Truth be told, Christmas was never Eddie’s favorite holiday as a kid, Christmas was synonymous of a house full of people, the family coming from everywhere, which obviously resulted in plenty of opportunities for fights, screams, demands, accusations, trips down memory lane just to throw in each other’s faces the mistakes made and countless other things that made a festive date that was supposed to be about family togetherness become anything but.
After marrying Shanonn, Christmas becomes a time when everyone looks down on the two of them, trying to hide behind a false smile the whispers and insinuations of how she got pregnant just to force a marriage. Then came the pitying looks at Eddie’s handicapped son, the poor kid that could never do, or be, anything in his life.
Eddie Diaz, in fact, hatesChristmas.
Or at least he hated it until he moved to Los Angeles. Here people don’t yell at each other and point out their mistakes every chance they get. Here people gather around a table full of food and talk and laugh at the off-key voices of Chimney and Buck singing Christmas carols all over the house, here people walk around carrying cookies and milk for the kids that are playing on the floor after earning more toys than they really need, here Abuela spends time in the kitchen with Buck teaching him some secret family recipes because…
“AyNieto, someone will have to pass on the family recipes to Chris when he grows up. ¡Y no serás tú!”
Here Athena and Bobby snuggle on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate while watching everyone with that fatherly-motherly gaze they keep on everyone without exception. Here Maddie and Chimney dance in each other’s arms with a sleepy Jee between them. Hen and Karen chat on another couch sharing a piece of cake.
Here, Christopher is as happy as Eddie has never seen him before. Here Christopher has people who look at him and see exactly what he is, an amazing kid who, yes, has many obstacles and limitations, but who is strong enough to overcome every one of them. Here, he has a family that supports him no matter what.
But most of all, here, he has Buck.
Buck who came into Eddie’s life like a hurricane, turning everything upside down, Buck who made Eddie question everything he thought he knew about life, Buck who invaded Eddie’s dreams longer than Eddie cared to admit. Buck, who was driving him crazy right now, because he was walking all over Bobby and Athena’s house with that mistletoe in his hands, going after everyone just like he’d done the second Christmas they’d spent together.
Everyone was laughing at Buck’s infectious energy and happiness.
Cheek kisses for Hen, Athena, Maddie, May, Michael, and David. A huge hug for Bobby and Abuela, several kisses on the cheeks for Christopher and Jee making the kids laugh until they were red in the face, a peck on the lips for Karen, and to everyone’s surprise and amusement a peck on the lips for Chimney too.
Everyone, one by one, had gained Buck’s attention.
Everyone but Eddie.
He just watched, and each time Buck seemed to be walking towards him he changed paths and Eddie huffed angrily. That’s not fair, he’s been for months, years, desperate to feel Buck’s lips, dreaming of what it would be like to taste him, and now when the perfect opportunity presents itself, it just doesn’t happens!?
No! Eddie wouldn’t accept that.
If Buck wouldn’t go to him, then Eddie would just go to him.
So hours later, when they were all sprawled out in a corner talking, Eddie looked for Buck and smiled at the sight of him at the very end of the backyard of the house, sitting on the bench right under a tree, almost hidden enough from everyone and seeming immensely entertained with his cell phone. Before he lost his courage, Eddie looked around grateful that they were all distracted, and walked through the glass doors, his heart pounding and that damn thing caught between his fingers behind his back.
“Hey…”
Buck looked up and grinned at the sight of Eddie.
“Hey…I just talked to a friend of mine, that ice skating rink that opened last month? I was roommate with Billy a long time ago, he’s married to Jordan that own the place. They don’t normally open on Mondays, but he agreed to let us skate there with Chris. He’s been talking so much about skating the last few weeks, and I know it’s not the same thing as a rink full of people like he’s seen in the movies, but I thought it would be safer, at least until we find a way for him to do it safely. And we can also invite all 118 to go, I’m sure all the kids will love it and Bobby will love reminiscing about the good old days.”
Fuck, how could Eddie not want to kiss him?
“That sounds great Buck, he’s really been talking about ice skating all the time. I can’t thank you enough for doing this.”
“Of course! Anything for that kid, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
They stare at each other for a few seconds until Eddie takes a deep breath and takes the courage to pull his hand behind his back and lift it over their heads, lightly shaking the mistletoe making Buck’s eyes widen.
“Eddie…I…”
“You went after everyone…except me.”
“I didn’t think I could, I was afraid that…”
“I know, I was scared too. But here I am Buck, standing in front of you and under the mistletoe. Waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you for a while now, and if I’m not mistaken, I think you’ve been waiting too. , for me.”
“I have. For so long.”
“So, are you gonna keep me waiting?”
