Chapter Ten: We’ll Be A Fine Line

Here it is the final part of Ashley and Harry’s Story! Enjoy!!!

Christmas was a big thing for both the Hanson and Twist families, ever since that fateful day when a new tradition of joint Christmasses was coined, the two families had been intertwined. Not just by their mutual appreciation for the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special, but the adoration between two members of their families, a bond that thanks to the trials and tribulations of life was stronger than it had ever been. At last there was no hostility, no aggression, just love.

Out of the kindness of his heart, Louis had offered to drive Ashley and both the little ones up to Holmes Chapel, normally Harry would, but having just come back from filming in America, his flight had taken him straight into Manchester three days prior, rather than Heathrow. Louis and Eleanor were travelling up to Doncaster anyway, so as far as he was concerned, a little detour wouldn’t be a problem. Christmas Eve was always the best bit, Daisy was finally old enough to appreciate the traditions that Ashley once loved as a child, thankfully the traffic wasn’t too bad after all. “How are those two getting on the back?” Louis asked Ashley from the driver’s seat.

“Daisy’s watching yet another episode of Care Bears on the iPad and Robbie’s spark out, I swear all he does is sleep.” Ashley sighed, admiring her two children who were sitting either side of her in the back of Louis’ car.

“Mummy, when can we get doggies like Brucie and Cliff?” Daisy asked, looking up at from her iPad, as the two dogs sat behind them in the back of the car.

“I think we’ll have to wait and see Dais.” Ashley replied, sharing a knowing look with Eleanor, as she had asked her a few weeks beforehand for recommendations on dog breeders. 

“We’re here!” Daisy clapped in excitement as Louis pulled up on Linda’s driveway.

“Thank you so much for driving us up you two, I owe you big time.” Ashley smiled.

“It’s not a problem darling, Harry wouldn’t have wanted you getting the train, especially with the two littlens.” Louis replied.

“I’m sure my mum will be more than happy for you both to stay for tea.” Ashley offered, unbuckling Robin and putting him in his pram, before helping Daisy out of the car.

“Thanks a lot love, but we should probably get back on the road before the traffic hits, have a lovely Christmas though.” Louis smiled.

“You too, thanks again.” Ashley pushed the pram up the driveway, Linda answering the door almost immediately.

“Hello my lovelies! Merry Christmas!” Linda smiled, greeting them all with warm hugs. “Let me grab your bags for you, Anne and Harry are in the kitchen eating mince pies, Gem and Michael are still on their way.” 

“Harry!” Daisy ran off into the kitchen to find him as Ashley took Robin, who had just stirred from a nap out of his pram.

She made her way into the kitchen, Anne had already met Robin, but this would be the first time Harry saw him, Harry looked up at Ashley from where Daisy was showing him her new dress, “Hello stranger.” Ashley smiled, holding Robin in her arms, “Do you want to meet your little boy?” Harry nodded, standing up to greet him, Ashley passed him over, allowing Harry to hold him close to his chest.

“Hello little man, how’s it going?” Harry asked, rocking him softly as Robin gazed up into his eyes, “You did it Ash, he’s so perfect.”

“No Harry, we did it.”

The smell of Linda’s wonderful homemade Christmas Eve pie and mash spread throughout the house. Michael and Gemma had arrived after a nightmare journey and everyone was finally sitting around the table ready to tuck into a delicious meal. “I just wanted to make a quick toast,” Linda announced, “the past few years have been interesting and difficult for us all, but we made it through the other side. Although we’ve lost people along the way, we’ve gained two new little sweethearts, our little princess daisy, and her beautiful brother, darling Robin, I’m so thankful to you for welcoming me and Ash as part of your family. While we’ve always felt so welcomed and loved in all the years of our friendship, the arrival of little Robbie has finally completed us all as one unit. So let’s raise a glass to chosen family.” Everyone clinked their glasses before proceeding to tuck into their dinner. 

“Thank you for having us Linda, this is beautiful as always.” Anne smiled.

“It’s delicious Linda.” Harry smiled.

After falling asleep in her old bedroom, Ash stirred from her nap to hear nothing but silence from the rest of the house, the nap was well deserved after the lengthy drive up from London. She made her way downstairs to see Harry sat on the sofa, Robin lying peacefully on his chest as he hummed along to the faint sound of Christmas music coming from the speaker on the mantelpiece. “Glad to see you two are getting to know each other, how has he been?” Ashley smiled.

“An absolute angel.” Harry replied as Ashley sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Where’s the others?” She whispered.

“They took Dais to see the Christmas lights in the village, the little man was getting grizzly so I thought he’d be better off staying here.” Harry explained.

“You’re an incredible dad,” Ashley smiled.

“Ash, I’ve literally known him for less than a day.” Harry chuckled.

“Yeah I know, but I’ve seen you with Daisy and I’ve seen you with our little Robin, and you’re incredible with them both.”

“Mummy it’s Christmas!” Daisy ran into Ashley’s bedroom, jumping up and down on her bed excitedly. Ashley wiped the sleep from her eyes, looking up to see Daisy, and Harry stood by the door holding Robin. “Harry came over to bring us a special Christmas breakfast!” Daisy exclaimed. 

“Merry Christmas,” Harry smiled, sitting on the bed beside Ashley, Robin dressed in a little baby grow covered in Christmas robins.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” Ashley replied, “Come here little man.” Ashley smiled, taking Robin from Harry. 

“Have you told Daisy yet?” Harry asked.

“Told me what?” Daisy interrupted, still jumping up and down on the bed.

“Well if you get dressed we’re going to take you to Nanny Anne’s house to get your first big present.” Ashley told her.

“Okay!” Daisy cried, jumping off the bed and scrambling to find her red dress and white tights. 

They eventually made it to Anne’s house, Daisy was beyond excited, Linda had Robin in her arms to allow Ashley and Harry to focus on Daisy and her present. They led her through the kitchen, both holding a hand each, “Now Daisy, you’ve got to be really quiet when we go into the conservatory,” Harry told her, he opened the door slowly and let Daisy in. “Merry Christmas Daisy.” He led her to the basket in the centre of the room, inside was a fluffy little caramel colour labradoodle puppy. 

“Is it mine?” Daisy asked.

“Yep, she’s your little puppy.” Ashley told her, picking the puppy up and holding her so Daisy could stroke her. “What do you want to call her Dais?” 

“She looks like honey, let’s call her Honey.” Daisy replied, transfixed on her new best friend.

“That’s beautiful Daisy, she’s going to love you.” Harry told her as he crouched beside her, wrapping her in a big hug.

“This is the best Christmas ever.” Daisy smiled.

Everyone else had arrived at Anne’s and they were finally all sitting around the table, tucking into their turkey. “I just wanted to say something,” Ashley said, “I know I’ve been a bit all over the place this year, I messed some of you around, some more than others. But having you all here means a lot to me, I’m so incredibly grateful that my children have such a loving family. I wanted to give you one of your presents early Harry, before we do the rest later, I know we’re not together, but if anything ever happened to me, I’d want to know my children were in safe hands, I’d want to know they had a loving home with a loving father. Which is why I got you this.” 

She handed him a white envelope, he opened it, pulling out several pieces of paper, he scanned over it, before seeing the words ‘adoption proceedings’, “Is this what I think it is?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, Matt hasn’t been an active part of Daisy’s life since her birth, and I spoke to your solicitor and he said it’s completely viable for you to be Daisy’s adoptive father.” Ashley explained.

“This is the best Christmas present you could’ve got me Ash, thank you so much.” He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“I know it’s an unorthodox situation because we’re not together but it feels right.” Ashley told everyone.

“I think it’s a beautiful idea,” Anne smiled, “I know Linda will agree, we’re so proud of you both and we’re so grateful for you giving us two wonderful grandchildren.”

“That made his year Ash,” Gemma whispered to Ashley as they stood at the sink in Anne’s kitchen washing up the last of the dinner plates.

“I’m glad he was happy, it just felt right, even though we aren’t in a relationship he’s been the best father figure Daisy has ever had. When I think about the time I spent with Will, he didn’t love Daisy, he wanted me, Daisy was just an extra. But when it comes to Harry, he accepts that Daisy is part of the package, and he’s happy that she is.” Ashley replied, gazing through to the living room where Daisy and Harry were playing with Honey.

“You’re good for him Ash. You, Daisy and baby Robin keep his world spinning, I know you’ve been through a lot but it’s always going to be you. Regardless of who he’s with he’ll always pick you and the kids, because although he’s probably scared to admit it, he really does adore you.” Gemma told her.

“Mummy! It’s snowing!” Daisy ran into the kitchen screaming hysterically, Harry and Honey trailing behind her. 

Harry chased after her, managing to scoop her up in his arms, “Before we see the snow Dais, do you want to open some more presents?” Harry asked.

“Yes!” Daisy clapped excitedly as Harry bounced her up and down on his hip.

The two families lay flat out on the sofas in Anne’s living room, Daisy was curled up beside Anne, playing with Honey, and baby Robin was fast asleep on Harry’s chest. Ashley stood outside in the cold, flakes of snow dancing through the lengths of her hair. She stared up at the blanket of stars, one thing she loved about Holmes Chapel was how clear the sky was, unlike London, was how clear the sky remained each night. “I wondered where you got to,” She turned to see Harry joining her as they both leant against the fence of Anne garden terrace. 

“It’s a madhouse in there, I’m surprised Daisy still has so much energy.” Ashley remarked.

“Well at least she’ll sleep like an angel tonight.” Harry chuckled.

“Fingers crossed,” Ashley smiled, “I’ve had the loveliest day today, I’m really glad you’re home.”

“I am too, it was great working on another film, but nothing beats being here with you and the little ones.” Harry replied.

“Harry when we started this year together, I told you I wanted to take things one step at a time, because I was scared, I was scared of what would happen if I opened my heart again, I was scared of getting hurt, and I was scared of Daisy getting caught up in everything.” Ashley told him, “When really I was incomplete without you.” 

“Ash what are you trying to say?” Harry asked.

“I want us to try again, as a couple,” Ashley explained, “I know that this might be a bit sudden, but seeing your bond with Robin, and seeing the way you are with Daisy. It doesn’t end there either, you’ve done so much for me, you’ve been more of a rock for me than anyone ever has, I was just so naive I didn’t realise that even when you were half way across the world you were still right there by my side.” 

“Ash,” Harry whispered, taking hold of her hands, “I want nothing more than to be with you.” 

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Ashley kept her eyes on Harry’s, tracing delicate patterns across the skin of his knuckles as a smile beamed across her face. “That we always knew, but were too scared to say anything.” 

“I never felt the need to say it.” Harry’s gaze was intent, as a tentative grin appeared on his face. “But I love you.”

“Forever?” Ashley whispered.

“Always, my golden girl.”

In some ways life had become easier for Ashley since her pregnancy was leaked to the press, she could freely walk Daisy to school each morning without having to wear the baggiest jumper she could find. She was also inundated with kind messages from other women, who like her were raising children as a young adult, she finally felt ready for her baby’s arrival. Knowing the baby was due to come any day, Daisy was behaving more angelic, perhaps in an attempt to make Ashley’s life easier, or maybe it was to ensure she wasn’t forgotten about when the baby arrived. “”Mummy, when the baby comes will I still be it’s big sister?” Daisy asked as the pair walked to school.

“What do you mean Dais?” Ashley asked.

“Harry isn’t my Dad is he? But he’s the baby’s daddy.” Daisy replied.

“You’ll still be the baby’s big sister darling, in fact you’ll be the best big sister ever.” Ashley assured her. 

“I promise I will be mummy.” Daisy smiled as they approached the school gates.

“Be a good girl today poppet, and remember we’ve got Lou and Lux’s fireworks tonight.” Ashley told her, holding her tight in the warmest of hugs.

“Love you mummy!” Daisy cried before running through the school gates.

“She’s a sweetheart,” One of the mums beside Ashley remarked.

“I don’t know where she gets it from, I was a little tear away at that age.” Ashley replied.

“Surely it’s her dad, he is a national treasure after all.” The lady smiled.

Although Harry wasn’t Daisy’s biological father, the whole world just assumed he was, he loved her like she was his own, and for Ashley that was enough.

“So do you feel ready for the new baby?” Gemma and Ashley had planned to shop for bits for the baby, but the british weather has other ideas. They’d managed to find shelter in a small vegan coffee shop in the back streets of Hampstead. It was one of those cool instagrammable places with hanging ivy trailing across ceiling beams and pink neon light signs.

“It’s less scary this time, even though Harry won’t be there for the birth, I know he’s going to be the best dad.” Ashley replied, sipping on her hot chocolate.

“Definitely, he’s finally mastered flat pack furniture, he’s set up a little nursery in the room next to his.” Gemma smiled.

“You know a mum at the school gates referred to Harry as Daisy’s dad, but I didn’t correct her. Because it felt right.” Ashley told her.

“Daisy will always be his world, we both know that.” Gemma assured her.

“Yeah, she adores him.” Ashley replied.

“And he adores you. He’d move heaven and earth for you if he had to. Where did it go wrong for you two? You were so good together.”

“Maybe we were always just destined to be best friends, and nothing more.” Ashley sighed.

“Ash, I’ve seen the way you look at each other, even at your house when the pregnancy got leaked, he could’ve easily contacted Jeff to protect his reputation and let us look after you, but he went straight to you. For Harry, it will only ever be you.” Gemma explained, she knew her brother better than anyone else, she knew they were right for each other since they were kids. She saw Harry’s face on the day of Ashley’s prom, when she was a bridesmaid at Anne’s wedding and when she was on his arm at the Brits, he adored her and he cherished her. If Gemma could put the way Harry felt about Ashley into bottles and sell it, she would, because no matter what happened, or what anyone said, he would only really ever have eyes for Ashley.

It was late in the evening, thankfully the rain had held off, Ashley and Daisy were at Lou’s house for a small bonfire night gathering, the kids were playing in the garden, toasting marshmallows on the bonfire with Lux’s dad Tom, while the mums sat in the kitchen eating the leftovers of the takeaway pizza the kids had obliterated. “So when are you due Ash?” Lou’s sister Sam asked.

“I was due for halloween, but clearly this one enjoys it in there more than Daisy did.” Ashley told her, she knew the baby would come soon as every so often she’d feel a little flutter or a kick in her ribs.

“Have you got any names?” Lottie asked, from across the table.

“There’s a couple, if it’s a girl I love the idea of another flower name to match Daisy, and if its a boy, there’s a few nature related names I love.” Ashley had one name in mind, regardless of whether it was a boy or a girl, she wasn’t planning on telling anyone yet, but she knew it would be a name Harry would love and hold close to his heart forever.

All the other parents and children had left, Lux and Daisy were curled up on the sofa drinking hot chocolate while they watched a movie on the TV. “Hey Dais, what are you watching?” Ashley asked as she poked her head around the living room door.

“It’s my Harry.” Daisy whispered, Ashley looked at the screen to see Harry and the boys performing at the O2, the girls had chosen to watch the One Direction movie, a film that captured so many moments that Ashley held close to her heart.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Ashley asked Lou as she returned to the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” Lou asked, Ashley raised her eyebrows, “You mean Harry don’t you?”

Before Ashley could explain her epiphany the sharpest shooting pain hit her spine.

She gripped onto Lou’s marble top counter, “It’s happening Lou, the baby’s coming.”

“Are you sure?” Lou asked.

“That’s definitely a contraction Lou.” Ashley winced, “Why do I only go into labour in kitchens?” 

