hi. today i am starting a new season of IN A WALLED CITY with a big episode called The Historian. this is one of the more challenging, personal, and ambitious audio fiction projects i have ever done. it is narrated by my friend and longtime collaborator Valerie Monique Evering
you can listen to it for free at all the usual podcast places. if you want to support the show financially you can also buy it on my bandcamp. there is a link to a transcript in the show notes. its also on bandcamp in the lyrics section.
the story in this episode is one i started writing before any of the others. as a reminder, the show is nonlinear and you can dive in at any point. and this episode, in spite of its length, is a good entry point. its a bit more direct.
its a story that had been kicking around in my head for years as something i would “do someday”. the impetus to actually make it for real was listening to the Start With This podcast by Night Vale Presents - i highly recommend it if that kind of situation applies to you!
i have been through a lot since i started writing this one. its hard to describe the place its come to inhabit in my head and heart. at times i was certain i would never publish it. but ive put so much into it & even if that energy doesnt return in forms i expect, now is the time.
“The Rivers Dream of Rain" is the seventh chapter of a project called “In A Walled City”
This project - a guide to coming phases of human existence - is nonlinear, fragmented and exists within a dream state - so you may enter at any point including this one.
You can subscribe or stream this episode - and all previous episodes - for free on all major podcast sites including libsyn, stitcher, spotify, apple, and so on. on my Bandcamp page (https://disparition.bandcamp.com/) a high quality download of each episode is available for sale, which is a good way to support the project if you like what I’m doing
“The Rivers Dream of Rain" is the seventh chapter of a project called “In A Walled City”
This project - a guide to coming phases of human existence - is nonlinear, fragmented and exists within a dream state - so you may enter at any point including this one.
You can subscribe or stream this episode - and all previous episodes - for free on all major podcast sites including libsyn, stitcher, spotify, apple, and so on. on my Bandcamp page (https://disparition.bandcamp.com/) a high quality download of each episode is available for sale, which is a good way to support the project if you like what I’m doing
From the producer/composer of Welcome to Night Vale and Alice Isn’t Dead:
Back in May I started a new project called “In A Walled City”, a non-linear series of audio fiction, poetry, music, and noise. This is a project that is deeply personal and, for me, spiritual. as I began working on the sixth episode, the west coast was consumed in fire. I know many of my friends throughout the American west experienced this as well, or worse. the ash fall, the choking air, the dark sky, a perpetual column of smoke out the window, the red glow at night. for some time, when the fires came particularly close, I lost myself to constantly refreshing satellite heat maps and webcams. It was difficult to think. Somehow it slowly became “normal”, just like everything else. The fire season continues on, the fire closest to me has been burning for a month but is mostly contained, now there are others. All of this time, as social unrest is growing, state forces are becoming more reactionary and violent, rumors and disinformation gain traction, and this merges with the fires as they are bent into political agendas and used by fascists to fuel conspiracy theories. This is the world I was channeling while doing this work.
I initially expected this piece to take a few weeks but it ended up being closer to two months. It is one of the most difficult pieces of audio I have produced. It’s hard to categorize or describe this project. I have it on one website as a series of albums, and I also distribute it on podcast platforms. It is a series, in the sense of how the music works, but it is not chronological, and you can listen to it in any order. it is a narrative but there is no overt protagonist (although there are consistent and important characters if you pay attention). I sometimes call it “audio fiction” as that seems like a sensible way to explain it to a potential audience, but the truth is I don’t really consider it fictional, and much of the imagery comes directly from my dreams. As such, it is distorted and fragmented for my protection and yours. Please see below for links to hear “Staves of Smoke”, the latest piece.
From the producer/composer of Welcome to Night Vale and Alice Isn’t Dead:
Back in May I started a new project called “In A Walled City”, a non-linear series of audio fiction, poetry, music, and noise. This is a project that is deeply personal and, for me, spiritual. as I began working on the sixth episode, the west coast was consumed in fire. I know many of my friends throughout the American west experienced this as well, or worse. the ash fall, the choking air, the dark sky, a perpetual column of smoke out the window, the red glow at night. for some time, when the fires came particularly close, I lost myself to constantly refreshing satellite heat maps and webcams. It was difficult to think. Somehow it slowly became “normal”, just like everything else. The fire season continues on, the fire closest to me has been burning for a month but is mostly contained, now there are others. All of this time, as social unrest is growing, state forces are becoming more reactionary and violent, rumors and disinformation gain traction, and this merges with the fires as they are bent into political agendas and used by fascists to fuel conspiracy theories. This is the world I was channeling while doing this work.
