form with a wide grin, playfulness shining in both their eyes. “Come on, Yoongi sent us to wake you. He wants you to meet someone, we all do!”
Confused, you sleepily got up with a yawn and stretched out your limbs, hissing when straining your shoulder once more. You were a hundred percent certain that it needed to be treated, especially when you didn’t officially know how bad it looked.
In pet circumstances, a vet could do an evaluation without problems… but you weren’t a pet. You’re a hybrid and human form usually is more suitable to check for injuries properly. Especially since you have black fur that covers any bruise or open wound.
The two hybrids glanced at one another in concern, feeling discomfort roll off you in waves. However, you didn’t bother telling them what was wrong, completely avoiding eye contact.
“Where are we?” You mumbled, the question being more directed at Jimin than anything since Taehyung could barely understand without being in his tiger form. Hybrid language was extremely different inside your animal form then it was being human. Taehyung only being able to get the gist of the conversation, but not fully.
“Home!” Jimin shouted excitedly, small yips leaving his mouth as the bright colored tail wagged on like a dog getting a treat—But thanks to your sleep introduced state, you could not focus on the fact that there were other new smells around or the sound of someone gathering the luggage in the trunks.
Home? That didn’t seem right… You all took a whole day trip, only to come back to the beginning? Is this a human and hybrid thing?
Weirdos…
Scratching behind your ears, you didn’t bother listening to what else the two hybrids had to say. Immediately jumping onto the seat where Jimin practically purred at the close proximity, nuzzling his head into yours as Taehyung twirled your black tail around his finger playfully.
Snorting you let out a hiss, only for the warning to be left ignored as they continued. The two already used to you trying to push their affection away, all the hybrids knew that if you didn’t actually want it… You’d do more than hiss.
Alright that’s enough… After nudging the two away, you jumped out the car door that was left open.
The first thing you noticed was how cold the ground and air was, snow scrunching underneath your paws while shivering. Face scrunching up when feeling Jack Frost nip at your nose—However, the second thing that caught your attention was getting lifted off the ground…
By someone that you did not know.
“Is this her?! Yoongi, she’s adorable!! Her beautiful fur reminds me of my little bun!” A women squealed out in awe, your eyes widening at the sight of her. Especially the peanut butter colored bunny ears that flopped down her short-styled hair.
The random women had such wide doe-like eyes that held so much happiness… and it was being directed at you.
You didn’t know how to react to this… because on one hand, you wanted to scratch and bite to freedom—I mean you were a predator and she was prey, you could scare her! But then again… Her eyes held so much warmth that it made you feel safe.
Just who the hell was she?
“Dear… Maybe you should put her down. Poor girl looks like she is going to faint,” Another voice echoed out into the night sky as it started to snow, tensing at the new presence as you swiftly glanced around seeing another bunny hybrid—The guy was slightly less tall than Jungkook, but instead of this women, he had black ears that stood up straight. A large smile forming on him… He had Jungkook’s smile.
“Her name is Y/N, right?”
“Oh! Chim mentioned that on the phone the last time we talked!! What a lovely name, it fits the little black rose perfectly!”
“Yoongi, I can’t believe you adopted a hybrid!! How many times has your mom tried to convince you to get out the house or schedule blind dates? At least now she’ll stop since you have a hybrid to take care of. I’m sure Y/N will have no problems whipping you into shape.”
Yoongi scoffed, turning his head sideways as a light blush rose on his cheeks from being called out. The action causing all the adult parents to laugh at the pouty expression Yoongi was showing, Though while it embarrassed him, you grew more on edge from being surrounded.
Eyes growing wide seeing multiple couples, from an orange and white tiger… to brownish and gold fur retrievers. Then finally a pair of bright orange and red foxes… However, you didn’t see any other couple that wasn’t considered a hybrid.
Eventually it started to feel like you were being suffocated, trying to wiggle out of the female’s grasp that only made you hiss from how much movement you were doing as the smell of fresh blood reached your nose. However it probably would’ve been noticed if where you were inside a closed space and not outside a snowy environment.
Though the sudden action had everyone freezing in alarm and concern before understanding lit up—They were overwhelming you. Although it was hard to detect in the wind, the strongest sense in the air was pain and fear… along with something else that smelled familiar to them. But from what Yoongi explained about your past… It would be best not to make a first bad impression by bringing up horrid memories.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!! I—I didn’t mean to be rude,” The women stumbled upon her words, ears pinning back as an embarrassed blush painted her cheeks red. Gently, she placed you down on the cold ground where you unconsciously hissed at everyone to back off, back arching as high it could go while tail bristled in anger.
The defensive position had the parents deflating, sadness filling them as the others eye’s softened—Maybe it was a mistake not to inform you that they were coming here…
“Y/N, it’s okay… You can trust them. It’s about time you meet the big family,” Namjoon calmly explained, crouching near as the four hybrids smiled in reassurance. Giving you an encouraging nod before standing next to the ones that shared similar traits with them—Are these their parents?
“Maybe we should let Y/N get settled in first! I bet she’s dying to eat a nice hot meal and shake off the cold—Yoongi… Namjoon… Your parents should be inside finishing up dinner. While Jin, your parents are getting the rooms ready,” Mrs. Jung spoke up, brownish tail wagging as the sun radiated off her smile.
Nodding in agreement, Namjoon ruffled your head before Yoongi came to scroop you up in his arms. Unzipping his jacket so he could wrap you up in it, becoming your personal heater.
During the trail, you watched how all the boys were in a good mood… Despite them being tired from staying up too late. Laughter could be heard a mile away as they joked around with big grins, even Jungkook had tears falling when being embraced by each of his parents.
Just then a flick was felt upon your ear that caused you to glare upward, Yoongi smirking down before an annoyed hiss fell from your lips that had him chuckling in amusement. The sound catching everyone’s attention, secretly glancing over their shoulders to coo. As well sighing in relief seeing Yoongi open up to someone that wasn’t his parents or the boys.
Soon enough, after heading through the darkness and snowy fog… You could make out a building that was neatly decorated as Christmas lights shined the pathway—This is a house?! It looks like a castle!!
Your mouth couldn’t help but drop when seeing a semi-giant mansion…
“Speechless dearie? Believe me… I was too when our seven boys surprised us with it,” Mrs. Kim stated, walking slower to keep in pace with Yoongi as she saw the awe shine in your eyes. Smiling at her son and husband that were ahead them, black and white tail blending into the snowy environment while it swished around.