“Tom’s out the back, I’ll ask him to stay with the girls, Daisy can stay here tonight. Where’s the baby bag?” Lou replied.

“In the hallway, in the cupboard under the stairs.” Ashley told her.

“Ok I’ll grab that and call us an uber, you sit down and I’ll tell Gem to meet us there too.” Lou instructed her.

Ashley pulled out her phone, ringing Harry, even though she knew full well he would be on set filming, “Hey Harry,” She winced as it began recording her voicemail, “It seems as though our little one is on it’s way into the world, Daisy’s in safe hands, she’s watching This Is Us with Lux, she is so proud of you H. I know you’ll worry but don’t because Lou is taking me to the hospital and Gem said she’ll meet us there. I’ve been a bitch these past few months, I should’ve let you in, but we both know that after the way other people have treated me before, that being open and vulnerable scares the shit out of me. I want you in the baby’s life and I want you in mine, frankly at this point I don’t care what capacity it’s in, because you mean the world to me Harry, you’ve been the one constant source of happiness in my life since the day we met. From the day my dad died and you slept beside me because you were scared of what I might do to myself, when I had my first period and you spent your pocket money on a box of all my favourite things and when you were like a father to Daisy, that meant more than anything else ever could. Whatever happens between us Harry, whether we parent our baby as best friends, or whether we grow old and grey together, I will always be your golden girl.”

Compared to Daisy’s birth, this one was a walk in the park, Ashley was sat up in the hospital bed, already fully dilated and the nurses had given her the epidural to relieve some of the pain. “Right Ash, it looks like this baby isn’t hanging around, shall we get going?” The midwife said as she pulled on her surgical gloves. Lou had returned home to the girls, but Gemma stayed by Ashley’s side, holding onto her hand for reassurance. “When you’re ready Ash, I need you to push on the next contraction.” The midwife instructed her, “You are sensational Ash! That’s the head delivered, I need you to push really hard to get this little one’s shoulders out now.”

“I am never letting your brother get me pregnant again.” Ashley huffed to Gemma after pushing through another agonising contraction.

“This baby is a chunky one Ash, I need you to give me one last almighty push, use every last bit of energy you have to push it out.” Ashley used every muscle in her body to push the baby out as hard as she could, until the once silent room was filled with the shrill cries of her new baby. “Congratulations Ash, you’ve got a little boy.” The midwife cut the umbilical cord and immediately placed him on Ashley’s chest.

“Hello little man, aren’t you a beauty?” Ashley whispered, a single tear of pride rolling down her cheek.

“He’s perfect Ash,” Gemma smiled, “You were incredible.” 

“Welcome to the world baby Robin.” Ashley whispered, already completely infatuated with her new baby.

“Robin?” Gemma smiled.

“I adored your stepdad, when we lost my dad he was always there for me, he always looked out for me, and I know how much Harry loved him, and it’s the only name that feels fully suited to him.”

Ashley was in love, her brand new baby boy lay sound asleep in her arms, his delicate little hands poking out of the sleeves of his baby grow. Gemma had gone home to get some sleep, which Ashley had encouraged her to do, so now it was just the two of them in the little hospital room. Ashley’s phone began to buzz and she picked it up to see Harry’s face, “Hello stranger.” Ashley grinned.

“Is everything alright? I got your voicemail.” Harry asked from the comfort of his trailer.

“Everything’s great you could even say perfect,” Ashley whispered, “Do you want to meet him?” 

“Him? We’ve got a little baby boy?” Harry replied, a smile stretching from cheek to cheek.

“This is our little baby boy, Robin.” Ashley told him.

“Robin? You know Mum is going to adore that, and I adore him too, thank you for naming him that.” Harry smiled.

“It only felt right, I think I always knew that’s what I’d call him, it just seemed to make sense.” Ashley replied, staring at her little boy in adoration. “He’s way bigger than Dais was, he weighed almost double what she weighed when she arrived.” 

“She’s going to love him.” Harry whispered, “I can’t wait until I can see you all in person again, I miss you all like mad.” 

“We miss you too.”

Robin made Ashley feel truly complete, it was the following morning and she had just changed into a comfier t-shirt and joggers, along with one of Harry’s tour hoodies. Robin was sleeping peacefully in his little cot, having just been fed, as she sent Harry yet another picture of their little boy, a little person popped their head around the door. “Hello Mummy,” She heard a whisper. 

She looked over to see Daisy, holding a balloon and a gift bag with Lou beside her, “Hello my best girl, how are you?” Ashley crouched down, greeting her daughter with open arms, “I’ve missed you so much angel.”

“I’ve been very good, Lou made us special pancakes for breakfast.” Daisy told her.

“That’s lovely,” Ashley smiled, “Thank you so much for having her Lou.”

“It’s no problem really, she is an absolute sweetheart.” Lou replied.

“Daisy, would you like to meet your little brother?” Ashley asked, Daisy nodded in response as Ashley lifted Robin out of the cot. “This our little baby Robin.” 

“Like my Grandad Robin?” Ashley was taken aback, she wasn’t sure if Daisy remembered him, but everyone loved to talk about him fondly, so Daisy must just have picked up on it, it melted Ashley’s heart that Daisy called him her grandad.

“Yes Dais, just like Grandad Robin.” For once it seemed as if life made complete sense, Ashley had two beautiful children who she loved more than anything else, and finally she knew exactly how she felt about Harry.

Life for Ashley was weird, although they were keeping their distance from each other, Harry insisted that a car came to pick Ashley up for work each morning, he was fearful that she would end up in a situation out of her control, and her safety was ultimately his main priority. Since Ashley ended things they had tried to remain as civil as possible, if they were going to be co-parenting a baby, they needed to at least be on good terms. She sat in the back of the car as it drove through the streets of London, the city that once felt like another world, had become the place she called home. The streets she once feared were now the places that held some of her fondest memories.

Roman greeted Ashley with open arms as she entered the studio for her last day at work, “Morning Ash, how are you feeling about today?” He asked.

“Scared, but I’m ready, I’m excited to focus all my time on my little ones, well Daisy isn’t so little anymore, she starts big school on Monday, it feels like yesterday I was standing in that kitchen with you when my waters broke.” Ashley reminded him.

“It’s been incredible working with you for the past few years, I know you’ve gone through a lot of shit since you’ve been here, but if you ever need anything, you can call me. I think of you like my younger sister, and that’s a bond for life.” Roman smiled.

“You’re a soft bugger Ro.” Her heart skipped a beat, that’s what she once called Harry, before life got all kinds of complicated. “We best get the show on the road then.” Ashley declared, taking a seat at the studio desk and putting on her chunky headphones for the final time.

“Good Morning! You’re listening to the breakfast show on Capital with me Roman Kemp, and for the final time Ash Hanson.” Roman told the listeners, “Seeing as it’s her last day on the radio, Ash has complete control of today’s tracks, so Ash what’s your first song going to be?” Roman asked.

“It’s a personal favourite of mine, and I think the lyrics are something we could all do with a little bit more of in our lives, this is New Rules by Dua Lipa.” Ashley announced just before the track began to play.

“That wouldn’t be a bit of shade thrown at a certain boyband member would it?” Roman whispered, now that they weren’t on air.

“Maybe.” Ashley smirked.

Flatpack furniture had always confused Harry, even though it was supposedly extremely simple to assemble, he found the instruction manuals no help at all, he had spent the first part of the morning trying to construct a crib for the baby. Although he wouldn’t have full custody of the baby, Harry felt that it was right for his future child to have a bedroom in his house. So here he was, random pieces of wood scattered across the floor, he had no clue what went where, or how to assemble it properly, he was losing his mind. The sound of the radio made up for the lack of silence in his house, since Ashley let him go, Harry had been listening to the breakfast show every morning, simply so he could hear her voice. He was meant to be meeting her at the hospital for an appointment at 11am, and wanting an excuse to abandon his flat pack furniture endeavours, he decided it would be best to pick Ashley up from work instead. 

Ashley left the Capital offices for the last time armed with several bouquets of flowers and gift bags, making her way to the underground car park where the Addison Lee usually waits for her, “Let me help you with that,” She looked up to see Harry smiling warmly at her.

“What are you doing here?” She asked as Harry took a couple of the bags from her.

“We  have that hospital appointment, and I didn’t like the thought of you getting the tube there.” Harry explained as they climbed into his car.

“I am a fully capable woman Harry, just because I’m pregnant it doesn’t mean I can’t get myself to the other side of London.” Ashley told him as Harry pulled out of the car park.

“I know that love, but if anything ever happened to you or the baby I could never forgive myself, I don’t want the press finding out and swarming you, especially when I’m not here to look after you.” Harry replied.

“What does that mean?” Ashley asked.

“I won’t be in the country when the baby arrives, I’m going to be in another film, I won’t be back until December.” Harry told her.

“It’s like that is it?” Ashley sighed, she had hoped Harry would be there when the baby came, she desperately wanted him there when Daisy was born, but that never happened.

“There’s nothing I can do about it Ash, I can’t ask you to come to America with me, Daisy starts school next week, I don’t want her to miss vital months of her education.” Harry explained as they pulled into the hospital car park, still overly concerned about Ashley’s safety, Harry was paying for her to go to a private maternity hospital, meaning details of her pregnancy were much less likely to be leaked.

“Hello you two, how’s everything going today?” Kirstie, the midwife asked as she entered the consultation room where Ashley and Harry were waiting. 

“Wonderful.” Ashley answered bluntly in response to Harry’s previous revelation.

“So we’re here to talk through the birth plan, have you decided what’s happening? Mr Styles you’re most welcome to be there.” She explained.

“He’s out of the country when the baby’s due.” Ashley said bitterly.

“That’s okay, is there anyone you want there with you?” Kirstie asked.

“It’ll probably have to be Lou or Harry’s sister Gemma.” Ashley replied.

“That’s good, as long as you have someone who can be by your side, that’s all that matters.” She assured her, “If you hop onto the bed, we’ll do that scan we talked about.” Ashley climbed onto the bed, pulling up her top to reveal a perfectly round bump, Harry moved his chair to sit beside her as Kirstie squeezed the cold gel onto Ashley’s stomach. She slowly moved the scanner across her stomach, the baby appeared on the screen, the sound of it’s heartbeat echoing through the room. “That’s your baby, there’s it’s hands and feet, I’ll give you two a minute alone while I go and print that scan for you.” 

Ashley turned from where her gaze was transfixed on the screen displaying her baby to where Harry was sat on the other side of her, his eyes glossed over, “You alright?” She whispered, wiping the gel from her stomach.

“That’s our beautiful baby, a beautiful little person who is going to be loved not just by its family, but by thousands of people across the world, in the same way they love Bear and Freddie.” Tears began rolling down his cheeks, “I let you down Ash, I need to be someone you can depend on, whether we’re bringing up our child in a relationship or not, I promise you, with every inch of my existence, that I will always be beside you.”

When they made it back to Ashley’s house, Harry insisted on helping her take her things inside, she put her key in the door and dumped all her stuff in the hallway, “Do you want a cup of tea?” Ashley asked in an attempt to offer a lifeline.

“I’ll make them, you go and sit yourself down and get comfy.” Harry smiled.

Harry walked down the corridor to the hallway, so Ashley proceeded into the living room, “Surprise!” All her favourite people were gathered in her living room, the One Direction boys and their respective partners, Harry’s band, Gemma, Lou, Lottie and Lux. Roman and Nick had also come along, as did both Anne and Linda who had made the trip down from Holmes Chapel. The living room was decorated with various decorations in pastel shades of yellow, green and lilac, pictures of both Ashley and Harry when they were babies scattered the room.

“Did you know about this?” She asked Harry as he returned from the kitchen. 

“I’m legally not obliged to say.” Harry chuckled.

“Mummy!” Daisy ran over from where she had been sitting on Gemma’s lap.

“Hello princess, how are you?” Ashley asked, crouching down to look her in the eye.

“I helped Auntie Gem and Lou get it ready, and I made you something, Harry has it.” Daisy took her by the hand, leading her into the kitchen where Harry was waiting. Harry handed Daisy a box which she gave to Ashley. Ashley opened the box, inside it were four homemade bracelets, Daisy had made a blue one for Harry, a purple one for Ashley, a pink one for herself, and yellow for the new baby. “It’s for our little family.” Daisy smiled as she sat in Harry’s arms, bringing Ashley to tears.

“You are the most precious little lady I could ever ask for Daisy Darling,” Ashley held her tight, as both Harry and Daisy wrapped their arms around her, none of them ever wanting to let go.

The party had died down and only Niall, Gemma, Sarah and Mitch were left, the group were sat together in Ashley’s living room, scrolling through old instagram posts, filling Sarah and Mitch in on the One Direction days. Ashley sat beside Niall, her head resting on his shoulder, and although Harry knew it was completely platonic, he wished it were his shoulder instead. Niall clicked onto Twitter briefly, intending to reply to a fan’s tweet about his latest golf project. “Hey what’s that?” Ashley tapped on a tweet from The Sun, ‘HARRY’S NEW BABY MAMA?’ flashed up on Niall’s screen. “No, no this can’t be happening.” Ashley rested her head in her hands. 

“Ash what is it?” Harry asked, taking the phone from Niall, “Hey love come here,” Niall stood up allowing Harry to comfort Ashley, “Gem can you take Dais up to bed, I don’t want this to worry her.”

“Of course, come on Dais, shall we go and find one of those pretty bath bombs and get you ready for bed?” Gemma asked, taking Daisy’s hand and leading her upstairs.

“I’ll call Jeff and ask if there’s anything he can do.” Sarah told Harry.

“What does it actually say?” Harry asked Niall.

“It just says a source close to the pair exclusively revealed the news of Ash Hanson’s pregnancy.” Niall replied.

“Who is it Harry? Who have I wrongly put my trust in? It could’ve been someone who was here today, someone we’ve had in the house?” Ashley panicked as her breathing quickened.

“Hey, Ash, look at me darling,” Harry whispered as he cupped her cheeks, “We’re going to sort this out, but I need you to slow your breathing, it’s not good for you or the baby, breathe with me angel.” Harry soothed, demonstrating to Ashley how to breathe calmly. “That’s better baby, much better.” He assured her, holding her head close to his chest and stroking her hair gently, knowing that it always made her feel calm. 

“Your PR person is working on a statement at the moment Harry, they’ll send it to Jeff and he’s going to have it circulated, he says not to worry.” Sarah explained.

“I’ll make sure you have extra security Ash, so they can’t get close to the house, we’re going to do it together.” Harry told her, not daring to let her slip from his embrace. He wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, but he didn’t have the power to stop people selling stories and spinning lies, so for now, his only power was to hold her and promise he’ll never let go.

Harry’s heart had been shattered since his phone call with Ashley, his head was all over the place, the one positive thing he had in his life and he had lost it. After another month of moping about in Europe he found his way back to England, visiting Bath in an attempt to regain some sense of normality. He was now back in London and it had never felt less like home, as he stepped into his house it didn’t feel at all like home. The memories of eating ice cream at 2am on his sofa with Ashley when she had her first heartbreak, the late night two person dance parties in the kitchen when they were barely adults, the time he showed her how he truly felt. It felt as though all these memories had faded from existence. He moped into the kitchen, spotting a pink piece of paper on the spotless kitchen counter, he picked it up, seeing a picture that could only have been drawn by Daisy, it was the three of them. When lockdown slowly started easing, Harry had asked Ashley to pop over to his house every so often to check it was okay, he assumed she must have left it then.

