C-section

Since April is a C-section awareness month I thought I would share my experience. My son was born “naturally” after the world’s best pregnancy. My pregnancy with my daughter 3 years later was anything but easy. I was sick for most of it and at my 38 week appointment I got news that she was breech. Lack of breath that I thought was from her butt being in my rib cage was actually her head. I was scheduled for a version procedure the next day. I showed up and did another ultrasound and my little flipper was in the right spot! A few days later however she was breech again. I was admitted into the hospital and had 3 versions, yes 3. After the last one they actually tied bed sheets around my belly to keep her in place. I was induced, they broke my water. Labor lasted for 2 days but felt like weeks. 3 epidurals, 2 days of contractions, I was so weak and only at 9.5 centimeters. I was told that I had to wait until I was at 10 to push. Hours went by and my body was done. I was told that my daughter’s head was stuck and I would need an emergency C-section. They rolled me away and handed scrubs to my husband. I have never had surgery before, I’m not good with pain. I had chills to the point that my hands were shaking. I cried the whole time. When they allowed my husband to be by my side I made him promise to tell our son that mama loves him in case something happens. Yes I know a bit dramatic but in that moment I really thought that I might die. I didn’t see my baby first but I heard her cry. They weight her, measured her height and only then wrapped her up and handed her to my husband. He held her by my head and I finally met the little lady that’s been renting out my belly for the past 9 months. She was beautiful, our little Eleanor. My husband held her for the rest of my surgery. They rolled me into the recovery room and I was in and out for most of the night. I was in so much pain. When I would ask about the baby I was told that she’s in the nursery so that I can rest. The next day I finally held my child. I thought that if I tried to stand up my insides would just fall out of my stomach. I know how crazy that sounds but I really thought that the scar would rip. I never understood how important skin to skin was with a baby until that day. I didn’t get to have that with her and even though she was mine I didn’t feel connected. I had to have my husband be the one to pick her up and hand her to me, I felt so helpless. What kind of mother can’t pick up her own baby? She would cry and my husband would whisper sweet nothings in her ear and she would stop. To this day I know she feels safe with him, she knows his hands were the first real touch that she had, she knows his smell and voice. I already had a child and I loved him so much I wondered if my heart could love her too. I was worried that maybe my son would feel like he’s missing out with the new baby getting all the attention. He surprised me and embraced the role of big brother since day one. I learned that time really does heal all things and the scar that I thought would split open is still intact. The baby that I didn’t feel connected to is almost 2 and is the most amazing little girl. She can light up any room and her laugh is contagious. My heart made room for her and I can honestly say I love both my kids the same. People that think having a C-section is the easy way out probably never had one, so please keep your opinions to yourself. And to all the moms that have the scar- you are superstars! It doesn’t matter how you became a mother, natural birth or C-section what matters is how you raise your kids.