#dnd wizard

Okay, so my dm drew this of me running back to the town with the deer and it’s absolutely amazing.

Quotes of the Session

“Start simping dammit” -Keth

“The magic hand job” -Dolce

“I’m about to make a d*ck earring” -Dolce

“For the sake of Dolce, she did it” -god, our dm

Session 5

We go to the chiefs and Fen and Lyosha are with us. Victoria goes to the library with Lyosha and everyone else goes to the chief. The chief’s house is no longer guarded so Keth draws his axe and heads in. Dolce rolls a 16 to do a sexy interpretive dance to Fen in her doorway. She rolls a 16, but Fen is impressed but disinterested. She was impressed by Dolce being bold enough to embarrass herself for her. We open the door and see Maya the chief is sitting in her chair with two guards. Keth shoves IsoVeli in between the two guards and they all start talking. IsoVeli checks the guards to see if they have black eyes, they don’t have black eyes but they have purple veins. IsoVeli asks about the description of the suspicious guards and one of them turns him around to figure out who he was. One of them looks around at us and he sees something behind us and just goes and grabs Fen.

Meanwhile Victoria(while trying to metagame) asks Lyosha what he wants to do, and he says he wants to get into better clothes and Victoria takes him to the market. Victoria buys him a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He puts on a tank top and asks Victoria to help him put on the vest that came with it and then she tries to get him some food but he’s not hungry so we cut to the rest of the group. We roll initiative to help fen. We eventually get the first guard dead and then Keth and I both fail to do any damage to the second one. Dolce says she’s going to make a d*ck earring and uses mage hand slap with her nat 20. Our dm was complaining about having to narrate this, but I have to make it canon in our blog so… anyway we injure the final guard… a lot, and Keth ties him up. Fen pulls out an arrow that IsoVeli lodged into his eye. Fen gave IsoVeli back his arrow.

Victoria gets everyone bread for 2 silver pieces and cake for 1 gold. We take the guard and interrogate him a bit. Keth follows him and I vow to protect him for no apparent reason. When Keth threatens him and I step between him and the guard. Lyosha immediately comes up to me and asks If I’m protecting him when I say yes he puts away the spade (his weapon that he’s carrying for IsoVeli until IsoVeli is ready) without a second thought and backs off of him. Lyosha decides to come with me from here on out. Victoria, Keth, and I explore the town and IsoVeli and Dolce go to the Inn for the night.

Keth goes to the blacksmith but doesn’t buy anything and I go and try to find some animals. I notice a stable with a bunch of horses but none of them are for sale. So I go out and get myself a baby deer and get Lyosha a bunny. We go running into town with a deer and a rabbit while Victoria is shopping for her siblings. Keth goes to the store that ripped Victoria off by selling her a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He attacks the owner and ties him up in the back steals all of his money and the remaining clothes. Keth goes back to the stables and attacks the two women inside and steals the four horses, but there was another horse with a guy so Keth takes out the other guy and gets the other horse. So Lyosha takes 2 people and Keth takes 1 so they tie up and agree to take them to the inn and make it look like they had a threesome. A guard stopped us to ask what was going on but believed my lies and we got them to the room and poured alcohol on them and left the bottle in the room. Lyosha and I leave while Keth pays for two rooms for the night. Victoria gets a model boat ship, a book of princes, a popper, something fake gold(x2), a doll, and a hat. She found the book, the doll, and the ship easily and managed to find a necklace in place of the fake gold.

Bonus: after the session Victoria, our DM, Keth, and I were chatting about how men are no longer necessary in society but we keep them around, Keth straight up left.

Also here’s Lyosha:

DM Appreciation Post

So sorry for my lack of posts and stuff. It’s 1:00 and I just had a revelation. So time for a little dm appreciation post. So our cleric is a little asexual boi and our dm gave him a spade as a weapon. He’s an ace of spades.

He’s the ace of spades.

I love her. She’s a genius.

Anyway that’s that and if you couldn’t guess we didn’t have a session last week. This week is looking promising but I would’ve said that last week too.

Hi everyone I have something very important to say. My party is on PST which is fine, except that I’m on the east coast right now. So these f*ckers were texting for the first time in a while at THREE AM. THESE F*CKHEADS STARTED A GROUP FT AT 1 AM AND ARE STILL ON IT AT 7:30.

Thanks for listening to my rant, here’s some actual information. The party’s probably playing on Monday so I will probably update Tuesday or Wednesday.

And again sorry that I didn’t do highlights and such for last session.