“Everything seems to be going the way I’d like it to.” Ashley’s health visitor assured her as she helped Ashley sit up properly. Since Ashley was now seven months pregnant she was becoming fearful that the baby would come early like Daisy did, she had organised several home visits from the midwifery team.

“So the baby’s not too small?” Ashley asked.

“Definitely not, the baby is nearly the same size Daisy was when she was born, so fingers crossed you’ll get the natural birth you hoped for last time.”

“That’s perfect thank you Dianne,” Ashley smiled as the doorbell rang, “Could you just pop your head round the curtain and see who that is?” Ashley asked.

“It’s a man, with lots of tattoos on his arm, holding a massive bunch of flowers.” Dianne told her, “Do you want me to let him in?”

“No thanks, he doesn’t know about the baby.” Ashley told her, she knew full well it was probably Harry, and she had no desire to see him.

Harry stood awkwardly on the step of Ashley’s house, holding the biggest bouquet of flowers he could find. The door was opened by an older lady, wearing a nurse’s uniform, “Where’s Ashley? Is she okay?” Harry whispered, all sorts of things running through his head.

“She’s fine, she just doesn’t want any visitors.” Dianne told him.

“But I need to make it up to her, I need to apologise.” Harry insisted.

“Sir, I’m afraid if you continue to be persistent I will have to call the police.” Dianne told him forcefully.

“Is everything okay?” Lou asked,walking up the road towards Ashlet’s house, she had been looking after Daisy while Dianne visited Ashley. Daisy stood beside her, holding her hand.

“Harry!” Daisy slipped her hand from Lou’s, running into his arms, “I missed you Harry, I’m a proper big girl now!” She exclaimed.

“I missed you too princess, it’s so good to see you,” Harry held her tight as a single tear rolled down his face.

“I don’t think this is a good idea Harry, if Ash sees-”

“I don’t see what the problem is Lou,” Harry replied.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to let Daisy come inside and then I need you to leave.” Dianne insisted.

“What is going on? I have no clue who you are so why should I trust you with Daisy?” Harry replied.

Ashley was watching the commotion unfold from behind the curtain, she couldn’t watch it go on much longer, and she didn’t want the neighbours involving themselves. “Harry.” She said softly, appearing at the front door, he looked up at her, noticing the bump, and the look on her face.

“You’re pregnant?” His voice wobbled.

“Yeah I am, can we have this conversation inside? Lou, would Daisy be able to go back to yours for a bit?”

“Of course.” Lou smiled, taking Daisy from Harry’s arms.

The pair made their way into the living room, both aware of how difficult this conversation would be, “Why didn’t you tell me Ash?” Harry asked, placing the flowers on the side.

“I never really knew how to, you weren’t here, and part of me wanted to be sure that when you came back it would be for me, not for the baby.” Ashley told him.

“Did you not think I deserved to know?” Harry asked.

“Do you not think I deserved to have you by my side as I gave evidence against Will for beating me up after he found out about me and you?” Ashley replied bluntly.

“I know I messed up.”

“You can say that again.” Ashley remarked.

“You’re the most important thing in my life Ash, I need you more than anyone else.”

“It’s too late for that.” Ashley told him.

“But what about us? What about the baby?” Harry asked, “We’re good together Ash, you know that.”

“Are we though? We were together for two months, we barely spent any time together before I got pregnant, Daisy starts school in September, I can’t leave London just to follow you around the world.”

“I’m not asking you to do that Ash, I’m asking you for another chance.” Harry replied.

“We can’t be those people Harry,” Ashley told him, “You’ll still see the baby, you’ll still be their dad, I just can’t do this to myself, I can’t let myself love you more than I already do, only to be let down again. Whenever you’re in America all it does is drive a wedge between us.”

“What did you want me to do? Drop everything and come back?” Harry said.

“Yes Harry, because that is what being in a relationship comes down to. Sacrifice.” Ashley cried, “I think you need to leave now.”

“Before I go, who else knows about the baby?” Harry asked.

“Lou, Lottie, Niall and Louis.” Ashley whispered, knowing how much it would hurt him.

“So our mums don’t know?” Harry asked.

“No. Because I knew what would happen if they did.”

“I want you to know, you never have to worry about a custody battle, I don’t want to take a baby away from their mum.” Harry assured her.

“Goodbye Harry.”

“Goodbye Ash.” As Harry left Ashley’s house he felt as though he could crumble right there on the pavement outside her house, he loved Ashley in ways he had never loved anyone else and he didn’t want a life without her.

Harry had a habit of turning up at Gemma’s house unannounced when he was upset, there he stood on her doorstep as she opened the door to her brother with tear stained cheeks. “Come here H,” She wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back as he sobbed into her shoulder.

“I’ve ruined everything Gem.” he cried.

“It can’t be that bad H,” she assured him.

“Ash is pregnant, and she doesn’t want me back, she doesn’t want to let herself get hurt again.” He told her.

“Oh Harry, come on, let’s get you a drink so you can explain properly.” She led him into the kitchen, taking a glass and pouring him some of Michael’s whiskey. “I’m lost, so Ash is pregnant?”

“When did you last see her?” Harry asked.

“It must have been the Brits, we had planned to have a picnic for Daisy’s birthday but she said she was unwell, so I guess that was because of the baby.” Gemma told him.

“She said she didn’t tell me because she wanted me to come back because of her, not because of the baby. I get that, I do, I think I just assumed she would always be there, and that I’d never lose her, but I was so wrong wasn’t I?” Harry sighed, downing his glass of whiskey in one go before pouring another one.

“Harry you are Ash’s world, her heart beats for you, I don’t see this break, or whatever it is lasting, there’s no way you two could co-parent a child without ending up together again.” Gemma assured him.

“I know I should’ve come back Gem, and I wish I did, but I was scared that one day I’d break her heart, but it looks like I’ve already done the one thing I was scared of.” Harry sighed, fiddling with the rim of his glass.

“It’ll get better H, I promise.”

“Can I stay here tonight Gem? Home doesn’t really feel like home at the moment.”

“Of course you can H.”

The cool breeze of the summer evening came through the open window as Ashley sat on the living room floor, looking through old pictures of her and Harry. After putting Daisy to bed she put on one of Harry’s hoodies he had left before lockdown as the faint sound of When We Were Young by Adele came from her record player. She sifted through the pictures, remembering how much easier life was back then,pictures from the band’s first and last arena tours, pictures of Harry and Daisy when she was a little baby, her favourite picture of them both, which did nothing but shatter her heart. Those days when all she was to the world was their favourite candidate for Harry’s secret girlfriend, during the days of the band she was pictured with him constantly, she was blamed for his break up with Taylor and the failure of his on and off relationship with Kendall. That man meant everything to her, which made the pain even more unbearable, she didn’t want to let him go, but it was what she needed, and she knew that. A harsh knock on the door bought her out of her feels, she made her way to the hallway, opening the door to see Gemma, “Can I come in? Before you ask, Harry doesn’t know I’m here.” She told her.

“Sure,” Ashley smiled, leading her into the kitchen, not wanting Gemma to see the piles of old pictures on the floor in the living room.

“How have you been?” Gemma asked, noticing how red and puffy Ashley’s cheeks were.

“I’ll get there Gem, I’m just not in a place to raise two children while worrying about my relationship with Harry, I know he’s there for me emotionally, but with a four year old and another baby on the way, I need him there physically too.”

“I get that, and I know he’s going to be in and out of the country a lot, it’s his job, but he’ll never deprive you of time with your child. When he goes away the rest of us will all be here to support you.” Gemma told her.

Several days had passed and Linda had travelled down from Holmes Chapel to be with her daughter, she let herself into the house using her spare key. As she entered the living room she saw Ashley curled up on the sofa, cradling her baby bump. “Where’s Daisy?” Linda whispered, knowing Ashley wouldn’t want her to see her in this state.

“She stayed the night at Lou’s.” Ashley sniffed.

“And how are you sweetheart?” Linda asked, sitting beside her and allowing Ashley to rest her head in her lap.

“I didn’t know how much I needed Harry until I let him go.” Ashley whispered.

“I know angel, but it’s going to be alright in the end.”

Ashley stared at the clock, the taxi to take her to the court was due to arrive in a matter of minutes, and yet Harry was nowhere to be seen, when she told him about the new date for the trial he promised he’d be by her side. But here she was, sitting alone on her sofa, she heard her doorbell ring, meaning the taxi driver had arrived, she was still managing to hide the bump, knowing there would be members of the press loitering outside trying to get a good picture. If Ashley was completely honest, she still hadn’t told Harry about the baby, even though she was almost five months pregnant, even when lockdown measures eased Harry still didn’t come back home. Ashley wasn’t stupid, she knew where he was because she followed dozens of fans on twitter, she knew full well he was having a nice time in Italy. Lottie was looking after Daisy, and Lou had agreed to meet Ashley at court, she had also been called as a witness, seeing as she was the one who found Ashley lying on the floor in the first place. Without the support of Lou, Lottie and Louis, Ashley had no clue where she’d be by now, they were the only people who knew about the baby, even when her mum came to London for Daisy’s birthday, she couldn’t tell her. Compared to Daisy’s pregnancy she felt so disconnected, she had been to all the necessary scans, but she didn’t feel the glow, she didn’t feel the joy, she just felt alone.

As she had expected there were several members of the press waiting outside the court, although neither Ashley or Harry had publicly confirmed their relationship, most people had worked it out. Ashley climbed out of the taxi, ensuring her top effectively concealed her baby bump. Lou was there to meet her, welcoming her with open arms. The pair made their way up the stairs and into the court building, “So Harry’s a no show then?” Lou asked.

“Yep, I’ve been texting him all week, as far as I was aware he was going to be here today.” Ashley explained.

“Oh Ash, I’m so sorry, how’s things with you and the baby?”

“Fine, I almost feel like it’s not real, Harry still doesn’t know.” Ashley told her.

“When do you think you’ll tell him?” Lou asked.

“When he decides to show up.”

“Hello stranger,” Ashley looked over her shoulder to see both Louis and Niall, she half expected Louis to come, but seeing Niall provided an added sense of relief, “Lou thought you might need some moral support.” Niall told her.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you both,” Ashley told them, “I know it’s a big thing for you both to come, so it truly means the world to me.”

“Ash, we’ve been mates for ten years, that counts for something.” Louis assured her.

“Try telling Harry that.” Ashley replied.

“Is he not coming?” Niall asked.

“He’s sunning it up in Italy,” Ashley remarked bitterly, as Will and his barrister walked past the group.

“There goes the man of the hour,” Niall muttered.

“I swear if I’d been there I would’ve decked him,” Louis told them discreetly.

The trial was well in progress and Ashley had finally been called to the stand, as she stepped up to the box she looked up at Louis, Niall and Lou. “I swear that the evidence I give today shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” she read from the sheet.

“Thank you, Miss Hanson you’re in a relationship with Mr Harry Styles aren’t you?” The barrister asked.

“I mean I’m not really sure what relevance that has,” Ashley told him.

“It’s relevant Miss Hanson, when did your dalliances with Mr Styles start?” He continued.

“December last year.”

“When you were still in a relationship with my client Mr Clarkson?”

“We kissed two weeks before Will attacked me,” Ashley told him.

“Did it ever go further than that?” He asked.

“No, not when I was with Will.” Ashley replied.

“So, do you not think it was expected for Will to be angry that his partner of a year cheated on him with a global megastar?”

“I don’t really see how Harry’s success and wealth have any relevance, and I don’t understand how you can try and blame me for Will’s actions,” Ashley told him, “You seem to be trying to justify his unlawful beating of a woman, by the fact that whilst I was in an unloving relationship I was in love with another man, who yes on several occasions I met up in secret with. But last time I checked, nothing I have ever done with Harry has been illegal.”

“Are you pregnant Miss Hanson?” He asked her abruptly.

“How the fuck do they know about that?” Louis whispered to Lou.

Ashley remained silent, “I’ll ask the question again, are you pregnant Miss Hanson?” Will’s barrister asked.

“Yes I am, not that I see how that’s relevant, and that information stays within this courtroom, if me or our legal team hear of that information being leaked to the press you will be sued for every last penny you have.”

“And when was the baby conceived?” He asked.

“February.”

“Are you completely sure of that?” The barrister asked.

“Well I know when I had sex with my boyfriend, and I also got an A in A Level biology so I know how the reproductive system works.”

“No further questions, your honour,” The barrister told Ashley.

All the witnesses had been called and the jury were busy making their verdict, Ashley sat in between Niall and Louis. “It’s going to be okay Ash, they can’t let him get off.” Niall assured her. The jury promptly returned and took their seats, “Could the foreman of the jury please rise?” The judge declared, “On the count of grievous bodily harm do you find the defendant Will Clarkson guilty or not guilty?”

The pause felt like an eternity, Ashley was on edge, Niall took hold of her hand, holding it tight, “Guilty.” The foreman announced, tears streamed from Ashley’s eyes as she let out an overwhelmed sigh of relief.

“We said it would all work out didn’t we?” Louis whispered, wrapping an arm around her.

“Mr Clarkson, you will serve a minimum sentence of twelve months, when you are released, the restraining order, preventing you from any contact with Miss Hanson or her daughter. Take him down.” The judge said.

“I can’t believe it’s finally over,” Ashley whispered, watching as Will was taken down to the holding area.

“You were incredible Ash,” Lou told her.

“You really were, how about we all go for drinks to celebrate?” Louis suggested.

“Not sure if that’s the best idea,” Ashley replied, gesturing to her bump. “But Lottie’s back at mine looking after Daisy, we could go back and join them, order in a takeaway like the old days?”

“That is an incredible idea,” Niall declared, throwing an arm around Ashley’s shoulder before the group made their way out of the building.

Back at Ashley’s house everyone was sitting in the living room, watching Daisy as she performed a new dance that she had been perfecting, Ashley stood at the island in the kitchen, organising all the food that had been delivered from the chinese takeaway. “Anything I can do to help?” Niall asked, appearing at the door.

“If you could just unwrap those few things and take them into the kitchen you’d be a lifesaver.” Ashley smiled, gesturing to the untouch carrier bag.

“So how are things going with our dear Harold?” Niall asked.

“I never know what’s going on with him Niall, he promised me he would come back for the trial, he knew exactly when it was, he also missed Daisy’s fourth birthday, and I haven’t had the chance to tell him about the baby.” Ashley explained.

“How come you haven’t told him?” Niall continued.

“It didn’t seem right to tell him over facetime, and I don’t have a clue how to tell him, I know he wants a family more than anything, but whenever gets on tour I will effectively be a single parent.” Ashley explained.

“I’m so sorry Ash, it’s a shit situation, but I think there’s more than enough love between you two to make things work, and besides, now his schedule is way less busy than when we were touring as a band, he’ll put in the effort to make it work for you both.” Niall assured her.

“I’m worried though, if you were Harry, would you have handled it how he has?” Ashley replied.

“Probably not Ash, but you know what he’s like, sometimes he likes to work things out in his own space.” Niall replied.

“I just wanted him there more than anything Niall.” Ashley sighed, glancing at the photobooth pictures of them from his 21st birthday that sat in a frame on the window sill, Niall proceeded to take a couple of the plates into the living room as Ashley picked up the frame. “Come back to me H.” She whispered, looking up at the amber sunset.

February 2015

“Happy birthday Harry!” Ashley slurred as she entered the venue, stumbling with each step.

