Truth be told, Christmas was never Eddie’s favorite holiday as a kid, Christmas was synonymous of a house full of people, the family coming from everywhere, which obviously resulted in plenty of opportunities for fights, screams, demands, accusations, trips down memory lane just to throw in each other’s faces the mistakes made and countless other things that made a festive date that was supposed to be about family togetherness become anything but.
After marrying Shanonn, Christmas becomes a time when everyone looks down on the two of them, trying to hide behind a false smile the whispers and insinuations of how she got pregnant just to force a marriage. Then came the pitying looks at Eddie’s handicapped son, the poor kid that could never do, or be, anything in his life.
Eddie Diaz, in fact, hatesChristmas.
Or at least he hated it until he moved to Los Angeles. Here people don’t yell at each other and point out their mistakes every chance they get. Here people gather around a table full of food and talk and laugh at the off-key voices of Chimney and Buck singing Christmas carols all over the house, here people walk around carrying cookies and milk for the kids that are playing on the floor after earning more toys than they really need, here Abuela spends time in the kitchen with Buck teaching him some secret family recipes because…
“AyNieto, someone will have to pass on the family recipes to Chris when he grows up. ¡Y no serás tú!”
Here Athena and Bobby snuggle on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate while watching everyone with that fatherly-motherly gaze they keep on everyone without exception. Here Maddie and Chimney dance in each other’s arms with a sleepy Jee between them. Hen and Karen chat on another couch sharing a piece of cake.
Here, Christopher is as happy as Eddie has never seen him before. Here Christopher has people who look at him and see exactly what he is, an amazing kid who, yes, has many obstacles and limitations, but who is strong enough to overcome every one of them. Here, he has a family that supports him no matter what.
But most of all, here, he has Buck.
Buck who came into Eddie’s life like a hurricane, turning everything upside down, Buck who made Eddie question everything he thought he knew about life, Buck who invaded Eddie’s dreams longer than Eddie cared to admit. Buck, who was driving him crazy right now, because he was walking all over Bobby and Athena’s house with that mistletoe in his hands, going after everyone just like he’d done the second Christmas they’d spent together.
Everyone was laughing at Buck’s infectious energy and happiness.
Cheek kisses for Hen, Athena, Maddie, May, Michael, and David. A huge hug for Bobby and Abuela, several kisses on the cheeks for Christopher and Jee making the kids laugh until they were red in the face, a peck on the lips for Karen, and to everyone’s surprise and amusement a peck on the lips for Chimney too.
Everyone, one by one, had gained Buck’s attention.
Everyone but Eddie.
He just watched, and each time Buck seemed to be walking towards him he changed paths and Eddie huffed angrily. That’s not fair, he’s been for months, years, desperate to feel Buck’s lips, dreaming of what it would be like to taste him, and now when the perfect opportunity presents itself, it just doesn’t happens!?
No! Eddie wouldn’t accept that.
If Buck wouldn’t go to him, then Eddie would just go to him.
So hours later, when they were all sprawled out in a corner talking, Eddie looked for Buck and smiled at the sight of him at the very end of the backyard of the house, sitting on the bench right under a tree, almost hidden enough from everyone and seeming immensely entertained with his cell phone. Before he lost his courage, Eddie looked around grateful that they were all distracted, and walked through the glass doors, his heart pounding and that damn thing caught between his fingers behind his back.
“Hey…”
Buck looked up and grinned at the sight of Eddie.
“Hey…I just talked to a friend of mine, that ice skating rink that opened last month? I was roommate with Billy a long time ago, he’s married to Jordan that own the place. They don’t normally open on Mondays, but he agreed to let us skate there with Chris. He’s been talking so much about skating the last few weeks, and I know it’s not the same thing as a rink full of people like he’s seen in the movies, but I thought it would be safer, at least until we find a way for him to do it safely. And we can also invite all 118 to go, I’m sure all the kids will love it and Bobby will love reminiscing about the good old days.”
Fuck, how could Eddie not want to kiss him?
“That sounds great Buck, he’s really been talking about ice skating all the time. I can’t thank you enough for doing this.”
“Of course! Anything for that kid, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
They stare at each other for a few seconds until Eddie takes a deep breath and takes the courage to pull his hand behind his back and lift it over their heads, lightly shaking the mistletoe making Buck’s eyes widen.
