hbd king ❤️

still not over Love on Tour

if u missed NYC Night 2 check out my concert video diary! I have footage from the 3rd row!!

Fine Line – all tracks

Harry Styles Coachella Sticker by Rogue-Sloth

Don’t make me hate you. Loving you is painful enough.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag.

Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

these are some gifs I grabbed from the music video. my gif game is on point lmao :)

Forever? Masterlist

30th October 2017

Since the confrontation on Daisy’s birthday Harry had gradually become more distant, of course there was the inevitable truth that he was on tour, meaning he was busier, but that hadn’t been a problem when he toured with One Direction, he always seemed to maintain contact. Normally when Harry was away for periods of time, he would make the effort to facetime or call Ashley, even if it was for five minutes, just to make sure she was alright, but in the last couple of months their calls had depleted in number. First came the excuses, that he was jet lagged or had soundcheck, but then as the calls stopped, so did the excuses, Ashley didn’t really think anything of it, she knew Harry was busy and he wanted the tour to go well, you only get to make a first impression once, as her mum had always reminded her. Matt had gone off the radar since Harry told him to stay away, for some time Ashley was worried Matt would go to the press, but clearly he had worked out that Harry’s lawyers were not the sort of people you messed with. 

“I see Mr Styles is back in town for his tour tonight, you going?” Roman asked Ashley as they made their way out of the studio and towards the kitchen after another morning of the breakfast show.

“Yep, Hammersmith Apollo, when the boys did their last tour together I went to about a third of the shows, but that was way back when I was on a gap year, but now I’m a working mum, so it’s just night two in London for me.” Ashlley explained.

“Is Daisy going?” Roman asked.

“No, she’s too little, I think it would overwhelm her a bit, one of my mum’s friends is at university in London, so she said she would babysit.”

“That’s good, you’ll be able to let your hair down that way.” Roman replied, “Anyway I’ll leave you to it, I imagine you’ve got all sorts to do today.”

“Cheers Ro.” 

Gemma had agreed to meet Ashley before the show for dinner, they agreed on an Italian just around the corner from the venue, “So have you spoken to my illusive brother much in the last couple of months?” Gemma asked as the waiter placed their sharing platter of dough balls on the table.

“Not much in the last few weeks, I guess that would be down to jet lag, he’s a busy man,” Ashley explained.

“Not to forget he’s loved up at the moment, did he mention that to you?” Gemma replied.

“I saw it on the internet, all those update accounts on Twitter were going mad, especially after Nick did that thing with the heart rate monitor.” Ashley informed her.

“So he never told you about Camille himself?” Gemma asked.

“No, I guess it never really came up in conversation, I mean there was that one time he said he couldn’t facetime Daisy because he was going out for dinner, and then the following morning there is pictures of them out together,”

“He gave up the opportunity to facetime Daisy? That doesn’t sound like Harry.” Gemma replied.

“He has seemed more distant since what happened on the heath on Daisy’s birthday,I just put it down to being busy with his tour.” Ashley explained.

“Being on tour has never stopped him staying in contact with you, I don’t get why now all of a sudden it’s a problem.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ashley sighed, “I might ask him about it after the show.” 

Ashley stood at the sound desk with Gemma, Anne, Lou, Lux and Nick waiting for the show to start, the audience’s anticipation was immense, when he finally appeared on stage the screams were intense, having been to so many One Direction shows over the years Ashley had become immune to the ear ringing effect it once had on her. Harry appeared on stage in a sparkly yellow suit, beginning with Ever Since New York, followed by Two Ghosts and Carolina  before he went on to introduce himself to the crowd, “Hi I’m Harry, thank you for choosing to spend your night with us, we’re going to sing some songs for you tonight,” He chatted to the audience, “Please feel free to be whoever you want to be in this room tonight, this is Sweet Creature.” As he began to sing Ashley got the same funny butterfly feeling in her stomach that she got when Harry told her he wrote it for her, she didn’t really know why but hearing him sing it live meant so much more to her than it ever did when she played the studio version, she felt closer to the lyrics, understanding what each one meant. She figured that what Harry meant was that matter what happened, no matter where he ended up, she would always be the one he could call upon to bring him back to where he needed to be.

