Do you believe that empathy is a trait that is learned/taught?
Or do you believe that one develops it naturally as we grow (so long as that process is not disrupted by neurodevelopmental, phycological, or other external factors?)
Similarly, do you think it’s possible to teach yourself to better understand, or maybe even better experience empathy, if said issues were to occur?
CW:death mention, allusion to Alexithymia (problems with feeling emotions), crying
Summary: Gemma visits Eleven in the middle of the night.
Word count: 587
Something was different about Eleven since Gemma had last seen him.
Actually, it would be easier to count what was the same over what was different.
He was quieter, had shorter hair, frowned a lot more, and, most importantly, had a scar over the left side of his face. She heard rumors that the Luminary mark had a similar scar, too.
When Gemma had first seen him walk into Cobblestone with the rest of his team, she had wanted to run up to him immediately and figure out what had happened. But he’d glanced back at her with a look that froze her on the spot.
It wasn’t long after that that Amber had pulled her aside and told her in tearful but hushed tones that thatEleven was from a different timeline.
And that the one she knew had passed away.
It was like having a boulder thrown at you. All the air was knocked out of her.
She cried. A lot. And holed herself up in her room.
Grieving is a tricky business. It doesn’t happen quickly. When Chalky died, El had been beside himself for days.
Gemma didn’t even know whether to be glad she still had someoneto go to or if she would have preferred no other Eleven.
It’s not like it mattered anyway— he never came out of his room, either.
Maybe he was sick.
As soon as the thought entered her mind, Gemma was determined to overlook the whole, “You’re from a different timeline” business in favor of helping her friend.
She remembered it clearly. It had been a dry and quiet night and Gemma was putting away her embroidery when she saw something outside the window. It was a full moon out, and she saw the silhouette of a person walking.
Gemma had her shoes on and was outside in a matter of seconds.
Eleven was kneeling at the base of their favorite tree. His hand was outstretched and the Mark of Yggdrasil glowed dimly in the night.
“El?” Gemma whispered as she approached.
He withdrew his hand and turned toward her.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I was worried about you,” she said.
He stared at her some more and she had to remind herself that he wasregistering her words.
“Is everything okay?” Gemma asked.
Eleven shook his head. “No. But it’s fine. I’m just… I’m just tired.”
“Then you should rest! Has Amber given you any of your favorite soup lately?”
“I don’t feel like eating.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Gemma asked.
She approached and sat down at the base of the tree. She patted the spot next to her. Eleven considered this, then sighed and crawled to sit down next to her.
He put his head in his hands and she imagined that he was crying. But when he lifted his head again, his face looked dry under the moonlight.
“You can cry if it makes you feel better,” Gemma whispered.
“No, I can’t,” Eleven whispered.
Gemma frowned. “Now that’s just poppycock! Just because you’re a boy doesn’t mean—”
“No, I’ve tried to cry, and I can’t.”
“What?”
“I can’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” Gemma said. She opened her arms up. “Do you want a hug?”
Again he hesitated. Her eyes widened when he leaned forward and rested his forehead on her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her middle.
Eleven sighed, breath rustling her hair, and she held onto him as a tear slid down her cheek.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase “self care” doesn’t resonate with you, try calling it “system maintenance” and see if that clicks.
First I want to say I hope you’re doing well, and this blog is quite helpful (thank you for running it)!
Second, I saw you put a post covering nightmares in relation to ptsd and c-ptsd, and I was wondering if I could ask a further question on that? Firstly, what’s the difference between nightmares and night terrors? Secondly, would a dream still be categorized if it had nightmare stuff in it (gore or other upsetting things) but you don’t get super stressed over it?
I ask this because I was curious if having a ton of nightmares over years could desensitize someone to them, and therefore make what could otherwise be categorized as nightmares only dreams (if that makes sense?)
There’s no pressure to answer, and please take care of yourself! I hope life is treating you well and to anyone else who may (or may not) read this. Thanks
Thank you! I’m glad you’re finding it helpful. :)
Question 1:
Here’s what I found on the difference:
Nightmares are coherent and vividly realistic dreams that become increasingly disturbing as they progress and result in waking from sleep. Nightmares commonly involve impending danger or distressing themes and provoke emotions such as fear, embarrassment or anxiety upon waking.
Night terrors are episodes of screaming and agitated movement such as flailing or thrashing, accompanied by intense fear. They typically last between seconds and a few minutes and begin whilst still asleep.
A person who experiences a night terror may be mobile, leading to episodes of sleepwalking, and provoke aggressive behavior if restrained. Upon waking, the person may be confused, disoriented unable to recall the night terror episode when fully awake. (source)
Question 2:
So my opinion is that you can have nightmares and not feel (or not realize you feel) distressed by them. There’s a phenomenon called alexithymia, which is an inability to “feel your feelings” or to recognize and put a name to your feelings. It’s very common in situations of complex trauma beginning in childhood, partly because if you don’t have someone in your life teaching you how to identify and deal with your emotions, you tend to not be very good at it, and partly because traumatized children find that their feelings are too overwhelming, so they stuff them down and learn to ignore them rather than dealing with them.
For example, I have had a habit since childhood of bouncing my knee when I’m sitting. For YEARS, people would say to me, “Oh, you’re bouncing your leg. Are you anxious?” And I’d go, “No, no, I’m just naturally fidgety.” It was only once I started to learn to recognize when I was feeling anxious that I realized: when I bounce my knee, it’s because I’m anxious! Those people were right after all! I was anxious, and my body knew it and responded accordingly, but I didn’t consciously realize I was feeling anxious.
I think the same thing can happen with nightmares. I wake up a lot in the middle of the night, and I also tend to remember my dreams really well. So I’d wake up from dreams at like 2 am and lie awake for two hours, and then go back to sleep. In the morning I’d start telling somebody about the dream I had, and they’d go O_O because the story I was telling them was so creepy or disturbing. And I’d say, “But it wasn’t a nightmare, because it didn’t scare me.” Only in the last couple of years have I realized that I wake up in the middle of the night because those ARE nightmares and my heart rate goes up and my adrenaline starts pumping, and it wakes me up. My body responds to the anxiety that my conscious mind isn’t feeling.
So I don’t have any scientific proof for this answer, but that’s my belief, based on my personal experiences: alexithymia can lead to people experiencing nightmares, and their bodies even responding to the fear of the nightmare, while they don’t FEEL like it’s a nightmare because they aren’t consciously scared.
By the way, if you think you might be having difficulties with alexithymia, I recommend the book Being in My Body by Toni Rahman. It’s about how alexithymia and such problems develop and how to learn to feel your body and your feelings more.