“Eddie…I…”
“You went after everyone…except me.”
“I didn’t think I could, I was afraid that…”
“I know, I was scared too. But here I am Buck, standing in front of you and under the mistletoe. Waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you for a while now, and if I’m not mistaken, I think you’ve been waiting too. , for me.”
“I have. For so long.”
“So, are you gonna keep me waiting?”
“Hell no!”
Eddie won’t say he never imagined what it would be like to kiss Buck, because he’s been doing nothing but thinking about it for the last few months. To imagine how his lips would feel, would they be as soft and smooth as Eddie thought they would be? Would they taste as sweet as Eddie dreamed they would?
Now he knows.
Now he no longer has to stay just in the memory of an unlived dream.
Now he knows why Buck steps forward and kisses his mouth and Eddie knows perfectly well that the answer is no!
Buck’s lips were so much softer and sweeter than Eddie could ever have imagined, they were warm and eager, they dominated Eddie’s lips mercilessly, they kissed invading Eddie’s mouth and savoring every corner as if Buck wanted to memorize his taste, the same way Eddie wanted to memorize Buck’s.
He tasted like wine and Abuela’s tres leches cake, and Eddie wanted to drown himself in that flavor.
Kissing Buck was like touching the sky, it was like riding a roller coaster so fast it makes his stomach flutter, it was like savoring the sunlight and all the good things in the whole world.
Imagining kissing him was good, but the reality was a million times better.
“I love you.”
Eddie muttered almost breathlessly, his lips still pressed against Buck’s, their bodies so close he could feel Buck’s heart pounding against his own chest, his huge hands gripping his hips sending a delicious wave of heat throughout Eddie’s body.
“I love you.”
Buck responds with a beautiful smile and then kisses him again, at that moment Eddie decided, Christmas was definitely the best time of year!
It’s the noise of whistling and laughing that wakes him from that bubble of utter happiness and makes them pull back just far enough to look over Buck’s shoulder. There, all huddled against the glass doors are his friends and family. Eddie smiles, especially when he sees Christopher cheering with such a happy face that it makes Eddie get emotional and flood with happiness he never thought possible.
He curls up in Buck’s arms who look as happy as he is, Eddie closes his eyes and sighs feeling the soft touch of Buck’s lips against his temple.
“Merry Christmas Buck!”
He mutters, squeezing his arms around Buck’s waist as his heart settles knowing he’s finally at peace.
It was a fact that Edmundo Diaz did not handle words very well. Whatever they might be.
He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his father that he didn’t want to join the high school football team. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t want to kiss that girl at the birthday party while he and his friends played seven minutes in heaven. He never knew what to say, or how to say it, to his teammate Tyler Evans that he was beautiful, that Eddie dreamed of him, and that he wanted to kiss him. Eddie never knew what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he didn’t love her and that he had only agreed to go out with her because Tyler had got a girlfriend, in fact, all of his friends were getting a girlfriend, and he was so embarrassed when she asked him out in front of everyone that he simply said yes. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t like her kisses or how she touched him, much less how her body felt under his hands. Then she was pregnant and his parents insisted they get married, he didn’t know how to say that while he was happy with the idea of being a father, the realization that he would have to pass the rest of his life with Shannon terrified him. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, he did, but not in that way, not to spend a lifetime together. How could he say that he had dated her only because he felt pressured by his fears and insecurities, how could he say that the sex between them was good and constant because that way he didn’t need to use words, so Eddie learned how to please her and mostly how to let his mind run to all the places that would help him enjoy it too. How could he say such words?
So he did what he always did best, he didn’t say anything!
He swallowed all the words and let them scream silently and freely inside his chest, choking him in ways that made him want to run away. Which is something he also did and found he was pretty good at it, running away. Enlisting was the perfect excuse, it took him far away, a place where he still pretended to be someone he wasn’t, he still didn’t know what to say or how to say many things, but at least he no longer needed to trick his mind to be able to enjoy the Shannon touches
The touch that was too delicate, the body that was too curvy.
He shuts up and uses the money as an excuse to run away because he doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he doesn’t love her. He definitely doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his parents that he’d rather be alone than with a woman, that he’d prefer big callused hands to small than delicate ones, strong muscular arms, face slightly rough with a beard. How could he tell his parents that he would rather be married to a man?!
“I want my daughter to have everything that I didn’t have, Maddie; what we didn’t have. I want her to have a childhood she’ll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy.”
