[image description: 4 gifs of Eddie Diaz with words overlaid in gradient script. The caption of the gif set is “emo girl + eddie diaz - casket ready look for @oneawkwardcookie“
gif 1: Eddie with a tired smile on his face, raising his eyebrow at Taylor off screen, hand to his face, index finger pressed against his cheek. He’s wearing a white Henley. The words overlaid in gradient black and blue that says “half dead.” The whole gif has a faint, gray overlay.
gif 2: Eddie with a pensive look on his face staring ahead before he looks to the right, lips pursed at first, before they part slowly. He’s wearing his LAFD uniform, the flag on the sleeve just peeking at the bottom of the gif. The words overlaid is in gradient yellow and white that says “but he.” The whole gif has a faint, yellow overlay.
gif 3: Eddie is still with his arms crossed on the kitchen table, looking at Christopher, his overall demenour tired and shadowed. He is wearing a dark blue short sleeved shirt. He is nodding slowly as he smirks while Christopher comes more into frame. The words overlaid is a gradient of blue, purple and pinks that says “still looks.” The whole gif has a faint, blue overlay.
gif 4: Eddie is talking to Bobby off screen, head tilted to the side with a forced smile on his face. He’s wearing a white shirt with a rounded collar and dark green jacket on top. The words overlaid is a gradient of pink, purple and white that says “so cute.” The whole gif has a faint, green overlay.
who said i wasn’t being honest with frank? ⤷ for @quarantine-anon and anon
[image description: 3 large gifs from 911. gif 1: from season 5 episode 13, Eddie is in Frank’s office. The text is Frank and Eddie’s dialogue, “[What are you afraid of?]” “Pretty open ended question, don’t you think?” gif 2: from season 3 episode 9, in black and white, Buck leans against his kitchen island talking with Eddie. The text is Buck’s line, “C'mon Eddie, if you aren’t going to be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me.” gif 3: from season 5 episode 13, Eddie sits at his table talking with Buck after his breakdown. The text is Buck and Eddie’s dialogue, “[What are you afraid of?]” “That I’m never gonna feel normal again.” /end ID]
[image description: 4 gifs from 911. gif 1: from season 5 episode 3, Eddie closes the door to the kitchen before he breaks up with Ana. gif 2: from season 5 episode 13, Buck breaks down the door to Eddie’s bedroom. gif 3: from season 5 episode 3, Eddie leans back against the fridge in the kitchen. The text is Ana and Eddie’s dialogue, “[Sorry about the mess. I guess it’s your mess now, right?]” “Yeah, I guess it is.” gif 4: from season 5 episode 13, the camera pans over Eddie’s bedroom, there are holes in the wall, the curtains are falling down, the duvet and the bed is completely askew. /end ID]
[image description: 2 large gifs from 911. gif 1: from season 5 episode 4, Buck sits on his balcony listening to Eddie, he has a black eye. The text is Eddie’s dialogue, “You’re the guy that likes to fix things.” gif 2: from season 5 episode 13, profile of Eddie sitting in Frank’s office. The text is Frank’s dialogue, “You’re a man who spends all his time managing other people’s pain.” /end ID]
Eddie expects there to be no answer – last time Buck was suspended, he had to literally be dragged from the bed – and is surprised when he hears shuffling. Swinging the door open, Buck stands in shorts and workout gear and a thin sheen of sweat all over, his headphones stuck in his ears. “Uh, hi?” He asks, taking in the two, plucking his headphones out. “Sorry, did we have plans?”
“No!” Chris yells. “This is a surprise attack!”
Then he launches himself at Buck.
To Buck’s credit, he handles the preteen leaping for a hug as well as anyone could, not even taking a step back before wrapping his arms around him and lifting Chris in the air. Chris giggles as he does so, Buck even spinning once to make them louder.
And Eddie?
Eddie is undone. Eddie tells that box he has filled with Buck and feelings and thoughts to fucking shut because now is not the time to confess his love for his best friend.
*
Or: All aboard the dispatcher!Eddie train, working through being on the wrong side of the phone, especially when there’s a particular firefighter who will just not use his head.