“Hey there Ash, I’ve got you love.” Harry smiled, taking hold of both her arms. The party had only been going for a couple of hours and Ashley was already very much plastered.

“You’re amazing Harry, I love you loads.” Ashley smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek, she looked up at him, moving to kiss him on the lips.

“You don’t want to do that Ash, not while you’re drunk.” Harry insisted, moving out of her way, “Come on, let’s grab you some water instead.”

“I don’t deserve you Harry, you’re too pure for this world.”

***

Harry was restless, he stood on the balcony of his room, staring at the starry skies of Italy, over thinking all the mistakes he’d made in the last four months. He felt dreadful for not being at the trial, he didn’t even know what the outcome was, Ashley hadn’t called or texted to let him know. He dialled her number quickly before he had the time to change his mind, she answered pretty quickly. “Hey baby.” He whispered, holding to his ear.

“Hey.” She replied softly.

“How did it go today?” Harry asked, knowing he had let her down.

“He got twelve months.” Ashley told him, cradling her baby bump as she snacked on a pot of cookie dough ice cream.

“That’s good isn’t it?” Harry replied.

“It was pretty shit actually H, his barrister tore our relationship to pieces,” Ashley sighed, “We haven’t publicly addressed the rumours so I assumed Will filled him in on everything, but he knew stuff that only a handful of people were aware of.” Ashley told him, meaning the baby.

“Like what?” Harry asked.

“Nothing really, just little things.” She told him, “When are you coming home H?”

Harry paused, if he was honest, he didn’t have a clue, “Soon baby, I promise.”

“That’s what you said last time H, I haven’t seen you since February, I needed you there today.” her voice began to wobble as tears formed in her eyes.

“I know love, my head’s been a bit all over the place, I needed to get out of the city.” Harry explained, holding his head in his hand.

“Harry you were in LA for three months, thats a fucking massive city.” Ashley told him angrily, “Ever since we went into lockdown I’ve been picking up the pieces of what you left behind, for two months the only person I’ve had contact with has been Daisy, who is now four, in case you had forgotten that.”

“I know I’ve been stupid Ash, I’ll make it up to you both I promise.” Harry replied, his voice now wobbling too.

“Don’t make empty promises we both know you can’t keep.” Ashley sobbed, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore H, you mean the world to me and it’s tearing me up inside. I’m not sure if I can be that person.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she told him the cold hard truth.

“Don’t say that Ash, please don’t do this.” Harry replied.

“Let me go H, please just let me go.” Ashley whispered, she ended the call, the phone slipping straight from her hand, she was broken, they were broken.

I hope you’re all enjoying the story so far! this part is a bit shorter than the rest 

Not like this. Not again. This wasn’t how Ashley pictured it in her head, in her head she’d be nearly thirty, living with her partner in a stable and long term relationship. Instead she was sitting on her toilet in the small terraced house she shared with her daughter, who has zero contact with her biological father. The two lines were back, the two lines that kicked off the whirlwind of Daisy’s life. She had no clue if they were ready, it was hardly an ideal situation to bring a baby into, the world was in a state of crisis, Harry was stuck in America, promising he was trying his hardest to get home. “Mummy! Mummy! I need your help.” Daisy shouting outside the bathroom brought her straight back down to earth, she was just about coping with Daisy as a single parent, how in hell would she manage two. 

“What is it Daisy?” Ashley asked, doing everything in her power not to be frustrated, Daisy was only three years old so it was difficult for her to make sense of the whole lockdown situation. She was restless and Ashley was struggling, it was hard enough being a single parent, but being in a situation where you’re unable to experience human interaction with another adult was extremely tough. 

“Mummy I want fish fingers for my tea.” Daisy told her, taking Ashley’s hand and leading her towards the kitchen, the days continued to drag on and become more and more repetitive. It worried Ashley to think she could end up as a single parent all over again.

Daisy was finally in bed after many tantrums and Ashley had finally sat herself down on the sofa, she was ready to watch another episode of Friends when her phone began to buzz. She glanced at it to see Harry’s picture light up the screen, since he was still in LA the time zone difference meant her evenings were his mornings. “Hi love how’s it going?” Harry asked from the other end of the facetime call.

“I’m shattered H, Daisy’s continuing to run rings around me.” Ashley sighed.

“Oh Ash, I wish I could be there with you, I’ve tried booking flights but they all keep falling through.” Harry told her. 

“I get it H, I do,” She didn’t get it really, she knew how much Harry was worth, and she knew that he could get a private jet over to the UK at the drop of a hat, but here she was, thousands of miles away from the man she loved more than anyone else. “H, there is something I wanted to tell you-” 

“Hey, Dad wants to know if you’re up for a bike ride?” She heard from Harry’s room as someone entered who she assumed was Kaia, knowing Harry was staying with them.

“Yeah sure, I’ll be one minute,” Harry replied, “Hey love, I’ve got to head off now, what was it you had to tell me?” Harry said, returning to her.

“Nothing, it’s not important.” Ashley told him, she hated to speak of her new pregnancy like that, but in some ways it felt wrong telling Harry on facetime that they would be having a baby, “I’ll speak to you soon.”

“See you later angel.” Harry smiled, and there she was once again, alone with no company but her own, she sat in silence, waiting for something to happen, waiting for Harry to burst through her front door and tell her it was all a joke and he was back in London. But it didn’t happen, it remained silent.

The following morning was thankfully a day off for Ashley, she was exhausted from the week she’d just had. They were still presenting the breakfast show, just from the comfort of their own homes to minimise risk. She was so sleepy that she’d bought Daisy into her room when she woke on, put the TV on and cuddled up under her duvet. Eventually Daisy became restless and Ashley worked out that she probably needed to get out of the house for a bit. Once they were both dressed and ready to go out they made their way downstairs to the front door where several envelopes were waiting on the floor. She opened the first one as she helped Daisy put her little yellow raincoat on, not really looking at it properly, once she’d got Daisy ready, she realised what it was for. The crown prosecution service had chosen a date for Will’s trial, after what he put her through back in December she wanted to see him get the longest sentence possible. Will was out on remand, seeing as he wasn’t viewed as a threat to society, but it worries Ashley, it worried her that she was expected to give evidence in front of a room of strangers.

Ashley and Daisy eventually made it outside for their daily walk, Daisy running ahead down the path. Ashley took a seat on the bench, watching as her crazy daughter ran in circles on the patch of grass in front of her. “Hello Ashley.” She looked up, there was Will, he looked different, but she knew it was him. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ashley asked, standing up to maintain some kind of distance.

“I’m just passing through, how have you been?” Will replied.

“I was doing alright until the date of your trial came through in the post this morning.” Ashley told him.

“That’s not really my fault though is it?” Will replied.

“It’s not your fault that I had to have seven stitches in my forehead and I was almost operated on for an internal bleed? Of course not Will.” Ashley remarked.

“You know what I mean, it’s petty shit.” 

“You and I both know Harry’s lawyers will take you to the cleaners, you’re just scared of how this trial might pan out.” Ashley shot back.

“How is Harry? Still keeping my side of the bed warm?” Will asked.

“It never was your side of the bed,” Ashley sighed, “Daisy come on we’re going!” She called to her daughter, “And for the record Will, Harry is one hundred times the man you’ll ever be.” She told him bluntly before taking hold of Daisy’s hand and leaving the park.

Ashley was lonely, time zones played havoc with a long distance relationship, she was so drained from running around after Daisy, with the morning sickness on top of that she had no energy by the evening to facetime Harry. She laid on the sofa, cupping her belly that was only slightly protruding, she hoped things would be easier than when Daisy was born, Daisy had arrived unexpectedly early and she didn’t want to have to face that ordeal again. Before she could fall asleep Louis’ name flashed up on her phone, she answered it promptly, “Is that my favourite Donny lad?” She answered, since the UK had gone into lockdown Louis had been like a rock to Ashley, he understood how difficult long distance relationships could be and he knew how hard Harry would find being on the other side of the world from both Ashley and Daisy.

“I’m very well darling, how are you?” Louis asked, when she’d come on tour with the boys Louis always made sure to look out for Ashley when Harry was around, Ashley always assumed it was his big brother instinct.

“I won’t lie to you Louis, it’s all a big mess.” Ashley sighed.

“Oh darlin’ what’s wrong?” Louis asked.

“I got a letter about the trial, it’s been moved to July and they’re going to call me for evidence.” Ashley explained.

“You know we’re all going to back you, don’t you love?” Louis assured her.

“Yeah, I know,” Ashley told him, “That’s not the worst of it though.” 

“What’s up?”

“I did a pregnancy test, it came back positive.” Ashley told him, “And I’m bloody terrified, Harry’s in a whole different continent and I’m here wondering how I’m going to tell him we’re having a baby.”

“Oh love I’m so happy for you, I know it seems like a mess at the moment, but eventually life will start to make sense again.” Louis assured her.

“I don’t even know how to tell Harry, he seems so happy over in LA, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that.” Ashley replied. 

“Darlin’ I know how much he adores you and Daisy, he will be over the moon when you tell him,” Louis explained, “You’ll work through it, I promise.” 

“I hope so Louis, I really do.”

Harry had been non stop busy since he had been in LA, he found himself accidentally missing Ashley’s texts and calls.  The sun was rising as he arrived back home in Malibu from a run, he pulled out his phone to pause his music, he noticed he had several missed calls from Ashley, realising he had missed their daily facetime, it would be the evening back in London and Ashley would be going to bed soon. “Hey baby, how’s it going?” Harry asked as Ashley answered his call, curled up in bed under her white duvet.

“It’s not been too great H,” she muttered.

“Is everything alright Ash?” Harry asked, the concern in his voice raising.

“They’ve set a date for Will’s trial, it’s the 17th July, you’ll be back home by then won’t you?” She said.

“Of course love, I won’t let you face that trial alone, I promise I’ll be right there beside you.” Harry assured her, “I miss you so much my angel, I’m going to do my very best to get home to you and Dais, I can’t wait till I can hold you again.” 

Always Golden Masterlist

Always Golden Masterlist

TW: Contains brief descriptions of violence

February was a miserable month, Ashley longed for warmth, she longed for the warmth of the sun, she longed for the warmth of Harry’s hug. She sat at her desk in the Capital offices, twiddling her thumbs. “You bored?” Roman asked, popping up out of nowhere, “No, you’re lovesick.”

“I haven’t seen him in two months,” Ashley told him, “And as much as I love you as a friend Ro, it’s a bit shit spending Valentine’s Day here.

“Why don’t you head off early then?” He asked.

“I can’t, we’re on air for another two hours.” She sighed.

“I’ll cover for you, you did it for me when I came back from Australia and jetlag got the better of me.” Roman assured her, “If anyone asks, I’ll tell them you felt sick.”

“Roman you’re a bloody angel.” Ashley smiled, she knew Harry was at the BBC, so contacted the one person she knew she could count on, “Grimmy! How’s it going?”

“It’s too early for this, you know I don’t wake up this early anymore, only sociopaths do that.” Nick mumbled.

“I need your help,” Ashley told him.

“You’re having Harry’s baby?” He cried.

“No, definitely not, but I need your help to get into the BBC.”

“So you’ve decided to leave the dark side?” He replied.

“No, Harry’s doing something on Radio 2 this morning, I haven’t seen him since Christmas, I wanted to surprise him.” Ashley explained.

“I think my life was easier when you two despised each other, the sexual tension between you two does me no favours.” Nick laughed, “Any how, I’ll call the front desk and tell them you’re coming in, take the back entrance as there’ll be lots of fans, and go get your man.”

“Oh Nick thank you so much, love you lots.”

“That’s too much affection for one day, I’m off to bed for another five hours.”

The BBC was impressive, Ashley never got used to the sheer scale of it, the colossal glass building towered above her, she discreetly passed the fans, not wanting to cause a scene. On her way there she had been texting Charlotte, Harry’s pianist as she was giving her regular updates on what was going on. She reached the back entrance with no qualms, a member of security waiting for her eagerly, “Ashley Hanson?” He asked.

“Yep, that’s me,” she smiled, showing him her ID as he handed her a security pass, “He still doesn’t know I’m coming does he?” 

“He’s got no clue, they’re just performing their second song, I’ll take you to the viewing gallery where the producers are, you’ll be able to see him, but he can’t see you.” He led Ashley into the dimly lit room full of control panels and several members of the production team, Harry was strumming away on his guitar while singing one of her favourite songs, her dad used to play it during the summer before he got seriously ill. She’d lie with Harry under the big tree in his garden as her dad cut the grass, the two of them would sing the lyrics on repeat until their voices became hoarse. As he finished the show came off air and it was time for the late morning show, she made her way to the green room where the band would return to once they’d finished, texting Charlotte to ask her to make an excuse for Harry to go by himself. She sat on one of the dark leather sofas, until the door pushed open and Harry stood there, a massive grin plastered across his face.

“Not bad loverboy, not bad at all.” Ashley smiled, standing up to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” Harry grinned, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head in the crook of her neck. 

“You know me, Styles, element of surprise and all that.”

“It’s a bloody good surprise though love, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you until this evening.” Harry replied, his arms still wrapped around her waist.

“About that, it seems that every babysitter in the UK has plans tonight, but we have the rest of the day together.” Ashley explained.

“I can cancel, we can have a quiet night in.” Harry replied.

“Honestly it’s fine H, you go and meet the others, I’ll have a night in with Daisy.” Harry had originally asked Ashley to come for dinner with him and some of his closest friends.

“But once we’ve had our day together, you can come and pick her up from nursery with me if you like, she’s been talking about you non stop since Christmas.” 

“I’d love that,” Harry whispered, pecking her lips softly.

After strenuous decision making both Ashley and Harry agreed that a take away at her house was the best option, the press would have a field day if they were seen out together on Valentine’s Day. sticking to their northern routes the pair settled on pie and mash. Having never seen her new house before Harry was beyond impressed with how homely it felt, there was so much of Ashley’s personality in every room, from the pink neon light in the kitchen, to the wall of polaroids she took every time someone new visited the flat. “How come Niall’s on here?” Harry asked, examining the polaroids while she poured them both a cup of tea.

“You aren’t jealous are you Haz?” She giggled.

“I didn’t say that.” Harry huffed.

“Your face did,” She teased, “I’m messing, he came round last summer for a picnic with Daisy, but then it rained so we had one indoors instead.”

“Do you take all the members of One Direction on picnics?” Harry asked.

“Only the pretty ones.” Ashley joked.

“Ash, can I ask you something?” Harry asked as they stood in the playground, alongside other parents, waiting for Daisy.

“Depends what it is.” Ashley smiled, wary of the other parents around them.

“Do you want to come to the Brits with me next week? I was going to ask Gem, but I want you there too.” 

“I’m afraid I’m busy on Tuesday,” Ashley sighed, “I’m presenting an award at the Brits.” 

“No way!” Harry grinned.

“I’m doing it with Niall actually.” Ashley explained.

“That’s incredible love, I’m so proud of you,” He smiled, squeezing her hand. 

“Mummy!” Daisy interrupted their tender moment, running straight into Ashley’s arms.

“Hello monkey, have you been a good girl today?” Ashley asked.

“I’m always good mummy.” Daisy smiled.

“Look who came with me to pick you up bubs.”

“Harry!” Daisy exclaimed, lurching towards his arms, he took hold of her bouncing her in his arms, “I made you a card today Harry.”