You see, Buck knew how to take care of children. He did this all the time. With Denny and Nia, with Harry, and especially with Christopher. I mean, he babysat Christopher so many times he could do it with his eyes closed. So, Buck knew how to take care of kids; this wasn’t rocket science, right? Right?! No! Wrong. Because Buck knew how to take care of children; walking and talking children. A baby was… something else.
Bella didn’t talk, she didn’t walk, she didn’t go to the bathroom by herself, she didn’t even let him know when she needed to go to the bathroom, and this is all on another level for Buck. Of course, he had help. Maddie taught him how to prepare the bath with the water at the correct temperature, she taught him how to bathe his daughter correctly and how to dress her. Carla taught him how to prepare the formula, to make sure it wasn’t too hot, and also taught him how to sanitize and care for the umbilical stump. Athena taught him all the lullabies she sang to May and Harry, while Bobby, apparently, found it necessary to start teaching Buck how to cook and prepare baby food from day one. Chimney went through an extensive list of all the movies he had found about babies and single dads and sometimes they even watched them together. Hen and Karen explained about all the stimulating toys for babies and which brands to buy, a list of the best stores, and they had even bought some toys for Bella already.
So you see, Buck had all the help he could ever need.
And then he had Eddie. Eddie, who came to the apartment every day when his shift ended, who would hold Bella in his arms while Buck showered. Eddie, who always brought Christopher with him because the boy was completely in love with the baby, and his daughter seemed to be delighted with him too; she would always make the most adorable sounds when she saw Christopher. Eddie who always brought lots of food…
“Don’t worry, Abuela’s the one who cooked and had me bring it to you.”
Eddie, who cared for his daughter with as much love as Buck cared for Chris. Eddie, who spent every night with him on the phone, because even though Bella was a calm baby and slept well, she still woke up at night hungry or with a dirty diaper, and Buck always took a while to get back to sleep after that; so they talked, about everything and nothing.
And in a way Buck didn’t even think was possible, their friendship solidified even further. A week, just seven days, and it was enough to bring them even closertogether.
By the second week, it became more…natural. Buck couldn’t even remember his life before he had had that baby in his arms. He started to believe it when his friends told him he would do well, that he was a natural. He loved waking up in the morning to the noises she made, especially the ones she made when he pretended to bite her feet while changing her diaper. Buck loved being on the living room floor with her’ Karen had given her a colorful and soft baby rug, and Buck could spend hours there, lying down and playing with her. He loved bathtime’ his daughter definitely loved the water, so bathtime was always a party where Buck sang all of the bath songs he had learned over the past few days. But what he really loved was the time he spent feeding her. Buck just loved having his little girl in his arms as she suckled the bottle, her beautiful, expressive blue eyes locked with his, her tiny hand gripping his finger with all the strength she had. That moment, that one wonderful moment was the part Buck loved most in his life.
Which was why, realizing that the week was nearing its end and that he would soon be going back to work, made Buck’s heartache a little. Not that he didn’t trust Carla; he damn well knew his daughter couldn’t be in more competent hands. But, well… they weren’t his hands.
Bella loved Carla, however. Every day, the woman came to visit while Christopher was at school, even though Buck had said it wasn’t necessary, that she wouldn’t start babysitting until he got back to work. But still, she came every morning, and then in the late afternoon, if Eddie was on a shift, she came back with Christopher and they would go for a walk in the park next to Buck’s building. Those walks were also Buck’s favorite part of the day, mostly because Eddie joined them instead of Carla. They walked side by side, Buck pushing the baby carriage and Eddie carrying two bags on his shoulders - one for Bella and another one with food for them to eat when they arrived at the park-Christopher would go right up front, right next to Bella’s stroller, because he narrated the entire ride for her and always told her some interesting facts he’s learned. Buck couldn’t help but smile knowing the boy had learned that habit from him.
This new routine between them was both strange and normal at the same time; it brought a feeling of peace to Buck that he still couldn’t fully understand. But he liked it, so he just accepted it as it was.
Everything was perfect. Buck may never have imagined this turn of events in his life, but he couldn’t be happier.
Almost two weeks as a father. And like any father, he wanted the best for his daughter, especially when it came to comfort and safety. Which meant that an apartment was not the best housing option for them.
