#bipride

Y'ALL HOW DO I LOOK

Frida Kahlo was really out here being a whole BICON.

Feat. @ dearabbyhansen on our TikTok.

the-amateur-illustrator:

Bisexuals will take one look at any of Robert Sheehan’s characters and think “yes, this is my ideal aesthetic”

From Autostraddle.com,  September 23, 2019

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It’s incredible the strides we’ve made and how much the world has changed since the inception of Celebrate Bisexuality Day in 1999; 20 years on, we have national bisexual+ organizations and out bi and pan politicians; Kat Sandoval wearing butch bisexual suits on TV; Tessa Thompson and Janelle Monáe doing literally everything that they do; and a new generation of youth who are ready to save the world from climate change and have no interest in maintaining the status quo of the past around sexuality or gender. What kind of world are they ushering us into! We can’t wait to find out. Here’s some of your local bi+ Autostraddle writers and pals weighing in on what we hope to see in a bisexual future. Where do you see us headed? Let us know in the comments!

KaeLyn, Writer

I would love bisexuality in the future to not be viewed as a behavior, but as an identity. So many of the dumb myths about bisexuality come with a hypersexual focus on sexual behavior, both assumptions of what kinds of behaviors bisexuals partake in and what bisexuals should or should not do in terms of sexual partners. I choose the identity of bisexual for a lot of reasons, both personal and political, but not really aligned at all with my sexual history (or future). What a concept!

I would want bisexuals in the future to have a sense of a bisexual past, bisexual history, bisexual culture, to feel a part of something just for them. I think about our history a lot, that fact that bi stigma has prevented us from reaching back and finding our own. Bisexual figures in history will get their place alongside gay and lesbian figures in the future. (FWIW, so will trans historical figures.) It’s exciting that there are so many out famous bisexuals now. There will be more to hold onto for future bisexuals than currently and, like others have said, that sense of representation means something tangible in terms of health outcomes and bisexual joy.

I just want more and more bisexual joy!

Natalie, Writer

So, I’ll start with the pop culture conversation…partly because it’s my beat here at Autostraddle but also because I truly believe in pop culture’s ability to initiate shifts in how we see each other and ourselves.

While we’ve seen an increase in the number of bisexual+ characters on television over the years, the numbers still fall short of being reflective of the our community. Studies estimate that bi+ people are about 50% of the LGBT community, on television we represent just 27% of LGBT characters. I’d love to see more representation of bisexual people across the board and shows like Grey’s Anatomy,Station 19andGood Trouble show that bi+ representation doesn’t have to come at the expense of gay or lesbian or trans representation. There can be and should be room for us all to see ourselves.

There’s a lot of attention paid to television shows that employ harmful tropes about bisexual people — and rightfully so — but one thing that’s becoming increasingly frustrating to me: characters who are, ostensibly, bisexual but who never actually say the word. For everything that was groundbreaking about Orange is the New Black, it took until its 89th episode for the show’s lead character, who had essentially been bisexual from the very first episode, to actually be called bisexual. Shows that do that are contributing to bi-erasure and biphobia and, of course, audiences are internalizing that message.

In the real world, that erasure has some consequences; it suggests that there’s something wrong with identifying as bisexual and contributes to a sense of alienation, especially among young queer people. We’re seeing that manifest in stark mental health disparities: according to an analysis from the Trevor Project, bisexual youth are more likely to feel sad or hopeless and consider suicide than their gay/lesbian and heterosexual peers…and, not surprisingly, those issues persist in adulthood. In the future, LGBT organizations have to do a better job at providing trans-inclusive programming targetted at bi+ communities that address mental health. On the political front, I think universal health care coverage, with mental health parity, is essential if we want to bisexual people to thrive.