Yoongi rolled his eyes, a small grin forming as he stared at the big house that was coming more into view—Wait was that? You couldn’t help but snicker in amusement when feeling Yoongi puff out his chest in pride. It seems the sight of the house inflated his ego…
“…All of you deserved it from how much you put up with us. We all have successful jobs… It was about time we lend a hand,” Yoongi explained with a far-off look in his eyes at the mention of being successful. While he did work in the music industry, Yoongi didn’t just want to be claimed as another random face… He wanted to make a name for himself that the world knew and deep in his gut, something told him that was coming soon. “Ah, anyways… All we did was start the race; it was you all that finished it remember? I hear the clinic and restaurant are the talk of the town, soon it’s going to go global—Eomma even told me your starting your own fashion line… What’s that all about?”
At the comment, Taehyung’s mom ended up coughing in her hand as she grew shy… The only people who actually knew about that was the ladies and her husband. Mrs. Kim didn’t even tell her son about what she was planning to release next fall. “Yes well… You didn’t think Taetae got his fashion sense from his father, did you?”
Yoongi laughed in agreement, glancing at the two male tigers to see one sporting a designer outfit while the other was wearing something that was entirely mismatched. The music lover couldn’t help but flinch seeing the terrible combination… Even HE had some fashionable sense.
Finally arriving at the front door, the guys were the first to rush into the house to get out of the cold weather. Dragging snow with them that had the woman glaring at the mess, pulling off their coats to put away. Honestly, you were surprised when Yoongi didn’t shed off his jacket as well or even ask if you’d sit on the floor from how much heat you were adding.
Suddenly a delicious aroma filled the room, it had your stomach grumbling in anger. In fact, you don’t think you’ve eaten anything since breakfast, and it seemed the smell wasn’t only affecting you. The other hybrids practically melting on the spot as drool formed, following the smell.
It wasn’t hard to find where it was coming from, Yoongi settling you down on the counter when spotting a beautiful women facing away from everyone. She was wearing an elegant black outfit, long hair tired up as she focused on chopping. The lady looked like Yoongi when he cooks.
Speaking of him…
“Eomma…. I’m home.”
Snapping her head up, eyes growing wide as she accidentally dropped the knife on the floor that had you jumping into a defensive position. Relaxing slightly when seeing the women throw herself into Yoongi’s awaiting arms before she pulled away. Placing a single hand on his cheek that had Yoongi leaning in for comfort.
“Oh my boy… Wait, am I sure your him? My, Yoongi, was never this handsome,” Mrs. Min snorted as Yoongi rolled his eyes, gently pushing his mother’s hand away playfully.
“Okay… Well you ruined the moment,” Yoongi chuckled.
“I was just kidding dumpling… Of course your mine, only I could create such a beautiful child,” Mrs. Min chuckled as she reached for the knife on the floor, placing it in the sink before turning around to get a better view at her son. However, her eyes widen seeing Yoongi’s shirt… “Oh my!! Yoongi you’re bleeding! Are you okay?!”
“Bleeding? What, are you finally going crazy? What are you talking about, I’m not…” Yoongi scrunched up his nose in confusion, glancing down at his shirt only to freeze. There, right in the middle, was in fact a blood stain… Although it was not a lot, it was still alarming.
“This doesn’t make sense…” Yoongi mumbled, thinking back on what happened today as his mother fused over him on possibly being injured. It was then that a light bulb lit up in his head… Y/N. Maybe that fight with the hybrid eagle did more than damage your mental health.
Ignoring his mother, Yoongi slowly crept to where you sat with a clinging Jimin. The fox being putty in your arms as you pat his head with a single paw. Giving a shushing sign when the hybrids spotted him getting closer. When Yoongi was close enough, he spotted your black fur had a shining wet coat to the shoulder. Although he couldn’t tell if it was blood or not.
Narrowing his eyes, Yoongi whispered an apology before touching the wet spot that had you wincing and letting out a loud cry. A deadly hiss escaping as wild eyes stared into Yoongi’s soul, everyone gathering into the kitchen when hearing the sound.
It surprised the parents when something triggered in their four boys, startled eyes watching them transform as they stood guard in front as Yoongi stared at the tips of his fingers that had fresh blood on it. Snapping up when hearing growls ring through the air as the hybrids eyed him suspiciously, only backing down when you finally relaxed seeing it was just Yoongi.
Seokjin and Namjoon stared with worry, wondering what the hell was going on. The two coming up behind Yoongi to peer down at what he was looking at that had curiosity grow in the parents too. Suddenly a gasp left one of them, the eldest being the first to react.
“Someone get my dad, immediately!!! Y/N’s hurt!!”
~~~~
Welcome to the thirteenth chapter of Changing One’s Tune! Thank you lovelies for your patience. All my hard-work finally paid off, I graduated with my associates!
Likes, Comments, Reblogs, and Follows are appreciated if you enjoy the story. Its always exciting to know that you like my writing, and it gives me more motivation to update faster!
Summary: Everyone across the world knew of the famous seven, their reputation going all around for being the purest idols out there. In fact, some might have thought they were descendants from actual hybrids in their family, but respecting their private life… No one knew the truth—However, what has been kept a secret for years was that the youngest member, known for his bunny smile, has a hybrid himself.
What happens when the shy bunny girl meets the members for the first time? Will it be fight, flight… Or a clingy adorable mess?
~Genre: Fluff & Humor, Hybrid au
~Pairing: Jeon Jungkook (BTS) | JK x Hybrid f! Reader
~Word Count: 4.3K
A/N: This story was requested by @rainbow-bunny-bts ! I hope you all enjoy it…
“Where’s Jungkook?” Hoseok questioned; hair slightly disheveled from just waking up. His feet dragging himself through the hall until the busy kitchen was in plain sight, immediately noticing how the youngest was nowhere to be seen as Seokjin and Yoongi moved around the island with ease.
Scrunching up his nose in confusion, Hoseok’s eyes darted around the room… Weird, he would’ve thought that Jungkook would be the first one here. Especially since the delicious smell filled the whole house—In fact, the promise of food was the main reason Hoseok left his bed, the scent being too mouth-watering to ignore.
The two eldest’s attention, however, never wavered from the multiple tasks at hand as they didn’t acknowledge the new presence or question. Yoongi and Seokjin never hesitating to take charge on cooking a heartful breakfast for the members. It didn’t hurt that they were also the best chefs in the group, maybe even the world as they put all their love and hard work into making everyone ate a proper meal.