Truth be told, Christmas was never Eddie’s favorite holiday as a kid, Christmas was synonymous of a house full of people, the family coming from everywhere, which obviously resulted in plenty of opportunities for fights, screams, demands, accusations, trips down memory lane just to throw in each other’s faces the mistakes made and countless other things that made a festive date that was supposed to be about family togetherness become anything but.
After marrying Shanonn, Christmas becomes a time when everyone looks down on the two of them, trying to hide behind a false smile the whispers and insinuations of how she got pregnant just to force a marriage. Then came the pitying looks at Eddie’s handicapped son, the poor kid that could never do, or be, anything in his life.
Eddie Diaz, in fact, hatesChristmas.
Or at least he hated it until he moved to Los Angeles. Here people don’t yell at each other and point out their mistakes every chance they get. Here people gather around a table full of food and talk and laugh at the off-key voices of Chimney and Buck singing Christmas carols all over the house, here people walk around carrying cookies and milk for the kids that are playing on the floor after earning more toys than they really need, here Abuela spends time in the kitchen with Buck teaching him some secret family recipes because…
“AyNieto, someone will have to pass on the family recipes to Chris when he grows up. ¡Y no serás tú!”
Here Athena and Bobby snuggle on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate while watching everyone with that fatherly-motherly gaze they keep on everyone without exception. Here Maddie and Chimney dance in each other’s arms with a sleepy Jee between them. Hen and Karen chat on another couch sharing a piece of cake.
Here, Christopher is as happy as Eddie has never seen him before. Here Christopher has people who look at him and see exactly what he is, an amazing kid who, yes, has many obstacles and limitations, but who is strong enough to overcome every one of them. Here, he has a family that supports him no matter what.
But most of all, here, he has Buck.
Buck who came into Eddie’s life like a hurricane, turning everything upside down, Buck who made Eddie question everything he thought he knew about life, Buck who invaded Eddie’s dreams longer than Eddie cared to admit. Buck, who was driving him crazy right now, because he was walking all over Bobby and Athena’s house with that mistletoe in his hands, going after everyone just like he’d done the second Christmas they’d spent together.
Everyone was laughing at Buck’s infectious energy and happiness.
Cheek kisses for Hen, Athena, Maddie, May, Michael, and David. A huge hug for Bobby and Abuela, several kisses on the cheeks for Christopher and Jee making the kids laugh until they were red in the face, a peck on the lips for Karen, and to everyone’s surprise and amusement a peck on the lips for Chimney too.
Everyone, one by one, had gained Buck’s attention.
Everyone but Eddie.
He just watched, and each time Buck seemed to be walking towards him he changed paths and Eddie huffed angrily. That’s not fair, he’s been for months, years, desperate to feel Buck’s lips, dreaming of what it would be like to taste him, and now when the perfect opportunity presents itself, it just doesn’t happens!?
No! Eddie wouldn’t accept that.
If Buck wouldn’t go to him, then Eddie would just go to him.
So hours later, when they were all sprawled out in a corner talking, Eddie looked for Buck and smiled at the sight of him at the very end of the backyard of the house, sitting on the bench right under a tree, almost hidden enough from everyone and seeming immensely entertained with his cell phone. Before he lost his courage, Eddie looked around grateful that they were all distracted, and walked through the glass doors, his heart pounding and that damn thing caught between his fingers behind his back.
“Hey…”
Buck looked up and grinned at the sight of Eddie.
“Hey…I just talked to a friend of mine, that ice skating rink that opened last month? I was roommate with Billy a long time ago, he’s married to Jordan that own the place. They don’t normally open on Mondays, but he agreed to let us skate there with Chris. He’s been talking so much about skating the last few weeks, and I know it’s not the same thing as a rink full of people like he’s seen in the movies, but I thought it would be safer, at least until we find a way for him to do it safely. And we can also invite all 118 to go, I’m sure all the kids will love it and Bobby will love reminiscing about the good old days.”
Fuck, how could Eddie not want to kiss him?
“That sounds great Buck, he’s really been talking about ice skating all the time. I can’t thank you enough for doing this.”
“Of course! Anything for that kid, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
They stare at each other for a few seconds until Eddie takes a deep breath and takes the courage to pull his hand behind his back and lift it over their heads, lightly shaking the mistletoe making Buck’s eyes widen.
“Eddie…I…”
“You went after everyone…except me.”
