the maiden blurted out, just loud enough to be heard. Blushing furiously and quickly looking down, the maiden could feel the lady’s expression turn into a smirk and a deep chuckle echoed through the room.
[ID: Digital drawing of Lady Dimitrescu’s face. She has pale skin, yellow eyes, and a retro style chin-length haircut. Her hair is black with loose curls. She is wearing red lipstick. She is wearing a black wide brimmed hat. On a mustard yellow background.]
Another stupid AU idea… Miranda adopts Y/N, a cute little kid who has been left in the village. Y/N is about 5 in this drabble. (Mother Miranda’s nice in this one, y'all)
Mother Miranda: *On a walk through the village, waving to people as she passes by, sees a tiny shivering blanket-wrapped bundle, slowly approaches it* Hello? Is somebody in there? *Gently pokes the bundle*
The bundle: *Growls*
Mother Miranda: ??? Um, hi there?
The bundle: *Huffs, Y/N unwraps themself* Keep it movin’, lady. *Y/N waves a hand dismissively at her*
Mother Miranda: *Surprised and confused* Oh! Hello. I’m Mother Miranda. What’s your name?
Y/N: *Grins* Can’t tell ya!
Mother Miranda: *Smirks, crosses her arms* And why is that?
Y/N: *A true hustler in the making* That information’s a bit pricey. The fee’s 5 bucks!
Mother Miranda: *Not that much of a dumbass, scoffs* Ha! I’m not giving you 5 dollars just so you’ll tell me your name!
Y/N: *Shrugs* Suit yourself! *Wraps up in the blanket again*
Mother Miranda: *Is not an asshole so isn’t going to leave a defenseless child all alone* Well… Is there something else you want? Why don’t you come with me and I’ll get you something to eat. I’m not going to leave you out here by yourself.
Y/N: *Holds up a hand and shakes their head* Actually, I just need to know one thing.
Mother Miranda: *Yet again confused* …Okay?
Y/N: *Suddenly has stars in their eyes* Do you know that tall cigarette lady with the big boobs and the hot daughters?! *Blushes* She’s like a Disney villain!
Mother Miranda: -_- *Groans* Unfortunately. Why-
Y/N: *Suddenly grabs Miranda’s hand* I’ll only go with you if you tell me more about her! Maybe you can even introduce me? *Gives her big puppy dog eyes*
A couple days later
Mother Miranda: Anyway, so this is Y/N. My new child! *Pats Y/N’s head* Everyone say hello.
Karl Donna and Sal: *Wave to Y/N and offer greetings*
Alcina: *Crossing her arms, looking at Miranda, pouting* Mother Miranda, this is going to sound bad, especially if taken out of context, but please tell me you didn’t pimp me out to a 5-year-old so that they would come home with you.
Mother Miranda: *Rolls her eyes* Yes! That’s exactly what happened! Weren’t you listening-
Y/N: *Interrupts Miranda, giggling like crazy* Wow! Beautiful and a genius! She’s the total package :3
Alcina: *Facepalms* Why is this how my life turned out?
Note: I definitely think Mother Miranda would keep Y/N on a kiddie leash XD
Alcina: *Frantically jiggling the door knob* Oh no! No, no, no, no. I CANNOT be trapped in this room with two of the stupidest imbeciles I’ve ever met!
Y/N: Come on, babe! At least we’ve got each other! *Makes a kissy face at her*
Alcina: *Grabs Y/N’s entire face with her hand and shoves them onto the floor* I will NOT be displaying intimacy of any kind while HE is in here! *Points at Karl*
Karl: *Picking his nose, notices Y/N and Alcina staring at him* What?! I’m practicing self-care! Donna says it’s important!
Alcina: *Groans and slides to the floor, defeated* This is my own personal hell.
Y/N: *Jumps on Alcina’s lap and snuggles into her* Maybe we can pass the time by telling stories! I’ll go first: One time, Mother Miranda made me come over to her house to clean and fix a few things. When I went to clean her bedroom, I found her personal dildo collection! She even had a HUGE-!
Alcina: *Clamps a weary hand over Y/N’s mouth* Maybe we can just have a few minutes of silence, hm?
Karl: *Covers his ears* Damn it, Y/N! You’re so stupid I bet your mom gave birth standing up!
Y/N: *Pissed* Hey! She only dropped me like five times as a baby and only once was on my head! *Seething, suddenly has a brilliant idea* Wait! We should have a yo mama joke-off!
Karl: *Claps his hands together, grinning* That’s the best idea you’ve ever had, flat-top!
Alcina: *Rolls her eyes* You two realize that you’d basically just be insulting Mother Miranda, right?
Y/N and Karl: Even better!
Karl: I got one! Yo mama’s so stupid, she stuck batteries up her butt and sang “I got the power!”
Y/N: *Laughing like a moron* Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was little she had to trick-or-treat by phone!
1 hour later
Y/N and Karl: *Have been slinging absolute soul-crushing yo mama jokes non-stop, giggling like idiots*
Alcina: *Groans, puts her face in her hands, mutters* Well, if you can’t beat ‘em…
Alcina: *Clears her throat*
Y/N and Karl: *Stop and look at her*
Alcina: Yo mama’s so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.
Y/N: …
Karl: …
Alcina: … Too much?
Y/N and Karl: *Bust out laughing*
Alcina: *Starts laughing too*
Mother Miranda: *Comes and unlocks the door, heard everything Alcina just said, teary-eyed* So… This is what you all think of me?
Everyone: *Ignores her* FREEDOM! *Pushes her out of the way and runs out*
Y/N: Hot damn, I sure could go for some PuSsSsYYYy! I’ve never met a vagina that I didn’t like! *Eyes widen when they see what’s going on*
The Lords and Mother Miranda: *Trying to have a nice dinner*
Karl and Sal: *Laughing their asses off*
Donna: *Disguises her chuckle as a cough* (The true brainiac of the family)
Mother Miranda: Y/N! You need to wash that filthy mouth out! *Looks over at Alcina* Honestly, what do you see in them? How could- Wait, what are you doing?!
Alcina: *Hiking her dress up* It’s dinnertime for Y/N too.
Everyone: *Screams and runs out*
Y/N: *Looks around to make sure they’re alone, holds up the text Alcina sent them, blushing* Seriously, Alci. I’m sure there are better ways of getting out of dinner with your family! Your text made it sound like you really wanted to have sex!
Alcina: *Smirks* I do. *Pulls her panties off and flops on the dining room table like a dead mackerel*
Y/N: *Crosses their arms, thinking* …Well, I guess I am pretty hungry! *Clambers on top of Alcina*