Adrian, Contributor

I dream of a bisexual future where all people are safe to explore feelings of attraction, care, friendship, and love without fear of discrimination, violence, or stigma. I want a bisexual future that celebrates and uplifts trans people of all genders, as bisexual activists and community leaders have done for decades. I long for an inclusive bi+ future where everyone, no matter who they love or what label resonates most, feels welcome under our expansive umbrella. I need a bisexual future that honors our ancestors and demands better for those who follow us.

Sometimes I joke that I assume everyone is bisexual until proven otherwise. I don’t mean it in a reductive way, but rather as my small resistance to a cultural reality where heterosexuality is considered the default setting. I hope our bisexual future is one where we let people define themselves with joy and never fear.

Rachel Kincaid, Managing Editor

The “x is bi culture” meme is increasingly common, and while it’s a joke format I really love seeing! I love that bi youth are growing up into a world where they’ll get to participate in and be part of defining a bi community and culture that’s all its own, something alive and changing and freestanding. As I was growing and developing as a bi person, everything I understood about bisexuality (and by extension, myself) was reactive, a point of comparison to gay or straight people. I learned that we were diet versions of gay people; more confusing, less trustworthy versions of straight people. I think that even in the 15 or so years since I was a youth, that’s already started to change; there are active conversations around specifically queer and bi identity and experience, and children who got to skip much of the confusing, self-loathing interim time of trying to figure out what they “really are.” Those kids will have a whole set of terminology and jokes and characters in media and celebrities and information about their own selves that I couldn’t have imagined, and I’m so elated about that. I’m excited for a future where bi people have a shared culture and conversation that goes beyond mythbusting or fighting stigma, and that stands on its own sense of self and history and resists comparisons to other groups, or an idea of being “in between,” and one that actively seeks out points of solidarity and overlap with trans communities and other marginalized people. We have such a rich history and strong present, and I’m excited for the broad-ranging, ever-shifting bi community to build its future.

Abeni Jones, Contributor

I envision a future where the bisexual vs. pansexual debate is OVER! I want bisexuality to either include non-binary and otherwise trans people, or not. To be honest, I would be fine if there WAS a clear distinction – like, what it seems everyone on Reddit believes: “bisexuals are into cis men and cis women ONLY, pansexuals don’t discriminate by gender/genitalia,” or whatever. I don’t really care how it all shakes out, but it would be great to know off top who’s trans-exclusionary and who isn’t. Then I could know who to avoid if I ever date again!

In some ways I think the bisexual / pansexual / queer future I imagine when I think about this question is already happening for some youth and the world they’re living in. There are so many of them coming out so much earlier than I did, and embracing a wide variety of non-monosexual identities. It’s like they know that there is such a beautiful rainbow of options before them and they don’t have to squeeze themselves into a gay or lesbian identity if that’s not what fits best for them. It took me so long to figure that out! I hope in the future that every person coming out at any age feels free to adopt and try out whatever identity or label that fits best for them, and to change their mind if they want to. I want the freedom and queer belonging I’ve seen in some young bi+ people to be had by everyone.

Another thing that is great about today that feels like the future I would have wanted are the many amazing examples of bisexual representation in TV and books. I would have killed for this variety 15 or 20 years ago. I mean, I have over 400 books on my bisexual shelf on Goodreads! And we have real-life bi peope like Stephanie Beatrix playing bisexual characters on TV. What a blessing! For the future I would love to see bi+ media representation get more diverse and centre more people of color, people with diverse abilities, nonbinary people, trans people and — odd as it might seem to say — more men.

On a personal note, I am at the beginning of some big adulting type things like getting a mortgage and planning to have kids with my cis male partner. What I really want for my own future is to avoid disappearing into bisexual invisibility / supposed heterosexual normalcy. I think this means bisexual community. So stay tuned for the bisexual mom/parent group I may be starting in my small west coast city? In the meantime I have the amazing bi+ community at Autostraddle, which I am so, so grateful for.