I initially expected this piece to take a few weeks but it ended up being closer to two months. It is one of the most difficult pieces of audio I have produced. It’s hard to categorize or describe this project. I have it on one website as a series of albums, and I also distribute it on podcast platforms. It is a series, in the sense of how the music works, but it is not chronological, and you can listen to it in any order. it is a narrative but there is no overt protagonist (although there are consistent and important characters if you pay attention). I sometimes call it “audio fiction” as that seems like a sensible way to explain it to a potential audience, but the truth is I don’t really consider it fictional, and much of the imagery comes directly from my dreams. As such, it is distorted and fragmented for my protection and yours. Please see below for links to hear “Staves of Smoke”, the latest piece.
they unfold before you sea after tiny sea partitioned by salt-crusted stone wall after tiny wall stairs and algae miasma of shifting colors they collect in the corner of the eye they add up
eyes on the road lines under the earth blur of walls pooling in the corners the sight takes hold the hands grow numb the brain bubbles the sky descends drift from lane to lane an arcing dance a line over the line a circle around and above
valley of all valleys born a sea of grass and wandering fire wind, current, and thrum of hives the floods your dreams and longings an arc of bright feeling from root to fingertip starlight across the surfaces of your rivers
pylon after pylon eye after eye seen and marked, near silent drifter may your body be generic and featureless may your wiring be gutted and pulled may your quietness fill you may their ear be clogged
tiny drifter, shining beetle on a ribbon drawn forth out into the night the winds wrapped around you wanderer, there is no where you can go the map will shift to contain you the known written in under your wheels your feelings writhe, reach, and wrap around the branches we extend to meet you.
II.
The darkness came hours ago but sleep will not, and so you decide to go for a drive. In silence and grace you decent into the garden. Gently, you remove a section of the cellophane, the part over the window, cutting it with your thumbnail. You slide the window down into its well, pull the door open from the inside, careful to make no contact with the exterior. Inside, you run your hands over every inch of the dashboard, slide them deep into the radio cavity. Making sure, just making sure. You feel those above, opening the fate for you, and those below, melting out from the grass and high roses, gripglove hands just below the windows. You feel the soft motion, wheels just barely sunk into the rich soil. The open gate is at the bottom of a steep hill. In position, the hands let go. Flying just above the ground, low level owl, a quietness of creaking frame and grasses pushed aside. A gathering speed, in the bottom of the stomach and in the corners of the eyes. Hands on the wheel, in no time choice is upon you.
III.
lines cross just below the grapevine glowing, burning lines who shout their visibility into space built, burned, built again, shaken to rubble, built again frail city of rope and web, half of you invisible sacred city of collision for so long we passed through you hurriedly, unlooking covering every part of you with names and moving on seen from above, so clear south branch and san andreas golden slope and stripe of char
IV.
You are entering the Sovereign Nation of the Way. Everyone still calls it the Five. All members of all houses are welcome on the Way with the sole condition of motion. Drift. There are five hundred and twenty three official gates into the kingdom of the Five, gates which anyone may cross but if you are not a citizen, you may not stop. And you are not a citizen. Crest on dash, their eyes read you as soon as you cross a threshold, they hold on to you for every moment until you leave. The old eyes, boxes mounted on tall metal frames, the new eyes, tiny and embedded in ever conceivable surface. They appeared in the cities, decades ago, now they are found in every yard of road in every one of the Thirteen Hundred Miles. The Way is a mile wide and immaculate, unbroken by storm, fire, or collision. The Fivers are ever present, working constantly, resurfacing, extinguishing, eternally decorating. On the outer lanes, hulking 32 wheel beasts roll perpetually at thirty miles per hour, spaced ten miles apart from each other. The alcalarodante, each is unique and elaborately designed. These are where the Fivers live and keep their workshops, dispatch their wheelers and small carriers, and watch the endless feeds coming in from the eyes in miles before and behind. In this and many other of their duties, they overlap. The Fivers are fond of redundancy, repetition, certainty.