Session 4

We enter the tomb of Hugo and those with dark vision enter first and we see a weapon stuck in stone, it’s a spade. Keth rolls a 25 to get it out and fails and I fail an arcana check and IsoVeli rolls for religion to see if he should pull it out and gets a 9. Then tries to take it out. Keth tried to shove off the lid of a nearby coffin and gets a 17 and gets it off and snaps it in half on accident. It looks like a stone person inside the casket and his hair covers his face. Keth rolls to take the head off of the stone and rolled a 14 for strength. He cut into it, but he couldn’t get through it.

IsoVeli continues to try and get the spade out and pulls it out like Arthur and it doesn’t budge. IsoVeli tries to pray to Hugo again to see if he’ll take the sword out and gets a 10. Keth, Dolce, and I chip away at the rock and we see the bottom of the space. Keth pulls the body out of the coffin and it wakes up. He’s a young boy and Keth tries to kill him so I hold my sword to his neck. Victoria talks to him and asks him a few questions like how are you, do you speak common, and stuff. He doesn’t respond but he grabs Victoria’s hand. He speaks to her quietly and speaks in Druidic that none of us know. He runs into the next room and we see the statue that has a shield. Keth goes to get the shield and Victoria asks his name. Lyosha.

The shield has no place to hold it but has a map at the bottom. Keth shows IsoVeli the map and the rest of us see it after and Victoria gives the map to Lyosha to see if he understands it and Lyosha just holds the map for her because he didn’t understand. Victoria guides him to the spade and Keth follows behind so she has light since he has a torch. Lyosha(who we just before this nicknamed Lele) got the spade out and Keth tries to steal it and the kid runs from him and glares at Keth the rest of the time. Keth walks over to the tomb and taps on an engraving that we need to read. It says “The Protector” which I guess is why he and Keth don’t get along.

Victoria asks what the kid needs and he’s still confused. Mason gets a 23 to investigate the statue and notice that it’s a sort of puzzle. The presence of Hugo gets stronger in that room to IsoVeli. IsoVeli needs to see the shield and Keth lightly throws it at him and notices that the shield is made entirely of wood and has a lot of strangely coordinated splinters. He made an investigation check with religion but rolled an 8. Keth tries to tap at the walls to see if there’s anything hidden. The splinters don’t seem to go off the map. There are black points on the map and that’s where the splinters seem to go. We figure out where to go from the map and head back to Palmeras to see if anyone speaks druidic and to get whatever we need to continue on.

Dolce takes a ribbon and ties this poor kid’s hair back. Dolce rolls to see if she can do an interpretive dance to ask the kid if it’s okay to cut his bangs. He doesn’t respond so I just cut his hair and now have a wad of hair. Dolce tried to flirt with Fen, and Keth rolls to scream. Well somehow Keth ends up dealing 6 damage on Dolce and Fen is unfazed. Fen looks at the map and goes off on us about how old the map is.

I slap Keth for being a d*ck to the kid. He’s a protector so he wants to protect US and he is called the fabled protector of the divine(us). Fen doesn’t know much but she knows that he taught the divine how to use their specific weapons. She basically goes off on how Keth needs to treat him better. Hugo tells IsoVeli that we need to go back to the tomb while we’re walking back to the village.

We missed something there apparently, and Fen goes off about how it’s weird that Hugo is talking directly to IsoVeli. We get back and Mason gets the urge to put the shield back up where we got it and IsoVeli has to make a constitution saving throw but gets a 20 so it’s good. He feels like astral projection and something leaves his body and goes into the statue. The statue has a yellow glow to it and we got this beautiful quote from Victoria “Yellow is great”. We straight up stopped our play to vibe with Victoria loving yellow.

The statue stretches and wakes up. He says “So you are the new divine, you are supposed to defeat the evil that has come so many times before that we were not able to destroy.” IsoVeli asks how to fight the evil and Hugo explains that he doesn’t know but it’s been fought before and it’s come back stronger and more persistent. Keth asks about the new weapons he mentioned, but he only knows about the one that goes to IsoVeli. Keth steps out with Fen and asks about the other gods.

Victoria asked about the other weapons again and Hugo says that the map will lead us there. We are here to combat the evil, which Hugo described as a blackness that is small but will grow. Apparently Lele’s race changed completely during the years he was in the tomb, I forgot what Hugo said he was before but now he’s an aarakocra. Hugo said that it’s probably because We decide to head out, but IsoVeli asks for a blessing on the whole team. Hugo can travel with IsoVeli when he has the spade, but his connection to the world is limited. We leave and decide that Lyosha needs a pair of pants, so Victoria gives him pants but he won’t wear the shoes. Victoria carries this kid, who is only slightly smaller than her, and we go back to Palmeras.

Hey I’m not really up for posting a ton right now so highlights and stuff will go up later.

