#the divine five
Totally not us.
Quotes of the Session
“Man with no penis I do not fear” -our dm
“So it’s just a pendant that you decided is magical?” -also our dm
“Consensual carrying” -me
Session 6
Dolce goes to Fen’s room and tells her that she loves her. Keth wakes up later and goes to the tavern while Victoria goes to find food. Keth and Victoria get food and Keth gets another one of those really strong liquors again. Victoria gets three meals and Keth gets six meals. He goes back and barges into our rooms and throws bacon at us. IsoVeli fails a dexterity check and falls on his side in a sad attempt to dodge the meat. Lyosha and Victoria go to the showers and get clean. Dolce goes to Fen and asks about the divine, she tells us that there are the gods of music, nature, war, deception, and wisdom(Hugo). Dolce then tells her she has a nice ass. We proceed to discuss the map and where to go next. Dolce asks Fen what her motives are and they’re fine(I can’t remember what they are to save my life, sorry). We then have to explain how we got 5 horses and go get the guard, Fen goes off on Keth for being a thief. Keth asks the guard about Gillon and he explains that it’s at war with Phath and that the culture is super mixed and the people are generally nice. He also says the king is ruthless and pretty much the worst. Dolce asks the guard what his favorite color is he says red, then she realizes that she tore off his d*ck and then proceeded to ask his favorite color the next day. Then our dm made the big reveal of who was playing the guard AKA Grognak. More about him in the next post and I’ll be adding him to the character descriptions. IsoVeli apologizes and Dolce asks what it’s like to have no balls, then IsoVeli apologizes again for his sister.
About a day into our travels IsoVeli decides to train with Lyosha. IsoVeli beats him and they finish for the day and IsoVeli heals Lele’s wounds. Victoria uses a cloth to clean off his wounds and we head on to the guild. We get to the guild and it’s set up kind of like a village of tents. Keth talks to a stranger and asks what kind of guild this is and turns out it’s an adventuring guide. We proceed to see the chief of the guild, Keth tries to figure out who leads the guild. People wear colors to determine how high in ranks they are. Purple is the highest, blue is next, and white is common. Victoria goes to play with one of the 12 year olds at the guild and is forced to make an intelligence check and realize the 12 year old is actually a halfling. The halfling seems super excited and tells us we should join the guild and that the chief can give us adventures. When she goes to leave he aggressively shakes her hand.
While looking for higher ups, Keth rolls a 1, I roll a 3, IsoVeli rolls a 7, and Dolce got a 19(thank god). We locate one higher up but most of them are aarakocra. We meet him and he’s super friendly so I ask him what’s up with the guild and what’s up with adventures and he invites us to go on one. We start drinking with the chief and the other guild members nearby. I give Dolce a drink and she asks fen out and they have a drink together. We discover that Fen is a crying drunk and Dolce tries to make out with her and rolls a 18. From there I cut Fen off from alcohol. Victoria meets up with us and we see Lyosha watching the drunks and smiling for the first time. Every last one of us said aww.
We all get a little drunk and I decide to get a little revenge on IsoVeli for refusing to heal me so I forced his sober a**(with help from Keth) to down straight vodka until he was crying drunk. We go to the chief’s tent and we see him looking at a map. We talk with him and he hands us a piece of paper with a job we could do. IsoVeli tries to explain his life story to the poor guy, but Keth gets him out of there too soon. We read it and there’s a lord whose daughter has been kidnapped, they have an idea who did it but no idea where she came from. Keth, IsoVeli, Victoria, Lyosha, and I set off to Nizala to investigate the missing princess while Dolce and Fen stay at the guild and get drunk. And that’s the end of Session 6, but the side quest to Nizala is a one shot I’ll be adding next once we finish it.
Quotes of the Session
“Start simping dammit” -Keth
“The magic hand job” -Dolce
“I’m about to make a d*ck earring” -Dolce
“For the sake of Dolce, she did it” -god, our dm
Session 5
We go to the chiefs and Fen and Lyosha are with us. Victoria goes to the library with Lyosha and everyone else goes to the chief. The chief’s house is no longer guarded so Keth draws his axe and heads in. Dolce rolls a 16 to do a sexy interpretive dance to Fen in her doorway. She rolls a 16, but Fen is impressed but disinterested. She was impressed by Dolce being bold enough to embarrass herself for her. We open the door and see Maya the chief is sitting in her chair with two guards. Keth shoves IsoVeli in between the two guards and they all start talking. IsoVeli checks the guards to see if they have black eyes, they don’t have black eyes but they have purple veins. IsoVeli asks about the description of the suspicious guards and one of them turns him around to figure out who he was. One of them looks around at us and he sees something behind us and just goes and grabs Fen.
Meanwhile Victoria(while trying to metagame) asks Lyosha what he wants to do, and he says he wants to get into better clothes and Victoria takes him to the market. Victoria buys him a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He puts on a tank top and asks Victoria to help him put on the vest that came with it and then she tries to get him some food but he’s not hungry so we cut to the rest of the group. We roll initiative to help fen. We eventually get the first guard dead and then Keth and I both fail to do any damage to the second one. Dolce says she’s going to make a d*ck earring and uses mage hand slap with her nat 20. Our dm was complaining about having to narrate this, but I have to make it canon in our blog so… anyway we injure the final guard… a lot, and Keth ties him up. Fen pulls out an arrow that IsoVeli lodged into his eye. Fen gave IsoVeli back his arrow.
Victoria gets everyone bread for 2 silver pieces and cake for 1 gold. We take the guard and interrogate him a bit. Keth follows him and I vow to protect him for no apparent reason. When Keth threatens him and I step between him and the guard. Lyosha immediately comes up to me and asks If I’m protecting him when I say yes he puts away the spade (his weapon that he’s carrying for IsoVeli until IsoVeli is ready) without a second thought and backs off of him. Lyosha decides to come with me from here on out. Victoria, Keth, and I explore the town and IsoVeli and Dolce go to the Inn for the night.
Keth goes to the blacksmith but doesn’t buy anything and I go and try to find some animals. I notice a stable with a bunch of horses but none of them are for sale. So I go out and get myself a baby deer and get Lyosha a bunny. We go running into town with a deer and a rabbit while Victoria is shopping for her siblings. Keth goes to the store that ripped Victoria off by selling her a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He attacks the owner and ties him up in the back steals all of his money and the remaining clothes. Keth goes back to the stables and attacks the two women inside and steals the four horses, but there was another horse with a guy so Keth takes out the other guy and gets the other horse. So Lyosha takes 2 people and Keth takes 1 so they tie up and agree to take them to the inn and make it look like they had a threesome. A guard stopped us to ask what was going on but believed my lies and we got them to the room and poured alcohol on them and left the bottle in the room. Lyosha and I leave while Keth pays for two rooms for the night. Victoria gets a model boat ship, a book of princes, a popper, something fake gold(x2), a doll, and a hat. She found the book, the doll, and the ship easily and managed to find a necklace in place of the fake gold.
Bonus: after the session Victoria, our DM, Keth, and I were chatting about how men are no longer necessary in society but we keep them around, Keth straight up left.
Also here’s Lyosha:
