The thing about Those White People Baby Names is the way they so poetically express the tension between individuality and rigid conformity. These parents all want to name their child something unique, because they value the concept of uniqueness, yet simultaneously they abhor it in practice… ergo, 30 different spelling variations on the most normative possible names. This homogeneity-masquerading-as-diversity is inseparable from capitalist consumer culture and in fact is directly analogous to the experience of walking into a grocery store and being asked to “choose” between 50 varieties of toothpaste with the same exact ingredients, 12 brands of laundry detergent, etc.
Somebody’s third eye is WIDE the fuck open??!!!!!!!
okay so there’s actually a reasonbehind this that isn’t just “white people are terrible and really really boring!” it’s to do with Mormon culture. specifically: the fireworks you get when sexist expectations and terrible petty drama collide.
most of Those White People Baby Names are originally Mormonbaby names. they’re chosen (or invented) by women in Utah; they tend to filter out to the rest of the world through things like “mommy blogs” and “baby name books” and “parent forums.”
you know how every culture has a “hey, welcome to the world, lil baby!” ritual? the mormon version of that is called a baby blessing. the baby’s father, and a handful of other men in the family, go up in front of the congregation during a Sunday service and say a special prayer. it begins by reciting the baby’s fullname and then saying “I give you a name and a blessing.” It’s not something you can avoid doing- if you try, people will think that you’re trying to hide something. baby blessings are mandatory, and everyone in the congregation willwatch and judge you.
becauseof this, your baby’s name gets a good bit more of a spotlight in Mormon culture than it does in secular culture, and that’s sayingsomething.
Mormon women start picking out names for their hypothetical future kids in fourth or fifth grade and snipe at each other for picking “weird” or “bad” ones. it’s something that’s supposed to be in the back of your head longbefore you have a kid. and because people willjudge you if you pick a name that’s “too boring” or “too weird”, it is already an intricate dance of finding something that’s “interesting” enough to pass muster but not so “interesting” your kid won’t survive kindergarten.
and that dance becomes even more intricate when Baby Name Drama gets involved.
see, because you’re supposed to put so much time into your baby’s name, a lot of women get… overinvested, let us say. the perfect name they picked for their baby is THEIR baby’s name and NO ONE ELSE’S. if you so much as dare to BREATHE that you’re naming your baby/pet/favourite laptop the same thing, you have STOLEN their BABY’S NAME.
so here’s the thing… say you really wanted to name your daughter Amy. You love the name, it’s classic, it’s cute, it’s perfectfor your little girl-to-be… and then your sister-in-law gets pregnant and LOUDLY ANNOUNCES thatshe’snaming her baby Amy! and you know for a factthat she’s the type of person to throw a massive petty shitfit over you STEALING her BABY’S NAME. your family will take sides. herfamily will take sides.
if you want to avoid the drama, and you’re dead-set on naming your daughter-to-be Amy… well, then you name your daughter Aimee, or Aimi, or Aimy. It’s not the same name, it’s pronounced the same but it’s not the exact same name, so you can shut up, sis-in-law.
from what I understand a lot of the Crazy Name Spellings came from this root- “it’s not Kaylee, it’s Kayleigh, I swearI didn’t steal your idea”- and then once it became a trend, people named their kids that to be ~trendy~ just like they did with every other stupid trend.
but the root cause of Terrible Trendy Misspelt Baby Names has very little to do with white people being boring and conformist, and certainlynothing to do with capitalism. it’s a good old fashioned case of a) sexist expectations warping women’s behaviour into really really stupid shapes and b) Petty Small Community Drama.
This is a terrific addition to this post that I don’t think actually contradicts my main idea all that much
This is awesome! Make sure to be careful with online translators, though-for example I just typed in “I am bored” into the latin translator and got back “i, cibi” which makes no sense at all.
I’M JUST GONNA BE THAT ASSHOLE WHO REBLOGS AGAIN BUT, PLEASE! don’t use use ancient greek/latin translators. if you just want simple words or verbs (for latin at least), use WHITAKER’S WORDS — it’s a secret classicists keep.
i wasn’t aware of this but YES DO AS THE TWO ABOVE SAY :)
BABY NAMES I LIKED BUT DIDN’T USE * JACQUELINE TRAVELS
BABY NAMES I LIKED BUT DIDN’T USE * JACQUELINE TRAVELS
WATCH HERE
Hello! I am sticking with a vlog theme this week. On Sunday I posted about life as a Flight Attendant mom, and today I am sharing baby names we considered when I was pregnant. I had a quick flight attendant layover where I didn’t go out and explore, I but I did have time to film this vlog! I like a lot of Italian names, they run in my family, and I share almost all of the names on my…
Help! I’m Making A Weirdly Big Deal Out Of A Thing That I Think Is No Big Deal So Why Does It Have To Be Such A Big Deal, It’s Honestly Not That Big Of A Deal, So Everyone Should Just Do What I Say Because Why Do They Care About This So Much Like It’s Some Kind Of Big Deal, It’s Functionally Meaningless, That’s Why I Must Have My Way Or Else, Stop Overreacting!!!!!
My tween has requested they/them pronouns and a new name. We are changing our habits on the pronouns, but we haven’t gone along with the name change. Though their first name is stereotypically feminine, we more often use the shorter stereotypically masculine form (think Samantha to Sam). Their middle name is gender ambiguous. These names were chosen with much love following a family/cultural naming tradition. While we are supportive of using any version of these given names to reflect our child’s gender, we aren’t on board with a name change. We will not call Sam(antha) Simon, Stevie or Susie. Is this so wrong?
—What’s in a Name?
Dear What’s In A Name?
I can’t think of any family tradition more important than making sure children know that they are beholden to the whims of their parents forever, and that they must never be allowed to assert themselves or self-advocate in any way that does not entirely comport with their parents’ personal preferences. After all, it was your child’s decision to be born to you personally, and now here they come tap-dancing into the world as a full-on independent human as if they didn’t specifically ask Baby Jesus to assign them to you! They had every opportunity to choose to be born to any other family on earth, but they didn’t, and so now they’ve thereby agreed to have every part of their identity dictated by you, indefinitely and without even the mildest opposition.
The last thing you want is your child growing up to be a self-assured, independent human who knows their own mind and can ensure that their needs are met on planet earth! That’s not what parenting is all about! You lovingly gave them a name and you will lovingly use it at them no matter how much they hate it, lovingly!
Anyway, you said it yourself: what’s in a name?? It’s such a tiny, piddly thing — since it doesn’t matter at all, and it’s practically not even worth caring about not even a little bit, and it really is just wholly inconsequential, it’s genuinely just downright silly that anyone cares all that much about what they’re called, like truly, who could even be bothered? Not you, that’s for sure! That’s why you can only call your kid one of two names that you came up with a decade ago and nothing else ever no matter what!
What could be more loving than honoring your child’s name and pronouns? Why, forcing your child to use the name you gave them because your personal preference is more important than your child having the core of their identity respected by the most important people in their life, of course! Nothing wrong with that! Stay strong in your convictions, and you will enjoy many great opportunities to call your child by the name you gave them in the coming years — to their voicemail, to their email “spam” folder, and in text messages to phone numbers they no longer use.