Occasionally, Taehyung or Jimin would gather ingredients for them, but for the most part… All of the guys stayed out of the way, watching from the side-lines.
“He’s still sleeping… Since its our day off, I didn’t bother to wake him. Jungkook needs as much rest as he can get—We all do,” Namjoon stated seriously without eye-contact, his nose in a worn-out notebook. It was obvious to anyone that he was tremendously tired, but Namjoon continued to work.
Tapping sounds echoing throughout the room from a pen hitting the table’s surface, loose papers being scattered around that contained inked scratched marks and notes. Namjoon’s face twisting in deep thought, eyes shining with nothing but passion as he quietly mumbled the brand-new lyrics to himself. Proof checking to see if the words flowed off the tongue.
“Plus, waking up that kid is a living nightmare. We’d have a better chance moving Bukhan Mountain,” Yoongi scoffed, blowing on a piece of meat before presenting it towards an eager Jimin. Narrowed chocolate eyes analyzing his facial expression for any sign that the food needed adjusting. Yoongi nodding smugly as a smirk formed when hearing Seokjin’s usual high-pitched seal laugh toward his joke, the rest joining in that caused him to puff out proudly—That’s right… Laugh peasants.
“Yah, it’s about time that brat gets up anyways. Come help set the table, then someone go wake him—Namjoon! For the last time, I am not going to tell you twice… Stop working right this instant, you need a break too!” Seokjin instructed, shouting as loud as he could and although there was no firmness or anger directed in his tone—Quite the opposite actually as he tried to recover from laughing too hard—no one gave any protest or reason not to follow orders.
Everyone leaving their seats to help, even Namjoon sighed in defeat while putting the notebook and papers safely away to assist.
The six didn’t have trouble getting around, rarely bumping into another as they unconsciously moved in sync to gather plates, utensils, and cups. Yoongi and Seokjin not wasting time to place the meals on different serving plates before moving it to the table for grabs. The preparations had the dining room appearing like their own personal restaurant and everything.
A mini buffet for days… Or at least everyone gets seconds.
“Perfect! Someone call JK.”
“I’ll do it… JUNGKOOK!” Jimin shouted, refusing to physically search for the sleeping member as his powerful voice ricocheted off the walls like a beautiful melody and not a screeching banshee. Waiting a long silence before Jimin let out a mischievous grin, shrugging as he started to serve himself. “Oh well, I tried… More for me then.”
Snorting, Taehyung held in a laugh as Yoongi clapped with pride at the comment. Seokjin shaking his head softly, getting up to at least try and wake up Jungkook himself. However, as soon as the oldest was about to turn the corner a shriek left his mouth in fright. Practically jumping a few feet when seeing the man in question all but ran towards him. Jungkook thinking quick on his feet to maneuver around, dodging Seokjin from a tackling disaster.
The sudden turn of events had everyone freezing in place, almost as if Medusa turned them into solid statues—Jungkook’s hair was freshly styled without fancy hair products, leaving it soft to the touch… and it was clear sleepwear was not an option for today.
This change, on a day off no less, had everyone greatly confused as all six tried to process what the hell was going on. They haven’t seen Jungkook with this much lively energy unless they were performing, trying to win a challenge that was prized to win coupons or food, or donating to the hybrid shelter—Is there a special event happening at the HYBE building? That didn’t seem likely though considering they would’ve known about it by now.
But! There was that one time… fours years ago when Jungkook was practically a ball of sunshine for a whole month, more than usual at least.
Everything felt out of order seeing the youngest not greet them, or even spare a glance at the food!
Socks sliding against the floor before Jungkook skidded to a halt, hopping on a single foot to slip on his shoes. Even Bam seemed excited as if he knew a secret they didn’t, following closely behind with his tail wagging in happiness.
“Woah, wait! Jungkook, what’s going on? You need to relax and have breakfast with us, it’s our day off remember,” Namjoon snapped out of his daze, rushing to explain their schedule for the week in case the youngest forgot and thought they were running late. The leader stumbling out of the seat to stop Jungkook from leaving, everyone’s eyes full of concern and worry.
“Ah, no time hyung! …Sorry but there is somewhere important I need to be,” Jungkook argued, pausing to give all the members a reassuring bunny smile that he was okay. However, it didn’t last long as he broke eye-contact to search for Bam’s leash. Not really having time for too much chit-chat, despite it being the morning.
This was the first break in months that they got, and even though Jungkook cherished every moment singing for armies… It was also exhausting being away from loved ones for too long. So, Jungkook stayed up all night planning the perfect day—But first, it was he needed to stop at a certain location.
Usually, the members didn’t pry into each other’s lives but enough was enough. Their curiosity was too great since this wasn’t like Jungkook to keep secrets from them. Although before anyone could blurt out what their thinking, dinging sounds grabbed their attention. Jungkook pulling out his phone to check the message, and just like that…
Jungkook was gone, the door slamming on the way out as he and Bam left in a hurry.
~
“Hyung, open the door!!” Jungkook shouted impatiently, forgetting about the neighbors for a second as he banged on the nicely looking door. Groans and shuffling being heard on the other side, the sound of it unlocking had Jungkook practically dancing in the hallway of the expensive building.
“Jungkook…? What are you doing knocking on your own apartment, don’t you have a key?” Jung-hyun complained, rubbing his eyes tiredly and moving out the way. Anyone with a brain could tell that Jungkook’s older brother just woke up, okay more like forced to wake up from the loud knocks.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize until it was too late that the key was left back at the dorms. I was too excited to get as quick as I could!” Jungkook smiled brightly, talking louder than necessary only to quickly slap a hand over his mouth with wide doe eyes. The action causing Jung-hyun to laugh at Jungkook’s cute little habits, knowing he didn’t want the surprised to be ruined.
See, Jungkook had a secret from the world that he hid well.
You.
Four years ago, Jungkook wandered around Seoul until the paparazzi stopped him as he took off running. Entering a building to hide in, the people there being most welcoming and understanding. However, Jungkook didn’t except for his hideout to be a hybrid shelter, the owner deciding to show him around until the man noticed Jungkook’s attention was focused on the Leporidae family. All the different hybrids trying to get his attention, immediately recognizing the famous BTS member.
Except his eyes didn’t leave a small white bunny, your eyes refusing to look at him as you hid in the far corner from shyness and fear. Jungkook didn’t know what got into his head to adopt, but when your eyes finally connected once, it just felt right—Maybe it was fate…?
