#cam whoring

I was wanting something sweet and cuddly. Or, at least, that’s what I thought I wanted.

Instead I Skyped with The Super Sadist and got beating on my tits with a lighter and choking myself with a dildo down my throat. He timed me and told me to “Keep it in there, bitch” and “This is what you’re for” and “Don’t you dare take it out,” andwhen I fucked up, I had to slap my tits or my cunt. He stroked his cock while he watched.

I kept it in my throat for 20, 30, then 40 seconds, just a short break between each attmpt. I held it in with my hand as I listened to the barrage of verbal abuse. I teared up. I drooled on myself because he likes it, no matter how I feel about it. I threw up in my mouth a bit during play for the first time. After that happened the third time, I had to take the dildo out early because I couldn’t breathe and there was too much vomit in my mouth and nose.Then I really started to cry in earnest. 

I curled up a bit and cried hard into a pillow until I heard him say “Look at me.” I moved to look at him, and he told me to watch how hard he was getting off to watching me suffer. I watched him and thought about what he was masturbating to. The pain, suffering, humiliation, degradation. Soon my whimpers of suffering turned into whines of arousal as he stroked himself, finally cumming from all the suffering he’d watched me inflict on myself at his instruction and all the tears that had resulted.

I earned a “Mildly impressed,” which is high praise coming from him.

Last night I spent quite a while Skyping with The Super Sadist, a “nice” young man I met off tumblr. We talked for a long time, and he’s genuinely intelligent and interesting, which was fun. We talked about kink and sex and preferences and even feminism. Obviously we both think it’s stupid bullshit thought up by ridiculous cunts and I clearly need to work on wiping the last vestiges of it out of my system. I’m glad he’s on the same page as me on the feminism thing. I wouldn’t play with a man who wasn’t.

After a long conversation, I eventually asked “Do you want to play?” I guess he had enjoyed watching me get off on Friday night, when I first met him, and that he liked the look of me and was curious to see what I would look and sound like while suffering instead of cumming, because he said he did.

His first question was “What do you have around to stick in your butt?” I grabbed my bag of anal toys and showed him the four toys I have, which range from tiny buttplug to gigantic dildo I’ve only gotten in all the way one time. He seemed pleased to see the giant one and we decided I should clean up and call back.

When I came back, he told me I could work up to the big one if I wanted. I considered for a moment, since when I get fucked I don’t do much prep, but decided this time it would be a good life choice. It definitely was the right choice in this instance, because his nickname is The Super Sadist for a reason. I started putting lube on and then was a stupid, but properly behaved, bitch and threw myself under the bus by asking, “Can I use lube?” I didn’t have to say that. He gave no indication that he wasn’t going to let me use lube. There would have been nothing outwardly disobedient if I hadn’t asked. But I still did because I thought of it, and if I think of a clarification to ask for and the answer could make my life more difficult, I really should ask.

He thought for a bit as I sat there with fingers crossed. He told me that I could use lube on the smaller ones I was using to get myself ready for the big one. I sighed in relief because I’ve never actually had anything in my ass sans lube before. I used plenty of lube as I used my second biggest dildo to loosen myself up. When I felt ready, I grabbed the big one and, positioning myself so he could see what he wanted, I started to push it in. There was enough lube that it went in fairly easily, considering the fact that it has obnoxious ridges.

Finally, after a fair amount of groaning and grimacing, I’d pushed it in as far as it could go. It wasn’t entirely bottomed out, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. I told him it was in as far as it could go, and he said okay. I wanted to do my best, so I tried one last push and said “Yup. Definitely in as far as it can go.” and he told me “I believed you the first time.” I guess I don’t come across as a lazy sub who will lie to wiggle out of the last bit of dildo.

I looked at him to inquire what to do next and he said “Now take it out. Duh.” so I pulled the damn thing almost all the way out. He had me fuck my ass with it, pushing it in as far as I could, then pulling it almost out. After a little while he instructed me to pick up the pace, so I went faster. He seemed to be enjoying my expressions of pain and discomfort, and the trembling/shaking I was doing. It’s good to know that even at a distance I can still manage to provide entertainment via suffering.

Fucking my ass with the large dildo was difficult and uncomfortable, but eventually I got loose enough that it didn’t really hurt anymore. The Super Sadist noticed and asked if it hurt less. I was, of course, honest, and told him that it did. He told me to use a bigger dildo and I told him I was using the biggest one I have. He wanted me to use something else, but I said I didn’t have anything rated for anal penetration. Then I thought of a compromise that would achieve the goal of making it more difficult and painful, and I offered it right up to him. I said that I could wipe the thing off, since there was lube in my ass and on it from when I was loosening myself up with the smaller dildo. I knew it was going to be super unpleasant, but he wanted to watch me suffer more, so I also knew I had to do it.

After I wiped the dildo off, he had me push it back in. The first bit was still fairly easy since there was still lube in my ass, but after an inch or two, it was rough going. Still, I managed to get it in as far as it would go. I was wondering in what he’d have me do next, and I was worried he’d have me fuck myself with it more, now that they was little lube left. That’s not what he did. What he did sucked just as much, if not more.

