Janus looks disparagingly at the ridiculous paper hat with the inscription ‘Dunce’. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, already knowing that he will not like the answer.
“Teach punished me for being a bad boy.”
Remus shows him a wide and reckless grin, looking actually proud of that incident. He probably is.
“So Logan gained the upper hand?” Janus asks just to be sure, teeth-gnashingly.
That didn’t go according to plan. He had sent the Duke for a reason. No one could create chaos better than him. The perfect trigger. Janus knows that, relied on it. But they failed. Again.
“We have lost a battle, not the war.” Remus shrugs his shoulders, carelessly, as if this all is not a great kick in the ass.
Janus stares at him and feels his left eyelid begin to twitch angrily. He hates it when everything goes wrong and there is no one to threaten, blackmail or blow up for it. He can’t cope with that.
“It’s not that bad, Jan,” he still insists. “I gave him a hard time, you know. Bear-trap, nails in his cornflakes, a zombie in the closet… I even sang pathetically.”
When Remus says such crazy things, they always sound like they actually make sense. It’s a talent.
“Common, let me show you.” He came closer, one hand already on his shoulder.
“Remus, buddy, yet is not the time for-”
Before Janus even starts to realize what’s happening, he finds himself on a stool with a butt rubbing his lap, dangerously close to his best piece.
“…”
Remus smirks, revealing a shark-like grin. He looks a bit sexy, but only a little, and Janus is too frustrated to acknowledge that. Hidden somewhere behind shapeless clothes and puffed sleeves from the designer hell, a ridiculous moustache and centimeter-thick makeup, Remus actually has a pretty face with finely cut features and puppy eyes. Rarely does anyone get to see that, because Remus doesn’t necessarily peddle it around.
“What are you doing?” Janus hisses, sounding like a snake ready to bite.
Undeterred, Remus continues. “Giving you an example how I drove Logan crazy.”
Janus closes his eyes and exhales audibly.
“Don’t tell me…”
“Not exactly like this, but I think you get the point.” Remus turns his head in Janus’s direction and laughs. He can feel his breath gently vibrating on his scales. “And you’re hot when you’re angry.”
“No! I’m angry when I’m angry.”
That’s a lie. Or something in between.
Only Remus ever dares to call him ‘hot’ and means it, which is perhaps down to the fact that he has a twisted taste, anyway. What person with sanity and reason would find a snake face attractive?
“Get off my lap or I’ll kill you.”
“You don’t.”
“Want to bet?”
Needless to say, that Remus stays where he is. He even has the audacity to lean back and rest on Janus’s chest. This sneaky rat!
Sometimes Janus wishes that Remus wasn’t so indifferent to death threats.
“Fine,” he says and wraps his arms around him like a boa around its prey. Tight and deadly. But not as deadly to honestly harm him, though.
For a couple of seconds they remain in silence, marvellous silence, which is so damn atypical for Remus that it should worry Janus. It doesn’t, however. Janus can feel Remus’s chest gently moving with a regular breath. It’s soothing. Somehow the annoying bastard always manages to calm him down in a strange way. Janus should be concerned.
“He’s almost back, Jan. I could see the orange glim in his eyes,” Remus whispers, sounding more sincere than one would ever expect from him.
“Hm,” huffs Janus, vaguely, loosening his grip a bit. Excitement and fear suddenly fighting in his chest. Well, that’s what they hoped for. Right?
The orange side has always been somewhat uncontrollable, though. Not uncontrollable in a way like Virgil, who had unexpectedly abandoned Janus for becoming one of the good guys. Ugh.
Before Janus can think about how uncontrollable and impulsive Remus is, he already starts to bounce from one buttock to the other.
“What now?”
“I’m bored,” Remus complains.
Even though he could have freed himself from Janus’s grip long ago, he still sits on his lap, inexplicably. Well, Remus has a lot of little things about him that defy any explanation. That’s a given. On top of that, he is terribly annoying. But at least he would never betray Janus, never let him down.