“Did you petal?” Daisy handed him a pink piece of card decorated with lots of glitter and hearts, “It’s lovely, thank you Dais, I’ll put it on my shelf when I get home.” Harry told her softly.

“Mummy, can we take Harry to the donut shop?” Daisy asked, fluttering her eyelashes, “Pretty please.”

“Harry’s a busy boy my sweet, you’ll have to ask him that.” Ashley told her.

“I’d love to go for donuts with you petal.” Harry replied. 

It was the late evening, donuts had been eaten and enjoyed, Daisy had insisted on taking a picture of Harry for the wall and now she was curled up, watching Moana with Ashley. Harry had left for his dinner engagement, even though he insisted he could cancel. Eventually Ashley decided to put Daisy to bed, as a late night wasn’t going to do her any favours, as she pulled the bedroom door shut her phone began buzzing frantically, she opened it to see several missed calls from an unknown number, “Hello?” she said when she called it back.

“Hello, is that Ashley Hanson?”

“Speaking.”

“Would you be able to come down to Hackney police station please? I’m afraid your friend has been the victim of an attempted mugging.” The police officer explained.

“Is it Harry?” Ashley whispered as her voice wobbled.

“I’m sorry, I can’t give sensitive information like that on the phone.” Ashley hung up immediately, calling Lou and practically begging her to come round and look after Daisy, to which she agreed.

Ashley ran and ran until her legs stung with pain, the police station was a good twenty minute walk from her house, but she was too scared to wait for a bus, the heavy rain didn’t do her any favours, splashing down onto her skin as she continued to sprint to the station. As she arrived she saw Harry leaving, he looked as pale as a sheet, tears filled her eyes when she saw him, she fell to the ground in tears in front of him, “Hey, love, it’s alright, I’m fine.” Harry whispered, stroking her hair as he crouched beside her, holding her in his arms.

“This is all my fault H, I should’ve come with you for dinner, I could’ve stopped this.” She sobbed.

“Ash, one of them had a knife, neither of us would’ve been able to do anything.” Harry assured her.

“When they called me I was terrified I’d lost you, stay with me Harry, don’t ever let me go.” Ashley told him.

“Always Ash, I promise.”

***

It was the day of the Brits, for the first time since the attack Harry had gone back to his house, he had been staying with Ashley since it happened, because she was terrified something could happen to him again. But they both needed to get ready for the awards, and for that they both needed their own space, Ashley had called upon Lou and Lottie to help her get ready, she figured it made sense seeing how well she knew them. Daisy was being looked after by Lou’s sister at Lou’s house, making the whole process somewhat more bearable. “Well it looks like you’re all done, shall we get you into that dress?” Lou remarked, the dress was a mission and a half to put on. Although she was only presenting an award she wanted to prove that she was there from her own doing, not because she was just Harry’s plus one. 

The skirt spanned further than she expected, but again it was worth it, “Will I do?” Ashley asked as she entered the kitchen.

“I mean if Harry doesn’t get down on one knee, I definitely will,” Lottie smiled, helping Ashley with any last touch ups.

As her car pulled up at the red carpet Ashley began feeling sick to the bottom of her stomach. She’d never had to do a red carpet before, especially one as prestigious as the brits. The driver opened the door and she was met with waves of excited screams, she assumed they thought Harry was sat with her, but even when they realised he wasn’t, their screams remained loud. She took her place walking along the red carpet, allowing each photographer to blind her with the flash of their cameras. As she left she bumped into Niall who was catching up with some old mates, “Ash! look at you! You look incredible!” Niall exclaimed, greeting her with a hug, “I’m going to look underdressed presenting this award with you.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself Horan,” She smiled, “I suppose this is your first time presenting too, seeing as you boys have always been on the receiving end.” 

The awards were in full swing and thankfully Ashley and Niall’s award had been the first one, meaning she was able to fully let her hair down and enjoy the party. “Hello stranger, you up for a drink?” she felt Harry’s familiar warm hands on her shoulders as he whispered to her, she stood up and followed him over to the bar, away from prying eyes. “Love you look phenomenal.” He grinned, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

“I could say the same about you, and your performance was incredible, you smashed it as always.” Ashley told him, “I matched the dress to your bow tie deliberately.”

“I guessed so,” Harry smiled.

“When’s your interview?” Ashley asked.

“I’d say it’s about half an hour or so.”

“You can do a lot in half an hour.” Ashley whispered.

Harry glanced up at her, “You mean? Here?” 

“You’ve got a dressing room don’t you?” Ashley replied.

“Yeah.” Harry smirked.

“Well then, we best get a move on.” Ashley took hold of his hand, pulling him towards the backstage area.

Their lips were interlocked as soon as Harry fling the door open, kicking it shut and locking it before they made their way towards the tiny couch. Harry continued to place delicate kisses on Ashley’s collarbone, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this H.” Ashley whispered.

“Oh trust me, I do.” Harry replied, trying to undo the back of her dress, “Did you have to wear such a hefty dress?” Harry chuckled, fumbling with the buttons that lined her spine.

“I heard you loved a challenge, it took you long enough to make a move on me.” Ashley whispered, peppering Harry’s jaw with kisses, “Besides, you’re bad enough with this daft bow tie, how’d you expect me to take that off?” 

“All part of the challenge princess, all part of the challenge,” Harry muttered, sliding the straps of Ashley’s dress down past her shoulders, the sheer weight of the skirt pulling it to the floor, leaving her body bare. 

“If you’re wanting round two when we get home, you’re going to love my after party dress.” Ashley grinned.

“Why’s that?” 

“It’s a lot smaller than this one.” Ashley proceeded to unbutton Harry’s shirt as he removed his blazer and tie, until his torso was exposed, the tattoos Ashley once dreamt of, there in front of her. She proceeded to trace her fingers over his famous butterfly tattoo as her lips found his again. Harry lifted her from her dress that sat at her ankles and moved her so that her unclothed back was against the cold dressing room wall. 

“Where did you two get to earlier then? Jack was about to interview Gemma instead, you literally made it with seconds to spare.” Roman asked, it was the Brits after party and the music was booming. Harry and Ashley had just about composed themselves after their fleeting dressing room rendezvous. Harry raised his eyebrows at Roman as he took a sip of his complimentary drink.

Gemma glanced between Ashley and Harry, “Fuck sake Harry, at the brits? Really? Actually I don’t want to know.” Gemma said uncomfortably.

“Ro, shall we go get some more drinks?” Ashley suggested, unable to look Gemma in the eye. They made their way through crowds of people, over to the bar, “So you and Harry at the brits huh?” Roman asked as they ordered another round.

“Are we really going to go on about this all night?” Ashley sighed.

“I knew how you felt about each other, I just didn’t think you’d get down to business at the brits.” Roman replied.

“Make it sound seedy, why don’t you?” As they returned to Gemma and Harry, she noticed they were joined by someone else, someone she recognised as Kendall. She’d only met Kendall a couple of times, and safe to say she didn’t think much of her. Harry used to invite Ashley out to America over the summer when she was at college and they’d spend all day together, until Kendall invited herself over and Ashley was simply the third wheel.

“You know Harry has a girlfriend now,” Gemma smiled, making polite conversation with Kendall.

“Really? who is she?” Kendall replied.

“That’d be me.” Ashley stated, handing Harry his drink and placing a kiss on his cheek as he rested his hand on her back that was now exposed thanks to her new white after party dress. Roman and Harry shot knowing glances at each other, impressed by Ashley’s brazen confidence.

“You? I certainly didn’t see that one coming.” Kendall replied. 

“It’s funny how life works out isn’t it?” Ashley remarked, sipping on her cocktail. 

“Truly, I should probably head off, it’s fashion week and I’ve got to be up early tomorrow.” She smiled, “See you soon Harry.” She moved to kiss him on the cheek as he swerved her advance. 

“Fucking hell Ash, I’ve never seen you like that, I have to say, I’m impressed.” Roman said once Kendall had left the group.

“I can’t help it,”  Ashley smirked “I played third wheel to those two for too long.” 

“You’re cute when you get territorial.” Harry grinned, kissing the top of her head.

“You’re just cute in general.” Ashley replied.

Always Golden Masterlist

I hope you’re enjoying this story so far! I have a feeling you’re going to love where it goes from here.

TW: This chapter contains themes and descriptions of domestic abuse

Love is a minefield, Ashley knew that, Harry knew that, the whole world knows that, but after what happened at Harry’s house and how Will reacted to it, Ashley knew she had to cut Harry out of her life again. She avoided his calls, ignored his messages, there was no way she could carry on, knowing what she knew. Since that night she had done everything in her power to rebuild things with Will, and it was working, they were happy. Now here she was, at her third Capital Jingle Bell Ball since she became a presenter, Roman was on the other side of the world in the middle of the jungle, so she had full responsibility for the breakfast show. Ashley was no stranger to the O2, she knew the corridors backstage like the back of her hand, she had lost track of how many times she’d seen the boys there. As she turned around yet another corner, her head in her phone replying to Will about how Daisy was getting on, she looked up to see Harry and his team walking towards her, she spun on her heel, walking away from him frantically, before bumping into yet another pop sensation. “Hey, where are you rushing off to Ash?” She looked up to see Liam, beaming at her.

“I’m just very busy, lots to do now Ro’s not here.” She explained, praying that Harry wouldn’t spot her.

“Do you want to go have a catch up? There’s like five hours until the show starts, I’m sure they can spare you until then.” Liam asked.

“You know what, that sounds like a great idea.”

An hour or so had passed and Liam and Ashley were chatting away in his dressing room, they compared how much Bear and Daisy had grown up, and how much the two little ones needed to meet. “Ash, I don’t want to pry, but is everything okay with you and Harry? I only ask because I would expect to see you here together. I remember the days when the pair of you were completely inseparable.” 

“It’s complicated, we had this massive argument two years ago, and ever since then things have been weird between us, I don’t know if things will ever be what they once were.” Ashley explained.

“It’s cliched I know, but give him time, eventually, it will work okay.” Their conversation was interrupted by a light tap on the door, “Come in!” Liam called, the door opened and there stood Harry, in a casual t-shirt and trousers, paired with a pearl necklace. 

He stared at Ashley as she stared at him, “I really need to crack on with getting ready, can’t present the ball wearing trackies can I? I’ll see you soon Liam.” She made her way past Harry, taking in his familiar scent as she rushed back to her dressing room. 

It was almost midway through the show and Ashley was standing beside Liam watching Harry prance around on stage. He made his way through a few songs, stopping to talk to the audience as he always did. When he began singing Watermelon Sugar the arena erupted in screams, Ashley hopped along to it, because admittedly, it was a bop. But then it hit her, like a slap in the face, he’d changed a lyric and put her name in it, she wasn’t stupid, she knew what his game was, and Harry knew exactly what he was doing. “Did he just?” Liam asked.

“Yeah he did, and I’m going to throttle him.”

After the show and another several hours of successfully avoiding Harry, Ashley made her way back to her dressing room, dressed in her sparkly silver mini dress she had been wearing all day. “We need to talk.” Harry said, as he stood waiting for her outside her dressing room.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Ashley told him bluntly, unlocking her dressing room door.

“You and I both know that isn’t true.” Harry replied.

“Yes it is, now fuck off.” Ashley said, entering her dressing room as Harry followed behind her, “What the fuck is your problem Harry?” she asked as he closed the door behind them.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it.” Harry said, standing directly in front of her.

“Feel what?” She looked up at him, he was so close she could feel his breath on her skin.

“Tell me you don’t want me, tell me to leave and never come back and I promise I’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see me again.” Ashley stayed silent, not knowing what to do or say, “You can’t, can you? You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same because you do, we both know how we feel why should we have to-” His ramblings were interrupted by Ashley’s lips locking with his, her hands combing through his messy hair, Harry took hold of her waist, holding her close and not daring to let go. Ashley didn’t have a clue what she was doing, all of her wanted to stay strong and not give in, but it was like she needed it, she needed him. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” Harry whispered, resting his forehead against Ashley’s, “Trust me, I do.” She whispered, taking a hold of his hands and interlocking her fingers with his.

19th December 2019

Harry and Ashley hadn’t spoken much since the Jingle Bell Ball, part of Ashley felt dreadful for kissing Harry when she was in a relationship with Will, but part of her didn’t even think anything would come of what happened with Harry. Will had reluctantly accepted Harry’s invite as Ashley’s plus one to his small album release show, it was somewhat relieving for Ashley to know that he was willing to be civil with Harry. Lou had offered to babysit Daisy for the night so that the pair could treat themselves to a proper night out. Thankfully Camden was only a short tube ride from home, so they promptly made it to the venue where hundreds of fans were already camped out in the harsh winter weather of London. Harry’s security recognised Ashley immediately and led her and Will to the backstage area, where some of Harry’s close friends and family were already waiting. “Ash! It’s so good to see you!” Gemma ran over to them both, greeting Ashley with the biggest hug, making up for lost time, “How’ve you been?” 

“Good, busy but good, how are you? It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.” 

“I’m good, life’s busy once again, my brother is so glad you’re here tonight, since you two got back in contact with each other he’s had a real spring in his step.” Gemma smiled, “Are you coming up north for Christmas this year?” in a bid to avoid Harry, her last two Christmasses had been spent with Linda and Daisy in London.

“We’re at my parents’ in Norfolk this year,” Will chimed in.

“Will, we’ve been through this, Dais and I are coming down on the 28th after we’ve had christmas with mum,” Ashley sighed, “Oh, Gem, this is Will, Will this is Gemma, Harry’s sister.” she felt as though she was babysitting him, that she couldn’t truly be herself while he was hovering beside her. 

“Lovely to meet you,” Gemma smiled.

Everyone had been sat in the green room for a good hour and Harry was still nowhere to be seen, Ashley felt her phone buzz, she pulled it from her pocket to see a message from Harry: dressing room x

“I’m just going to pop to the ladies room, I won’t be long,” She smiled at Will, standing up from the sofa they shared before heading out into the corridor, she quickly found Harry’s dressing room and gently pushed the door open to see him sprawled out on the sofa reading a book, “So this is what a rockstar does with his spare time.” She said, crossing her arms as she leant against the frame of the door.

“What can I say I’m a man of simplicity,” Harry smirked, standing up to greet Ashley, he moved towards her, stretched his arm over her shoulder to push the door shut, “How long have we got?” 

“How long does it take to have a wee?” Ashley asked.

“What?”

“Will thinks I’ve gone to the toilet.” She smirked.

“That’s long enough for me,” Harry told her, cupping her cheeks and pressing her delicate lips against his, Ashley steadied herself, holding onto the delicate fabric of Harry’s shirt.

“Do you want to come back to the green room?” Ashley asked softly.

“I’d rather stay here with you,” Harry whispered. 

“I don’t want Will thinking I was taking a shit, come on, I’ll say I found you on the way back.” Ashley insisted, taking his hand and proceeding to exit.

“Just one more,” Harry pulled her back, wrapping his arms around her waist as they became entwined with each other.

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Harry Lambert shouted as the pair entered the green room, drawing the entire room’s attention to the pair of them.

“Found him loitering in the corridor just now.” Ashley lied, returning to her seat beside Will, where Harry joined her.

“Good to see you again Will, thanks for coming,” Harry smiled.

“Thanks for having us.” Will replied, Ashley felt caught in the middle, she didn’t know what to say or who to say it to.

“Harry your guest is here,” Jeff informed him from across the room.

“You’re going to want to see this Ash,” Harry told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the green room, leaving Will on his own. 