“I didn’t think I could, I was afraid that…”
“I know, I was scared too. But here I am Buck, standing in front of you and under the mistletoe. Waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you for a while now, and if I’m not mistaken, I think you’ve been waiting too. , for me.”
“I have. For so long.”
“So, are you gonna keep me waiting?”
“Hell no!”
Eddie won’t say he never imagined what it would be like to kiss Buck, because he’s been doing nothing but thinking about it for the last few months. To imagine how his lips would feel, would they be as soft and smooth as Eddie thought they would be? Would they taste as sweet as Eddie dreamed they would?
Now he knows.
Now he no longer has to stay just in the memory of an unlived dream.
Now he knows why Buck steps forward and kisses his mouth and Eddie knows perfectly well that the answer is no!
Buck’s lips were so much softer and sweeter than Eddie could ever have imagined, they were warm and eager, they dominated Eddie’s lips mercilessly, they kissed invading Eddie’s mouth and savoring every corner as if Buck wanted to memorize his taste, the same way Eddie wanted to memorize Buck’s.
He tasted like wine and Abuela’s tres leches cake, and Eddie wanted to drown himself in that flavor.
Kissing Buck was like touching the sky, it was like riding a roller coaster so fast it makes his stomach flutter, it was like savoring the sunlight and all the good things in the whole world.
Imagining kissing him was good, but the reality was a million times better.
“I love you.”
Eddie muttered almost breathlessly, his lips still pressed against Buck’s, their bodies so close he could feel Buck’s heart pounding against his own chest, his huge hands gripping his hips sending a delicious wave of heat throughout Eddie’s body.
“I love you.”
Buck responds with a beautiful smile and then kisses him again, at that moment Eddie decided, Christmas was definitely the best time of year!
It’s the noise of whistling and laughing that wakes him from that bubble of utter happiness and makes them pull back just far enough to look over Buck’s shoulder. There, all huddled against the glass doors are his friends and family. Eddie smiles, especially when he sees Christopher cheering with such a happy face that it makes Eddie get emotional and flood with happiness he never thought possible.
He curls up in Buck’s arms who look as happy as he is, Eddie closes his eyes and sighs feeling the soft touch of Buck’s lips against his temple.
“Merry Christmas Buck!”
He mutters, squeezing his arms around Buck’s waist as his heart settles knowing he’s finally at peace.
It was a fact that Edmundo Diaz did not handle words very well. Whatever they might be.
He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his father that he didn’t want to join the high school football team. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t want to kiss that girl at the birthday party while he and his friends played seven minutes in heaven. He never knew what to say, or how to say it, to his teammate Tyler Evans that he was beautiful, that Eddie dreamed of him, and that he wanted to kiss him. Eddie never knew what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he didn’t love her and that he had only agreed to go out with her because Tyler had got a girlfriend, in fact, all of his friends were getting a girlfriend, and he was so embarrassed when she asked him out in front of everyone that he simply said yes. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t like her kisses or how she touched him, much less how her body felt under his hands. Then she was pregnant and his parents insisted they get married, he didn’t know how to say that while he was happy with the idea of being a father, the realization that he would have to pass the rest of his life with Shannon terrified him. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, he did, but not in that way, not to spend a lifetime together. How could he say that he had dated her only because he felt pressured by his fears and insecurities, how could he say that the sex between them was good and constant because that way he didn’t need to use words, so Eddie learned how to please her and mostly how to let his mind run to all the places that would help him enjoy it too. How could he say such words?
So he did what he always did best, he didn’t say anything!
He swallowed all the words and let them scream silently and freely inside his chest, choking him in ways that made him want to run away. Which is something he also did and found he was pretty good at it, running away. Enlisting was the perfect excuse, it took him far away, a place where he still pretended to be someone he wasn’t, he still didn’t know what to say or how to say many things, but at least he no longer needed to trick his mind to be able to enjoy the Shannon touches
The touch that was too delicate, the body that was too curvy.
He shuts up and uses the money as an excuse to run away because he doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he doesn’t love her. He definitely doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his parents that he’d rather be alone than with a woman, that he’d prefer big callused hands to small than delicate ones, strong muscular arms, face slightly rough with a beard. How could he tell his parents that he would rather be married to a man?!
