My obsession with her will never end

Alcina before Mother Miranda’s gift

Okay but.

Alcina in a black dress

Wap dance with Alcina

You have been obsessed with Cardi B’s new song “WAP”.

And Alcina noticed you were wearing those weird headbands more often. She never was that interested in all this modern stuff, but when her girls started wearing those headbands you bought them, she had to get to the bottom of this fuss.

One day she had enough of being clueless and decided to approach you. You were her wife goddammit! Alcina looked all over for you, knowing that calling you wasn’t going to work since those music machines get you so invested that you can’t hear a word she says.

Finally, after looking in the kitchen, the bedroom you share, near the fireplace, under the couch she went to the music room. She slowly opened the door just enough to take a peek inside. And.. there you were. Looking at your phone. She was just about to come in when you started talking to yourself.

- Alright, my knees hurt like hell, but just one last shot. I’ve almost got it.

What are you talking about? Why are you hurt? Alcina had so many questions. She was about to come in, but everything was answered just a few seconds later.

When you started dancing, in ways Alcina didn’t even know existed, she was floored.

She was familiar with a waltz and slow dances. Her favorite moments were when you and her would waltz at night. Alone. Just enjoying each other’s company.

But this… wow.

And when you started crawling on the floor and THEN YOU FINISHED IT WITH A SPLIT.

LAWD.

How come you never told her you could do the splits?!

Over her fangirling, she leaned forward too much and busted down the door.

-Who knew the ever so stoic Countess would be such a stalker, hm?

- I wasn’t stalking, merely passing by.

- Right… So did you enjoy the show?

Oh. You knew she was looking. I mean you may not be able to hear over your headphones, but your peripheral vision betrayed your lovely wife.

Even very tall, beautiful, amazingly smart, strong, powerful, vampire women have weaknesses.

The room fell silent for a moment. Alcina realized she was still on the floor, so she got up and stared at you for about two seconds before picking you up and kissing you all over. To your surprise, she started full-on running with you in her arms while kissing your neck. You couldn’t hold your moans any longer.

She fiddled with the doorknob for a second and finally opened the door. She threw you on the bed and got on top of you, carefully straddling your hips so that she wouldn’t crush you.

- Now show me those splits darling…

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                                   Next day

You woke up with everything aching. Good lord, you were worn out.

You could still remember some parts of last night, although everything will come back eventually.

You noticed that Alcina wasn’t in the bed next to you. Bummer, since you couldn’t walk to look for her, you lost your voice screaming her name last night.

God that woman has stamina.

You decided to wait for her to eventually check up on you since she does every morning if she doesn’t wake up right by your side, all cuddled up.

About 10 minutes passed with you staring at the ceiling to try and remember last night, when your thoughts were cut off by the door opening and a certain tall and amazingly beautiful walking in with a plater of breakfast foods and two coffee cups.

- Good morning dear. Are you feeling alright?

- Morning, I feel like one of Heisenberg’s failed machines. Do you remember when he was trying out his new fake crow, that flying fuck exploded all over our garden? But last night was amazing. Well, the parts I remember at least.

- Don’t remind me of that fool this early. Here have some breakfast and we will get you all fixed up in no time.

- Thank you, Alci. The coffee smells wonderful. Sit down will ya.

You said patting the space next to you and handing her the cup.

- So any particular reason for your “passing by” yesterday?

She swallowed a sip of coffee and looked at you in defeat.

- I was going to ask you about your music headband, you and the girls have been so invested in that thing, that I just had to know what was so special.

You looked at her straight in her golden eyes and burst out laughing, almost spilling the cup of coffee all over the sheets.

After finally calming down and looking at Alcina’s bewildered face you started explaining.

- Sorry Alci, oh god when you said “ music headband” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Those are headphones and they play music. But like only to you when you wear them. It’s like a more private way of listening to your Beethoven if you will.

-  The gramophone isn’t even that loud. I have no clue what you are talking about.

Alcina pouted while sipping her coffee.

- Right, anyhow I can let you try it. Go fetch it for me from the music room. I’m sure you know what it looks like. And grab my phone too.

She left the room and after a few minutes came back with the famous headphones in her hands.

Alcina handed you the headphones and phone and sat down in her previous spot. You turned them on and grabbed your phone.

- Come to closer Alci.

She scooted closer to you and you plopped the headphones on her. Not going to lie you almost started laughing. There you were looking at your puzzled wife with your headphones on and a cup of coffee in her hand.

You turned the volume slightly down and started playing “WAP”.

Oh, the face of shock that covered Alcina’s face.

You were holding back laughter so hard.

She had this look of shock and fear combined and it was priceless.

After the song was done you took them off of her.

- So, now you know what the fuss is about. What do you think?

- I have so many questions, but I do know one thing. You, modern people, are unreal. Every foreign traveler that comes here is so baffled by me, yet this is normal? How does it even work?

You giggled.

- We have time, let me tell you about the wonderful world outside of rural Romania. You are missing out Alci.

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