#changes

I altered my dynamic with MLAM today, and, as of now, he is no longer my owner. I still want to play with him and be friends, but I’m not sure what form that will take.

It wasn’t because I didn’t enjoy our dynamic, but there were a combination of factors (distance, free time, availability, other partners, etc.) that came together and led me to decide that it would be best if he were no longer my owner.

I am interested in being owned again. I love the feeling of being a possession, a valued possession. It makes me feel safe and secure and wanted. Having someone use the word “Mine.” to refer to me makes me feel warm and subby.

I like having a “top dom,” of sorts, to give me a broader context or framework to guide my thinking and actions, like “Your purpose is to be pleasing to men” or “Women are inferior” or “I am turning you into a toy for all men’s entertainment and pleasure, but especially for mine.” He can also serve as a last resort to get me to behave myself, if I’m not being good for other partners. I do what my owner says, the amount of whining or protesting nearly zero. Objects don’t get to decide what they will do for their owners.

I like having an owner to give me longstanding, preferably intrusive orders, like “You have to masturbate while you piss, every time you piss” or “write dumber” or “send me a picture of your outfit every morning” and so on. Any dom/top might give me such orders, but I enjoy them every more when I’m in the role of their possession.

I enjoy having someone who is invested enough in me to spend time and energy making me a better version of me, whatever that means to him. That might be making me train my ass, making me shave, making me enjoy spending time being dumb and serving as a thing for men to take pleasure fucking and beating, making me masturbate to things he wants me to get off to, or any number of other things.

I like being a toy, an object, maybe even a pet, owned by a man who uses me for his entertainment and pleasure, but who wants to keep me around for a good while and cares about my well being and happiness, and wants me to have fun with other partners.

And no, I don’t want offers of ownership from anons or people I don’t know. I’ve discussed ownership possibilities with a couple of my actual play partners, and when I’m ready to be owned again, likely soon, I’ll talk to them.

rarestsparkle:

STOP being okay with everything. You deserve to be treated right.

lesbianrey:

shout out to me in 5 years…hope shes doing something cool i’m rooting for her

I reblogged this on 11th of May 2017… so here we are, 5 years later. 

Am I doing something cool? Well, I have been preparing for a bit of a plot twist in my life for about 5 years now and I hope I will have the strength and courage to make it happen soon… I’m glad to discover that me-from-5 years ago is still rooting for me :)

volturialice:

elfwreck:

traegorn:

iheartvelma:

utopians:

that crunchy vibe that 70s/80s movies have that modern movies simply cannot capture… that kind of quiet empty vibe to em that can be played for either bleakness or a peaceful energy… why do all modern movies (even the great and pretty ones) feel overproduced after watching an older film. what is it I can’t put my finger on it but it’s there I can feel it

1. Shot on film
2. No digital colour grading (today’s films are horribly over processed)
3. No in-the-computer composite layered scenes with virtual sets etc.
4. practical sets and effects
5. hand painted mattes / hand animated vfx
6. You used the light you had instead of endlessly tweaking it
7. Sociologically, people stopped going to movies as much in the late 1960s / early 70s because television had really taken off, the era of the ‘tv movie’ started, so studios greenlit a lot of low budget auteur films that had to focus on meaning & relationships instead of spectacle.

8. Pacing.

This is the biggest thing, and it’s not even something most people will even realize they’re noticing. Movies became more uniform in their structure, as hollywood found the “formula” for a hit movie. It means you lose quiet, peaceful scenes that don’t fit into the pattern. That uniformity has done more to hurt the emotional tone of films than any visual effects tricks.

Why Does Every Movie Released These Days Feel Exactly the Same? This Book.

In 2005, Blake Snyder released a book: Save the Cat! It discussed movie “beats” and and gave an outline for movie pacing.

That outline has been followed like it’s religious dogma for the majority of Hollywood movies ever since. It’s enough that you can literally count the minutes in movies and say “ok, here comes the antagonist’s big move.”

it’s not just pacing but also average shot length (sometimes shortened to “ASL,” but not to be confused with american sign language.) a movie that only cuts every 12 seconds is gonna feel drastically different from a movie that cuts every 2.5 seconds.

You very rarely get the ‘establishing shots’ that show off the film’s location these days. I remember one that was just driving down the streets, filming the storefronts & pedestrians. It was a glimpse of everyday life in that time & place.

This is something I probably should have written a year ago. I’ve been drawing Mandatory Roller Coaster since 2011. I like to say that it started as a hobby, but I tabled my first convention less than six months after I posted my first comic online. Drawing these silly pictures was always what I wanted my career to be, because I loved doing it.

I always said that the second MRC felt like work, I’d pack it all in and say goodbye. Because while it was a job, it wasn’t work. Because I loved doing it.

Last year, during the first spike of the pandemic while most of the world was in lockdown, I found myself working at my day job more than ever, because capitalism. Throughout 2020 I regularly missed Monday updates due to stress, exhaustion, and writer’s block.  

This year Mandatory Roller Coaster turns 10 years old. That’s a milestone, and I should be happy about it, but all I can feel right now is tired. My comics have a small following. I sell a handful of books and t-shirts but the vast majority of my earnings come from Patreon. It has been nothing short of life changing. So during the last 16 months or so I’ve been publishing more and more of my work there.

This post isn’t to say Mandatory Roller Coaster is going away. But my circumstances have changed drastically since 2011 and I need to change with them. Without the steady income from my patrons I wouldn’t be able to do this at all and the time has come to recognize that. Starting today the majority of my work will be available to subscribers only.

The free comics will continue but they will no longer be the priority. I appreciate all of my readers more than I could ever put into words. But I’m tired. This is something I probably should have done a year ago, but in truth, I was scared. I still am scared. I don’t want to upset my readers. I don’t want anyone to abandon me. But I can’t keep burning myself out. 

I hope that you’ll understand. I hope that you’ll at least consider giving my Patreona look. In addition to the free comics I’ll still be posting my free newsletter on Patreonwith the compiled comics for that month, along with the other updates and illustrations.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Aram