When we tried to have our third session, we didn’t actually play because two of our members hijacked it and made it about them doing whatever. But when we decided we weren’t playing because they were already so unfocused we began comparing ourselves to the Scooby gang.

In addition to Session 2!

Our dm(god) actually drew Fen(a npc introduced in session 2) for reference!!

Also our quote of the week(yeah I’m going to try to do a quote of the week, we’ll see how long it lasts) is: “THIS IS NOT A WAY FOR YOU TO LIVE OUT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES!” -god

Session 2

So we start off in the same dogpile we left session one in and Aureo insists that we get off each other in an organized manner. It took 8 minutes for us to get down from the statue. After we all get down Aureo decides that she should tell us that when the stone gets removed from the statue it sends out a signal thing telling everyone it’s been removed. Basically that people were going to come after us because of the stone.

I make a perception check and roll an 11 so I barely notice this lady who looks away when I look over and leaves quickly. I tell the group and Keth, Aureo, and Victoria all go after her. They follow her into the library but Keth is told he’s not allowed inside so he wanders around and notices these two guards with dark eyes he proceeds to straight up sprint to the statue to warn Dolce, IsoVeli, and I about the guards and the four of us go to the library to get Aureo and Victoria.

In the library they meet this girl who is reading a book about myths and lore who ignores them at first then as they go to leave watches them closely. They ask her what she’s doing and she proceeds to ask them why they took the stone out of the statue and if they know the history of the statue. Aureo tríes to bluff and says she knows the history of the statue, but this mysterious lady calls her out and proceeds to explain why we need to take her with us. She says that she knows a lot about the stone and the legend of the “Divine Six” at first Aureo says she’ll only let this girl come if she’s tied up and she refuses. Meanwhile Victoria is offering to be the one to tie her up as my dm goes off about how this is not a way for her to live out her sexual fantasies.

Anyway finally Aureo agrees to bring this chick along after she warns her about the guards that will come after us meanwhile the other four party members get to the library. All of us reunite and Keth tells them about the guards and Aureo tells us what she learned and the new chick introduces herself as Fen. Fen tells us we can’t stay and we have to decide where to go, the mountains are too far and the ports are blocked off so we decide run into the forest. Aureo, Fen, and I rolled high while IsoVeli rolled relatively normal and Keth and Dolce rolled low. Aureo, Fen, and I make it without a problem and IsoVeli makes it as well but Dolce has to cast minor illusion to get to the forest with Keth.

We all make it and continue into the forest eventually we take a short rest and Aureo and I walk off. While we’re gone, Keth and IsoVeli take out the stone and IsoVeli translates it from celestial to common and it says to break it open. Keth tries and fails, but when IsoVeli tries and gets a 6 he manages to get it open. Just then Aureo and I return and IsoVeli calls everyone but Fen into a huddle and tells them that he found a scroll on the inside and it says one word. Palmaleran. With the knowledge I have from reading books, I know that there is a village by that name but that’s all I know for sure. So we decide to tell Fen about it and she says that it’s a tribe that’s not far from where they are now.

We all decide we should keep going, but Fen says that’s not a good idea because it’s dark and we have two human members. IsoVeli and Victoria don’t have dark vision so the rest of the party agrees to carry them. Keth can carry IsoVeli easily and I tried to carry Victoria but failed. So we decided to stay for the night(I’m sure our dm was happy about that because she hadn’t prepped for us to go any further). Victoria and Dolce were trying to both cuddle with each other or cuddle with the other people in our group. After Keth made it clear he didn’t want anyone cuddling by threatening them with an ax and a spear Dolce tried to cuddle with him. She rolled an 18. And I’ll be da*med if he didn’t roll a 19. So he managed to push her away. Victoria tries to cuddle with IsoVeli but our dm is big on consent(love her for that) so since he didn’t consent, Victoria slept alone. That’s the end of session two.

Moral of the story: don’t try to cuddle with Keth around

If you enjoyed reading this session(and it was a fully plot session) go to our blog @divine-six for the rest of the campaign and weekly updates

Session One

It starts out normal with the Segreta siblings making choices of who they’re going to talk to out of the group. Dolce, instead of doing any of the choices our dm gave her, chose to talk to an uninterested hot elf. Meanwhile IsoVeli goes up to Keth and Victoria and asks them if they’ve seen his sister. They go leave the main square(I feel like it was a square but idk) and go to the tavern

Well eventually our horny a** wizard comes up to my owl and tries to seduce it and so I’m just like no and point her in the direction her brother went to get her away. She’s underage so she can’t get into the tavern where her brother is so she tries to fight the bouncer, I hear the commotion and come over to help so does Keth. After all of us fail Victoria comes over and seduces the bouncer and we all go in. IsoVeli drags Dolce out and to a nearby library, Victoria follows them out.