Mara Wilson, Noted Bisexual

First, and most importantly, I wish it could be universally agreed that bisexual does not imply a binary. It does not have to mean “both men and women” (others’ words, not mine); it can, and should, and in my opinion, does mean “both my gender, and other genders.” A binary interpretation can deter people from using it, and I actually struggled with it myself when I first came out. But it’s still the term I feel feels the best for me, someone attracted to both my gender and to other genders, be they transgender, cis, non-binary, any gender. “Pansexual” has never quite felt right for me, but of course, those who identify as such should use it. Bisexuality, as I envision it, should be seen as inclusive, and should absolutely not be transphobic.

I would also like to renew my call for boring bisexual characters in fiction! I want characters who post a lot of pictures of their cats and go to bed early when they have migraines. If we are going to be represented as “evil” or “confused,” there better at least be other characters on that show or in that book who are bisexual and good, or bisexual and boring. (Killing Eve does a good job with this, in my opinion.) We can of course, be evil bisexual (see: Gaby Dunn), or confused bisexual (see: ), but it’s not because we bisexual.

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Source: https://www.autostraddle.com/celebrate-bisexuality-day-2019-the-future-is-bisexual/

Kai Hazelwood had a novel way of celebrating Bisexual Awareness Week — throw an amazing, inclusive rager.

By Kai Hazelwood

September 16 2019 5:29 AM EDT

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Visibility is important, especially in a world that doesn’t believe you exist.

I identify as a bi+ woman, although I use bi+ and queer interchangably. In fact I’ve got all my queer merit badges; I’m a full queer troupe leader now! But I remember how lonely I used to be marooned on hetero island, and how alienated I felt from the LGBTQ+ spaces I could find.

Even in Los Angeles, bi+ visibility is in short supply; so I wanted to make the kind of party that both my baby queer self would have longed to go to, with the kind of community that I could then only dream of, as well as the party the full-fledged bi+/queer version of me today would be excited about. Of course we need to march in the streets, lobby for policy changes, and educate people, but building joyful and visible community is a vital political act too, and it’s what Unicorn pARTy is all about.

I’ve been asked a lot recently why I feel so passionately about bi+ activism, because isn’t it easier to be bi+? Isn’t it just a phase liberal college girls go through before settling down with a guy, or guys go through before they’re ready to come out as gay? And why identify as bi+; doesn’t bisexuality only refer to men and women, excluding other genders and trans people? I usually smile and say that those questions are exactly why the work matters. First the definition of bisexual varies slightly depending on the individual, but is trans, gender queer and nonbinary inclusive: attraction romatically and/or sexually to my own gender and genders different from my own. Not necessarily at the same time or to the same degree. Not attraction to men and women exclusively as is commonly believed. And in fact according to The Bisexuality Report:

“…of all the larger sexual identity groups, bisexual people have the worst mental health problems, including high rates of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidality… Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities…This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.”

Look, it’s 20-BI-teen and I’ve arrived at a point, for good or for bad (I’m going to say for good), that anytime someone has a problem with my bisexuality, I’m able to say, “You’re welcome. I just gave you an opportunity to join us in the 21st century. I have a magical chosen family of queerdos and allies and if you’re too limited to take my invitation to join us and come swim in a beautiful queer future, that’s your issue and not mine.”

But I didn’t always feel this way, and I’m not naive enough to think that everyone has the privilege to feel this way too. The statistics tell us that many bi+ people don’t or can’t, and it has serious consequences on their health, safety, and economic well-being.

In honor of Bi Pride Week and Month, (yes, I know historically we have bi+ awareness week and bi+ visibility day but again, it’s 20-BI-teen and I say we get a whole month), I used my skills as an artist and producer to celebrate my bi+ community with radical joy; to tell our stories, and to make room for bi+ artists to have a platform. This weekend’s Unicorn pARTy included the premiere of a new dance theatre work I created in collaboration with other performers called inVISIBLE, featuring real bi+ stories from real bi+ people. The night also featured some fabulous L.A. based bands like alt-rockers VATTICA, with bi+ frontman (and my partner) Alexander Millar, the stunning voice of the lovely country/pop bi+ artist Cindy Jollotta, and more. The whole night was hosted by my dear friend-love Miss Barbie Q and included a queer craft market curated by one of my closest framily members (friend family) Kristy Kennedy and her business Queerdo by Kiki.