“We should do something,” Remus adds impatiently.
What Janus likes about that addition is the small word ‘we’.
“You still have to demonstrate me how Logan lectured you.” Janus clears his throat. “Are we gonna do that or what?”
There’s silence again. Then a strange mixture of an unreadable and mischievous grin slowly begins to spread on Remus’s face. “Okay.”
There is not much room in Janus’s life and in his thoughts. Not for other things except crazy plans and this web of deceit. Around Remus, however, there’s sometimes silence, elusive but undeniably marvellous.
[ID: A digital drawing of Remus and Janus in a cartoonish style. They lie on a misshapen green couch against a purple wall and a dark purple floor. Janus has light hair pulled into a ponytail, and wears a black dress with yellow lining, black leggings, yellow cat socks, and yellow gloves. Remus wears a neon green shirt and has long brown hair. He is fast asleep, his legs folded and leaning against Janus’ chest. His arm falls across Janus’ lap. Janus rests one hand on Remus’, and plays with Remus’ hair. Janus is smiling softly down at Remus. They are lit by a slight glow. /End ID]
Here’s your casual reminder that tagging Sanders Sides content with the “ss” tag or using that acronym in posts is a… bad idea. If you want to use an abbreaviation instead of the full name #tssor#ssides should be fine :>
I still see people doing that from time to time - mostly, because they don’t know it might be upsetting for other users - so I wanted to make more fans aware.
(I’ll gladly explain why it’s wrong, if someone doesn’t know, but I don’t really want to put that information in the original post so it doesn’t attract people who are into this kind of stuff… I can make it more clear in the notes.)
[I don’t like asking for reblogs, but it’d be nice if more people learnt about it.]
[ID: Eight drawings with screenshots of the corresponding requests above them. They are drawn in the same style with white backgrounds.
The first shows Janus and Patton. Janus is wrapped in a grey and white blanket. He sits on Patton’s lap. Patton rests his chin on Janus’ shoulder. Patton is smiling with his eyes closed, and Janus is smiling and looking at him.
The second shows Patton and Logan. Logan’s hand rests on a book he has closed. Patton’s hand covers Logan’s. They are kissing with their eyes closed.
The third shows Roman and Janus. They are leaning on opposite sides of a table. Janus has one hand by his cheek. In front of them is a large chocolate-vanilla milkshake in a glass. They are both sipping from it with black straws. Their foreheads are close, and they are looking at each other.
The fourth shows Roman and Logan. They stand in front of a stove, where a pot of red jam is steaming. Roman has his hands around Logan’s waist. Logan is holding a spoon and giving Roman a taste of the jam. Logan is looking fondly at Roman.
The fifth shows two chibi drawings of Virgil and Logan, followed by a full-size drawing. In the first two panels, Logan and Virgil sit on the couch. Logan touches Logan’s hand, and Virgil turns bright red. The full drawing shows them sitting together with their hands entangled. They are listening to music with the same pair of earbuds, one in each ear. The string meets between them. Virgil is blushing and looking away, and Logan is smiling,
The sixth shows Remus and Janus. They are dancing. Remus has one leg kicked up next to Janus, and Janus holds Remus’ waist. Remus holds Janus’ arm and the back of his neck. Remus is grinning and Janus is scowling. They are looking into each other’s eyes.
The seventh shows Logan and Remus. Remus sits on Logan’s lap and has one leg over the other. His arms are wrapped around Logan’s shoulders. Logan is holding Remus’ back. Remus is smiling at him. Logan is looking at him.
The eighth shows Virgil and Patton. They are facing each other and drawn in profile. Virgil has a hand on Patton’s glasses, pushing them up onto his head. Their faces are close together. They are blushing. Patton is looking into Virgil’s eyes, and Virgil is looking at Patton’s lips. /End ID]
:O!!! oh wow you wrote image descriptions of all of them
[ID: A drawing of Janus and Remus against a grey background. They are floating together. Janus has red hair and a yellow bow on his hat. Remus holds a mace in one hand. His other arm wraps around Janus’ waist. Remus is looking at Janus and sticking out his tongue. Janus smiles at him. /End ID]
“Yeah sure, kid,” said Remus, ruffling Natalie’s hair.
