some family members came around on christmas and they were pointing out that i lost weight and that my legs look skinner, i honestly was being harsh with my eating for only about 2 weeks and it feels great that people notice a difference already - i can’t wait to see how i look in a month. tbh i noticed some difference but they were tiny, i realised that my collar bones are more noticeable and my hips literally make sleeping uncomfortable because of how they poke out now but i didn’t see any difference in my legs.
i ate whatever i want on christmas because i know i would seem suspicious if i didn’t and i think i honestly deserve it as i’ve been eating less than 400 calories daily, the day after that i kind of binged again but it wasn’t as bad and it was mainly on healthy food so i didn’t feel great but it wasn’t completely bad. today i fasted and feel in control again, i love the feel of hunger - it’s so addicting and comforting.
i don’t know what’s going on but my appetite is basically non existent right now, i mean i am not complaining what so ever. i became so picky with food and half of it now grosses me out - and even if i do start craving something i can easily turn in down or usually actually have it because i don’t eat much anyways. i don’t know how long will this last but if this is because of all energy drink that i’m drinking then at least i know what i got to do.
anyways, merry christmas to all of you who celebrate it!
all it should take if you’re disciplined enough is three to four months. you’ll be at you goal weight in four months.
the food will still be there in four months. mcdonald’s will still exist in four months. that donut place will still be there after four months. food won’t leave, it’ll still be there when you’re skinny. why eat it now? why not eat it when you’ve reached your goal?
[what i tell myself every time.]
i don’t know why but i always think that the food will magically disappear and i need to eat everything in front of me. i think i partly feel this way because my brother constantly eats all the food i plan to eat so i automatically feel the need to eat anything i see infront of me so i have chance of having it too. i have no self control and value food too much.
i binged two times last week, the first binge wasn’t that bad actually but the second one was way too much but i balanaced each binge with fasting, right now monsters are godly because they really help me out with not binging and cutting out my cravings. anyways, new week, new start and i’d really like to only binge once this week but i’m not sure how will that go as christmas is in a few days. if you have any tips on how to not prevent binges or things that help you out with cravings i would love to know.
Hey lovelies, I know I stopped posting for a little while, my mental health has been shit and a way to comfort myself is obviously to eat a shit ton, because when I feel like I lost control I do everything that makes the feeling 10x worse, it makes no fucking sense - I know. Anyways, i’m gonna try and restrict as much as possible today, wish me luck!
Ugh, I binged yesterday on snacks. I feel so pathetic now, I didn’t count it either. I just ate anything that was in front of me. I will probably eat anything I want for today too because I’ve lost count of how many calories I ate and then fast tomorrow and highly restrict the next day with a workout. I won’t get anything if I give up so easily.
Today was a little rough, I had a pretty bad headache for most of the day and had urges to go past my calorie limit but I somehow survived and didn’t do it. I hope that this is only because I’ve just started restricting seriously again and with some time and practice I will have more self control and not give up like I usually do :/
Yesterday, was the first day of me going back to consciously restricting. Before my full relapse I use to still restrict but kind of lie about it to myself. I’d use anything to justify why I’m not eating, to myself mostly but I’d binge at the end of the day anyways. Now that I came to terms that I’m relapsing and truly accept the fact why I’m restricting it seems to be going quite well.
I did an all nighter yesterday to finish all my schoolwork and I had two online classes in the morning, I really had no time for food but my mom gave me a nectarine and as I love fruit I obviously took it. I then went to bed after my two online classes as I was so fucking tired, I basically slept through the whole day and in the evening just ate a doghnut. That was it. I think I did pretty well to be honest for my first day but I know that more into the week I’ll start to struggle, it’s always been like that which I’m so mad at myself for. I never seem to carry on doing stuff or give up way too easily.
Well hello cuties, I’m not gonna lie - I completely forgot about this account and today I tried typing in my old email to see if I can log into some type of account and here we are now. I made this account ages ago, I think I was 13? I am now 16 and still struggle with an eating disorder. It’s been very off and on of course (which is why I went off this account) I attempted to recover multiple times and failed because something about an eating disorder is weirdly comforting, it kind of reminds me of when I was 13 and didn’t have so much to worry about but I’m sure self hatred and the control definitely takes a big part in this. School has started and it’s been kind of stressing me out already which is why urges to lean back onto my eating disorder have been very strong lately and in general, my mental health is going to pure sh*t and so it’s just getting very tiring; I’m falling back into my old, unhealthy patterns so here I am. Today is gonna be the last day where I eat anything I want and I’m gonna begin a new, fresh start into my weight lose journey and if you want, you can join me! <3 -Stay Safe Kim
Ugh, I wanna die. I was doing so well. I was eating under my calorie budget nearly everyday and lost a 1kg in 3 days. But of course I have to ruin everything and binge. I’m gonna only eat 150 calories and do some exercise because I feel so fat and disgusting now I can’t handle this. Hopefully when I weigh myself tomorrow I won’t gain that 1kg back.