Will one pARTy change the world? Of course not. But for just one night I created the world I want to live in. One where we celebrate who we are with fellow bi+ folx and allies alike, one where we can share community resources; like how to connect with the work of our event sponsors, The American Institute of Bisexuality, and their social community AmBi that has been my home for many years now, first as a member and now as an organizer. And #stillbisexual, who taught me the power personal storytelling can have on increasing the visibility of a community to its struggling members and society at large.

So no, Unicorn pARTy won’t change the world. But it’s a small, sparkly, rainbow start.

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NOTE: bi+ is of course imperfect, but is used here to refer to all non-monosexual identities.

Kai Hazelwood is the founder of Good Trouble Makers and producer of the first annual Unicorn PARTy in honor of bi awareness month.

Source: https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2019/9/16/can-one-queer-party-change-bisexual-visibility-cant-hurt

By Lewis Oakley

July 14, 2016

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If you’re bi, you’re no stranger to the connotations that word holds to both the gay and straight community. To us, it simply means attraction to more than one gender; to others it can mean “lying,” “gay,” “confused” or simply “going through a phase.” Where has this misunderstanding come from and how can we as bi people reclaim the word’s meaning?

Confused Gay Men

Confused gay men are probably the biggest road bump. Let’s face it, even in today’s modern world, coming out is a hard and terrifying step. For decades now, some gay men have used the term bisexual as a convenient stepping stone to test the waters before finally realising or announcing that they are in fact gay. This has had a knock-on effect for bisexual people, as it means that many people mistakenly view bisexuality as transitional rather than something people are all of their lives.

I personally have had many gay men tell me that they used to say they were bisexual. They conclude, incorrectly, that I must therefore also be doing the same. They tell me I just need to be confidant and tell the truth. But I am!

I’ve never understood the motivation behind such comments. Perhaps they do genuinely believe that I am gay and want to help me through the struggles they went through. A lot of people assume their own personal limited experiences are somehow universal. But that’s not true; people are different. Just because that was their experience doesn’t mean it’s mine. They simply do not understand sexuality outside of their own experience. Regardless of where it comes from, the underlying fact is that a large portion of gay men do not accept bisexuality as a credible orientation.

Of course, many straight people with gay friends also see bisexuality as transitional. They have seen firsthand their gay friends adopt the bisexual title only to switch it out for the gay crown later on down the line. This has lead to much scepticism in the straight community, which also affects our dating lives. I know first hand that some women have been put off dating me because my bisexuality makes them nervous.

Regardless of the motivation the fact is that, although perhaps unintentionally, gay men have spent decades discrediting bi people. It is imperative to moving forward that we find a solution.

The Rush to Define Oneself

At the heart of this problem is the way labels are used. We are a generation that loves our binary labels, and all the assumptions they carry: married or single, team Edward or team Jacob, gay or straight. The problem is, when it comes down to it, sexual orientation, like most things, is not black and white. There are shades of grey, and we have a word for people who fall somewhere in that grey spectrum: bisexual.

From my personal experience, I wouldn’t have defined myself as bisexual until I was around 20. I needed time to explore and to discover what relationships and sex were like before I could feel confident that I understood my sexuality. One problem our society faces today is that there is not a good term (not one that’s widely used at least) to describe these years of exploration. There is so much pressure to “choose a side,” to “pick a team.” I had to deal with the labels people gave me, gay, bisexual, confused, slut. Now, 24, I can honestly say that I am definitely bi. It feels great to celebrate the fact that I have the magic gift of bisexuality. It is an amazing orientation and one that is sure to keep life interesting, allowing me to see the world in a way many others can only dream of.