“Not gonna be able to see the picture if you keep addin’ glitter, Tallie.” said Jeremy.
“Hey, she can add all the glitter she wants.” Remus assured them.
It was hot in the orphanage, but bearable with the windows and door open to allow breezes through. Remus kept glancing up to look through the breezeway to the entrance hall to double check the screen door had the child latch firmly in place, but considering Dahlia was at the front desk anyway and unlikely to let a kid through, he was mostly just being paranoid.
For the third time in the past fifteen minutes, a high, miserable cry came from the next room over, the toddlers’ playroom. Remus frowned, craning to try and see, but couldn’t see who it was. He then heard the sharp voice of the attendant snapping at the child.
That wasn’t normal. None of the staff had ever been this short with a child; they all helped, but this orphanage was Janus’s darling project, and he never would have allowed it.
Speaking of Janus, he came through just then, a clipboard and pen in hand.
“Hey, Jan, can you come here?” said Remus.
“Sure, I’m not in a rush,” said Janus, coming over and leaning down to peck Remus on the cheek where he was crouched absurdly on the tiny elementary school sized chairs. Remus gestured him closer.
“There’s something going on in the toddler room,” he muttered, “Can you go look?”
“Of course,” said Janus, kissing him on the cheek again.
Remus watched him go with a frown, anxious and unsettled.
—
Janus knew as soon as he entered the room which child Remus was worried about.
Off in the corner, sniffling and morose, was a brown-skinned little girl with tightly coiled black hair pulled back into two high, slightly lopsided puffs. She had her tiny fist buried in her eyes, making heartbroken little sounds-
-And the caretaker and both nursery attendants were on the other side of the room, guiding other, perfectly happy children through coloring, ignoring her.
Janus scowled. Shift two, toddler room. He made a note to point them out to the matron.
He crossed over to the little girl, crouching down.
“Hello there,” he said softly, “What’s your name?”
She sniffled, looking up at him with dark eyes.
“S-Sasha,” she said quietly.
“Hello, Sasha. Why are you crying?”
“S’hot,” she whined.
Janus frowned.
… It was hot. All the other children were in shorts and t-shirts and sandals. But while Sasha’s overalls were a reasonable length, her sleeves were long, making uncomfortable memories swirl in Janus’s mind.
“Well, let’s get you some more comfortable clothes,” he said, “May I pick you up?”
“O’tay,” she said, lifting her arms.
Scooping her up, Janus strode over to attendants.
“Excuse me,” he said sharply.
The three of them looked up, immediately paling.
“Which toddler dormitory is Sasha’s?” he said, “I am changing her into something cooler.”
“You- you can’t,” one of them blurted.
“I beg your pardon?” he said coldly.
The three attendants exchanged nervous looks.
“I- you’ll have to talk to the matron,” said the second, “She- she said Sasha has to be dressed like that.”
Narrowing his eyes at them, Janus turned and made his way down the hall to the matron’s office.
Whatever reasoning she’d had for it, Janus was overturning it. It was completely unreasonable to expect a child so small to tolerate this heat in such an outfit. Sasha couldn’t be more than two.
“Carla,” called Janus, rapping sharply on her office door.
“Come in!”
She was seated at the desk, and when she looked up her face immediately dropped from friendly to anxious.
“Hello, Janus. And little Sasha.”
She smiled softly, wiggling her fingers, and Sasha shyly waved back. After the display from the other attendants, Janus was a bit mollified, but not by much.
“Where are Sasha’s lighter clothes?” he said, keeping his voice light and pretending no concern, “She’s hot.”
Carla’s smile strained for a moment, before falling completely, her face coming to rest in her hands.
“… Well?”
“Sasha has to wear the long sleeves,” said Carla, “For her own safety.”
“How on earth is giving a toddler heatstroke for her own safety?”
