I’ll be back soon I promise! QwQ

Me when my art isn’t absolutely perfect:

The perfectionist urge to rip out your hair and claw at your arms and take your nails down the wall and wail and scream and cry and throw up and explode and pop anytime the idea on paper does not match the one in your brain.

So, I recently enter the yoonkook zine, but can’t choose how to present my idea visually.

It’s about acrobat!Jungkook and hybrid!Yoongi, meeting at the circus.

Jungkook admires yoongi and that’s why he apply to the circus, but yoongi doesn’t wanna be there, he has no choice.

So I drew some sketches, but the true it’s… I have no time to paint this past months, I haven’t do anything more complex than a sketch so I forget how to paint… o(-(

I’m struggling because I want to summit something like a poster to the yoonkook zine and continue this story on my social media, but can’t actually figure out how to present this

ALSO MY THEME IS AUTUM SEASON… please help o(-(

Me wanting/needing to draw about 20 different things but only being able to draw 1 piece at a time: I’m too slow

Also me finishing 2 full color panels in a single day: are you fricking serious??? Do you see the amount of work you’re doing???? Be proud of yourself already, jeez!!!

Fellow artists, please be kind to yourself. I’m working on it myself, so this is just a friendly reminder.

No matter what the platform, my actual content gets slept on. ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ glad I can help promote other people’s shit. This shit dumb AF

I really can’t decide what Yusuann to draw next…Disgustingly sweet fluff? Angst?… Spice?

Help XD

I’m here to rant and vent about something, because I don’t know where else to do so.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this on this blog before, but for the last two years or so straight I’ve been working on developing a webcomic. The characters of which are ones I actually created WAY back in the beginning of sixth grade, so this entire project is very near and dear to my heart.

Growing up, my parents always made it a point to support me in my art and writing, having no problem with purchasing me notebooks and sketchbooks (so many sketchbooks…), and occasionally proofreading some of the stuff I let them read (though I usually didn’t give them much to read, as I often kept it to myself because I was still such a young and insecure artist). And despite the bullies I encountered in my classes, it was always good to know I had their support. But then their support started to take on a different tone about two years ago when I officially went full steam ahead working on my webcomic.

Now, instead of the exuberant praise I had received from them years before, I was met with the response of, “Nice. When are you going to publish?”

When I first received this comment from them, I just kind of stood there and shrugged, saying, “It’ll happen. I’m just still in the process of figuring everything out right now.”

“Well, just so you know, the longer you keep this story under wraps, the smaller your audience is gonna get. Better get on it, sweetie.” They’d respond.

And that was how all of these conversations went from then on out. Every time I brought up my story or it’s progress, all they would ask was about when I was planning on publishing. And the comments were all something like this: 

“Good work. Publish already.”

“You have a good start. Why not just get your work out there? You already have everything you need.”

“Stop dragging your feet and just do it!”

“So, are you ever ACTUALLY gonna publish any of this?”

And with every comment I got more and more frustrated. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate their support, as I know that in their minds that’s what they were doing, but the more they pushed on me to publish, the more and more convinced I was that neither of my parents understand the creative process and how it works. One of my college design professors this semester said something that really struck me, and helped me perfectly describe how I felt about the creative process.

He said (and I’m paraphrasing a little here), “Most people seem to have it in their heads that an artist, writer, designer, etc. can easily think up a story or composition, and then effortlessly translate that to paper, screen, or canvas like magic. When in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. Every creative project takes planning, and the bigger the project, as is the case with stories, the bigger and longer the planning process.”

This is a perfect explanation of how art is made. Artists are not as spontaneous as people make us out to be, and a lot of our best projects start out as drafts, that we come back to off and on to see what works. And this is something I wish more people understood. It’s not that I’m never going to publish, and I’m not shooting for the unattainable standard of perfection, I’m just still in the progress of scripting everything out, and that may take a little while to do. I feel like my parents, and others, don’t understand how the unique process of developing a webcomic works. 

And there are other reasons as to why I can’t “just publish already”. It doesn’t just have to do with the fact that I’m not done with the creative process yet, but I have other things going on in my life that require my attention:

• I have a job, where I’ve recently learned I’m in the running for a promotion, which would lead to me working more hours.
• I’m currently taking online college classes, and two of those classes are art classes with very time consuming projects I have to complete every week.
• I go to church every Sunday, and typically try to make that a relaxation day (because mental health).
• Monday’s are family days in my family, no exception.
• I have a social life with old friends, and I like to talk to them off and on throughout the week.
• And I have been going to counseling for a while now to try and take care of my mental health.
• And sometimes life stuff just comes up. Stuff I can’t always predict, and will sometimes have to adjust my schedule to accommodate them. 

I have a real, actual functioning life outside of my art. Believe me, if I could somehow be able to focus 100% of my attention solely on my art, I would’ve done so a long time ago. But as I’ve become an adult, I no longer have that luxury. 

I know this is a pretty long-winded post, but I needed to rant about this somewhere. It’s been on my mind for a while, and this is legit the only place I could think of to write and post it.

Me, drawing my own characters: Hey, it looks pretty good ! I’m getting better ! :D

Me, drawing fanart: Ewwwwww ewewew nonononono ugly ugly as hell wtf where did my drawing skills go why aren’t you as pretty as the original i’m throwing up blerk fuck you

They told me to make a meme so-