Labels are important, they are a quick way of explaining the situation to people. One challenge bi people face, unfortunately, is that due to all these misconceptions the bisexual label seems to always need further explanation. Ask any bi person, and they will tell you that when they tell someone about their orientation they are then subjected to a Q+A session. How many girls have you been with? Which one do you prefer? Don’t you miss men when you are dating women? It’s a serious of leading questions designed to trick you into admitting that you’re not really bi - because nobody is bi. It’s very frustrating.

Bisexual People in Monogamous Relationships

I am often asked: If i’m dating a man doesn’t that make me gay? To which I always respond ;No. It changes my relationship status, not my sexuality.’ The problem I think many bi people have is that when they settle down with a partner, they are usually pigeonholed by friends and family right back into that black and white / gay or straight false dichotomy. And since most of us have other things to think about than the fight for bi visibility, I think many bi people just give up and take the easy route. They are monogamous, ‘so why bother’ they tell themselves. Leave that fight for younger bi people who are still in the dating scene.

The temptation to give up is great when constantly faced with those offensive, bigoted leading questions. But those of us who can stomach it should, even after we settle down into a relationship. We need more bi people in monogamous relationships to keep talking about their bisexuality. It’s essential in order to ensure that people do not define their orientation by the relationship they are in. For all those out there wondering “if bi people exist, why don’t I ever meet them:” You do. You meet them every day, but you just don’t see their bisexuality. How could you?

The Solution

As many men who have taken the time to explore their sexuality know, kissing a boy doesn’t necessarily make you gay or bi. In my opinion, the term bicurious should be far more widespread than it is. It is a great way to signify those years of sexual exploration. It would also solve the problem of people thinking genuine bisexual people are lying or that bisexuality is a transitional sexuality. If bicurious people would called themselves bicurious, rather than jumping straight to bisexual, then those gay people who are “transitioning” and those straight people who are “experimenting” would find their way to a solid understanding of their sexuality without giving true bi people a bad name along the way.

Some people are too quick to call themselves bisexual (or gay or straight), and change their mind down the line. This makes things significantly harder for actual bisexual people to be taken seriously. Being 'bicurious’ would be a welcomed distinction to improve the understandings of what people are actually feeling.

Being bisexual isn’t a phase, but being bicurious can be. Bisexual people aren’t confused, but it’s ok to be confused about our sexuality while we are still figuring it out. My hope for the future is that bicurious will be used more widely, where it’s appropriate - so that the word bisexual can be represented by people who have moved past that experimental stage and graduated to #FullBi.

How can we accomplish this? You can help by spreading the word (literally). We need to put the word bicurious in the public’s vocabulary. Only then will we be able to reclaim the term bisexual as the credible and lifelong orientation it is and always was.

Source: https://bi.org/en/articles/bisexual-its-time-to-reclaim-the-word

By GQ Staff

19 September 2019

“Most of us don’t know much about alternate sexualities”

What’s it like to be neither straight or gay? Here’s a man from Delhi giving his account as a bisexual man.

“I was a minority within a minority”

“I’m a 36-year-old, bisexual man living with my family in Delhi - unconventional doesn’t even begin to define my life.”

“I first came to terms with my sexuality back in college. At first, I was in complete shock. How could I have found a guy attractive? I was dating a girl at that time, and this sudden interest in another man turned my entire world upside down. Besides being worried about someone finding out, I was also scared in case I was turning gay. Please note that this was in 2003 and back then, I didn’t know anything about bisexuality - like most people, I only knew and understood being straight or gay.”

“It wasn’t until I confessed to my friend, after getting drunk, that things started to make some sense. She was the one who told me about bisexuality, and I was in complete shock. When I told my girlfriend, she dumped me, and told everyone we know about it. My secret was suddenly out, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“First, I had to suddenly face the reality that I wasn’t ‘normal’ anymore - I could be a part of the LGBTQ+ community and that sent shivers down my spine. Add to that, I wasn’t even just gay. Being bisexual meant that I was a minority within a minority. How would I deal with that?”