“You alright sweetheart?” Anne whispered, she had noticed the tears that stained Ashley’s cheeks, she wrapped an arm around her as Harry continued to sing.

After the show had finished one of Harry’s security team led the group backstage where Harry and his band were celebrating the end to another successful show, they were led down a few dimly lit corridors of the theatre to the green room where Harry and his team were sharing drinks and talking about the show. Ashley stood awkwardly beside Gemma, not really knowing what to do, it was the first time she had seen her best friend in almost three months, but it all felt so different, he was different. “Are you okay Ash?” Gemma whispered to her.

“Yeah, it all just feels different, he seems different.” Ashley replied.

“Look, he’s standing by himself, just go and talk to him.” Gemma encouraged her.

Ashley crept tentatively to where Harry was pouring himself a drink, “You guys were incredible up there.” Ashley told him, leaning against the wall beside him.

“Thank you.” Harry smiled.

“How’s the tour gone so far?” Ashley asked, trying to forge some sort of conversation, it had never been like this before, with Harry it was always easy and the conversation would just flow.

“It’s been good,” he told her, their pathetic excuse of a conversation was interrupted by Harry’s phone ringing, he pulled it from his pocket for both of them to see Camille’s name flash up on the screen, “Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” Harry said before quickly leaving the lively atmosphere of the green room.

“You’re right, he isn’t the same,” Gemma said, taking a place beside Ashley promptly after Harry exited the room.

“He seems so distant Gem, and I have no clue why, through all the years of our friendship I’ve been able to read him, I could tell when things were wrong, but this time,” Ashley placed her head in her hand, “I have no clue Gem.”

“When he gets off the phone I’ll speak to him, I don’t think softly softly catchy monkey is going to work for much longer.” Gemma assured her, putting her arm around Ashley’s shoulder. 

“Alright love, I’ll speak to you soon, bye,” Harry ended the call to his girlfriend to see Gemma standing in the corridor just metres away from him, “You alright Gem? Enjoy the show?” 

“Enough of the small talk, what’s up with you tonight?” Gemma asked her brother, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Nothing, what are you on about Gem?” Harry asked.

“You and Ashley, if this were two years ago you would be following her around like a lost puppy, but you barely muttered three words to her in there.” Gemma told him.

“Yeah, that was two years ago, we’re different people now.” Harry replied.

“What does that mean? Gemma asked, clearly confused by what her brother meant.

“We aren’t the same people anymore, she has Daisy, I’ve got the tour, I guess we’ve drifted recently.” Harry explained.

“Just because you’ve drifted it doesn’t mean you can’t make your friendship work, it doesn’t mean you can’t make the effort.” Gemma told him sternly.

“Maybe I’m tired of making the effort.” Harry replied flippantly, sighing heavily.

“Well at least I know where I stand.” Harry turned to see Ashley standing further down the corridor, she wavered before turning on her heel and running down the corridor to make her way out of the venue.

“Phenomenal Harry! Fucking Phenominal!” Gemma wasn’t usually one to swear, but in this instance it felt appropriate, “Aren’t you going to go after her?” She asked, Harry standing there awkwardly, “For Christ sake Harry go after her!”

“Ashley! Wait.” Harry called, power walking down the dark streets of Hammersmith.

“What for Harry? So you can remind me what a pathetic excuse of a life I lead?” Ashley shouted as she continued to march towards Hammersmith station, she was past caring about the press seeing their altercation.

“It isn’t like that Ash.” Harry muttered.

“What is it like Harry?” Ashley asked, stopping to look at Harry, “What bullshit explanation do you have that could justify you not wanting to put any effort into our friendship?” Harry was left speechless, if he was completely honest he didn’t even know, “You know what Harry, we’re done, this, our friendship it’s done, I am not going to wait around for you to fight for something that clearly means nothing to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry that when my daughter asks for her Uncle Harry in the middle of the night that I will have to tell her you want nothing to do with us, you know how important it was to me that she had a positive male role model in her life,” Ashley told him bitterly, “You are not the same Harry that I adored twelve years ago.” She looked him in the eyes as he showed little emotion, “Goodbye Harry.” She turned to walk away, she didn’t want him to see her cry, she didn’t want him to think he had in any way won, the bitterness of her salty tears stung her eyes as she made her way into the station, the overwhelming bright lights of the walkway making the stinging even worse.