Though the first few months didn’t go well, your shy and startled nature making it hard for you to trust him. But eventually, Jungkook earned the right to finally see a different side of you that only he knew, despite Jungkook’s busy schedule and constantly needing to hide around.
“Does she know I’m back?” Jungkook questioned, curious eyes glancing up at his brother with a raised eyebrow. Jung-hyun shook his head, the action making Jungkook feel giddy at you not knowing he was back from tour.
“Nope! I kept it air-tight like you wanted, even distracting her from any news of your return—Though, I should get going because unlike you… I don’t have a day off today,” Jung-hyun teased, rolling his eyes and grinning to show Jungkook that there was no real resentment behind his words. However before Jung-hyun left, pitter patter feet was heard coming down the hall.
Not one, but two Italian Greyhounds happily running towards Jungkook causing him to crouch down with a wide smile. Enjoying the attention from his two dogs that he hadn’t seen in a long time, even Bam was excited to see them. The youngest dog wagging his tail, running off with the two smaller and older dog to play.
Since Jungkook was away a lot, he left you in the hands of a trusted babysitter and sometimes his older brother. While you were more than capable of doing things yourself, hybrids still needed to be watched and cared for. Especially bunny hybrids, hence the reason Jungkook decided to adopt Song and Paeng to keep you company while he went away and Bam tagged along.
“Bye hyung, thank you so much for taking care of Y/N,” Jungkook smiled, waving bye to his brother as he closed and locked the door. Learning against it with a sigh, feeling great to be back home. Though it didn’t last long as the tall male turned towards the hallway, making his way towards the main bedroom where he knew you’d be sleeping peacefully.
Once entering, Jungkook froze seeing a bunny ear immediately twitch out from underneath the covers. Your face scrunching up at the new smell and sudden creek of the door, nose sniffing lightly in your sleep. Listening for another sound but concluding that it was one of the dogs as it got quite all of a sudden.
Wait.
No… You definitely heard it that time, the sound of a male breathing.
Your whole body going stiff, eyes snapping open as you held a hand over your mouth to hold in a startled squeak. It almost felt like being in a horror movie, as you prayed that it was Jung-hyun coming to get you for breakfast or something—Okay, get it together. This is the most secure building, relax…
“Jung-hyun?”
“Expecting my brother in our bedroom? I’m hurt cotton-tail,” A familiar teasing voice rang out, laughter happening as your ears perked straight up in alert. Eyes widening, you stumbled up in bed to snap towards the sound, seeing Jungkook standing near the open door with a wide smile and shining eyes.
“Kook…? –You’re home!!” You didn’t hesitate to jump out of bed with a hop, small cotton tail wagging in excitement, ruffling being heard as it scraped against the shirt. Your body barreling into his, vanilla and mint entering your senses as it calmed you down.
“We just got back yesterday, I wanted to surprise you—But today I have the whole day off, so get dressed… We have plans milady,” Jungkook stated with a sheepish smile, releasing you from the hug as he bowed playfully like a knight to his queen. The action had you blushing, squealing in shyness as your ears flopped down to hide your face. It had Jungkook smiling softly when you lightly pushed him before hopping off to get dressed.
It wasn’t long until you were properly dressed, a hat forcing your bunny ears to flatten against your hair as you put on a mask for identity purposes. However, just as you and Jungkook were about to leave with the dogs on leashes… A phone started ring.
Jungkook’s ringtone had your heart clenching, already preparing for what that meant. There was no way that it was anyone else BUT work, you couldn’t even blame Jungkook for this sudden turn of events.
“Hello, hyung? Wait… What do you mean? But I thought—No, I understand… I’ll be there soon,” Jungkook mumbled into the phone, slowly hanging it up as his shoulders slumped before turning to you. Only for his heart to break seeing the familiar disappointment in your eyes, but not at him. It was more delivered at Jungkook leaving again after only seeing him for an hour. “Y/N… I—”
“No, it’s okay Jungkook. I get it, really… I’ll still be here tonight and tomorrow. Don’t worry about it,” You forced a bright smile, using all your will power to make sure your bunny ears didn’t fall in sadness after taking your hat off. Jungkook didn’t need to know that the neglect has been affecting your hybrid side recently, he had more important matters.
However, today of all days… turned out to be the worst days.
“Oh, I see… No Mrs. Jang, that is no problem—Thank you, I hope you feel better,” Jungkook finished the call, signing deeply at hearing another person saying they couldn’t watch you today. This was the 20thcall, Jungkook didn’t have anyone else to watch you while he went to practice for a few hours. His brother had work, your usual sitter was on a vacation with her family, the nice lady that lived downstairs was sick, and the rest were either too busy or not in town.
Guess he had no choice now…
“Good morning, Mr. Jeon,” A BigHit staff greeted, bowing slightly with a wide smile before continuing on their path. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to greet them, forcing a smile as he nervously rushed through the HYBE building, clenching the handle of the duffel bag. Slightly patting the black carrier in comfort when hearing anxious shuffling.
Glancing around, Jungkook lightly opened the door to the dance studio where they practice all of their choreography. Peeking his head in to see the lights on, but no one in the room.
Sighing in relief, Jungkook relaxed as he entered the room before putting the bag gently down to the nearest chair. Although the bag was already halfway zipped open, Jungkook didn’t waste time to open it fully as a white bunny stared straight at him.
Anxiousness was clear in your posture, foot lightly thumping as your nose constantly twitched. This was just too overwhelming, the smells of different hybrids around the building had you on edge… Specifically the predator hybrids. “Don’t worry… It will just be a few hours and then—”
“Jungkook? What are you doing?” Namjoon asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity to see the youngest talking to the bag when first coming into the room. Though it wasn’t far of a stretch to his usual-self, Jungkook always being the one to talk to objects as if they were people. Though what concerned him was when Jungkook jumped in fright, covering the bag tightly as he hid it behind himself.
“Nothing!! Uh, practice?” Jungkook shouted, changing the subject quickly as everyone came into the room. Namjoon immediately brightening at the announcement of practice, as the rest of the guys put their bags on the floor near Jungkook.
“Jungkookie! I’m glad you made it—I’m sorry of the sudden call, but Yoongi created the beat to the music last week and Namjoon just finished writing the lyrics. So I thought we should test out the choreography, while its still fresh in my memory,” Hoseok smiled, point to his brain for emphasizes as Yoongi set up the beat to the music on his laptop since they would still need to record them singing Namjoon’s lyrics sometime soon.