You enter the realm through the Gates of Elysian, the natural flow pulls you quick and silent through the sleeping valley. In no time you’ve reach the southern edge of the old security complex, the Grapevine Wall. Really a series of fortifications starting just below the Castaic checkpoint, they now lie in ruins, empty since the days of Marisol’s exile. The only remaining inhabitants are in the Towers of Frazier, once built to house workers on the Wall as well as Marisol’s garrison, now they are an independent walled city in their own right – and still fiercely loyal to her memory. In this night you see the Towers glowing distantly, lighting the walls of their valley off to the left as you pass the darkened Gates of Tejon. The dramatic landscape around you nearly invisible, the sharp drops and burned strips still pull at you. Even the Way itself, cast into a glowstate, a bright ribbon seen from the stars, feels dimmer in this stretch. But now a flash fills your interior, and then another, a pulse from the alcalarodante ahead on your right – now approaching you feel your carrier slow, resistances wound slowly around outer tires, the pull from a Fiver watching inside.
V.
every part of you has been covered in fire even in the time before us every part of you gives a golden light even in this smokechoke season gatherers, gatherers machine and hand field after burning field row after shaking row they collect in the corners of the eye they add up a blanket of scars all across the southern valley they stab and suck tens and tens of swords armies of drop carriers benders of pipes cover you with living carcasses wrap around your trunks with iron hands pull and shake until you drop what you hold vibrations separate the root from the soil only a tiny space waiting for the flood the patterns on top of you scream out visible even at this holy distance circle around and above circle around and above
VI.
What spells weave they, these Fivers? Already your carrier has been netted and lashed by bonds invisible to the edge of the wide deck at the rear of the alcala. You have felt, you have seen throughout this procedure, the light of the Way dimming around you. But that cannot be so. Gripglove hand of a Fiver slides your window down, and then you see the figure step back and beckon. Out you crawl, even at this low speed the transition to the large open platform on is jarring. Wind and ash in your face. Immediately you feel it, the descent, the opening of the valley, the Gates of Wheeler. Drops of moisture collect on you, run in streams along the ornate balustrades of the alcalarodante. The figures around you remain motionless but seem to grow in number as the fog thickens. Just after you pass the Gates, the glow of approaching dawn becomes visible on the eastern horizon. Before you is the City of Wall, one of only four stationary settlements in the entire realm. and also the first. Fortified by Marisol in the last days of her gambit, this section of the old wall community became an independent collective called Interchange before linking up with the rest of what became the Sovereign Nation of the Way. The central keep, on the grounds of the old outlet mall, retains the same footprint and layout of the original structure at its core, but has been expanded in all directions, each outer layer more decorative and less functional than the last. It is here they are bringing you, but the alcala has to perfom some bizarre maneuvre to get you there. You’ve never seen one taken out of its lane. Half a mile inward, at the center of the Way, massive chains of heavy carriers hurtle past at over a hundred miles an hour – unlit, fenced off, their presence known through their churning wind. There is a sudden steep descent and a sharp turn, and then you are beneath the heavy carriers, crossing for half a mile under the southbound Way, emerging in a greygreen light on the far side opposite the keep on a wide, flattened surface - the long ago site of Marisol’s headquarters in the last days of the defense. From here you will cross a bridge, one of very few remaining in the realm, crystal clear and two miles long, double the width of the Five itself, leading from here directly into the keep itself. The alcalarodante never actually stops – Fivers escort you along the outer platform where a narrow staircase leads to a waiting wheeler drifting beside you – you step into it, it peels away, the alcala lumbering off to its route. Can they stop? Is this the source of their power, their endless motion? The wheeler climbs the glasslike slope of the bridge with its thickgrip wheel, the eastern light breaks through and across the valley floor, scattered across the surfaces of the thousand tiny seas the stretch out from the walls of the Five and onward into the flat northern distance.
VII.
wave after shining wave reed after bending reed wind and current carry your song your fields sunken and untended cormorants cap ancient pylons leaning but still towering over the coursing Way circle around and above even from this sacred distance salt shouts its edges into space layer upon layer a softening grid until the waves return in strength until they wash through the jagged teeth at the base of the bubble until the rivers swell until the waves find themselves again at the foot of Sierra
“We’ve been in that business a little longer than most, we’ve been open about it little longer than most. The hard walls and floor of reality have gone all squishy, you can trip and fall right out of your world and into another…”
THE MARKETER, part 4 of my serial piece In A Walled City, is now out.
I thought it would be a good idea to put together a list of lgbt+ fiction and stuff I have found. This list is far from complete and there are plenty more out there, these are just a few of some I enjoy. Feel free to add some of your own.
*Most of these are centered around gay guys. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find many lesbian centered works.