Ashley entered her flat earlier than she or Ellie, her mum’s friend’s daughter who was babysitting Daisy had anticipated, “You’re back early,” Ellie said as she found Ashley in the hallway, taking off her shoes and jacket, she noticed Ashley’s tear stained cheeks, “Ashley are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine, how was Daisy?” Ashley asked, desperate to  change the topic of conversation.

“She’s been an absolute angel, I can stay for a bit if you want.” Ellie told her kindly.

“No, you go home, here’s the money, thank you for tonight.” She handed Ellie some cash as she left the flat, once Ellie had left Ashley broke down, she slumped against the wall, her head in her hands, she thought about Harry, he was a few mere miles away, but he may as well have been on the other side of the world. Ashley’s distress was interrupted by Daisy’s babbling, she was clearly wanting a night time feed, Ashley found Daisy stood up in her cot in their shared bedroom of their tiny flat, “Hello my angel,” she lifted Daisy out of the cot, snuggling her close to her chest, “Looks like its just me and you from now on my love.”

and there we go the final part of ‘forever?’ I’m working on some other writing projects at the moment but something tells me this won’t be the last we see of Ashley, Daisy and Harry…

Forever? Masterlist

5th July 2017
Ashley woke up to the sound of Daisy babbling away happily in her cot, the sooner she could get a two bedroom flat the better. She climbed out of bed, greeting Daisy with a massive smile, “Hello birthday girl how are you?” She asked, lifting her out of the cot, getting a babble of random sounds back, she had recently learnt to say ‘mama’, something she  had been overusing extensively. “Shall we have a special birthday breakfast? How about some pancakes?” Ashley asked Daisy as she took her through to the kitchen, resulting in an excited clap from Daisy as she put her in the safety of her highchair. She turned on the radio, hearing the familiar sound of Roman’s voice, understanding that Ashley was a single parent he offered to host the show on his own for the day to allow Ashley and Daisy to spend some quality time together. “Shall we listen to some of Uncle Harry’s music?” She asked Daisy as she weighed out the necessary ingredients for pancakes.

“Yeah! Yeah!” Daisy cried from her high chair, before Ashley began playing some classic One Direction out of the speakers in the kitchen.

London was in the middle of one of those heatwaves, the ones where one week it would be chucking it down with rain, and the next it’s uncomfortably hot, For this reason Ashley thought it best to travel by bus, rather than subjecting herself and Daisy to the heat of the London Underground. Daisy seemed content though, she was sat on the seat beside Ashley, looking out of the window as they went past all the big monuments and crowds of people, Ashley spotted a heavily pregnant lady sat across from them, reminding her how unbearable she had found being pregnant with Daisy during the sweltering heat of summer, “How far gone are you? If you don’t mind me asking?” She asked the lady.

“Thirty seven weeks, if he doesn’t grow up to be a footballer these kicks will be wasted.” she told Ashley.

“Oh wow, I thought it was difficult carrying this one through summer, but she was born six weeks early.” Ashley replied.

“Oh goodness, how old is she?” She asked.

“It’s her first birthday today, we’re on our way to her uncle’s house for a birthday picnic.” Ashley explained.

“Oh you’re off the radio aren’t you? I listen to the breakfast show every morning, I think it’s wonderful.” She told Ashley.

“Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it, as you can probably imagine, getting to work in the mornings after getting this little lady ready can be a struggle, but we make it work.” 

When Ashley first mentioned to Harry that she wanted to organise some sort of birthday celebration for Daisy he jumped at the chance to host it, even though the guests only consisted of Anne, Gemma and Linda, he still wanted to pull out all the stops, Ashley’s knock on the door was answered almost instantly by Harry, a massive smile upon his face, like he had just won the lottery, “Hello birthday girl!” He cried, stretching his arms up in the air, which in turn made Daisy smile from ear to ear, Ashley passed Daisy to him, knowing how much she idolised her uncle, he led them both into the kitchen that had been decorated with an impressive jungle theme, green balloons in a vast variety of colours and sizes littered the high ceiling. Whilst on the island in the middle of the kitchen a two tier vanilla and chocolate birthday cake was sat, decorated with figures of jungle animals, also on the island were bowls of crisps and plates of Daisy’s favourite snacks.