“No… It’s alright,” Jungkook smiled, giving an unnoticeable glance to his bag before walking to the middle of the room where everyone else was stretching. Soon, an upbeat hip-hop rhythm rang throughout the room as Yoongi nodded along to his work with a proud smile.
“So what was so important today?” Jimin asked, head tilting cutely as he was genuinely curious on where Jungkook went this morning in a hurry. Though before the youngest could answer, Hoseok instructed where each members should go before demonstrating a dance. Everyone focusing on the moves before slowly trying to copy the dancer.
An hour came and went before everyone slowly started to perfect the dance move, some getting the hang of it faster than others. However, during that time you were beginning to feel suffocated inside the bag, despite the zipper still being open. Hesitating, you poked your head out to see what was going on, mouth widening at the sight.
The seven danced together, in a synchronize formation that had your jaw dropping to the floor—Sure, you’ve seen them perform… But never physically in-person. Only from the little videos and news on the internet, being there was totally different. Your eyes followed every rhythm movement they were showing as sweat ran down their faces. Even with the dance being complicated to learn, everyone worked together perfectly as if they were made to do this with one another.
You wanted to get closer than this, quietly trying to climb out the bag with the push of your feet. Eyes widening feeling the uneven weight as the duffel bag slowly started to fall off the chair. A yelp-like squeak leaving your mouth in alarm, landing on the wooden floor with a loud thump. Though, the music blocked most of the sounding impact.
That sucked.
Shaking it off with a frown, you hopped around until getting to the piled bags that were thrown nearby. Climbing over them until finding the lighter colored one as your fur blended into the material, watching the practice. You felt warm inside when seeing Jungkook dance with pure focus and a large smile, even if he did look tired, the man performed with all his heart into every move—Wait.
Something smelled off…
Nose twitching and smelling the air sound to see if you did, correctly, smell that. Only to freeze in place when the scent got stronger down the hallway. No, there was no mistaking that… Starting to wish with all you might that the saltiness in the studio overpowered the sweetness of your scent.
But apparently that was too much to ask for in the universe as the shadow passed by the door. It didn’t help that the door was slightly cracked open to come in either, your mind immediately going into fight or flight mode as you hid further into the bags.
Your beathing quickened, the door pushing further open without anyone coming inside. Although the music barred, your heartbeat was the only thing you could hear as it pounded in fear—What if it was a predator?
The suspense was killing you.
However, suddenly it felt like time turned into slow motion as your adrenaline kicked in to run when the door flew open a little harder than necessary. You didn’t even bother to glance at who it was, squeals leaving your mouth while sliding against the floor before heading towards the seven dancing males. Thankfully Jungkook noticed the moment you got closer as he practically pushed the other guys out of the way in alarm. Fearing you would get trampled on.
“Wha—” Everyone shouted off-guard thinking all of them tripped over themselves as they fell to the floor with a groan. This was the first time, since debut, did they feel out of harmonization. After getting their bearings together, each member finally glanced at the youngest only for their jaw to drop seeing a bunny hybrid hugging Jungkook.
“The hell—Who are you and how did you get in here?” Yoongi sneered, sharp eyes glaring daggers in your direction. Even the rest were now tensed, not breaking their eyes off you as they all wanted to call for help, but also not wanting to put Jungkook’s safety at risk. “Don’t even thinkabout trying to say you’re a fan because our army would never disrespect us in a way to break into a building and intrude on our personal lives!”
“I—” You tried to speak, shutting down as the fear refused to allow anything to come out. These six looked like a complete switch from when they were dancing together. Your grip on Jungkook’s hoodie tightening, and tail straining itself to stand tall as your foot thumped against the ground. Body hunching down behind Jungkook’s tall stature as tears slowly started to stream down your cheeks, bunny ears flopping down in front of your face as if that would make you invisible.
“Hyung!!” Jungkook scolded, the tone causing Yoongi’s eyes to widen and step back in shock. Even the leader paused in surprised, Namjoon’s phone—that he was secretly going to use to call security—falling to the floor with a definite crack.
Sure, the youngest tested the limits on annoying and ignoring everyone… But NEVER did he actually shout at anyone of them with such an icy glare.
Eyes watched Jungkook closely as he turned around to shush the frightened bunny into calming down. Confusion gracing their features at the simple affection you both were showing, they could’ve sworn that Jungkook also asked the hybrid what scared them out of hiding from the duffel bag as you mumbled an explanation. Blushing in embarrassment when Jungkook laughed, explaining it was just someone walking past while the air conditioner probably blew the door open.
“Hiding…? Duffel bag? –What?! Jungkook, do you know this girl?” Seokjin finally exploded, the loudness echoing through the studio as Hoseok turned the music down and closed the door fully, locking it in the process for privacy. You couldn’t help but jump at the sound, Hoseok softening at the action as he gave an apologetic smile.
“Yes, this is Y/N. She’s my…” Jungkook hesitantly trailed off, his tough exterior breaking trying to spit out a sentence. Although he wanted everyone to like you, Jungkook also didn’t know how to explain to his family that you’re a hybrid, adopted four years ago, and without them or the world knowing.
“Hybrid?” Taehyung finished, not bothering to hide his excitement at seeing you up-close. It was a rare occasion that he was able to gaze upon a hybrid without seeming disrespectful, but Taehyung was happier at seeing a bunny hybrid. Usually, your hybrid species didn’t like too much crowded spaces so large cities were a big no-no for some.
Taehyung, however, wasn’t the only one fascinated at you as Jimin started to make funny faces to get yourself to laugh. Or the way that Hoseok smiled brightly whenever your gaze directed upon him, giving a wave. The three were quite baffled at the news, but at the same time, knew Jungkook probably had a good reason to not introduce you to them.
Though, the two oldest members and Namjoon practically forced Jungkook to tell them everything! The youngest telling the guys stories with a giant smile as he tried to introduce you properly, only for your shy nature to kick in.
“Finally, Y/N… This is Yoongi,” Jungkook coaxed you towards Yoongi, your body turning stiff when being directly in front of the black-haired boy that had yelled harshly earlier. Yoongi stared upon you with an unknown expression, a sigh escaping as he thrusted a hand out that accidentally caused you to let out a squeak. The high-pitched sound had Yoongi’s eyes widening, mumbling a quiet apology at scaring you once more.
Eventually, Jungkook confessed the main reason he didn’t introduce you guys sooner was because of the media. Not wanting you to be overwhelmed with your privacy constantly trying to be invaded, especially since sometimes the members couldn’t hold in a secret when it came to interviews or VLive. This was something everyone could understand, each member relaxing that the reason wasn’t because Jungkook didn’t trust them.