“Hit it,” he ordered. I was a little out of it, it realized he wanted me to hit the dildo in, so it would slam up against me inside. I did so, but not as hard as I should have he told me “Again.” and I repeated my efforts, not improving much. We continued this for a while, him chastising me for hesitation and saying be didn’t want any of this self-preservation instinct bullshit. He’s right, of course. Having those instincts is fine, but when they’re interfering with a man’s pleasure, then they become a problem.

I kept up with the hitting, feeling it smacking against my insides, making me twitch and moan. Eventually, he had me pull it out most of the way, which sucked, since most of the lube was no longer slick. I wasn’t sure what he was going to have me do next, but I was worried he was going to have me shove it back in. He didn’t. He told me to hit the bottom of the dildo and to hammer it in. I started doing that, still with my ridiculous hesitation. I did start improving, though, especially when he told me that the timer between strikes started when he said “Again,” not when I actually hit the dildo. That motivated me to do better, to go faster. He started leaving less time between strikes, just long enough for me to catch my breath. That also helped, because I had to focus on the next thing I was going to do, not think of worry about the pain I was going to experience.

Next, he told me to slap my cunt after each strike. I took a deep breath and spread my legs a little wider. After in did this a few times, I thought back to Friday night with Marxman, and how he’d made me hit my cunt with the mean rubber paddle. Then I just dove head first under the bus like the over eager cunt I am and told him about the paddle. I said that I would probably be able to hit myself harder, or at least cause more pain if I used the paddle. Then I proceeded to give him all of the information about the damn tool, including the fact that one side is meaner than the other. Luckily, he must have been feeling generous, because he allowed me to use the less harsh side. I told him that telling him about the paddle was one of the dumbest things I’d done in terms of offering up data that would result in suffering for me. He laughed at me and agreed.

I started using my closed fist to hit the dildo, since that allowed me to hit harder. Each time, I would hammer it in, then strike my cunt with the paddle. I curled up a little and groaned in pain each time, but each time returned back to position as soon as I was able. I wasn’t doing that great with the paddle, so I said I should hit multiple times, since that would get rid of hesitation and I’d hit harder, or else I’d at least be hitting multiple times. I did this for a while, and then he increased the number of times I had to hit the dildo, and had me hitting my hole with the edge of the paddle. After doing this for a little, and after a particularly hard hit to the dildo, I felt lightheaded, whether from the pain or not breathing right, I wasn’t sure. He allowed me a moment to start breathing correctly. Then I kept hitting the dildo and smacking my cunt for a decent while. We did interrupt to talk a little and tell offensive jokes about women, but other than that, I kept hurting myself while he watched.

Finally, he told me to pull it out more. When I did, I managed to pull it all the way out like a dumbass. He started to tell me to push it all the way back in, but allowed me to avoid doing that this time, since I needed to go to sleep soon. He had me shown him how stretched I was by pulling my asshole open for him with two fingers. It was a humiliating thing to do, so of course I liked it. He told me I’d done a good job, which made me smile. I’m a sucker for praise like that from doms and tops. It motivates me. Makes me want to be good and push myself to do anything told.

Playing with The Super Sadist was an interesting experience. He’s younger than I am, whereas pretty much every one else I’ve played with is a year or two, or, more frequently, four or more years older than I am. I wasn’t sure I’d have the same urge to please him as I have with those older people. That was not the case. Although I did laugh at myself once or twice, looking in at what I was doing, I wanted to do a good job, to please him. Part of that was likely the fact that I want to be good when men want to use me, because that’s what my owner wants me to do. But part of it was my desire to submit and his attitude. He has a casual domination style, making me feel like he was amused, disdainful, uncaring, entertained at my expense, and maybe even mildly bored, all at the same time. I wanted to behave, to please him, to hold his attention. I wanted to do what he was telling me to do. Especially when he was saying “Again” over and over, rapidly, and when he was clearly enjoying my pain.

I enjoyed being useful to him, despite the suffering. It was a new kind of pain and discomfort than other people have given me, especially with the added challenge of having to do everything to myself. He was unmoved (at least unmoved to sympathy) by any of the reactions I had, and he clearly enjoyed watching my struggle, pain, and discomfort on a number of different levels. He’s a mean fucker, and I like it.

Lest you been concerned that, after a date with Boy Genius where he was super nice to me and then a date with sub-leaning switch Puppy, I might be getting silly ideas about being equal to men or think that what I want matters, I thought I’d share the story of the orgasm after I had my first date with Puppy.

Due to…partner issues, Marxman and I hadn’t been playing for a little while. We’ve still been talking, though, and on Friday night after my date with Puppy, we started Skyping. I told him about my night and cleaned up my living room. When I finished cleaning, we started just talking. I was being obnoxious/annoying in a way that, had we been playing, I would have described as “bratty.” Normally I don’t do that, since I like being a good girl and don’t want punishments, but I figured there wasn’t anything he could do, so I kept going, talking negatively about men, even though they’re clearly my superiors, being stubborn with him, disagreeing in silly ways, teasing him about me being obedient, etc.