That leaves Keth and I still in the bar but I’m reading a book so I barely notice him. He proceeds to ask the bartender about anyone cool he’s seen. The bartender tells him about a masked warlock chick so he sets out to find her while the other three are still off on their way to the library. After seeing Keth(a drunk) leave the tavern I get curious and follow him and find him after he rolls an 8 and fails to find the warlock I roll to send my owl out and get an 18 so we find Aureo the warlock who threatens Keth and asks me to send out my owl to find the “Jesus boi” referring to IsoVeli so Keth sets out and Aureo and I kinda vibe under a tree but I don’t send out my owl for a while because we were on video call and my dm didn’t hear me.

Keth finds IsoVeli and literally just throws him over his shoulder and starts walking away with him. But Dolce was not having that so she straight up lunges at Keth and deals two hp of damage by simply attacking. This is when Keth decides to explain himself and tells them that a witch lady threatened him and wanted IsoVeli and all four of them walk back together(Keth is still carrying IsoVeli though) at this point I’ve sent out the owl but it doesn’t matter because they’re on their way back already. When they get back Aureo explains why she needed IsoVeli.

There is a gem in a statue of Hugo(the god in our world) but it can only be removed by someone holy. So we all go to the statue and per my suggestion we do a human pyramid to get him up high enough to reach the gem. When he pulls the gem out we all come falling down into a massive dog pile and have a vision.

The vision consisted of all six of us and six people(I think it was mirrors of us but we couldn’t see them clearly) who were all radiating a different color. Each of them stood in front of one us and extended a hand to us. Then we woke up still in the dog pile but one thing was slightly different we were all radiating the color of the person who stood in front of us, but only the people in our group could see the color. And that’s where session one ends.

Moral of the story: if your dm says 45 minutes know for a fact it will be longer

If you enjoyed this session, follow our blog for weekly updates on the campaign.

Meet the party!!!!!

Aureo Yumaro: Our woodelf warlock with an attitude and a mask to cover her face at all times. She’s not keen on making friends and has severe trust issues but is hoping this group might be different. Her mother was knowledgeable in witchcraft so when she found a spell to summon a demon named Hatuno she took it and thus became a warlock. She’s 5’8 with long dark curly hair and dark brown eyes.***Note She Has Since Left The Party

Dolce Segreta: Our favorite half-elf wizard(although she does play like a bard). She’s stupid and has a tendency to make really bad decisions, but is also very cheerful and happy. IsoVeli is her older brother. She is 18 and about 5’5 with brown hair and dark brown eyes.

IsoVeli Segreta: A human cleric, brother of Dolce. He had a tough childhood which reflects on his devotion to Hugo, the god of wisdom. He was a strong moral compass and a lawful good tendencies. He’s a tall boy(6’0) with somewhat long blond hair and green eyes. He’s 19 but can easily pass as older. He’s also pretty muscular, but not overly muscular(his words not mine)

Antigua(Annie) Falla: The author of this blog. A wood-elf ranger with a bada** owl companion. She’s a nature lover and a balanced soul. She spends a lot of the time with her nose buried in a book. She is very wise and makes generally good decisions(session one was a mishap don’t question it). She’s 20 and 5’3 with curly blond hair and blue eyes.

Keth(pronounced Keith) Smith: Our drunk half-orc barbarian with a death wish. His father was a tax collecter who got into many fights so in order to help his father out he grew accustomed to a bad scene and learned to fight and intimidate. He also discovered his addiction this way. Alcohol. He’s 24 about 6’4, he’s got blond hair and brown(?) eyes. Somewhat muscular.

Victoria Perea: Our horny human bard with a great attitude. She’s very outgoing and friendly, to a point of annoyance to some extent. She has six sibling who she practically raised and a love for music. She knows how to play several instruments her favorite being the guitar. She’s about 5’7 with average length dark hair and dark eyes.

God:AKA our dm, she’s amazing and homebrews all of this from scratch. Her original idea was to turn this into a podcast and when that didn’t happen I asked them if I could make it into a blog. She is very set on consent within the party(which is nice) and believes that dnd should be an escape not a responsibility. She’s absolutely amazing, and we appreciate her and everything she does for this campaign so much. If you want to draw her in the fanart she’s got super curly red hair and brown eyes. And lots of freckles it’s so cute. She’s an absolute goddess and we love her. To our amazing dm

If you’re seeing this then go check out the other posts on this blog about the stories from each campaign session! We post weekly with a few exceptions. And fluffy fanart is encouraged since our bard enjoys it!