Welcome to Night Vale(podcast/book)
Imagine a town where every conspiracy theory is true. That's Night Vale. Radio host Cecil Palmer reports on the weird happenings in this small desert town and falls in love with a scientist named Carlos (and his perfect hair). There are five-headed dragons running for mayor, dogs that are literally Satan, mystic beings named Erika (who are definitely not angels), civilizations underneath bowling alleys, and so much more. There is a really diverse cast of characters and several lgbt+ characters (besides the main two). It has some horror elements but it’s more science fiction.
Yuri!!! On Ice(television show)
Japanese figure skater, Katsuki Yuri, comes in last place at the Grand Prix Final and returns home defeated. After a video uploaded of him skating to his idol Viktor Nikiforov’s (a Russian skater with 5 Grand Prix gold medals and considered to be the best out there) routine goes viral, Viktor himself shows up at Yuri’s place and becomes his coach. With Viktor’s help, Yuri attempts to win gold at the next Grand Prix Final and they both sort of fall in love along the way. Features a pretty diverse cast and doesn’t play into stereotypes. It’s considered to be in the sports genre but it has some romance moments in it.
Always Raining Here (webcomic)
Carter wants to get laid. Adrian is heartbroken. After Carter fails to get Adrian to have sex with him, the two end up becoming friends and have misadventures together. This is one of the cutest and most pure relationships I’ve seen (even though one of the very first things Carter says to Adrian is “We should bang”). There is some slight sexual content but nothing too major.
Check Please!(webcomic)
Eric Bittle joins the Samwell Men’s Hockey team but quickly realizes that this is way more intense than his Georgia hockey team and the team captain Jack Zimmermann isn’t making things any easier for him. There are lots of pies and you’ll end up learning about hockey. Lots of healthy relationships and does a wonderful job at portraying characters with mental illnesses. They’re also good friends with the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom.
Alice Isn’t Dead(podcast)
By the makers of Welcome to Night Vale, a woman becomes a truck driver in order to find her wife, Alice, who has been considered dead (she isn’t look at the title). She encounters a not-quite-human serial murder and ends up being chased by him wherever she goes. She learns more and more about her wife and finds out things better left unknown. Another wonderful portrayal of mental illnesses. It’s much darker and scarier than Welcome to Night Vale and I would not recommend listening to it at night.
Knight’s Errant(webcomic)
Wilfred is on a quest. However, being imprisoned in a city under siege puts a halt on their quest. Fortunately, they have a prison guard on their side. This one is different from the others since the main character so far isn’t in a relationship of any sorts (and doesn’t show to be in one anytime soon). There is a side relationship that will make your heart melt and Wilfrid is just a really likable character (they also don’t have a confirmed gender yet. It’s pretty likely they’re non-binary though). Also despite being set in a medieval European town it does feature some pocs which is nice.
Requiem of the Rose King(manga)
The previous ones have featured very healthy and loving relationships but this one is a bit different. It focuses on Richard the third of York who is intersex in this case. This causes some really messed up and really confusing love triangles. There is some incest (not very large at least for now) in it and large age differences so if that bothers you then I would advise against this. Despite all this Richard is in a pretty cute relationship but it’s pretty tragic at the same time. If you want happy gays stay away from this. Also features gore and violence.
19 Days (manga)
The adventures of Jian Yi and his best friend Zhan Xixi. This one is another cute one. Their relationship goes at a believable pace (but sometimes it feels like it’s taking forever) and there is a pair of very lovable side characters to go with it. Some sadness but nothing life ruining at this point.
Kyo Kara Maoh! (Novels, Manga, Anime) A teenage boy in modern Japan ends up in another dimension, never having known that he was born and raised to be the king because of demonic powers. This becomes an issue, because there are customs and wars that he thinks are trivial and stupid for the most part. (Not stupid, as in insulting, but stupid, as if you really don’t freaking have to start a damn war.) One of these mistakes ends in him accidentally proposing marriage to another boy, who he then proceeds to stay engaged to for the entire series. The anime isn’t very explicit, and plays it off as conic relief with serious connotations, but in the manga it’s more serious, and in the novels, the two of them actually admit feelings for each other. The adopted a daughter together.
Hannibal(show) Hannibal Lector is the nefarious Chesapeake Ripper, and many more serial killers in this modern take on the novels, who becomes obsessive over an FBI consultant who’s trying to catch him, later on in the series, falling in love with him, which is later on reciprocated in the last episode of the third season… the two of them also metaphorically adopted a daughter together…
Kashimashi - Girl Meets Girl(manga/anime) After being accidentally killed by friendly and well meaning aliens, a boy’s body is reconstructed and sent back to Earth, but unfortunately, the aliens didn’t know how to make a boy, and so they put him back together as a girl. Oddly enough, as a girl, she’s not any different than she was before, leading me to believe she’s genderfluid, especially since her only actual issue is adjusting to how others treat her and how she’s expected to act. This features a girl/girl/girl pairing between three high school aged girls who are main characters in the show.