“Hell no!”
Eddie won’t say he never imagined what it would be like to kiss Buck, because he’s been doing nothing but thinking about it for the last few months. To imagine how his lips would feel, would they be as soft and smooth as Eddie thought they would be? Would they taste as sweet as Eddie dreamed they would?
Now he knows.
Now he no longer has to stay just in the memory of an unlived dream.
Now he knows why Buck steps forward and kisses his mouth and Eddie knows perfectly well that the answer is no!
Buck’s lips were so much softer and sweeter than Eddie could ever have imagined, they were warm and eager, they dominated Eddie’s lips mercilessly, they kissed invading Eddie’s mouth and savoring every corner as if Buck wanted to memorize his taste, the same way Eddie wanted to memorize Buck’s.
He tasted like wine and Abuela’s tres leches cake, and Eddie wanted to drown himself in that flavor.
Kissing Buck was like touching the sky, it was like riding a roller coaster so fast it makes his stomach flutter, it was like savoring the sunlight and all the good things in the whole world.
Imagining kissing him was good, but the reality was a million times better.
“I love you.”
Eddie muttered almost breathlessly, his lips still pressed against Buck’s, their bodies so close he could feel Buck’s heart pounding against his own chest, his huge hands gripping his hips sending a delicious wave of heat throughout Eddie’s body.
“I love you.”
Buck responds with a beautiful smile and then kisses him again, at that moment Eddie decided, Christmas was definitely the best time of year!
It’s the noise of whistling and laughing that wakes him from that bubble of utter happiness and makes them pull back just far enough to look over Buck’s shoulder. There, all huddled against the glass doors are his friends and family. Eddie smiles, especially when he sees Christopher cheering with such a happy face that it makes Eddie get emotional and flood with happiness he never thought possible.
He curls up in Buck’s arms who look as happy as he is, Eddie closes his eyes and sighs feeling the soft touch of Buck’s lips against his temple.
“Merry Christmas Buck!”
He mutters, squeezing his arms around Buck’s waist as his heart settles knowing he’s finally at peace.
It was a fact that Edmundo Diaz did not handle words very well. Whatever they might be.
He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his father that he didn’t want to join the high school football team. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t want to kiss that girl at the birthday party while he and his friends played seven minutes in heaven. He never knew what to say, or how to say it, to his teammate Tyler Evans that he was beautiful, that Eddie dreamed of him, and that he wanted to kiss him. Eddie never knew what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he didn’t love her and that he had only agreed to go out with her because Tyler had got a girlfriend, in fact, all of his friends were getting a girlfriend, and he was so embarrassed when she asked him out in front of everyone that he simply said yes. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, that he didn’t like her kisses or how she touched him, much less how her body felt under his hands. Then she was pregnant and his parents insisted they get married, he didn’t know how to say that while he was happy with the idea of being a father, the realization that he would have to pass the rest of his life with Shannon terrified him. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, he did, but not in that way, not to spend a lifetime together. How could he say that he had dated her only because he felt pressured by his fears and insecurities, how could he say that the sex between them was good and constant because that way he didn’t need to use words, so Eddie learned how to please her and mostly how to let his mind run to all the places that would help him enjoy it too. How could he say such words?
So he did what he always did best, he didn’t say anything!
He swallowed all the words and let them scream silently and freely inside his chest, choking him in ways that made him want to run away. Which is something he also did and found he was pretty good at it, running away. Enlisting was the perfect excuse, it took him far away, a place where he still pretended to be someone he wasn’t, he still didn’t know what to say or how to say many things, but at least he no longer needed to trick his mind to be able to enjoy the Shannon touches
The touch that was too delicate, the body that was too curvy.
He shuts up and uses the money as an excuse to run away because he doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to Shannon that he doesn’t love her. He definitely doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it, to his parents that he’d rather be alone than with a woman, that he’d prefer big callused hands to small than delicate ones, strong muscular arms, face slightly rough with a beard. How could he tell his parents that he would rather be married to a man?!
“I want my daughter to have everything that I didn’t have, Maddie; what we didn’t have. I want her to have a childhood she’ll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy.”
You see, Buck knew how to take care of children. He did this all the time. With Denny and Nia, with Harry, and especially with Christopher. I mean, he babysat Christopher so many times he could do it with his eyes closed. So, Buck knew how to take care of kids; this wasn’t rocket science, right? Right?! No! Wrong. Because Buck knew how to take care of children; walking and talking children. A baby was… something else.