“She came to us last week,” said Carla, “From another orphanage, several cities away. The older children… they were treating her unkindly.”
“Well, whoever you have on the current shift for the toddler room isn’t doing much better,” scowled Janus.
Carla’s lip curled in frustration.
“Itold them, I- we just don’t have the staff to keep her by herself, Janus.”
“Why?”
“Sasha’s soulmark is on her wrist,” said Carla, “And it’s gray.”
Janus’s breath rushed out of him like he’d been punched in the stomach. Sasha whimpered, and he realized he’d clutched her tighter in panic.
“Itold all the staff they had better not treat her any differently,” said Carla helplessly, “This- I’m not running a church here, none of that ‘cursed’ idiocy. I thought they all understood.”
Janus, swallowed, and Sasha burrowed down into his neck and yawned, her face round and beautiful and innocent, unknowing.
“… Her parents?” he managed, strangled. If he learned she’d been abandoned for this, he wasn’t sure he’d live through it.
“By all accounts doting and devoted,” Carla sighed, “Until they died. No living relatives.”
Janus rubbed her back.
“Bring a playpen in here.”
“Janus, I can’t watch her and do my work.” said Carla.
“Can you do it if I double your pay?”
“While your impulse to throw money at your problems is adorable, it still doesn’t give me the ability to break the laws of physics,” she said, not unkindly.
Janus swallowed hard, clutching the little girl to his chest.
This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t okay.
“Call someone else in,” he said quietly, cupping the back of Sasha’s warm neck, “Someone you trust, to add to the toddler room shift. Twice the standard short-notice pay.”
“… Alright,” said Carla, “I’ll try to find someone.”
“And she’s not wearing this. It’s making her sick.”
Carla winced, but offered up her hands.
“I’ll go switch her clothes out,” she said, “And- and I’ll keep her in here until someone gets in for the toddler room. Okay? I’m sorry,Janus.”
“No, I- I understand,” he managed.
Sasha had somehow managed to fall asleep, and as Janus passed her over her little fists clung to his shirt. His chest ached like an open wound as he watched Carla carry her away.
He stood alone in the office, stomach churning, wondering what he was going to do.
He left, already knowing.
—
Janus had rushed through a goodbye with Remus and left the orphanage in a flurry of fretting hands, which was not his usual M.O. at all. Remus’s shift with the elementary schoolers ended a couple of hours later, and he was still frowning as he climbed in the back of the car.
“Home, Sir?”
“Yeah, Darian, home,” he said pensively, frowning out the window.
When he got to their rooms, he thumbed the doorknob, wondering what he was going to find inside. Pushing it open, he was glad he hadn’t guessed.
Janus had what must have been more than half their personal bookshelf scattered on the floor, some of them stacked, some of them open, Janus sitting in the middle of them and flipping frantically through pages, gnawing on his bottom lip nervously.
“Oh, boy.”
“Remus!” startled Janus, “I- I’m sorry, I meant to clean up-”
“Nope,” said Remus with a pop, carefully weaving between the books to grab Janus around the waist and heave him over his shoulder.
“YeEP, dammit-”
Remus slid into the bay window seat and moved Janus into his lap.
“Spill,” he said, “What’s wrong?”
Janus groaned, letting his head fall forward to bonk off of Remus’s shoulder.
“What’s with the books?” Remus tried.
“They’re… they’re everything we have about gray marks,” said Janus quietly.
Remus frowned.
“Was someone a dick to you?” he said sharply.
“No, of course not,” said Janus, “Hardly anyone even remembers.”
“Were they a dick to someone else?”
Janus bit the inside of his cheek hard, and Remus knew he’d landed right on the money.
“… The girl,” said Janus, his voice almost inaudible, “The one you were worried about this morning. Sasha. Her mark is gray. That’s why the attendants were ignoring her. It’s why she was in long sleeves. To hide it.”
Remus’s heart felt cold and aching.
“She… but she’s a baby?” he said, pained and incredulous.