Jellyfish Princess (anime/manga) A series about a girl who makes friends with a boy, who likes dressing like a girl, even though he insists he’s male, he feels most comfortable with girls clothes. Slice of life fiction.
Dramatical Murders(game/anime/manga) If you play the game, there are multiple routes you can take to enter a romantic relationship with multiple male characters, while also playing a male character yourself. I personally, cannot find an English version of the game though, so I actually suggest that you either watch the anime (which has no actual murder or even explicit violence in it, so it’s actually very tame) or watch the youtube gameplay videos of them, because they’re actually really good. Now, this is a series about a boy Aoba (the main character that gets to be romanced by all the cute boys) who experiences a lot of headaches because of unknown reasons, who lives on an island that is actually VERY technologically advanced, to the point where they have a game system where you battle other characters in a mental realm, leading Aoba to realize that he has a lot of covered memories when he’s pulled into a battle, and goes looking for the answers to them, romancing boys along the way, because he a smol gay.
Camilla (youtube series??) I’ve never actually watched this one myself, I keep forgetting to start it, whoops, but it’s about a vampire who ends up waking in this century and going to college, only to fall madly in love with her female blogger roommate, who is DEF okay with that. (Please don’t hate me if this is a wrong summary, I have not seen it myself, but it looks amazing.)
Queer As Folk(show) Warning - not for kids, sex scenes all over the place in this one. Don’t watch with your parents. The gayest of the gays are in this one. It’s literally only got like, ten heteros in it, it’s about being gay.
Snowpiercer (movie/horrible comic series) Not many people know this about the movies, because it had to be confirmed by the directors, but apparently, there are basically no straight characters in this, all the Tail Passengers are mainly gay men. Not only that, but it’s honestly one of the most amazing movies I’ve ever seen, I still think of it sometimes.
Love Stage!!(manga/anime) A series about a family full of celebrities, but unfortunately, the youngest son of the family, is VERY shy, to the point of being terrified of people filming him, or even too much attention, so he keeps trying to stay away from being in commercials and stuff like that, no matter how much his family urges him to. 10 years ago, he was in a commercial for a wedding company, and caught a bouquet, starring with another boy, because he was actually filling in for a girl that hadn’t shown up. His co-star didn’t realize he was a boy, and fell in love with him. Ten years later, he’s still in love, even after realizing he’s not a she. This is the story of how they got together.
Eh, that’s all I can think of for now.
2 Moons: The Series (television show/book)
Wayo gets into the college that his long-time crush from high school, Phana, attends. Phana is extremely popular at school and is the Campus Moon of the previous year (basically he’s the school representative, picked from competing in a beauty pageant like competition.) Wayo is nominated to become this year’s Campus Moon, along with his best friend, Ming. Because of this, Wayo gets to spend more time around Phana, but what can he do when his crush not only doesn’t remember him, but also hates him and treats him horribly? Despite this premise, the show is actually one the most adorable shows I’ve ever seen and the relationships are so cute and pure it will make your heart melt. Lots of bisexual characters (seriously the main cast is almost entirely bi) and homophobia is almost nonexistent. This show will leave you squealing from how cute it is. It was based off a book, however the book was written in Thai and no English translations exist of it yet.
“you took my hand and we paused there. my instinct was to enfold you, to bury myself in your neck which was always the part that smelled most of you. but it had been a long time and both of us just let it linger in our hands”
[image ID: a digital drawing of keisha and alice from alice isn’t dead. they are shown from the side and are holding hands with each other. alice is an asian woman with loose black hair down to her upper back. she’s wearing a black jacket. keisha is a black woman with her hair tied back. she’s wearing a blue jacket over a black t-shirt and an earring. she has freckles and looks tired. they’re in a dark truck cab with the windshield showing they are outside a locked gate and chainlink fence. end ID]
[image ID: a digital drawing of a person sitting alone at a restaurant booth. they are sitting next to a window and facing forward at the seat in front of them with their hands out on the table. they’re wearing jeans and a blue hoodie with the hood up. their face is covered by the hood and shadow but short brown hair and pale skin can be seen. outside, it is night and the moon can be seen along with some dark clouds. end ID]