“Have you bought Santa along or something?” Ashley asked as Harry led her down the corridor, still gripping her hand.

“Not quite, you’re going to love it though.” Harry led her around the corner, to where none other than Stormzy was standing talking to Sarah and Mitch.

“Hey Harry! My G, how’s it going brother?” he said, greeting Harry with a hug.

“I’m doing well, thanks for coming along today, it means a lot.” Harry smiled, “This is Ash, from back home,” Harry put an arm around her shoulder, holding her close.

“We’ve already met, Ash is on Capital, she knows what’s going on.”

“Oh bless him, we’ve ruined his little surprise,” Ashley remarked, squeezing Harry’s little pouty face, “It’s good to see you again though, we need to get you back on the show soon.”

“Definitely, tell Roman to give me a bell, I’ve got to go get ready, but I’ll see you two later,” He left the pair standing on their own, now Sarah and Mitch had returned to the green room.

“Proper little industry know it all aren’t you love?” Harry grinned, wrapping both his arms around Ashley and swaying her from side to side, “I’m so proud of you, I don’t think I tell you that enough, what you’ve achieved since moving down to London is remarkable.” 

“You soppy bastard, I’m bloody proud of you too.” Ashley giggled, staring up at him.

“You alright?” Will was standing at the door, Ashley wasn’t sure how long he’d been there for.

“Good, yeah,” Ashley smiled, stepping out of Harry’s embrace. “Just catching up with me old mate Stormzy.”

“Right, I guess we better leave Harry to it, let him get ready and all that.” Will huffed.

“Have a good show H, smash it out there,”  Ashley smiled, “I’m so proud of you rockstar.” 

“Right back at ya golden girl.” Ashley knew what he meant, the first time she heard Golden it freaked her out, but she’d slowly come to terms with Harry’s openness.

Ashley stood in the vip section with all of Harry’s nearest and dearest, waiting for the show to start, she stood between Anne and Gemma, whilst Will was near the back with Gemma’s boyfriend. She’d seen the set list so she knew Harry would sing her song first, eventually the lights went down and Harry and the band appeared on stage as the venue erupted into screams. As he got into it Harry made sure to look up at Ashley, it made him happy to see the three most important women in his life. “I know that you’re scared cause I’m so open” he sang, looking up at Ashley as she blew him a kiss back before dancing with Gemma.

“You bloody legend, you absolutely smashed it!” Ashley shouted as she ran down the corridor towards Harry, the show having just finished. 

“Thank you love,” Harry replied, picking her up and spinning her around. 

“He’s playing with fire there mum,” Gemma whispered to Anne as she noticed the resentment across Will’s face. 

“Ash, I think we should head off, we’ve both got work tomorrow morning. Some of us do have to work for a living.” Will said, walking over to where his girlfriend lent against the wall, giggling away with Harry.

“We’re actually going to a pub for a couple of drinks in a bit, if you’re up for it.” Harry told them both.

“Cheers mate, but I’ve got a splitting headache, Ash I’ll wait for you outside.” He said before walking off.

“Do you have to go?” Harry whispered, stroking Ashley’s hand with his thumb.

“You know I do,” Ashley replied.

“I don’t like the thought of you being alone with him Ash, worries me.” 

“I’m a big girl H, I can look after myself.” Ashley assured him, “But thanks for caring.” She ruffled his hair, “I should go, See you at Christmas?” 

“Not if I see you first.”

The tube ride home was painfully quiet, the pair hardly spoke to each other until getting home, Will kicked off his shoes and headed straight to the kitchen, pulling a can of beer from Ashlley’s fridge. “Thought you had a headache?” Ashley said as she followed him in.

“It was a lie,” Will glanced at her, “But you’d know all about that wouldn’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ashley asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

“You and Harry looked very cosy back there.” Will remarked bitterly.

“He’s my best friend, you aren’t jealous are you?”

“Don’t belittle me like that Ashley, I can see what’s going on.” Will replied, swigging beer from his can, “He’s pathetic anyway, I can’t see why you’d want anything to do with him.”

“Get out.” Ashley said bluntly, “We’re over Will, we were over three months ago, when I stayed with you out of pity, get out of my house, the house you’ve treated like your own since we got together.”

“It’s him isn’t it? You’ve been shagging him haven’t you?” Will replied.

“No I haven’t shagged him, because unlike you, he isn’t a cheap bastard who needs his ego polishing every week.”

“You fucking bitch,” Will muttered, grabbing the first thing he could from the shelf beside him and flinging it at Ashley, causing her to fall to the floor, “I hope you two are very happy together.” He said before he kicked her harshly in the stomach.

Ashley had been sitting slumped against the wall of her kitchen for a good half an hour when she heard the front door open, it couldn’t be Will because he didn’t have keys to the house, “Ash? Ash?” Lou entered the kitchen, seeing Ashley leant against the wall, blood rolling down her forehead, “Ash darling, Carly said she heard loads of shouting, I used the spare key to get in, what happened?”

“I broke up with Will, he threw that at me, he was jealous of Harry.” Lou picked up the photo frame, the smashed glass falling to the floor as she did, it held a picture of Ashley and Harry in Brazil, Ashley was 18 and Harry was 20, it was the summer after she had finished her exams, and she felt on top of the world. 

“Ash, I’m going to take you to hospital, when Carly called I asked if she could watch the kids, Daisy’s in safe hands I promise.” Lou explained, helping Ashley up onto her feet.

“You can’t tell Harry about this, I don’t want him doing anything that could ruin his career.” Ashley replied. 

“Let’s just concentrate on you sweetheart.”

For someone who hated hospitals, Ashley slept like a baby, due to the nature of her head injury the doctor wanted to keep her in overnight, just in case there was an internal bleed on the brain. Ashley woke up to a throbbing pain in her head, evidently the morphine had worn off, “Hello sleeping beauty, how’s tricks?” Harry was sat on a plastic stool beside her hospital bed, dressed in a casual hoodie and joggers, he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.

“My head’s banging,” Ashley whispered, “How long have you been here?”

“A few hours, I called Lou because I never heard anything from you, and I was worried, she explained what happened and I jumped in a cab and made my way here as quickly as I could.” Harry explained.

“You should know that I broke up with Will last night, hence this,” Ashley told him, gesturing to the stitches and bruising on her face.

“Yeah I figured, the nurses said they called the police when you got here, he’s already being questioned, Ash when this goes to court I’ll be right there beside you, I’ve already contacted my lawyer who’s given me the contacts for the best criminal law barrister she knows, he won’t get away with this.” 

“I’m incredibly grateful for that H, I just don’t want you to expect anything to happen between us so quickly, it’s going to take me time to heal before I can allow myself to be that vulnerable again.” Ashley explained.

“I’ll wait, however long it takes, I promise I’ll wait for you.” Harry assured her, taking her hand in his, “I’m never letting you slip through my fingers again angel.”

Always Golden Masterlist

Harry was on Ashley’s mind, it’s all she could think about, the way Will was with him, the way Harry tried to defend himself without causing conflict. It was all she could think about, as she stood at the kitchen counter, stirring the sugar into her tea. “Morning gorgeous, sleep well?” Will asked, snaking his arms around her waist as he stood behind her.

“Fine, yeah,” She sighed, “I’ve got to get Daisy ready.” She told him, pulling away from his embrace and taking her mug of tea upstairs, after working on the breakfast show for almost three years, you would think she’d be used to the insanely early mornings, but suffice to say, she wasn’t. She got Daisy fed and dressed, before doing the same for herself, leaving the house to drop Daisy off at nursery on her way to work, without so much as a goodbye kiss for Will. 

Once she had dropped Daisy off she hopped on her regular tube into work, having moved to North London at the beginning of the year, the journey was far more enjoyable. “Morning Ro,” Ashley smiled as she buzzed herself into the offices.

“Morning Ash, how are you on this fine morning?” He replied.

“Not bad, you seem very cheery.” Ashley said as the duo made their way into the studio.

“It’s a brilliant day, it’s Friday, Harry’s dropped a new song-”

“Has he?” Ashley asked, not aware of this brand new information.

“You do have twitter don’t you? The fans were going crazy about it this morning. We’re playing it on the show later, you can hear it then.” Roman explained.

“I had no idea, me and Will were binge watching netflix last night. Guess I’ll hear it first on the radio.”

“Good morning, you’re listening to Capital Breakfast with me Roman Kemp and Ash Hanson. We’ve got some great music to come your way this morning, with some shiny new releases too.” Roman said into his microphone.

“That’s right, for the first time on the Capital network this is the brand new single, Lights Up by Harry Styles.” Ashley sat back in awe, admiring how much Harry’s sound had matured, the song itself was a masterpiece and she was so proud of Harry for being so honest in his music again. She quickly pulled out her phone, hesitant to send him a message of congratulations, but in the end she did.

Harry lay anxiously in bed, staring at his phone screen as more and more notifications pinged onto his screen. He didn’t bother to open them until he saw Ash’s name pop up on his screen, he opened it to see a text from her, his heart now full of joy; H, it’s incredible, you never fail to amaze me, I’m so incredibly proud of you my rockstar, love A x

For the first time in almost two years, he felt at peace, for it seemed his Ash had forgiven him, she was ready to move on, as was he. In a haste he replied quickly; Do you want to come for dinner at mine later? I’ll cook our favourite, H x

Ashley wasn’t expecting him to reply so quickly, and she wasn’t expecting the reply she got either. For Harry to invite her over, when until August they hadn’t seen each other for two years it seemed like a big deal. She was meant to be going out with Will and Daisy, but they could do that any night. Sounds like a lovely idea, I’ll bring a bottle of something, shall we say 7pm? x

Ashley wasn’t really sure what she was doing, or why she had agreed to it, but she cared for Harry more than she cared for their animosity. She found herself looking back through old photos on her phone, pictures of Harry and Daisy, pictures of Ashley and Harry at various one direction shows, along with some of her favourite pictures of Harry she had taken over the years.

[insert pinterest picture]

“So this is a girl from work you’re meeting up with tonight?” Will asked, sat on Ashley’s bed as she curled her hair. He was meant to be staying the night after their family trip out for dinner, but Ashley decided to put that on the back burner. 

“Yeah, her boyfriend’s been cheating on her, she found out last night.” Ashley lied, somehow thinking up a complex web of lies was easier than explaining she was going for dinner with Harry. 

“Couldn’t you just go another night?” Will asked, massaging her shoulders.

“She needs me now Will, they were together for almost seven years, and he goes and shags her best mate. She’s distraught, we can go out literally any other night of the week.” Ashley explained, topping up her lipstick, “How do I look?” 

“Probably just as well you’re meeting up with this girl from work, if there were lads about I wouldn’t want them to so much as glance at you.” Will’s tone surprised her, it was almost territorial, she knew what Harry was like, he was a sucker for dishing out compliments, and Will would absolutely hate him for it.

“Well Holly is very much straight, so there’s no worries there.” Ashley assured him as she buckled up her heels, checking herself in the mirror, the sheer black shirt over a bralette with a leather mini skirt was a risk, but she felt confident, and it was only polite to make an effort for Harry. “I should head off now, I’ll just say bye to Dais.” Ashley made her way into the kitchen where Daisy was munching on fish fingers and potato faces. “Be good for Will my lovely, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Have a good evening baby, love you.” Will whispered, kissing her out of nowhere.

“See you later.” Ashley smiled, before leaving her flat promptly.

In all the years Harry has lived in his massive Hampstead home, Ashley had never got used to the sheer size of it. She felt lucky that she could afford a two bedroom flat in Hackney on just her wages, but this was something else. She rang the buzzer and the gates swung open almost immediately, she made her way up the crazy long driveway, her heels crunching into the gravel. As she arrived at the door, Harry was already there waiting for her, dressed in a shirt, only buttoned halfway of course, with a pair of loose fit trousers, “Don’t you look lovely?” Harry smiled, greeting Ashley with open arms, it had felt like an eternity since Harry had embraced her, his arms made her feel safe in the same way they always had.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Styles.” Ashley smiled up at him, “Oh I bought wine,” She continued, realising that they had slowly become lost in each other’s gaze.

“Oh right, thank you, come through to the kitchen.” Harry stuttered, taking the bottle from her and leading her into the dimly lit kitchen. “Do you want a glass then?” He asked, taking two from the cupboard.

“Oh of course! Feels like an eternity since I’ve properly let my hair down.” Ashley replied, kicking off the heels that were already giving her blisters.

“Is Will not the partying type then?” Harry asked, sliding her glass to her.

“Do we have to get into that again?” Ashley sighed, remembering the fallout on her Mum’s birthday.

“I’m sorry,” Harry held his hands up, “He’s definitely jealous though.” He smirked.

“What’s there to be jealous of?” 

“Our inexplicable connection,” Harry smiled, “Anyway, this food isn’t going to make itself.” 

“So what are we having?” Ashley asked.

“Your favourite.”

“Which is?” Ashley teased.

“My homemade roast dinner.”

“Is the right answer!” Ashley shouted.

“I don’t think I’m going to need to eat for another five years after that,” Ashley announced as the pair took a seat on Harry’s massive sofa.

“I do my best,” He smiled, “So how’s life been?” 

“Busy, work’s chaotic as always, but I love it, me and Dais moved to Hackney at the beginning of the year, Lou and Lux literally live two doors down from us which Daisy loves. She started nursery last month, she loves it so much, she’s such a little performer, look at this.” Ashley pulled out her phone, turning it to Harry, it was a video of Daisy dancing to a One Direction song that was playing in the middle of a supermarket, she looked up to see Harry wiping his eyes, “Hey, why are you getting like that for H?”

“I was such an idiot, I let you down, both of you,” He sniffled, “I missed all the important bits, when she was born I promised you I’d protect you both, and what did I do? I ran away at the first sign of trouble.” 

“I don’t blame you, at the time I was mad at you, but I could never stay angry at you,  we both know that.” Ashley assured him, taking hold of his hand, “You will always be my best friend, till my very last breath, I promise you that.”

“What would Will have to say about that?” Harry asked.

“Why should his opinion matter? You’re part of my life, and that shouldn’t hinder our relationship in any way at all.” Ashley assured him.

“Do you love him?” Harry asked out of nowhere.

“Of course I do, he makes me happy, and he’s great with Daisy.” Ashley couldn’t help but feel as though she was lying to Harry, she cared for Will, of course she did, but even eight months into their relationship, she hadn’t said that he loved him off her own back.

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Hours had passed and Harry and Ashley had been talking non-stop, about life when they were teenagers, life now and everything in between. “Do you want to hear some music from the new album?” Harry asked.

“Are you sure? I know how much of a perfectionist you can be.” Ashley replied.

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t want you to hear it,” Harry led Ashley to his studio, a room in the house that Ashley had never really spent much time in. He pulled up some of the tracks, playing an upbeat one first, Harry sat back in his seat, trying to read Ashley’s emotions. The lyrics echoed through the room, “You’re so golden, I’m out of my head, and I know that you’re scared, Because hearts get broken.”

“It’s beautiful H, all of it is.” Ashley told him, Harry’s expression was lifeless, like he didn’t want to have to tell her the truth about something, “Wait hang on, no, surely not,” Ashley was slowly piecing together the truth, “Please tell me that song is not about us.” 

“I can’t lie to you Ash,” Harry whispered.

“No, don’t do this, things are alright between us now, this doesn’t need to happen.” Ashley muttered as she slowly stood up,

“You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way Ash, you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it too.” Harry sighed, following after her as she made her way from the studio into the hallway where she left her jacket and shoes.