Although when they all got back to practice, let’s just say it needed to be cut short. Any little shadow, smell, or sound startling you enough to practically jump into Jungkook’s arms during a dance routine. It was honestly funny and cute to the members to say the least, watching your face snuggle up into the maknae’s neck with a content sigh that had Jungkook blushing red at the affection in front of his hyungs—They were definitely going to tease him about this later, Hoseok and Jimin not hesitating to take pictures with a grin that had the youngest whining.
While this day didn’t turn out as expected… It was a perfect day altogether.
~~~~
Welcome to Bimil Tokki!
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Summary: Hybrids have always been known to humanity after scientist decided to test the limits of the animal genetics on humans. Now the world uses them as adoptable companions, which is why a group of friends found their way at a Hybrid Shelter. Though one trip turns into an ugly fight involving Yoongi to walk away—But what happens when that same male finds a cat hybrid that is scared out of her mind with a dark past. Who said that dark past was over?
~Pairing: Min Yoongi (BTS) | Suga x Hybrid f! Reader
~Genre: Angst & Fluff, Hybrid au
~Word Count: 3.7K
**WARNING: This chapter contains bullying, PTSD, and slight violence… If this makes you uncomfortable or triggers you in anyway. Please do NOT read!**
The female leader snapped out of her shock, puffing out her chest and straightening up at the challenge. Blackish and brown eagle wings bristled behind, flexing wide to show her dominance over you. The action immediately causing the two lackies to submit, avoiding all eye contact as possible by tilting their heads toward the ground. Their bodies hunching over to curl in on themselves to appear smaller than they actually are.
“What’s this, a mere cat is standing up for a fox hybrid? Dear… You do know that your nothing but prey to him, right?” The hybrid snapped, anger bursting inside that someone below her species was giving off a defiance. Not appreciating how you didn’t show an ounce of submission or fear, only unconsciously straightening up more to show off your power instead.
Though the eagle hybrid made no sign of moving, fierce eyes calculating her odds and tactics before attacking.
“This mere cat is going to kick your ass if you don’t get out of here. Unlike you dear, I am more bite than bark,” You hissed, teeth baring as the white lie fell easily from your lips as if it was true. Although you’d love to think that you could rip the bird’s head off with no problem, you also knew that fighting was not your strongest ability.
As well, going up against a predator? That was a death wish waiting to happen.
Still… One glance at Jimin, and you knew it was worth a shot to try. Rather taking on all three if it meant that he would be safe—But the comment seemed to upset the bird hybrid more, a screeching noise that sounded more animalistic echoed throughout the air that had your sensitive ears flinching. Even causing some real birds to fly off while rodents ran for cover, neither wanting to be a victim.
Tensing, you watched all logic go out the window when seeing the female’s eyes shine with nothing but wrath and lust for blood… You’re blood.
Cat reflexes starting to kick in and go into overdrive, hearing the whistling sound of the wind as the hybrid’s wings stretched out to give her an extra boost in steps. You barely managed to jump out of the way in time to avoid being tackled to the ground.
However, a hiss left your lips noticing that she was much closer to a statue-like Jimin The idea of the hybrid being remotely lose to him left a bitter taste on your tongue, not wasting time to practically force the eagle to follow with a tight grip upon her wing. Squeaks of pain leaving the bird’s mouth with a surprised gasp, especially after getting roughly shoved to the snowy ground by the other’s two feet.
“Pretty feathers, too bad there attached to someone with a shitty personality,” You scoffed, twisting a single feather that managed to get yanked undone between your thumb and index finger. Golden eyes following the movement, zooming in on the beautiful feather that fell to the street before the wind picked it up and out of sight.
During that time, you didn’t know better that the fuse to a bomb inside started to ignite. Everything going by so fast, not allowing you to process anything until it was too late.
Choking from the force, you staggered back when a punch to the face had your eyes watering. You didn’t even have time to defend yourself before more assaults came that had you coughing and wheezing. The eagle hybrid didn’t hesitate or have any regrets as she kneed you in the stomach that made your body double over in pain to the ground. She didn’t even give you a chance to catch your breath before another blow was delivered that had you crying out—Get up… A chant-like marathon echoed throughout your head, teary eyes cracking open slightly to see the bright sky.
Except, another the swing of the female’s leg had your body forcing itself to the side from the powerful kick. Blue sky long gone as your body felt like it was on fire, lungs burning for oxygen and ears pinning back in distress. The feeling had you curling in on yourself.
“Pathetic… Not saying anything now, huh kitty? I wonder what that fox thinks of you, trying to defend his honor, only to end up like a piece of gum on the floor. You couldn’t even put up much of a fight,” A voice cackled near your ear, her presence looming over you as the eagle bent down with a scowl.
The mention of the fox hybrid had your eyes snapping open straight away, searching before landing on a shivering figure. You had no idea how much time passed or if the others were looking for the two of you, but right now. In this moment… You couldn’t give a single fucks as your eyes focused on the tear stains that was covering dried up blood from the mark that SHE caused.
Biting your tongue, you fought against the pain in your stomach and everywhere else. The taste of copper tainting your taste buds from the punch in the face earlier. The hybrid, who’s guard was down, let out a shocked gasp as she staggered backwards from an elbow to the face. It distracted the eagle enough to let you stand up.
The sudden turn of events had the other two hybrids springing into action. Thankfully the two were much smaller than you, being easier to knock them down with little trouble.
Panting in exhaustion, not noticing the taller hybrid behind you until it was too late as a silent scream fell from your lips. Sharp talons digging into your shoulder blade that had you wanting to fall to the ground and cry.
“You’re starting to piss me off,” Hands shoved you with little effort and care into the wall right next to Jimin, causing him to winch at the sound it made. Biting your lip, you stared directly into cold eyes with no fear… Not wanting to give her the satisfaction that you were in pain all over.
“Jimin… Leave,” You croaked out, the comment had the eagle smirking at the requested demand. She didn’t even bother to take her eyes off you, knowing damn well that the fox wasn’t worth it anymore. But the girl that tried to stop her from having “fun” …Well that was a different story, and she was determined to leave a life learning lesson here to never mess with someone below your own species again.
“Wha—”
“NOW!” You growled, holding onto the wrist of the hand that was planted against your own throat. You could feel the cold touch of the sterling silver metal from your tag rubbing into the skin, gritting your teeth when the black collared tightened. Ears flickering when hearing the fox hybrid scramble to his feet and run in a hurry, scared yips leaving his mouth as the smell of roses and peaches faded away.
