#dd out of context
Cleric: He didn’t die, he just took a break in living.
Cleric: I’m going to bootstrap paradox this whole campaign into existence.
Rogue: We don’t even get real Five Nights At Freddy’s. This is a clone. We’re going to die in Steam Greenlight Five Nights At Freddy’s.
“A fireball to the face is a great way to start any romance.”
Bard to Druid: These inspirational speeches have killed more people than any spell.
“You all have the outdoorsy shit handled, but this is urban survival, and I say we send in the street rat on point.”
- the feral homeless sorcerer
NPC: I told you from the start this trip is dangerous. Most don’t make it through with all their limbs.
Rogue: Oh, we did well then.
Ranger: Well, [bard] did lose a leg.
Rogue: Oh yeah.
Rogue: Alright, to prevent any further confusion we’re going to take a pause and go around the circle. Does everyone know who they are and how they got here?
NPC: I’m um…going to get a hair cut.
Rogue: You’re stuck on this ship.
Fighter: And you don’t even have hair.
Bard: It’s a good job there’s no sanity points in d&d or else we’d be fucked.
Rogue: *out of character* Local woman empowered. One hundred dead.
Cleric: *out of character* honestly, not much has changed personality wise in the last 700 years. He used to be a grumpy old man in a young man’s body, now he’s grumpy old man in an old man’s body. It’ll worked out in the end.
Rogue: This cruise sucks. I want my money back.
DM: You’re a stowaway.
Rogue: That’s not the point. If I’d paid for this I’d be very angry.
“Why is the air so…stabby all of a sudden?”
Ranger: *over our fantasy version of phones* you’re willing to pay someone to kill [rogue]?
NPC: *over the phone* Yes.
Ranger: *over the phone* And would you need any sort of…proof that she’s dead.
Rogue: Now hang on.
The rogue (drunk off his tits): “There are six of you [indicating the THREE of us], one of you has to have beef jerky.”
Rogue: *out of character* You guys are alarmingly chill about telling my character her dead child never had a soul.
Ranger: *out of character* Well, if the poles are the same as real life, we can identify where we are by the simple method of bears or no bears.
More DND dinosaur tokens! Named Olmec after legend of the hidden temple haha. He’s the Dragonborn chief the dino druids I posted yesterday, but he gets possessed by an ancient treasure containing the soul of a storm god and fights the players.
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