#drug users

A take on my buddy who said to me tonight..

“I feel like everyone is looking at me”

D U C K S E A S O N a s t o r y

But yeah in all honesty, if you keep pushing the limit and go on using and staying up after you’re feeling that way and can’t shake it, there are about 4-5 more levels of that exact situation except with visual and auditory hallucinations that are almost impossible to tell from reality unless you’ve been doing this for years and years… Even then , seasoned heads know to put it down and rest and recoup because those are the badlands. These times are when shit gets crucial and I’ve had many near death experiences trying to navigate through that psychosis and it is not fun at all. Once in my younger years , 2nd time being up for about 12 days… Using hard every day, mixing drugs also.. I woke up , driving , on the wrong side of the highway.. the next time I woke up I was on the interstate slamming into the left side lane median. Every car on the road I seen was police and it was a nightmare that barely ended. I slept for a week and didn’t return to the badlands for years. That being on accident. Once you experience this kinda shit you’ll be able to laugh off the people looking at you shit. Which you will learn thru and thru how to confidently know for sure when someone is looking at you and when they’re not. By the time you have it down, they won’t be looking due to thinking you’re on meth , cause your tolerance will give way to that being your normal state. If you enter the badlands you must be aware that almost anyone who knows you well will be able to see something isn’t quite right. Also, pay attention to your closest, longest relationships that you have had that were a part of your life before you used meth at all. These are the red herrings and also you will be more likely to share or divulge excess information that not all or them will be equipped to handle or accommodating towards. My highest opinion (pun intended), is to feel the person you’re interacting with out on shit… If they’re not openly doing the same thing and amount you are.. I’d advise you to keep it under the rug. I am a successful early middle age person in an industry and one of my biggest regrets is letting certain people in on things in my life that I shouldn’t have, and not having many secrets.. it has made things and conversations very difficult that would otherwise not be. It has given ammunition to any slight possibility of failure inexperience for a great time to interject about my lifestyle choices. I lost some friends over my explanation of something that wouldn’t even be known to this day if I would not have made them aware to it….

Being a drug addict is a part time job that only pays the sickest part of your brain. But it’s me. I can’t stand the real world. It’s a lonely existence even if you’re crowded. If you’re early in on meth… One thing I can reinforce to you is that the bad shit that you have already experienced, and twisted into a justify able version of events for yourself.. Those things only get worse. They can pile up to you taking a look around and everything that leads up to your current standing may be drugs. All of this won’t apply to everyone.. but in my early opinion there really is no such thing as complete 100% self controlled non damaging meth use.

I gotta go somebody is looking at me. Lol…… Be well.