“Sending the fox away? Good idea kitty… We wouldn’t want him third wheeling on our little fun together,” The eagle grinned devilishly, her grip tightening that had you clenching with the idea of being corned until Jimin gets help. “What should I do with you? …Break a bone? How about leave a permanent scar?”
The list went on that would have had most people shiver in fear, but you showed no signs. In fact, you stared dead in the eye of the women that had won this fight with a hard glare… It didn’t upset you as much as you would’ve thought.
It was fine.
Jimin was safe and that was all that mattered. You handled far worse anyways, and the thought of Jimin going through the same thing as the light dimmed out of his eyes was worth being in this place instead of him.
Golden eyes scanned your face, humming deep in thought on what she could do. However a single movement had her slightly glancing up as a wide smile formed, her feather that was plucked earlier and picked up by the wind flew by next to your fluffy black cat ears. It had her grin growing wider than the grinch. “Oh, I know exactly what to do with you darling.”
“How about an eye for an eye? You remember my pretty little feather? …Well it’s time that I pluck something of yours too,” A sickly sweet voice caught your attention, nose scrunching up in confusion on what that meant until something happened that had you stiffening.
Sharp long nails dragging along the tip to the base of your ear, the action having it flinch back in disgust at the feeling. It didn’t feel anything like the way Yoongi does it, how it always felt comforting when he brushed his fingers in your fur or scratched around that area.
No—This felt wrong and frighteningly… familiar.
It felt like an ice-cold bucket of water was thrown over your body, breathing starting to turn ragged as your pupils widen in fear. Palms feeling sweaty as your tail wrapped around you in comfort as best it could, while your mouth went dangerously dry—Just like that… you weren’t on the side of a convenience store pinned down, you weren’t with a threatening eagle hybrid, there was no such thing as Yoongi (That has been searching for you for a while in worry).
No… You were at a place that you’d only seen in dreams. Somewhere you never wanted to physically return too.
You were back, and that familiar face staring deep into your soul had you paling hard. A hand that was pressing your collar against your throat wasn’t there, but an itchy rope that had you wanting to vomit as it dug deeper into your skin. Panicked eyes watching as the mouth moved, not hearing a single word over the ringing of your own heartbeat. You felt the all too familiar feeling of something being broken inside your body, when in reality, everything was in their rightful place.
“Filth, people like you should be an abomination. Don’t worry, I know a perfect remedy that will have you knowing your place in life,” The laugh had you shivering in place, a cold touch against your fluffy ears made you freeze—Then…
Red.
That’s all you saw while fighting the force that was trying to hold you in place. Vicious hisses that held nothing, but venom left your lips as you screamed, fighting with all your might. You didn’t even realize what you were doing in the real world as you kept up your assault against the face that haunted your mind. The reason you ran and never looked back, the person that had you preparing to die in an alleyway instead of in that house—Raising your arm, you were about to deliver the final bowl against the slightly cracked mirror of your past.
That is until a hand reached out to grab your wrist in a calming/gentle, but forceful manner.
The action had you crying out in anger, feral slit eyes swiftly looking for the one responsible that immobilized your clenched fist. However, you froze… wild green eyes coming face-to-face with concerned chocolate drop eyes.
Yoongi.
Everything faded away, the memories melting to nothing but a hazy mess. Yoongi’s grip relaxing and releasing your wrist when seeing you come back to your senses as your posture relaxed, hand unclenching. Glancing down, your eyes widen when seeing you straddling the unconscious hybrid. Her face covered in scratch marks, bites, and bruises. Blood rolling down her parted lips, the only sign that she was still alive was the up and down breathing of her chest.
Scanning the area, you noticed the others here as well—Jimin shaking in place as Hoseok tried to comfort the fox hybrid, while Namjoon tried to pull the other three from practically strangling the two hybrids that stared upon you with fear in their own eyes. Scared squeaks leaving them as they didn’t hesitate to transform into their bird forms, flying away when seeing they now had your attention on them.
“I… I’m sorry, I—” You stuttered over your words, not exactly knowing what to say. Hell, you didn’t even know who exactly you were apologizing too. Hands blindly finding the ground to help you stand on wobbly legs. Stumbling in pain or fear, you didn’t know… Shakily turning to leave back to the car. However before you could even make a single step in that direction, someone grabbed your hand to stop yourself from leaving. The action making you tense once more.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!!” You shouted, yanking in back with not much effort before wrapping your own warms around you as a shield. As if it was going to make you turn invisible against the world. Directing your sharp gaze to whoever reached out for you, eyes widening when seeing a hurt expression on Jungkook’s face.
This was the first time that you actually saw fright in the bunny’s eyes as he staggered back before quickly hopping to hide behind his hyungs. Immediately guilt consumed your heart that had you wanting to reach out to the youngest, but you didn’t. You couldn’t… Not right now at least.
“I’m sorry… Jungkook I—Just… please, leave me alone,” You whispered out in a broken voice, tightly closing your eyes shut to not see the others faces. Afraid they will be staring at you in disappointment, anger, or disgust. You didn’t waste time to run towards one of the cars, slamming the door closed as you transformed to hide underneath the seat, far from everyone. Staring off into the distance, tears silently streaming down and staining your fur.
The hybrids tagged along in the car you were in to try and comfort you, but to no avail. Tension in the air was thick, and the smell of blood had the hybrids whimpering as they felt you in pain. Even Jungkook was worried, despite being snapped at like if you were ready to bite his head off. He knew that you didn’t mean it.
No one said a word for the whole ride, not even music played on in the background.
~
“PSTD?” Yoongi frowned, eyebrow raising in question as Seokjin explained the symptoms and how it develops after a traumatic situation.
The seven stood outside the car, their last stop before their final destination since a bathroom break was much needed right about now. However, you still refused to come out of your hiding spot in the car. Not even bothering to transform back, it was starting to make everyone anxious with worry on not seeing your smile. They were so use to you starting to become comfortable around them that this setback was unsettling.
“This actually explains what happened hours earlier. She could have gained it when Y/N lived with her old owner—I mean… Y/N has only lived with Yoongi for close to a year now but for her mind it could still be fresh down memory lane,” Namjoon nodded along in agreement, deep in thought as the rest of the males tensed at the idea of you reliving the exact moment that caused you pain. “None of us have the whole story on what exactly happened in her past, but whatever it was… It had a major impact on her mental state.”
