I was inspired by @swordsandshitposts‘s post a while back to write about a butter-obsessed Norway, and they were willing and excited that I wanted to write something for it! Of course, you all know how great I am at writing things on time, lol.
So, here is my hilarious take on Norway’s relationship with butter.
“My Precious”
Denmark pulled into the driveway with a sigh, cutting the ignition as he rubbed his eyes. The meeting had run two hours over, leaving the personification to drive home close to midnight.
For a moment, he considered sleeping at the steering wheel instead of trekking to his bedroom. Of course, that would leave Norway alone, so he tiredly opened the car door and made his way to the house.
“Norge?” He noticed the open refrigerator as the front door creaked open. However, the appliance quickly shut. He thought that he could hear a faint scurrying in the dark. The blonde nation blinked slowly, but decided that he was too tired to deal with it. He made his way to the living room and switched the light on.
A loud hiss startled Denmark as the light flickered to life and a shrouded form dove behind the couch. ‘I could totally leave it for Norge’ He contemplated doing just that, until a low voice croaked out to him, “ShuT oFf tHe liGHtS…” “…Norge?” Denmark knelt and peered around the arm of the furniture.
Sure enough, Norway was crouched behind the couch, holding a few sticks of butter close to his chest. “LiGhts…tOO brIghT…fOr…pRecIOUsss…”The nation’s eyes glowed violet in the darkened space, revealing the magic that he possessed.
Denmark, now thoroughly terrified, backed away slightly. “Norge?! What are you-” Norway didn’t answer, instead licking the butter with a crazed, loving smile.
“PrecIoUSsss…smør…” Denmark watched in horror as Norway caressed the butter. “Mine…..” Norway glanced at Denmark with a low growl, eyes practically feral. “MINE. MY sMøR.” Norway backed further into the dark crevice, nearly blocking himself entirely from view.
The taller, and more sane, nation grabbed a few blankets from the couch and tossed them to the other. “Ok! I’ll just…let you sleep here tonight and…I’ll be upstairs. Good? Good!” With that, Denmark disappeared upstairs.
The next morning, Denmark woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. He yawned and practically crawled downstairs, only pausing outside of the living room.
“Norge?” Instead, Iceland peered around the corner of the kitchen. “Nor is still behind the couch, he’ll be out in a bit.” Denmark turned shocked eyes to the younger nation. “You know?!” Iceland shrugged. “Yeah, he gets that way sometimes. He has nightmares about when he didn’t have butter and, well, he gets stuck in that mindset. That’s why we always have plenty in the fridge.”
Sure enough, Norway joined the other two nations once he smelled the coffee. Without a second glance, he tossed the butter back in the fridge and sat down with a mug and a newspaper. Denmark stared at Iceland, then Norway, then back at Iceland - waiting for someone to comment on the night before.
Finally, once his mug was empty, Norway looked up at Denmark. “So, the meeting ran over?” He poured himself a second cup and continued to read the paper. Denmark couldn’t think of a proper response. He stammered, “You…butter?” Norway nodded. “Ja, sorry. I need to make sure that we still have some. Anyway, the meeting?” Denmark didn’t respond, too afraid to.
Norway: I’m fine. *turns on coffee maker for his second pot of coffee* I’m just getting ready for the day *pours Monster and coffee into a mug* I’m positively alright *chugs a can of Mountain Dew* I am perfectly content *downs an espresso shot* Nothing is wrong *takes three more shots* Why do you ask?
Iceland: I woke up in a blanket burrito this morning *happy sigh*
Denmark: Peanut butter nuts
Sweden: *about a creepy doll (that’s somehow shaped like a penis)* His name is Peter and he’s giving me the willies.
Norway: Give me caffeine and you’ll be my best friend. Try to take my caffeine and, well, you’ll be meeting God sooner than you thought you would.
Finland: *scrambling fatty hamburger* I’m making meat soup for dinner.
Bonus - Drunk Denmark: *about wanting to buy a set of LARGE building blocks* I’m gonna buy it and make a house anD BECOME HERMIT NO TALK TO PEOPLES LIVE INSIDE SEAL SELF IN HAVE BLANKETS MAKE NEST INSIDE NO. TOUCH. MY. PRREEEECCCIIIOOOUUUSSSS. NNNEEEEEEESSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTYYY.
Not only does Icelands back story deserve an actual ending, but I would also like a re-telling of it from Norway’s point of view. I mean imagine finding an angry toddler who is somehow like…already having a midlife crisis at age 2 on some barren fucking volcanic island and immediately thinking “yes, I’m keeping this one”.