“Hold on, move out of the apartment? But Evan, you love it here !”
“Yeah, but Maddie, look at this place! It’s not an ideal environment for a kid. I know Bella isn’t walking yet, and yes, I also know it’s going to take a while for that to happen. But sooner or later, it will, right? One day, she’ll start crawling and walking, and then this whole apartment will become a trap.”
He walked from the kitchen to the living room with a few snacks in hand while his sister followed him holding drinks, and after they sat on the couch Buck checked that Bella was still sleeping in the stroller and then turned to his sister who was serving them both a glass of wine.
“I know, you’re right. It’s just that everything has been happening so fast for you. A house really is the best idea for you guys.”
“I want my daughter to have everything that I didn’t have, Maddie; what we didn’t have. A house that really feels like home, a big backyard that won’t just be an ornament for the neighbors to see, where she can run and play, a swing and maybe even a treehouse, a pool for her to learn how to swim. Space for a dog; do you remember? We’ve always wanted a dog. I want my daughter to have a childhood she’ll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy.”
“Oh honey, she will be. That little girl will be so happy, big brother. Because she has you for her father. I know we’ve all said that Buck, but I’ll always keep saying it; no one in the world could be a better father than you.”
“Everything I learned was from Bobby and especially from Eddie.”
“Well, then you’ve learned really well. You’re wonderful with Bella. Now, about the apartment…”
“I’ve already contacted a real estate agent, told them everything I’m looking for in a house and an acceptable price I’m willing to pay. Tomorrow, I’m going to see some houses.”
“That was quick!”
“She probably liked my budget.”
“Buck, that day you handed me your credit card and now the house…it was grandpa’s bank account, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s the bank account where my share of the inheritance was deposited when he died, and all the profits that are deposited from the businesses he left for the family.”
“How much do you have left?”
“Everything! Mostly” Buck shrugged.
“Wait. Everything?! Buck! That’s millions and…”
“I never needed it, Maddie. Grandpa died a few months after I ran away from Hershey; I was already far from here and with a job. At first, after the lawyer managed to get in touch with me, I didn’t want to use the money. I wanted to live and support myself without the help of our family, to show myself that I didn’t need anyone but me.” Buck took a sip of wine and sighed. “And after that, I don’t know, I honestly didn’t need the money. The jobs I took around the world always paid enough to keep me going. I could buy clothes and food, I always had a place to sleep; I didn’t lack anything, so I didn’t use a single dollar of that money. I guess I just forgot, you know? Like I knew it existed, I knew I had the inheritance value and the company profits being deposited every month…I just, I didn’t think about them, I didn’t count on that money to support me.”
“I can’t believe you never used anything. I lost almost everything; Doug bought that huge and ridiculously expensive house, he managed all the money, and when I finally got the courage to run away from him, I managed to get some money out and ran away. After he died, I used what little was left in my account to rent and furnish that apartment.”
“But now it’s just your money, Maddie. Doug may have spent our grandpa’s wealth, but the monthly profit that’s deposited is now yours alone. He can’t use that money anymore; only you can.”
“I know, but sometimes I stop to think about it all and I get so angry, you know? If I hadn’t been so dumb and blind none of this would have happened.”
“Maddie, you can’t keep blaming yourself for the things Doug did. Leave him in the past where he belongs.”
“You’re right. Let’s forget about Doug. Let’s go back to your house; are you excited? Have you told the others?”
“More excited than I thought I would be, but I haven’t told anyone yet, you know, except you.”
“Not even Eddie?”
“No, not about the house and not about the inheritance. But it’s something I’m going to tell everyone as soon as I decide on which property I’m buying. I talked to Carla earlier; she’s staying with Bella tomorrow morning while I take a look at the properties]. I told her I had a few things to take care of and she always comes here after dropping Chris off to class anyway.”
“Oh shit, I’m so mad I have a shift tomorrow; I would love to be able to go with you.”
“I would love that too, but hey, you can help me decorate!”
“I can’t wait!”
House hunting was…definitely more fun than Buck had imagined.
Fun aside, he was concerned with analyzing each house with extreme care, ensuring that at the end of the day he would have decided on the perfect option; the house that would be his daughter’s home, where she would grow up and be raised with all of the love that Buck had dreamed of receiving from his parents, where she would run around and have fun without worrying about being punished just for being a kid. And not just Bella; he also wanted a space where his friends would feel welcomed, a backyard with a good space for lunches and barbecues with the 118, a pool big enough for the kids to play in, and most of all, a place where Christopher would feel happy. t Buck could never choose a house without thinking about Chris and Eddie.