“A man or a woman doesn’t matter”

“I wanted to know if there was some kind of difference between my attractions for men and women, or, if I were attracted to one of the genders a bit more than the other. As a result, I had random sex with both men and women, as many times as I could. But both the experiences were so different, all I felt was more confusion.”

“There wasn’t any representation of bisexuals in mainstream media either. There still isn’t, to be honest. When I decided to come out to my friends, all I got was some unfunny remarks. You can enjoy the best of both worlds, was the common one. You can hook up with as many men as you want and then get married to a girl, some suggested. There was a fair bit of 'it’s a phase’ as well. Basically, no one understood my true self. Most still don’t, even after close to two decades.”

“It was an article online that finally solved the riddle for me - it said that for a bisexual person, the attraction is never about a person’s body, but about that person in their entirety. A man or a woman doesn’t matter - if they have a trait (or more) that you like, they’re the one for you!”

“Most men and women I’ve liked have backed off”

“How’s my dating life? I’ve been terribly unfortunate in that department. Most men and women I’ve liked, have backed off. Even on Tinder. I can’t date someone who’s bisexual - I’ve heard this line more number of times than I would’ve liked to. The men worry that eventually I’d want to get married and go for a woman, and the women are scared that I’ll just turn gay.”

“I’ve had one serious relationship though. It lasted for 3 years, actually. We met at a common friend’s wedding, and hit it off almost immediately. When I told her about my sexuality the next day, she just shrugged and said it wasn’t a big deal. I can’t tell you how big a relief that was! I had never got that your reaction from anyone else - it made me feel 'normal’ after a really long time.”

“Though it didn’t work out eventually, I have some wonderful memories of our times together. The reason for our separation wasn’t my sexual orientation, and that gives me hope of having another fulfilling relationship sometime in the future as well.”

“Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re attracted to both men and women at the same time”

“How does it really work, is the most common question people ask me, once they get to know about my sexuality. A friend once asked me who would I choose if I had an attractive man and woman walking towards me at the same time. As if it works like that. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know much about alternate sexualities and have extremely stereotypical notions about them.”

“Let me just clarify one thing - being bisexual doesn’t mean that you’re attracted to both men and women at the same time. It doesn’t even mean that if I’m dating a woman, she has to constantly live in fear that I’ll cheat on her with the next attractive men I meet. Or, vice-versa. Just like a heterosexual person is attracted to the opposite gender, a bisexual person is attracted to both genders. That’s all there is to it.”

“And for all those who believe that bisexuals are having all the fun, I wish you’d understand just how difficult it is to even go out on a date. Most people turn you down before they’ve even met you because they can’t deal with your orientation. That’s certainly not fun!”

“Do I feel misunderstood? Of course, I do”

“My parents are still in denial about my sexuality, I suppose. Yes, even after all these years. They’re quite hopeful that one day, I will go back to being straight - even if that happens when I’m 40, or 50. Talk about optimism!”

“Even members of the LGBTQ+ community aren’t particularly affable, once they realise you’re not just gay. There are a lot of crusaders for homosexuality but how many bisexuals do you know who’re fighting for their rights? Even after the Supreme Court striking down Sec 377, the conversation around bisexuality hasn’t become mainstream as yet. One of the reasons is that most people feel bisexuality is just a pitstop, one that slowly but surely leads to homosexuality. We don’t want to accept that a man or woman can be attracted to both the genders for their entire lifetime.”

“Does it get lonely? Yes. Do I feel misunderstood? Of course, I do. Fortunately, things are changing, and more number of people are coming out as bisexual. It helps to have people you can relate with - I’ve even made a host of friends with the same sexual orientation, and we all act as a support group for each other.”

“It’s 2019 and it’s cool to be who you truly are - if only things were the same back in my time.”

*The opinions expressed in this article are solely of the narrator who chose not to reveal his identity.*

Source: https://www.gqindia.com/relationships/content/confessions-of-a-bisexual-man-from-delhi