“It’s why she’s there at all,” continued Janus miserably, “She’s from halfway across Edmeyer. The older children there, they… and Carla tried to nip it in the bud here, but even the employees-”
“Did you fire them?”
“They got reprimands from me and from Carla. She said she was looking for replacements, but it’s just- we just don’t have the hands.”
“I feel like ‘mean to children’ has gotta be a one-and-done offense for working in an orphanage,Jan.”
“What if we took her?”
Janus couldn’t have stunned him more if he’d literally punched him square in the mouth. Remus blinked stupidly at him, gaping, and Janus wrung his hands nervously.
“I- I mean, think about it,” he said, “Who, really, is going to be better at understanding a child born with a gray mark, which means she’s probably aromantic- my mark was gray, and you’re arospectrum, and- and I know we’ve never planned on adopting, we’ve always talked about having children the usual way but I don’t- I don’t think it matters, really, how we get them if we love her, and- and I would, I think, I think we could love her, she was so sad-”
“Yes!” Remus blurted.
Janus blinked.
“W-wait, what?”
“Yes, Jan, holy shit, yes!” Remus laughed.
Janus let out an incredulous laugh.
“… Even though I totally sprung an entire child on you out of nowhere?”
“I mean, how is this more springing than ‘Hey Ree, I’m full of fetus-”
“Please don’t call our children fetuses,” Janus giggled.
“Then this one’s perfect, she is definitely well out of the fetus stage.”
“Terrible, you’re terrible,” said Janus, beaming, his voice cracking and his eyes filling with tears, “Really?”
“Really,” said Remus, pressing a loud smack of a kiss to Janus’s mouth, “We’ll go tomorrow and tell Carla.”
“You haven’t even met her.”
“Jan,” said Remus, cupping his face, “You already love her. I can tell. She could be a fire-breathing dragon baby and I’d take her home and give her dolls and kisses and all the pink dresses she wants.”
“I’m going to have to be the responsible father, aren’t I?”
Remus grinned.
“We’re gonna be dads.”
“Meet her first,” said Janus, but Remus could already see the hope dawning in his eyes.
Remus loved Sasha already too, for putting that look in his husbands eyes.
—
Janus had no idea what one wore to formally meet a two-year-old under any circumstances, let alone one you hoped in any capacity to adopt. A fondly exasperated Patton had made him change out of the silk formal-wear and into a soft t-shirt tucked in wide-leg pants, and then gone into Remus’s dressing room, presumably to do the same. Remus came out in his favorite paint-stained smock and tattered jeans.
“I don’t want her to think we aren’t taking it seriously,” Janus said stiffly.
“Janny, hon,” said Patton, amused, “She’s two.”
And, well. Janus couldn’t really argue with that.
Carla had been genuinely delighted they were considering adopting Sasha. Janus didn’t dare ask for fear the answer would gut him, but he got the impression that in the year Sasha had been an orphan, not many, if any, families had wanted to try taking her in.
This playroom was small, used only for this purpose, the toys newer and less worn. Sasha was already there with Carla, who pointed them out when they walked in. Sasha looked up, curious and adorable, and Janus’s heart ached to reach out for her.
In the corner of his eyes, he saw Remus surreptitiously wipe his hands on his jeans, and Janus snatched one of them up in comfort.
They sat near her, close enough to reach out for a handshake – two-year-olds probably didn’t handshake, Nessie hadn’t – but far enough away that they hopefully wouldn’t crowd her. Carla moved to the other side of the room and made herself unobtrusive.
“Hello, Sasha,” said Janus, and he was very proud that his voice didn’t shake.
“Hi,” said Sasha, waving clumsily.
“Do, um- Do you know who we are?” said Janus.
“Mhm,” said Sasha, nodding emphatically.
Janus blinked.
“… You do?”
“Mhm!” she repeated, “Ms’ter Jan n’ Ms’ter Darling. S’your names.”