For a long time, Buck’s home had been them; no matter where they were, Buck felt at home whenever he was with Chris and Eddie.
Now, he wanted a place where Chris and Eddie would feel at home, would feel like they belonged. Because they did.
From El Paso, Texas, Eddie Diaz is the youngest student at Crenshaw High, LA. Shy and a complete nerd he sees his whole world turn upside down when he meets Evan “Buck” Buckley, the best Quarterback the school has ever had. Popular, carefree, and dangerously seductive, Buck can’t help but notice the new student, especially how handsome and hot he is, and how Buck wants nothing more than to press him against the wall and kiss him. The problem is that Eddie refuses to accept that he’s attracted to the Quarterback.
“I think that it’s time for me to be selfish now. And that starts with you.” When he looks back up at Buck, he can’t tell what he’s thinking. His expression is similar to when he told him about the will, so he’s not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
“I’m not telling you this because I want you to, I don’t know, I just don’t want you to feel obligated to say anything. I just want you to know.” Buck nods. He’s not sure he’ll be able to get this out if he keeps pausing. He looks back down.
Eddie can’t stop looking over at Buck during the ceremony. A part of him is thinking about his wedding, the rushed planning, the nerves he swallowed at the altar, and every second since the proposal. He’s thinking about how he thought that marriage, let alone a relationship, filled to the brim with love and devotion like Hen and Karen wasn’t in the cards for him.
Finding a partner who would care for Chris and then care for him the same way wasn’t the hard part because he had found that in Buck. From the moment they met, Buck had been there for him just because he wanted to be. He had seen Eddie at his worst and still loved him. The way he always managed to step in like it was nothing should’ve been overwhelming to Eddie, but choosing to let Buck in was the easy choice he’d ever made.
The hard part was not getting in his own way. He’s lucky Buck wasn’t letting up and that he’s always been a steady support because even if the pushes Eddie gave him were gentle, they were there anyway and most people would’ve taken the hint and given up.
coda to 5x 17 because how could i not write about this scene?? screen cap by my love juju @loveyourownsmiilee i just wrote this up on my phone, so if you see any mistakes, no you didn’t <3
rated s for soft | 799 words
—-
Eddie’s trying to pack, really he is, it’s just that Buck is so—distracting. Not that that’s anything new, but it’s been especially difficult for him to focus on anything around his best friend as of late. Like, right now for instance.
Eddie’s packing their things , hollering out for Chris as he goes; they need to leave soon. Buck is in the room too, stood leaning against Chris’s desk. The first distracting thing? The damn shirt he’s wearing. It’s gray and tightly fitted, the buttons looking like they’re going to burst at any given second, especially with the way he keeps puffing out his chest. Eddie wouldn’t mind, it’s just, he doesn’t have time for that ya know? Especially with Chris being home and the part where Buck doesn’t know about Eddie’s heart eyes for him.
The other distracting thing, the thing that’s really capturing Eddie’s attention? He’s got one of Christopher’s toy dinosaur figurines in his hands, absently playing with it as he goes. Eddie watches as Buck sticks his fingers into the dinosaurs mouth, dragging it against the teeth before pulling it back out and switching hands to do the same with the other; he was so damn adorable.
“Eds, did you hear me?”
What? Oh right, they were having a discussion.
“Yes, and there’s a hotel twenty minutes away with three and a half stars. Chris is really gonna love the pool.”
Buck smiles with a shake of his head, poking his finger into the dinosaurs mouth once more.
As Eddie hollers out for Chris a second time, he once again gets distracted by Buck.
“Did you know that Tyrannosaurus rex have the longest teeth? The longest they found was 12 inches!”
Eddie shakes his head, smiling fondly over to Buck.
“No i didn’t. C’mon, stop being adorable with the dinosaurs and go find our son before we’re late for our flight.”
The words are out before Eddie can stop them, the figurine dropping from Buck’s hands and to the floor. Chris chooses then to come in, and Eddie can’t decide if he’s grateful or not.
“Dad I can’t find my toothpaste.”
Eddie easily agrees to help him look for it, offering Buck a bashful smile as he passes. By the time the toothpaste has been located, Buck has their suitcases in the back of the truck, packed and ready to go.