“What should we do then? She’s in a fragile state right now, we should help—I should help! What do you need me to do? …Yoongi?” Hoseok whined, sad puppy dog eyes starting to water as his floppy ears drooped over in distress. Immediately looking towards the second oldest with permission to go and cuddle you.
Hoseok didn’t like the fact that you were in pain, or that you were starting to shut yourself down from them again. The dog hybrid prided himself on being able to help anyone, especially his loved ones. So feeling useless right now was foreign to him, instincts screaming at him to go make you feel better until your eyes sparkled brighten than the sun.
“Well the first thing we can do is be patient, Hobi. None of us should rush her to do anything she doesn’t feel like doing. It will just put more pressure on her mental state that will have Y/N pushing us further away,” Seokjin stated firmly, nods of understanding going around as Hoseok deflated slightly but didn’t protest. Although the seven wished to do more than sit back until you decided to come towards them again, they also knew that giving you space was something that was desperately needed.
“Honestly, the best thing any of us can do right now is act normal. If we just be ourselves around her, Y/N will start to relax and ease up,” Jimin encouraged, a small smile breaking out to lift their sour moods. The comment had everyone’s gaze turning on the fox hybrid with soft eyes.
It took an hour until Jimin could calm down and fully speak a full sentence, and yet even so, he would rather look out for others instead of himself.
“That’s a great idea—How are you feeling though? Does this still sting?” Seokjin asked in concern, cupping Jimin’s face gently as a single thumb rubbed against the small bandage on the fox’s cheek. Despite wincing from the wound, Jimin looked up at the oldest with innocent eyes as his tail waved around in happiness.
“I’m fine! In the beginning… I was a little shaken up, but if it hasn’t been for Y/N. Well let’s just say that I’m grateful she was there for me in time,” Jimin sighed in adoration for the black cat, wanting nothing more than to go and cuddle you in thanks for protecting him against those three females. The mating season making Jimin turn into putty at the thought of a cuddle session later.
At the confession, Taehyung sighed in relief, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. The white tiger not wasting time to hug his best friend in comfort and reassurance, for both of them.
When the both of you disappeared for a long time, everyone was in distraught as they searched around the gas station for you guys. None of them thinking to look on the side of the building as their minds were scrambled with possible scenarios on what happened—Not even the hybrids could track you and Jimin down, their sense of small not being able to pinpoint anything out against the bunch of scents that were mixed in the outside air. But when Jimin came running towards them in fear and panic without you by his side, they immediately knew something was wrong.
Especially after a terrified and wild scream was heard that had Yoongi on edge when recognizing your tone of voice.
“Although this is no one’s fault, we all should’ve known better to keep a better eye on Jimin. His rut attracts unwanted attention and—Wait a second… Guys, where’s Jungkook?” Namjoon started to lecture everyone, even himself, until he counted the group. Needing to do a double take when realizing the bunny hybrid was missing.
“What? He was here a minute ago,” Yoongi mumbled, scrunching up his nose as everyone now started to search for the tall hybrid. They didn’t even notice Jungkook leaving them during their conversation, the bunny hybrid being silent when he wants to be.
“We didn’t step on him, right?!” Hoseok panicked, immediately transforming to sniff the ground as Seokjin looked under the car in case the bunny was hiding. Taehyung didn’t waste time to transform as well, deciding to search the ground but making sure to be close to Jimin. The fox hybrid trying to use the white tiger’s body as a small stool to peak over the car’s roof because the thing about Jungkook is… He likes to hide anywhere in the most unconventional places.
“Did we leave this car door open?” Namjoon asked, confusion all over his face at the cracked open door. The question catching everyone’s attention as they all but ran to squeeze themselves through the door but seeing no one. That is until they heard soft little snores underneath the seat that didn’t sound at all like you.
Each member of the group trying to peak underneath the car seat, eyes widening seeing the bunny hybrid huddled up in a content sleeping position. They couldn’t help but sigh as they smiled when you unconsciously curled around the black fluff ball as Jungkook snuggled further into your side with a twitch of his button nose.
Earlier when his hyungs was explaining the situation you were currently going through, Jungkook decided to sneak away without warning. There was determination in his wide doe eyes as he transformed into a bunny as soon as he stepped into the car. Not hesitating to crawl in a slow movement toward your sleeping form, being extra careful to not alert you of his presence. Afterwards, sleep was not hard to come by as he got wrapped up in your warmth and lovely scent. Loving when your tail wrapped around him like a blanket.
“That sneaky little brat…”
It wasn’t long before the rest of the hybrids found themselves asleep in the car too. Hoseok knocked out at the foot of the seat in a comfortable rolled up position, wanting to be close to you as well but not being able to fit underneath the seat like Jungkook. Nearby Taehyung and Jimin were both sleeping together, but in the backseat, the fox cuddled up in the arms of the white tiger.
Everyone was comfortable as music played on, until a phone started to ring. Yoongi reaching out in his pocket to stop the sound from waking the hybrids up as he answered the incoming call. Seokjin’s voice echoing throughout the walkie-talkie from the other car. Not bothering to stop his rapping skills as he continued to drive, yelling at someone out the window as they cut him off.
“Hello? No, yeah, we’re almost there—Yah, what do you mean that I’m a sloth?! I wasn’t the one driving half the time! …Yes, I can’t wait for you to meet her too. Okay, we’ll see you soon. Bye, eomma.”
~~~~
Welcome to the twelfth chapter of Changing One’s Tune! Thank you lovelies for your patience— Ding, Ding, Ding… Winner: YOU! Although now you have to deal with something much harder…
Meet the parents.
Likes, Comments, Reblogs, and Follows are appreciated if you enjoy the story. Its always exciting to know that you like my writing, and it gives me more motivation to update faster!
A Court of Whispers and Song Chapter 69 is up! NSFW
Azriel flashed a crooked grin, his words sweeping her jaw as he said, “Perhaps after all these months you have forgotten how well I know you, Gwyneth.” His lips brushed hers, a hint of a kiss. Her knees shifted against his. A silent plea. “Perhaps I need to remind you how well I know you.”
Welp. NSFW ️️️️ It’s been a far too long. It’s over 6k. It’s gratuitous. You all deserve it. Enjoy!
Okay, I for one will never get the argument some people make for why girls should cover themselves up while they are in school being that boys are just more sexually driven. Because have you met a teenage girl?? They don’t say anything, but they write everything. Who do you think is single-handedly carrying the entire fan fiction industry on their backs? What do you think keeps AO3 and Wattpad in business?