“You didn’t have to do all of this H, she would’ve been fine with a cake from tesco and a bag of chocolate buttons.” Ashley sighed as Harry showed Daisy all the toy jungle animals.

“I wanted to, it looks like I’ll be on tour for her birthday next year, and my favourite little lady deserves spoiling.” Harry insisted.

Gemma, Anne and Linda had all arrived shortly after Ashley and Daisy and now the celebrations were in full swing, everyone was sat around the island snacking on the crisps and biscuits Harry had laid out. “Presents! Let’s do presents!” Harry declared, before disappearing and returning with several parcels wrapped in obnoxiously pink wrapping paper. 

“Anyone would think Uncle Harry wanted to be your favourite,” Gemma said to Daisy who was currently sitting on her lap.

“I already am her favourite,” Harry informed Gemma, before miming tossing his hair, he placed the parcels on the table for Daisy, and with the help of her Auntie Gemma she unwrapped them one by one, Harry being Harry had gone all out, the presents ranged from a giraffe teddy to a pair of mini old skool vans, which Harry insisted were a necessity. Gemma treated her to a set of insanely soft pyjamas and a toy elephant, whilst Anne bought her a set of story books and Linda gave her a new dressing gown that looked like a giraffe.

“Thank you so much, all of you, these are such lovely presents, you’re a lucky lady aren’t you Daisy? What do you say to everyone?” Ashley said to Daisy.

“Ta!” she exclaimed, resulting in a mixture of sighs and claps from everyone sitting around the table.

“I’ve got you one more present,” Harry handed Ashley a green envelope, Ashley opened it hesitantly, inside was a picture from London Zoo, “Before I leave for tour, I’ve booked us a tour of London Zoo after they close, so that Daisy can see all the animals properly, and we won’t have to worry about the hassle from photographers and all that.”

“You’re a proper softie Styles,” Ashley said, moving round the island and wrapping her arms around him, “Thank you for all of this.”

After indulging in slices of Daisy’s birthday cake everyone agreed a walk across Hampstead Heath was necessary, Harry carried Daisy on his shoulders, who seemed to be having way too much fun playing with her uncle’s hair. Anne and Linda strolled behind, chatting about their children, and the adults they had become, whilst Gemma and Ashley walked side by side, “He loves her doesn’t he?” Ashley whispered softly.

“He’d do anything for her, they have the purest little friendship.” Gemma told her.

“I don’t know what I’d be doing if it weren’t for Harry, Daisy and I would’ve spent today watching all the Madagascar movies whilst eating our way through a chocolate cake, but he’s made this day so memorable for her.” Ashley replied as they all found a seat underneath a big tree to provide them with shade.

“You alright up there munchkin?” Ashley asked Daisy, gently stroking her cheek.

“I should probably get Daisy home soon, it’s nearly her bedtime.” Ashley sighed,  the sun was beginning to set over the heath, a golden glow dancing on all their bodies, the heath was pretty empty except for a few families and couples who were either enjoying the infrequent summer weather or taking their dogs for a well needed walk. Ashley hadn’t really clocked it at first, but there was a distinctive figure hovering by a tree across from them, being friends with Harry for as long as she had, she learnt to shrug off people loitering near them, assuming they were either a fan or a photographer. But when she caught a glimpse of this person again she realised she did in fact know them, “What the fuck,” she whispered under her breath, quiet enough that Daisy wouldn’t hear, but loud enough that Harry did hear, he glanced in the same direction as Ashley, realising what she had seen. Ashley stood up without saying a word and walked towards him.

“Well if it isn’t Harry Styles’ favourite baby mama,” He slurred, taking a swig of what must have been his fifth or so can of beer.

“What the fuck are you doing here Matt?” Ashley asked him, pushing him back.

“I just wanna see my daughter.” He told her, leaning against the tree.

“No, that’s not happening,” Ashley told him bitterly.

“Why? You scared I’ll see she actually has an uncanny resemblance to that prick over there?”