“We can’t do this Harry, we can’t be those people.” Ashley told him forcefully.

“We could be though, deep down you know it too.” Harry replied softly.

“Harry, I know how this works, you find someone, its sunshine and roses for a couple of months and then one day you shatter their heart into a million pieces.” Ashley cried, tears streaming down her cheeks, “And I’m not going to let that be me.” 

Ashley slept badly, the following morning she woke up to the sound of Daisy’s hysterical laughter coming from the kitchen, she threw on the first hoodie she could find and made her way downstairs to see Will and Daisy making cupcakes. “Morning you two,” She smiled, filling the kettle up with water.

“It’s the afternoon,” Will replied bluntly as he helped Daisy ice her cupcakes, “You got back late Ash, I was worried about you.” 

“Holly needed me there, she got drunk and I put her to bed.” Ashley lied.

“Could’ve texted me though.” Will replied,

“My phone died.” Ashley explained, pouring herself a cup of tea.

“Yeah I realised, hence why I put it on charge,” He unplugged her phone and slid it forcefully across the counter to her, “Might want to check your messages, a certain someone was really concerned whether you got home last night.”

Ashley’s heart fell to the pit of her stomach, “Dais go play in your room for a bit please.”

“But I’m busy.” Daisy replied.

“Just go please poppet,” Ashley smiled, causing Daisy to hop off her chair and run upstairs to her room.

“So are you going to tell me why he wants to know you got home safely?” Will asked.

“I saw him last night.” Ashley whispered.

“So Holly doesn’t exist?”

“I didn’t tell you, because I knew it would make you angry,” Ashley explained.

“Well how do you think it makes me feel that you lied to me?” 

“He invited me for dinner, it was just two old friends having a catch up, nothing more than that.” Ashley assured him.

“I don’t know whether I believe you.” Will huffed.

“Will I promise you, nothing happened, we ate dinner, talked about old memories, that’s it.”

“Fine, if that’s the truth, I believe you. Just don’t go doing stuff behind my back again.”

Always Golden Masterlist

August 2019

Harry was lonely, isolated in fact. He was part of an industry full of creative and wonderful people, yet he was still alone. He lay in the bed in Anne’s spare room, staring at the blank ceiling, compared to the ceiling in his childhood bedroom it was lifeless, his old ceiling was covered in marks from all the times he had tried to catapult toys into  the air as a child, convinced they could fly. He really must have been alone if he was that deep in thought about his beloved ceiling. If he was completely honest he had no clue why he was back home, since the fallout with Ashley he had felt lost in London, opting to spend months in Japan and Italy. Half of him hoped he might accidentally bump into her, he knew full well it was Linda’s birthday, and he knew what Ashley was like, she wouldn’t want her mum spending her birthday alone. 

His lonely thoughts were interrupted by a light tap on the door, he shot up as his mum entered the room, “Morning love, I’ve got bacon for sandwiches, but no bread, you couldn’t run down to the bakery could you and grab a loaf?” Anne asked, her charm and grace echoing through the room.

“Of course mum, give me five and I’ll be on my way.” Harry hauled himself out of bed, grabbing the first pair of jeans and a yellow t-shirt from his suitcase. He slipped on a pair of vans and made his way downstairs and out into the early morning summer sun. As much as he loved the big cities he was lucky enough to travel to, Harry always found comfort in Holmes Chapel, maybe it was the people, maybe it was the pace of life, whatever it was, it put him at ease. The walk into the village wasn’t a long one, just long enough to listen to a couple of the demos for his next album, something he was incredibly proud of.

“Barbara! Look who it is!” Harry stepped into the bakery, the familiar smell of fresh bread and cakes hitting him almost instantly, “How’ve you been Harry?” Claire asked from behind the counter.

“I’m good, just popped up to see mum for the weekend, she’s run out of bread, so I said I’d grab her a loaf.” Harry explained.

“Well Barbara’s just unpacking some, I’ll see if she has any of Anne’s favourites.” Claire disappeared into the backroom, leaving Harry with no one but the massive poster of teenage him for company. 

“Mummy can I get a rainbow donut?” A young voice asked as the door to the bakery swung open, not wanting to get in anyone’s way, Harry stepped back staring at the reply Gemma had sent him about what they were getting Anne for her birthday.

“I don’t think they do those here poppet, I think they’re a London thing.” Harry’s heart jumped, he looked up at the woman and her daughter stood looking at the cake counter, it was her, it was Ashley. She looked different, her once brunette hair now had a golden haze to it, and she had a different glow about her. “What do you want then monkey? The gingerbread man or the pink cupcake?” Harry admired the sweet interaction, not wanting to interrupt or cause a scene.

“Pink cake please mummy, and can we get one for Nanny’s birthday?” Harry watched in awe, the little baby he had once cradled in his arms was now an adorable little lady, the spitting image of her mum.

“Ashley! It’s wonderful to see you!” Claire chimed as she returned with Harry’s bread, “How long are you up here for?” 

“We’re heading home tomorrow morning,” Ashley glanced at Claire, who was looking straight past her at Harry who stood awkwardly at the back of the shop, with no clue how to handle the situation. She turned to see what Claire was looking at, the man who she hadn’t seen she stormed away from him in the middle of Hammersmith. 

She wavered on her feet, he looked well, he had clearly been working out more since the last time she saw him, his shoulders were broader. His hair was tousled in its usual messy yet styled way, as always he was exceptionally dressed, leaving Ashley feeling very underdressed in her jeans and Live Aid t-shirt. “Long time no see.” Harry whispered, struggling to find words to end the awkward silence.

“There’s a reason for that,” Ashley replied bitterly, handing Claire the money and taking the cakes from the counter, “And you bloody well know why.” She took her daughter’s hand and pulled her from the bakery, the pair striding back to the car where Will sat waiting. 

“Who was that man mummy?” Daisy asked as Ashley opened the car door.

“No one darling, no one you need to worry about.”

“What was that all about?” Claire asked, handing Harry his loaf of bread.

“I was an idiot a while back, I don’t think she’s forgiven me, and frankly I can’t blame her.” Harry explained.

“You two were great together, thicker than thieves, I remember when you both got your saturday jobs here. Dynamic duo we called you.” Claire smiled, she was right, Harry had fond memories of washing up beside Ashley, singing Shania Twain and Joni Mitchell songs as they made their way through a mountain of dirty trays and plates.

“Clearly we’re just not the same people we used to be.” Harry replied, handing Claire a five pound note as she passed him the fresh loaf, “Have a lovely day Claire, keep the change.”

“Daisy, sit still please,” Ashley sighed, it was a cool summer evening and she was sitting in the passenger seat of Will’s broken down car. They were meant to be taking Linda out for her birthday, but Will’s car had decided to throw a spanner in the works. Daisy, like any other three year old was grizzly, and getting restless. “Will, for christ sake just call the breakdown people.” Ashley huffed as her boyfriend stood with the bonnet up trying to work out what was wrong with the car. 

“What do you think I’ve done?” Will sighed, “They said it’ll be a two hour wait.” 

“Brilliant, bloody brilliant. Sorry about this mum, I had hoped we’d be there soon, but who knows at this point.” 

After another half an hour, Will was still adamant he knew what to do, Daisy had been through all sorts of tantrums. Just as Ashley was about to give up another vehicle pulled up beside them, expecting it to be the breakdown service, Will put the bonnet down to see the headlights didn’t belong to a van, but rather a large Audi pulled up instead. The driver wound down the window as Will approached, “Do you need any help?” The man in the car asked.

“Not sure how much you can do for me mate, think this one is passed it.” Will explained.

“In that case can I give you a lift somewhere?” He asked.

“Are you sure? there’s four of us, we’re on the way to dinner.” Will explained.

“It’s not a problem, honestly.”

“Cheers mate, I’ll let my girlfriend know, I’m Will by the way.” He smiled.

“Harry.” The audi driver smiled.

Will returned to his car, “This guy’s going to give us a lift, said he’ll drop us in town.” he explained to Ashley who was getting fed up with waiting.

“Perfect!” she chimed, climbing out of the car, she took Daisy out of the back to get her into the new car. As she opened the back door, the driver turned to face her, offering a warm smile. Talk about convenient, the one person she had hoped to avoid was going to drive her and her family to dinner. 

The car ride was almost silent, apart from Daisy talking about all sorts of nonsense. Eventually Will managed to put two and two together, realising who Harry actually was. They pulled up outside the restaurant and Linda turned to Harry, “Thank you so much for that Harry love, I owe you for that.” 

“It’s not a problem Linda, honestly, I was coming this way anyway.” Harry assured her.

“Why don’t you join us?” Linda smiled, this was all Ashley needed.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude, honestly.” Harry replied.

“I’m sure Harry’s a busy man.” Will muttered bitterly from the back seat.

“Harry it’s my birthday, and I want to say thank you, you’re joining us.” Linda insisted.

Dinner was awkward to say the least, the waiter had just come to collect their empty dinner plates, and Ashley couldn’t help but wait for it to be over. Daisy was transfixed on Harry, seeing as she couldn’t remember him, he was far more new and exciting than anyone else sat around that table. Harry sat beside Linda, who was doing her very best to keep the conversation civil. “So Harry, when are we getting new music? Ash got me a record player for my birthday and I’m itching to buy some records for it.” Linda told him.

“I’m hoping, if everything goes to plan, to have it out by the end of the year.” 

“Sounds wonderful Harry, I have missed you awfully,” Linda smiled, to her Harry was like the son she never had, she adored him completely, so when a wedge was driven between Harry and Ashley, she was heartbroken to say the least, Linda noticed the stale atmosphere, and decided to remove herself from the situation, “Tell you what Daisy, shall we go and see if we can find the puddings?” Linda asked, taking Daisy’s hand and leading her over to the bar.

“She’s grown up a lot hasn’t she?” Harry said, gesturing towards Daisy, in an attempt to make some sort of conversation.

“Yeah, she starts nursery next month,” Ashley smiled gently, appreciating Harry’’s desire to keep things civil.

“I mean you’d know that, if you’d been around for the past two years.” Will told him sternly, Ashley hadn’t ever seen Will like that before, maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was something else. He had a vague idea of the fallout between Harry and Ashley, and he knew about their history.

“Will, leave it out.” Ashley replied, trying not to cause a scene, knowing pictures of Harry would end up plastered all over tomorrow’s news. 

“Well it’s not like he’s been there to see her grow up is it?” Will chimed in again.

“And I suppose you have?” Harry replied, “I supported Ashley and Daisy as much as I possibly could in her first year.” 

“Throwing money at a problem doesn’t make it go away.” Will answered back.

“I hold my hands up, I spent a fair amount of money on Ashley and Daisy, but one thing that never changed, is the love I have for them both, I treated Daisy like she was my own daughter and I would sure as hell do it again.” Ashley was taken aback by Harry’s little speech, she didn’t expect Harry to be so honest about where he went wrong.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but they have me now.” Will told him bluntly.

“You’re right, they do. This was a bad idea,” Harry stood up, taking his wallet from the pocket of his trousers, “Take this for the meal, I’ve cost you enough trouble.”

“We don’t need your money.” Will replied.

“I know you don’t, I know how much Ash earns, but I want to treat my friend, so that’s what I’m doing, have a lovely evening.” Harry placed the wad of cash on the table before turning to leave. Ashley let out a sigh as he left the restaurant, rolling her eyes at Will.

“What?” Will asked.

“You just couldn’t help yourself could you?” Ashley replied.

“Hang on a minute, last thing you told me, you said you never wanted to see the face of that jumped up egotistical walking gucci campaign ever again.”

“Those are your words, not mine.” Ashley told him forcefully.

“I’m not wrong though am I? He used you and when he got bored you were hung out to dry, you’re better off out of it.” Will said sternly, taking a sip of his beer.

It’s more complicated than that Will, and I’m afraid it always will be.”

Always Golden Masterlist

Always Golden Masterlist

Ashley and Harry are back. we left them torn apart at the end of ‘Forever?’, and two years on from their fallout we’ll see if they find their way back to each other.

You can expect to see a new chapter of ‘Always Golden’ every Saturday at 6pm GMT!

See you there!

TPWK x

Chapters

Chapter One: You Bring Me Home

Chapter Two: Secret Love Songs

Chapter Three: Risk It All

Chapter Four: Loverboy

Ashley’s Instagrams:

#1: 2018

#2: 2019

#3: August 2019-February 2020

Forever? Masterlist

30th October 2017

Since the confrontation on Daisy’s birthday Harry had gradually become more distant, of course there was the inevitable truth that he was on tour, meaning he was busier, but that hadn’t been a problem when he toured with One Direction, he always seemed to maintain contact. Normally when Harry was away for periods of time, he would make the effort to facetime or call Ashley, even if it was for five minutes, just to make sure she was alright, but in the last couple of months their calls had depleted in number. First came the excuses, that he was jet lagged or had soundcheck, but then as the calls stopped, so did the excuses, Ashley didn’t really think anything of it, she knew Harry was busy and he wanted the tour to go well, you only get to make a first impression once, as her mum had always reminded her. Matt had gone off the radar since Harry told him to stay away, for some time Ashley was worried Matt would go to the press, but clearly he had worked out that Harry’s lawyers were not the sort of people you messed with. 

“I see Mr Styles is back in town for his tour tonight, you going?” Roman asked Ashley as they made their way out of the studio and towards the kitchen after another morning of the breakfast show.

“Yep, Hammersmith Apollo, when the boys did their last tour together I went to about a third of the shows, but that was way back when I was on a gap year, but now I’m a working mum, so it’s just night two in London for me.” Ashlley explained.

“Is Daisy going?” Roman asked.

“No, she’s too little, I think it would overwhelm her a bit, one of my mum’s friends is at university in London, so she said she would babysit.”

“That’s good, you’ll be able to let your hair down that way.” Roman replied, “Anyway I’ll leave you to it, I imagine you’ve got all sorts to do today.”

“Cheers Ro.” 

Gemma had agreed to meet Ashley before the show for dinner, they agreed on an Italian just around the corner from the venue, “So have you spoken to my illusive brother much in the last couple of months?” Gemma asked as the waiter placed their sharing platter of dough balls on the table.

“Not much in the last few weeks, I guess that would be down to jet lag, he’s a busy man,” Ashley explained.

“Not to forget he’s loved up at the moment, did he mention that to you?” Gemma replied.

“I saw it on the internet, all those update accounts on Twitter were going mad, especially after Nick did that thing with the heart rate monitor.” Ashley informed her.

“So he never told you about Camille himself?” Gemma asked.

“No, I guess it never really came up in conversation, I mean there was that one time he said he couldn’t facetime Daisy because he was going out for dinner, and then the following morning there is pictures of them out together,”

“He gave up the opportunity to facetime Daisy? That doesn’t sound like Harry.” Gemma replied.

“He has seemed more distant since what happened on the heath on Daisy’s birthday,I just put it down to being busy with his tour.” Ashley explained.

“Being on tour has never stopped him staying in contact with you, I don’t get why now all of a sudden it’s a problem.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ashley sighed, “I might ask him about it after the show.” 