The drive to the airport is filled with all of Chris’ questions about who they’re going to see, what they’re going to do, and how excited he is. Those blues of Buck’s stay focused on the road, glancing over to Eddie shyly every now and again.
The ride ends all too soon, Buck pulling over his truck to help them unload. Eddie watches as Buck lifts Chris into one of their signature hugs, the two of them squeezing each other tightly.
Once Chris is back on the ground, Buck turns his attention to Eddie, a shy sort of smile splayed over his face.
“Have a safe trip. Let me know when land, ok?”
Eddie gives a shake of his head as he moves to close the distance between them, pulling Buck into his arms. Buck only hesitates for a second before he’s falling into Eddie’s embrace, those strong arms of his wrapping around Eddie’s middle.
“Don’t do anything too adorable while I’m gone ok?”
He can feel Buck smile into him, a little laugh escaping his lips.
“I try to save all my most charming acts for when you’re around.”
Yep. Eddie was hopelessly in love with his absolute dork of a best friend.
With a groan from Chris and one last squeeze, they finally fall apart, the three of them sharing a lingering smile before Buck watches them head off, not pulling away until they safely inside.
When they finally land, Eddie texts Buck that they’re safe and everything went smooth. Buck texts back a few dinosaur emojis along with a heart and a wink face. It’s not until later that Eddie understands why.
Unpacking his suitcase, Eddie unzips his to find the toy dinosaur Buck had been playing with earlier, something clipped in its teeth. Pulling out the piece of paper, Eddie unfolds it, Buck’s writing meeting him, along with one of his cheesy drawings.
There’s a dinosaur in the middle with hearts all around it (just like all of his drawings.) Written out below it are the words : you’re adora-saurable
Eddie snaps of picture of it, sending it to Buck.
Eddie:‘just couldn’t wait till I got home, could you?’
Buck:‘technically you gave me that rule after I’d made this’
Technically Eddie was in love with him, though he’d be waiting until he got home to tell Buck that. Something told him that Buck would be there waiting.
tagging squad below, lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3
he wants you too (you just have to ask him) [5x18 spec | 464 words]
“May I have this dance?”
Eddie looks up in time to see Buck lifting Jee Yun into his arms, Maddie shaking her head fondly as Buck begins gently spinning him and his niece around.
Something swoops in Eddie’s chest as Jee begins giggling in Buck’s arms and Buck’s smiling so wide that surely his face must ache with it and it’s like Eddie’s heart is right there spinning with them.
“Pretty sure he’d say yes, if you asked him.”
Eddie thanks his years of military training for not startling straight out of his seat, Maddie—who had somehow made it across the yard without him noticing—stands beside him, arms cross and a relaxed—almost amused—smile spread across her face.
“I’m not—I don’t—”
Maddie raises an eyebrow, “You’ve been watching him all afternoon—but somehow I get the sense you don’t quite realize he’s been watching you back.”
Eddie blinks, heating rising in his face—he had caught glimpses of Buck’s eyes on him but he had trouble letting himself think it could possibly be for the same reason his eyes were on Buck.
“You should ask him to dance,” Maddie continues, looking over at her brother and daughter, “he’ll say yes.”
Eddie lets his own gaze wander back to Buck, “How can you be so sure?”
“Call it ‘sister’s intuition’—or, if you prefer—Chim calls it the ‘stupid big heart eyes’ you guys keep making at each other.”
Eddie’s face is definitely flushed, but he looks over at Maddie, feeling bold, “you should ask Chim to dance—he’ll say yes too, you know.”
Eddie doesn’t miss the way Maddie’s eyes wander to Chim, dancing with Karen while Hen laughs.
“You think so?”
“He’s got a bit of his own case of ‘stupid big heart eyes’ y’know.”
“Yeah,” Maddie says softly, and then she ducks her head, “I just don’t wanna mess things up again.”
Eddie places a comforting hand on her arm, “I can’t promise you that it’ll always be perfect, but you and Chim—you love each other—you shouldn’t let the fear of something happening stop you from being happy.”
Maddie’s silent for a moment, and then she meets his eyes, she gives him a watery smile, “those are pretty wise words, Diaz, have you considered listening to them yourself?”
Eddie’s eyes widen with realization and then he laughs softly, “yeah, maybe I should.”