At one point, I was emptying my suitcase from when I visited my owner, and I took out a paddle. I think I was teasing hitting myself with it, and he told me, with a bit of that voice, to hit myself on the ass with it. I balked and danced around for a bit, but I’d wanted to do it in the first place (hence the showing it to him), so I whacked myself a few times. It had seemed a bit like playing, but I wasn’t going to tell him what he could and couldn’t do, especially since he’d been able to do more and more things after conversations with his partner.

I went into the bathroom and we started talking about the punishment The Fascist had threatened, which was to lick the inside of the toilet while masturbating. I commented that it was super gross and I definitely didn’t want to do it. Marxman said he’d like to see it if I did, and I jokingly offered to lick the outside for him, since I had no intention of getting punished. He took me up on it, and I licked the outside of my toilet, in a headspace of being amused, not submissive. Then he told me to lick the seat. I laughed and said, “Dude. You can’t play and I’m not in subspace.” “Do you want to be in subspace?,” he asked. My response was immediate, “Always.”

His voice changed and there was a noticeable shift in the dynamic between us. “Lick the seat all the way around three times,” he commanded. I whimpered, but complied. Once, twice, three times I ran my tongue around the toilet seat. When I was done, I sat back on my heels and looked at him, feeling fuzzy and subby, my cunt hot. I waited to see what he would say next. He looked at me and said calmly, “In case you couldn’t tell, [my partner] texted.”

I shivered in a combination of arousal and nervousness. I’m very happy to have him back and able to play. He knows how to treat me, we have pretty compatible kinks, and he’s got an awesome voice and enjoys using it to help me get off. That night, despite my bratty behavior, he was kind enough to use it that way.

I spread my legs and moved the camera so he could see me holding the vibe on my clit. He started to talk to me about an ongoing shared fantasy in which he holds me down and fucks my cunt, cumming in me while I struggle and beg him not to. I told him, a bit impishly, “I wouldn’t let you cum in me.” That just made him laugh. He’s decided he wants to do it, and nothing I say or do is going to stop him, if he gets the chance. He commented about how much bigger he is than I am, about twice my size. It would be nothing for him to hold me down and do whatever he wanted to me.

He pointed out how it would be especially great to cum in me against my will because I’m not on birth control, so I’d actually be risking pregnancy.  He described filling my cunt with cum and sending me out to get EC with it dripping down my leg. He talked about taking it away from me. He said he’d cum in me many times before he’d let me use it. If he let me use it.

I begged him not to cum in me, offered him anything he wanted, tieed to reason with him. None of it changed the inevitable, although he did enjoy my pathetic attempts and whimpers. Eventually, he told me, “Tell me you want it.” I shuddered and moaned out, “Please cum in me. I want you to cum in my cunt. Fill me. I need to feel you cum inside me. I want to feel it dripping down my leg. I want you to be the first person to cum in me.” He continued talking about overpowering me and using my hole and just ignoring everything I want just for his own pleasure.

A few moments later, I had an explosive, mindblowing orgasm, thinking about him forcing me to get off at the same time he was emptying himself into me, looking into his eyes, listening to him mock me for cumming as I’m being violated like that. This orgasm was fucking ridiculous. Besides feeling like I’d gone out and being unable to move, I almost pulled a Ted Mosby on this guy I’ve known for a few weeks, no joke. Fucking neurotransmitters. It was goddamn fantastic.

What a pathetic, stupid, horny little bitch I am to have that reaction to thinking about having my unprotected cunt raped and risking being impregnated against my will, to begging to have that happen, to the idea of being taunted as it happened. The worst part is, I really don’t want it. That’s the point. I want him to know what I want and decide to ignore it because it just doesn’t matter to him.

Me Wednesday night: *Walks into happy hour, walks out an hour and a half later with a date with a pretty boy planned for Saturday.*

Puppy is adorable as fuck, has gorgeous eyes, and is a sub-leaning switch who likes pretty much all the same things I do, including receiving anal. I’m going to hurt him, belittle him, engage in some consensual misandry, and fuck his ass. Not all on Saturday, though. Saturday we’re gonna have Fro Yo and smoke some weed. And probably make out and stuff.

Afterwards I went over to Legolas’ place and met his other fucktoy, Furby.  We all talked for a while and then he got sleepy and kicked us out.  But she and I went and got food and she’s fantastic and adorable and we talked and we’re gonna hang out and do friend things! Like how people do. (Hahaha it’s funny because fucktoys aren’t people.)

Then when I got home I Skyped with Marxman and The Super Sadist for a while and then entertained them by filling my ass with my big dildo, choking on another dildo, and occasionally being told to hit the one stretching out my ass.

Andandandand! The Super Sadist gave me an assignment! Y’all know how I love assignments. I have to keep the big dildo in my ass for at least five minutes every day for a week.

It was a good night.