Remus sputtered his way into a hysterical belly laugh, and Janus covered his own mouth to try not to lose it. Sasha clearly had no idea what she’d done that was funny, but their amusement made her break into peals of delighted laughter anyway.
“N-no, Sasha-”
“Yep,” said Remus, “Mister Darling is absolutely my name.”
“Don’ttell her that, Remus!” said Janus, trying to sound serious and failing miserably.
“Are you kidding? I’m telling everyone that. I’m legally changing my name. They’re gonna announce me at the palace as “Mister Darling Fitzroy” and it’s gonna be the funniest thing anyone’s ever done.”
“Awful man.” laughed Janus.
“Truck?” said Sasha, offering Janus a toy truck.
“Yes, Sasha, that is a truck!” said Janus, taking it.
“Play truck?”
“… You want to play with the truck?” said Janus, furrowing his brow, “Then why did you give it to me, sweet?”
“I think she wants you to play with the truck, babe,” said Remus, sprawling on the floor and propping himself on his elbow, watching them both.
Feeling wrong-footed, Janus put the truck on the floor and made a very poor engine sound, pushing it along.
Sasha gave him an adorably withering look, turning to Remus and offering him the other truck.
“Play truck?”
Remus guffawed, and Janus flushed, laughing at himself.
“I believe I’ve been dismissed.”
“Ms’ter Jan watch,” she said, patting him on the knee in consolation.
And watch he did. Remus was just as wonderful with her as Janus had seen him with any child, but it felt different now, and a hot lump of emotion was growing in Janus’s throat, stinging in his eyes.
An hour passed; Sasha was a cheerful, happy child, bright and vivacious and friendly, and by the end of the second hour she had crawled into Remus’s lap, babbling too quickly for either of them to understand her through her little toddler-accent.
Janus reached out to run a thumb over her cheek impulsively, and she beamed up at him, tiny white porcelain teeth in her pink-brown cupid’s bow mouth, and Janus started crying.
“Jan,” said Remus softly, taking his hand.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, give me a moment-”
“Sad?” said Sasha, clamoring up on her knees and patting his face, “Sad Ms’ter Jan?”
“No,” he said wetly, “No, I’m not sad, Sashin, not at all.”
“So, goblin,” said Remus, affecting a light, unconcerned voice that belayed the shine in his eyes, “Me and Mister Jan came to visit you today for a reason.”
Sasha’s mouth opened in a surprised ‘oh’.
“Visitin’ me ‘specially?”
“Yes, you especially,” said Remus, poking her nose, “You see, um. Me and Jan were wondering if you might want to come live with us, in our house.”
Sasha wiggled a little.
“Playdate?”
“No,” said Remus, “More like- well, we would be your dads. You would live with us forever.”
Sasha furrowed her little brow in thought.
“Daddy Jan?” she said, looking between them. Janus choked on a sob. “Daddy Darling?”
“Oh, this kid owns me,” said Remus quietly.
“Yes,” said Janus, his voice cracking, “If you want. Would that make you happy, Sashin?”
“A long time?” said Sasha, “Forever’s long?”
“Sure is,” said Remus, “Forever is a very long time. Forever is so long that it doesn’t end.”
“Wow!” said Sasha, “O’tay. Going now to new daddies’ house?”
Remus scooped her up, clutching her to his chest, and Janus crawled forward to lay his face on her tiny, soft baby shoulder and weep.
“Very soon,” croaked Remus, “Very soon, Sashin.”
—
If you like this fic, and you feel like shooting me a little tip or present, I have a ko-fi and a wishlist! I also have a patreon where you can get prioritized Q&As, previews, voting power on the next fics I work on, and at higher tiers early access to rough drafts!
More Doodles of the Fantasy dragon au anyone? Feat. Demus and a bonus Moxiety piece bc i got inspired during lunch today for once(and actually had the time to sketch it out fully) plus a bonus p2. close up bc i LOVE the way that i drew Patton’s loving gaze:
^Get you a parter that stares at you adoringly the way Remus and Patton do at their own partners(Roman does this too but hes not here so shhh)