“Ask him to dance,” Maddie repeats.
“Will you?” He can’t help but ask back, “ask Chim?”
Maddie glances over at Chim, who’s let Hen take over for him, “I think I will.”
Eddie looks over at Buck, he’s stopped spinning Jee and moved to rocking her gently in his arms, their eyes meet across the yard and he smiles so brightly at Eddie that Eddie feels like it could blind him.
As the sun goes down and twinkle lights blink to life all around Hen and Karen’s backyard, a pleasant spring chill sweeps in. Buck can feel goosebumps rising under his suit jacket, but he tips his face into the breeze anyway and it almost feels cleansing.
Across the yard he can see the brides swaying, pressed together at the center of the dance floor, looking like they’ll never let go and like they know they’ll never have to. “I will choose you over and over again. Every day. At every opportunity,” Hen had said at the altar, making everyone in earshot start to cry. No one harder than Karen who stamped her foot and said, “That’s not fair. I didn’t even have time to write down anything to say.”
“You can just say I do,” Hen suggested.
“No wait, wait, wait, I got it,” Karen said, drawing a trembling breath. “Henrietta Wilson…”
She recited word for word the vows that she’d written so many years before and Hen started crying with her as soon as she recognized them. “I can’t believe you remember that,” she said.
“I could never forget,” Karen replied. “I’ll make that promise to you every day.”
Buck wiped his eyes on his sleeve and applauded with everyone else as his friends kissed and sealed their renewed commitment to each other. And then he kept crying, maybe a little longer than appropriate, but he couldn’t help himself. The vows were a reminder, one he so desperately needed, of what was possible. Of a love that could be chosen and chosen and never be a mistake. That joy could be a habit and not just fear. And he wants it. God, how he wants it.
Chim stops wiping the coffee table with the washcloth and straightens up. “What is it?”
“It’s Chris…” Buck doesn’t look at either of them. He walks over to the couch and sits down, his gaze transfixed in front of him. “He was so sleepy and I was tucking him into bed when he… he called me the D-word.”
Chimney chuckles at that. “Dumbass?”
“No.” Buck shakes his head slowly. He raises his head and makes eye contact for the first time since he’s come out of Christopher’s room. The expression on his face is bordering on terror. Was it an even worse curse word? It couldn’t possibly have been ‘douchebag,’ not with Chris. “It was, it was dad.”
“Huh,” Eddie says.
“Mmmmm.” Chim follows.
“Aaaah…” Buck sounds like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. Eddie should know.
Right, this conversation is off to a great start.
This was in my drafts for IDEK how long. I kept meaning to say thank you for the kindness, but I kept getting too emotional. But if you see this, I hope you know I’m ALWAYS grateful for every bit of kindness, and always amazed when anyone notices my fics, bothers to read them or remembers them, let alone recommends them to others! Thank you so much! I just… can’t explain how much this means to me. Just know that, to paraphrase Jane Austen, if it didn’t move me so much, I would have managed to find the words to thank you for this far sooner. Thank you again, hon! xoxox
Confusion makes his eyebrows scrunch, and he looks around one more time. There is a slim chance that he missed him heading out as he came in. Eddie had gone right to the center of the building where the bar is, and it isn’t impossible that Buck had been coming from the slide and slipped right past him without them ever seeing each other.
But Eddie doesn’t feel like that’s what happened. Eddie feels like something is wrong.
—
When Buck doesn’t come home after a bad shift, Eddie goes looking for him out of worry. What he finds is worse than he imagined.
This fic goes out to @herodiaz happy belated birthday!
Tagged by @rewritetheending (thank you Morgan ❤️), here’s a snippet from a 5b AU where Buck is stuck in a time loop. This part was written pre-5b. Apologies for the heavy angst but things eventually will work themselves out.
“Eddie—” Buck starts, but Eddie cuts in.
“I want you to sleep on this,” Eddie says. “Please. Before you do anything, I want you to think about what you’re leaving behind—”
“I’m not leaving anything behind,” Buck yells, and it’s a miracle Eddie doesn’t crash the car with the force of Buck’s outburst.
“What?” Eddie asks quietly.
“I’m not,” Buck continues hotly. “Everyone is leaving, the team is completely different now, and you’re not there anymore, and even when you were, you stopped talking to me! So forgive me for thinking that I have nothing left here anymore!”