“Harry is not her dad!” Ashley told him.

“Well then why can’t I see her?”

“You lost the right to see her the day you told me you didn’t want anything to do with her, you know she was born six weeks early? She was kept in an incubator because she was too small, except you wouldn’t know that because you weren’t there, so excuse me for not wanting you to have anything to do with her.” 

“Are you alright?” Ashley turned to see Harry, he had left Daisy in the capable care of Anne.

“Here’s your knight in shining armour coming to your rescue,” Matt slurred.

“I’m fine Harry, can you take Daisy back to yours? I don’t want her seeing this.” Ashley asked him.

“I’m not leaving you with him Ash.” Harry replied.

“How long did it take you mate?” Matt asked him.

“What are you on about?” Harry responded,

“To get her into bed? Didn’t take me too long if I’m honest-” Harry tried to swing a punch at him, but Ashley was quick to hold him back, pressing both her hands against his chest.

“H, he isn’t worth it.” She soothed, cupping his face with one hand, so as to make him look her in the eye, whilst still holding him back with the other.

“If you try and approach Ashley or Daisy again, you will be hearing from my lawyers, do you understand?” Harry asked him sternly.

“I get you big man, I’m not sticking around to deal with you and your emotional baggage.”

The group had now returned back to Harry’s house, Gemma, Linda and Anne were entertaining Daisy with cartoons in the living room, “You didn’t have to step in like that H,” Ashley whispered as she poured him a cup of tea.

“He was out of order.” Harry insisted as he took his mug of tea, “I wasn’t just going to stand there whilst he talked about you like that.”

“He’s not wrong though is he? I didn’t have to sleep with him that night, I just did anyway.” Ashley said, fiddling with the lid on the milk bottle.

“Just because you slept with him that doesn’t make you easy, you think I haven’t slept with people I regret?” Harry replied.

“It’s different for you, a man sleeps with twenty girls and he’s a lad, a girl sleeps with five men and she’s a slag.” 

“You know I don’t think that don’t you?” Harry assured her.

“I know, because you are a gooden, and one day when Daisy brings a boy home I want him to be as good as you, and I think by having a positive male role model in her life like you, she will learn that she deserves someone who if she asks for the world will give her the universe.” Ashley told him.

“Is that you saying you think I am boyfriend material?” Harry grinned.

“Don’t push it Styles.”

Hiiiiii

I used to be super duper active on here and I kind of went MIA but I’m back and better than evaaaaaaa I’m about to spread more yellow up in this blog

you will have an easier time detaching from people when you realize how plentiful life is. there are so many people in this world. so many connections to be made. you will find another person who brings you so much more happiness, so much more love, so much more friendship. the idea of a single soulmate is romantic, yes, but realistically, the likelihood of having one soulmate is next to none. (and I promise you it isn’t the person that left, that barely met your needs, that didn’t treat you right, that made you cry a little too often; the right one wouldn’t do that.) there are tons of people you will meet that will contribute to your life, growth, and well-being in different ways. different people are meant for different things, for teaching you different lessons. and eventually, you will meet someone that reciprocates your energy, effort, and affections in a way that you deserve, in the way you’ve been waiting for. your partners will gradually get better until you meet that final destination person. and they will be the soulmate that stays, the one that is meant to be your forever.

today, try doing something that you’ve been putting off, however big or small. cleaning your room, finishing a homework assignment, making your bed, laundry. go ahead and do it so it’s out of the way, then you can do whatever you want with a little more peace of mind. it probably won’t take as long as you think. and if it does, you can always take a break or reward yourself when you’re done. you got this!

panclownrights:

PSA

Be Kind

I’m not trying to preach or sound sappy. This has happened enough times though, that I figured I would help try to remind. It’s upsetting to know how some people are treated in this community. For all I know, everyone has been treated bad in this community at one time or another. But let’s try to remember that there is absolutely no good reason to treat anyone poorly. Regardless of followers, race, sexuality, gender (or lack of), or anything else. This community is here for people to make content, make friends, and have a fun time doing something they enjoy. We all make mistakes and I’m not trying to shame anyone. Hopefully we can be more mindful of others. Treat people with respect and kindness. Let’s keep this community fun because you all are awesome!!