Ashley stood at the sound desk with Gemma, Anne, Lou, Lux and Nick waiting for the show to start, the audience’s anticipation was immense, when he finally appeared on stage the screams were intense, having been to so many One Direction shows over the years Ashley had become immune to the ear ringing effect it once had on her. Harry appeared on stage in a sparkly yellow suit, beginning with Ever Since New York, followed by Two Ghosts and Carolina  before he went on to introduce himself to the crowd, “Hi I’m Harry, thank you for choosing to spend your night with us, we’re going to sing some songs for you tonight,” He chatted to the audience, “Please feel free to be whoever you want to be in this room tonight, this is Sweet Creature.” As he began to sing Ashley got the same funny butterfly feeling in her stomach that she got when Harry told her he wrote it for her, she didn’t really know why but hearing him sing it live meant so much more to her than it ever did when she played the studio version, she felt closer to the lyrics, understanding what each one meant. She figured that what Harry meant was that matter what happened, no matter where he ended up, she would always be the one he could call upon to bring him back to where he needed to be.

“You alright sweetheart?” Anne whispered, she had noticed the tears that stained Ashley’s cheeks, she wrapped an arm around her as Harry continued to sing.

After the show had finished one of Harry’s security team led the group backstage where Harry and his band were celebrating the end to another successful show, they were led down a few dimly lit corridors of the theatre to the green room where Harry and his team were sharing drinks and talking about the show. Ashley stood awkwardly beside Gemma, not really knowing what to do, it was the first time she had seen her best friend in almost three months, but it all felt so different, he was different. “Are you okay Ash?” Gemma whispered to her.

“Yeah, it all just feels different, he seems different.” Ashley replied.

“Look, he’s standing by himself, just go and talk to him.” Gemma encouraged her.

Ashley crept tentatively to where Harry was pouring himself a drink, “You guys were incredible up there.” Ashley told him, leaning against the wall beside him.

“Thank you.” Harry smiled.

“How’s the tour gone so far?” Ashley asked, trying to forge some sort of conversation, it had never been like this before, with Harry it was always easy and the conversation would just flow.

“It’s been good,” he told her, their pathetic excuse of a conversation was interrupted by Harry’s phone ringing, he pulled it from his pocket for both of them to see Camille’s name flash up on the screen, “Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” Harry said before quickly leaving the lively atmosphere of the green room.

“You’re right, he isn’t the same,” Gemma said, taking a place beside Ashley promptly after Harry exited the room.

“He seems so distant Gem, and I have no clue why, through all the years of our friendship I’ve been able to read him, I could tell when things were wrong, but this time,” Ashley placed her head in her hand, “I have no clue Gem.”

“When he gets off the phone I’ll speak to him, I don’t think softly softly catchy monkey is going to work for much longer.” Gemma assured her, putting her arm around Ashley’s shoulder. 

“Alright love, I’ll speak to you soon, bye,” Harry ended the call to his girlfriend to see Gemma standing in the corridor just metres away from him, “You alright Gem? Enjoy the show?” 

“Enough of the small talk, what’s up with you tonight?” Gemma asked her brother, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Nothing, what are you on about Gem?” Harry asked.

“You and Ashley, if this were two years ago you would be following her around like a lost puppy, but you barely muttered three words to her in there.” Gemma told him.

“Yeah, that was two years ago, we’re different people now.” Harry replied.

“What does that mean? Gemma asked, clearly confused by what her brother meant.

“We aren’t the same people anymore, she has Daisy, I’ve got the tour, I guess we’ve drifted recently.” Harry explained.

“Just because you’ve drifted it doesn’t mean you can’t make your friendship work, it doesn’t mean you can’t make the effort.” Gemma told him sternly.

“Maybe I’m tired of making the effort.” Harry replied flippantly, sighing heavily.

“Well at least I know where I stand.” Harry turned to see Ashley standing further down the corridor, she wavered before turning on her heel and running down the corridor to make her way out of the venue.

“Phenomenal Harry! Fucking Phenominal!” Gemma wasn’t usually one to swear, but in this instance it felt appropriate, “Aren’t you going to go after her?” She asked, Harry standing there awkwardly, “For Christ sake Harry go after her!”

“Ashley! Wait.” Harry called, power walking down the dark streets of Hammersmith.

“What for Harry? So you can remind me what a pathetic excuse of a life I lead?” Ashley shouted as she continued to march towards Hammersmith station, she was past caring about the press seeing their altercation.

“It isn’t like that Ash.” Harry muttered.

“What is it like Harry?” Ashley asked, stopping to look at Harry, “What bullshit explanation do you have that could justify you not wanting to put any effort into our friendship?” Harry was left speechless, if he was completely honest he didn’t even know, “You know what Harry, we’re done, this, our friendship it’s done, I am not going to wait around for you to fight for something that clearly means nothing to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry that when my daughter asks for her Uncle Harry in the middle of the night that I will have to tell her you want nothing to do with us, you know how important it was to me that she had a positive male role model in her life,” Ashley told him bitterly, “You are not the same Harry that I adored twelve years ago.” She looked him in the eyes as he showed little emotion, “Goodbye Harry.” She turned to walk away, she didn’t want him to see her cry, she didn’t want him to think he had in any way won, the bitterness of her salty tears stung her eyes as she made her way into the station, the overwhelming bright lights of the walkway making the stinging even worse.

Ashley entered her flat earlier than she or Ellie, her mum’s friend’s daughter who was babysitting Daisy had anticipated, “You’re back early,” Ellie said as she found Ashley in the hallway, taking off her shoes and jacket, she noticed Ashley’s tear stained cheeks, “Ashley are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine, how was Daisy?” Ashley asked, desperate to  change the topic of conversation.

“She’s been an absolute angel, I can stay for a bit if you want.” Ellie told her kindly.

“No, you go home, here’s the money, thank you for tonight.” She handed Ellie some cash as she left the flat, once Ellie had left Ashley broke down, she slumped against the wall, her head in her hands, she thought about Harry, he was a few mere miles away, but he may as well have been on the other side of the world. Ashley’s distress was interrupted by Daisy’s babbling, she was clearly wanting a night time feed, Ashley found Daisy stood up in her cot in their shared bedroom of their tiny flat, “Hello my angel,” she lifted Daisy out of the cot, snuggling her close to her chest, “Looks like its just me and you from now on my love.”

and there we go the final part of ‘forever?’ I’m working on some other writing projects at the moment but something tells me this won’t be the last we see of Ashley, Daisy and Harry…

Forever? Masterlist

Tomorrow is the final part of ‘forever?’ I can’t believe we’ve reached the final part so soon! Trust me it’s going to be a dramatic one…be here at 11am GMT to find out how Ashley and Harry’s story concludes…

Forever? Masterlist

Forever? Masterlist

5th July 2017
Ashley woke up to the sound of Daisy babbling away happily in her cot, the sooner she could get a two bedroom flat the better. She climbed out of bed, greeting Daisy with a massive smile, “Hello birthday girl how are you?” She asked, lifting her out of the cot, getting a babble of random sounds back, she had recently learnt to say ‘mama’, something she  had been overusing extensively. “Shall we have a special birthday breakfast? How about some pancakes?” Ashley asked Daisy as she took her through to the kitchen, resulting in an excited clap from Daisy as she put her in the safety of her highchair. She turned on the radio, hearing the familiar sound of Roman’s voice, understanding that Ashley was a single parent he offered to host the show on his own for the day to allow Ashley and Daisy to spend some quality time together. “Shall we listen to some of Uncle Harry’s music?” She asked Daisy as she weighed out the necessary ingredients for pancakes.

“Yeah! Yeah!” Daisy cried from her high chair, before Ashley began playing some classic One Direction out of the speakers in the kitchen.

London was in the middle of one of those heatwaves, the ones where one week it would be chucking it down with rain, and the next it’s uncomfortably hot, For this reason Ashley thought it best to travel by bus, rather than subjecting herself and Daisy to the heat of the London Underground. Daisy seemed content though, she was sat on the seat beside Ashley, looking out of the window as they went past all the big monuments and crowds of people, Ashley spotted a heavily pregnant lady sat across from them, reminding her how unbearable she had found being pregnant with Daisy during the sweltering heat of summer, “How far gone are you? If you don’t mind me asking?” She asked the lady.

“Thirty seven weeks, if he doesn’t grow up to be a footballer these kicks will be wasted.” she told Ashley.

“Oh wow, I thought it was difficult carrying this one through summer, but she was born six weeks early.” Ashley replied.

“Oh goodness, how old is she?” She asked.

“It’s her first birthday today, we’re on our way to her uncle’s house for a birthday picnic.” Ashley explained.

“Oh you’re off the radio aren’t you? I listen to the breakfast show every morning, I think it’s wonderful.” She told Ashley.

“Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it, as you can probably imagine, getting to work in the mornings after getting this little lady ready can be a struggle, but we make it work.” 

When Ashley first mentioned to Harry that she wanted to organise some sort of birthday celebration for Daisy he jumped at the chance to host it, even though the guests only consisted of Anne, Gemma and Linda, he still wanted to pull out all the stops, Ashley’s knock on the door was answered almost instantly by Harry, a massive smile upon his face, like he had just won the lottery, “Hello birthday girl!” He cried, stretching his arms up in the air, which in turn made Daisy smile from ear to ear, Ashley passed Daisy to him, knowing how much she idolised her uncle, he led them both into the kitchen that had been decorated with an impressive jungle theme, green balloons in a vast variety of colours and sizes littered the high ceiling. Whilst on the island in the middle of the kitchen a two tier vanilla and chocolate birthday cake was sat, decorated with figures of jungle animals, also on the island were bowls of crisps and plates of Daisy’s favourite snacks.

“You didn’t have to do all of this H, she would’ve been fine with a cake from tesco and a bag of chocolate buttons.” Ashley sighed as Harry showed Daisy all the toy jungle animals.

“I wanted to, it looks like I’ll be on tour for her birthday next year, and my favourite little lady deserves spoiling.” Harry insisted.

Gemma, Anne and Linda had all arrived shortly after Ashley and Daisy and now the celebrations were in full swing, everyone was sat around the island snacking on the crisps and biscuits Harry had laid out. “Presents! Let’s do presents!” Harry declared, before disappearing and returning with several parcels wrapped in obnoxiously pink wrapping paper. 

“Anyone would think Uncle Harry wanted to be your favourite,” Gemma said to Daisy who was currently sitting on her lap.

“I already am her favourite,” Harry informed Gemma, before miming tossing his hair, he placed the parcels on the table for Daisy, and with the help of her Auntie Gemma she unwrapped them one by one, Harry being Harry had gone all out, the presents ranged from a giraffe teddy to a pair of mini old skool vans, which Harry insisted were a necessity. Gemma treated her to a set of insanely soft pyjamas and a toy elephant, whilst Anne bought her a set of story books and Linda gave her a new dressing gown that looked like a giraffe.

“Thank you so much, all of you, these are such lovely presents, you’re a lucky lady aren’t you Daisy? What do you say to everyone?” Ashley said to Daisy.

“Ta!” she exclaimed, resulting in a mixture of sighs and claps from everyone sitting around the table.

“I’ve got you one more present,” Harry handed Ashley a green envelope, Ashley opened it hesitantly, inside was a picture from London Zoo, “Before I leave for tour, I’ve booked us a tour of London Zoo after they close, so that Daisy can see all the animals properly, and we won’t have to worry about the hassle from photographers and all that.”

“You’re a proper softie Styles,” Ashley said, moving round the island and wrapping her arms around him, “Thank you for all of this.”

After indulging in slices of Daisy’s birthday cake everyone agreed a walk across Hampstead Heath was necessary, Harry carried Daisy on his shoulders, who seemed to be having way too much fun playing with her uncle’s hair. Anne and Linda strolled behind, chatting about their children, and the adults they had become, whilst Gemma and Ashley walked side by side, “He loves her doesn’t he?” Ashley whispered softly.

“He’d do anything for her, they have the purest little friendship.” Gemma told her.

“I don’t know what I’d be doing if it weren’t for Harry, Daisy and I would’ve spent today watching all the Madagascar movies whilst eating our way through a chocolate cake, but he’s made this day so memorable for her.” Ashley replied as they all found a seat underneath a big tree to provide them with shade.

“You alright up there munchkin?” Ashley asked Daisy, gently stroking her cheek.

“I should probably get Daisy home soon, it’s nearly her bedtime.” Ashley sighed,  the sun was beginning to set over the heath, a golden glow dancing on all their bodies, the heath was pretty empty except for a few families and couples who were either enjoying the infrequent summer weather or taking their dogs for a well needed walk. Ashley hadn’t really clocked it at first, but there was a distinctive figure hovering by a tree across from them, being friends with Harry for as long as she had, she learnt to shrug off people loitering near them, assuming they were either a fan or a photographer. But when she caught a glimpse of this person again she realised she did in fact know them, “What the fuck,” she whispered under her breath, quiet enough that Daisy wouldn’t hear, but loud enough that Harry did hear, he glanced in the same direction as Ashley, realising what she had seen. Ashley stood up without saying a word and walked towards him.

“Well if it isn’t Harry Styles’ favourite baby mama,” He slurred, taking a swig of what must have been his fifth or so can of beer.

“What the fuck are you doing here Matt?” Ashley asked him, pushing him back.

“I just wanna see my daughter.” He told her, leaning against the tree.

“No, that’s not happening,” Ashley told him bitterly.

“Why? You scared I’ll see she actually has an uncanny resemblance to that prick over there?”

“Harry is not her dad!” Ashley told him.

“Well then why can’t I see her?”

“You lost the right to see her the day you told me you didn’t want anything to do with her, you know she was born six weeks early? She was kept in an incubator because she was too small, except you wouldn’t know that because you weren’t there, so excuse me for not wanting you to have anything to do with her.” 

“Are you alright?” Ashley turned to see Harry, he had left Daisy in the capable care of Anne.

“Here’s your knight in shining armour coming to your rescue,” Matt slurred.

“I’m fine Harry, can you take Daisy back to yours? I don’t want her seeing this.” Ashley asked him.

“I’m not leaving you with him Ash.” Harry replied.

“How long did it take you mate?” Matt asked him.

“What are you on about?” Harry responded,

“To get her into bed? Didn’t take me too long if I’m honest-” Harry tried to swing a punch at him, but Ashley was quick to hold him back, pressing both her hands against his chest.

“H, he isn’t worth it.” She soothed, cupping his face with one hand, so as to make him look her in the eye, whilst still holding him back with the other.

“If you try and approach Ashley or Daisy again, you will be hearing from my lawyers, do you understand?” Harry asked him sternly.

“I get you big man, I’m not sticking around to deal with you and your emotional baggage.”

The group had now returned back to Harry’s house, Gemma, Linda and Anne were entertaining Daisy with cartoons in the living room, “You didn’t have to step in like that H,” Ashley whispered as she poured him a cup of tea.

“He was out of order.” Harry insisted as he took his mug of tea, “I wasn’t just going to stand there whilst he talked about you like that.”

“He’s not wrong though is he? I didn’t have to sleep with him that night, I just did anyway.” Ashley said, fiddling with the lid on the milk bottle.

“Just because you slept with him that doesn’t make you easy, you think I haven’t slept with people I regret?” Harry replied.

“It’s different for you, a man sleeps with twenty girls and he’s a lad, a girl sleeps with five men and she’s a slag.” 

“You know I don’t think that don’t you?” Harry assured her.

“I know, because you are a gooden, and one day when Daisy brings a boy home I want him to be as good as you, and I think by having a positive male role model in her life like you, she will learn that she deserves someone who if she asks for the world will give her the universe.” Ashley told him.

“Is that you saying you think I am boyfriend material?” Harry grinned.

“Don’t push it Styles.”