The silence that follows Buck’s outburst is loud, and Eddie keeps driving like nothing’s happened. It’s only his tight grip on the steering wheel that belies any hint of how he actually feels. Buck thinks that for all the times he’s come close to death and escaped, sitting in a car with Eddie right now feels like the death of everything he’s ever known.
What did you do, a voice inside Buck’s head says dully, slowly, like even his conscience has given up.
“You’re not talking to Chris tonight,” Eddie says finally when they pull into Buck’s apartment complex. “You can come by tomorrow if you’re serious about this and I’ll let you talk to him.”
“Let me,” Buck echoes. “So that’s what it’s come to now.”
Eddie looks at him coolly. “If you’re leaving for good, I’ve got to get used to making all the decisions here again.”
I think I’ve seen most people tagged already so have at it if you’d like and say I tagged you!
He squatted down, reaching out a chubby finger to wipe Buck’s tears away, and Buck just looked up at him in awe, because his parents never acknowledged him like this, never reached out to touch him when he was so fragile he could break.
“You’re crying,” Eddie had said, and he looked so serious, always so serious, even at six years old.
The press of warmth against his skin was Buck’s first memory of Eddie.
*
Childhood friends Buck and Eddie meet again after eight years apart. As their lives collide in the present, their final years of high school are revisited, documenting the series of events that ultimately led to their fallout.
tagged by @gayeddiaz@queerpanikkar@rewritetheending@eddiediass (thank you all ❤️), here’s more from the pre-5b time loop AU that won’t leave me alone. I swear the rest of this fic isn’t as angsty as the snippets I’ve shared lol
“I’m not refusing,” Buck says tiredly. “I’d do anything for Chris, you know that. Youjust seem convinced that I won’t be there.”
“You won’t,” Eddie throws back at him. “Buck, you’re not moving to San Clemente. You’ll be across the country. You’ll be miles, time zones away. Even if you get on the next flight, you’ll be here six hours later. You’ll come to visit every month in the beginning, and then it’ll be every other month, and pretty soon it’ll be a trip down for Christopher’s birthday and that’s it. We’ve seen this happen to people, it’s the way the world works.”
“What do you want me to do, Eddie?” Buck asks quietly, pleading. His chest feels entirely hollow, like it’s never known the warm rush of blood through its cavity, never held a beating heart that once lived there. “I have no one here. Why shouldn’t I follow the one person who asked me to go with her?”
“You have us,” Eddie says again heatedly. “You have all of us! If you can’t see that, Buck, then maybe we’re done here.”
Buck nods and opens the door. “I guess we are.” His legs feel disproportionately weighted down by his body as he steps out and shuts the door of Eddie’s truck behind him.
“I’ll drop by to talk to Christopher tomorrow,” Buck calls out. “I’ll—I’ll explain it to him so he understands.”
Eddie looks at him through the window. “So you won’t even reconsider this? For him?” Eddie hesitates before he adds, “For me?”
They had taken him— Eddie sucked in a shuddering breath at the sight of the scratches in the floor— literally kicking and screaming from their home.
Their beautiful, bright home that was now dark and empty and broken. Furniture was overturned, glass was everywhere, and the scratches on the wall were paired with scuff marks from boots.
Buck had fought them tooth and nail.
aka the James Bond AU with 007 Agent Eddie Diaz reporting for duty.
6.4k | General | No Archive Warnings Apply | Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz
iFic for day 1 of @911firstkissweek for the prompt: through tears || with smiles on their faces (I chose both)
“We need to talk about it, Eddie."
His stomach sinks, his heart skips a beat and every other cliché feeling of terror makes itself known in his body. He doesn’t want to talk about it. If he does, he might break.
But Buck is right, they have to talk about it eventually.
OR: they finally talk about it amidst tears, smiles and kisses
buddie + buckley-diaz family feels | 2.5 k | for day 4 of @evanbuckleyweek: “you’re my family. no matter what.” |ao3
“What happens to me when you guys get divorced?”
The question is so abrupt it takes Buck a couple of seconds to fully process it.
In that time, Christopher turns his head so his eyes settle on Buck’s and this time Buck doesn’t push away the need to shelter him, he embraces the feeling just as he embraces Christopher, one arm wrapping around Christopher’s shoulders. Christopher leans his body against Buck, and Buck’s heart soars and hurts in equal measures