Bella didn’t talk, she didn’t walk, she didn’t go to the bathroom by herself, she didn’t even let him know when she needed to go to the bathroom, and this is all on another level for Buck. Of course, he had help. Maddie taught him how to prepare the bath with the water at the correct temperature, she taught him how to bathe his daughter correctly and how to dress her. Carla taught him how to prepare the formula, to make sure it wasn’t too hot, and also taught him how to sanitize and care for the umbilical stump. Athena taught him all the lullabies she sang to May and Harry, while Bobby, apparently, found it necessary to start teaching Buck how to cook and prepare baby food from day one. Chimney went through an extensive list of all the movies he had found about babies and single dads and sometimes they even watched them together. Hen and Karen explained about all the stimulating toys for babies and which brands to buy, a list of the best stores, and they had even bought some toys for Bella already.
So you see, Buck had all the help he could ever need.
And then he had Eddie. Eddie, who came to the apartment every day when his shift ended, who would hold Bella in his arms while Buck showered. Eddie, who always brought Christopher with him because the boy was completely in love with the baby, and his daughter seemed to be delighted with him too; she would always make the most adorable sounds when she saw Christopher. Eddie who always brought lots of food…
“Don’t worry, Abuela’s the one who cooked and had me bring it to you.”
Eddie, who cared for his daughter with as much love as Buck cared for Chris. Eddie, who spent every night with him on the phone, because even though Bella was a calm baby and slept well, she still woke up at night hungry or with a dirty diaper, and Buck always took a while to get back to sleep after that; so they talked, about everything and nothing.
And in a way Buck didn’t even think was possible, their friendship solidified even further. A week, just seven days, and it was enough to bring them even closertogether.
By the second week, it became more…natural. Buck couldn’t even remember his life before he had had that baby in his arms. He started to believe it when his friends told him he would do well, that he was a natural. He loved waking up in the morning to the noises she made, especially the ones she made when he pretended to bite her feet while changing her diaper. Buck loved being on the living room floor with her’ Karen had given her a colorful and soft baby rug, and Buck could spend hours there, lying down and playing with her. He loved bathtime’ his daughter definitely loved the water, so bathtime was always a party where Buck sang all of the bath songs he had learned over the past few days. But what he really loved was the time he spent feeding her. Buck just loved having his little girl in his arms as she suckled the bottle, her beautiful, expressive blue eyes locked with his, her tiny hand gripping his finger with all the strength she had. That moment, that one wonderful moment was the part Buck loved most in his life.
Which was why, realizing that the week was nearing its end and that he would soon be going back to work, made Buck’s heartache a little. Not that he didn’t trust Carla; he damn well knew his daughter couldn’t be in more competent hands. But, well… they weren’t his hands.
Bella loved Carla, however. Every day, the woman came to visit while Christopher was at school, even though Buck had said it wasn’t necessary, that she wouldn’t start babysitting until he got back to work. But still, she came every morning, and then in the late afternoon, if Eddie was on a shift, she came back with Christopher and they would go for a walk in the park next to Buck’s building. Those walks were also Buck’s favorite part of the day, mostly because Eddie joined them instead of Carla. They walked side by side, Buck pushing the baby carriage and Eddie carrying two bags on his shoulders - one for Bella and another one with food for them to eat when they arrived at the park-Christopher would go right up front, right next to Bella’s stroller, because he narrated the entire ride for her and always told her some interesting facts he’s learned. Buck couldn’t help but smile knowing the boy had learned that habit from him.
This new routine between them was both strange and normal at the same time; it brought a feeling of peace to Buck that he still couldn’t fully understand. But he liked it, so he just accepted it as it was.
Everything was perfect. Buck may never have imagined this turn of events in his life, but he couldn’t be happier.
Almost two weeks as a father. And like any father, he wanted the best for his daughter, especially when it came to comfort and safety. Which meant that an apartment was not the best housing option for them.
“Hold on, move out of the apartment? But Evan, you love it here !”
“Yeah, but Maddie, look at this place! It’s not an ideal environment for a kid. I know Bella isn’t walking yet, and yes, I also know it’s going to take a while for that to happen. But sooner or later, it will, right? One day, she’ll start crawling and walking, and then this whole apartment will become a trap.”
He walked from the kitchen to the living room with a few snacks in hand while his sister followed him holding drinks, and after they sat on the couch Buck checked that Bella was still sleeping in the stroller and then turned to his sister who was serving them both a glass of wine.
“I know, you’re right. It’s just that everything has been happening so fast for you. A house really is the best idea for you guys.”
“I want my daughter to have everything that I didn’t have, Maddie; what we didn’t have. A house that really feels like home, a big backyard that won’t just be an ornament for the neighbors to see, where she can run and play, a swing and maybe even a treehouse, a pool for her to learn how to swim. Space for a dog; do you remember? We’ve always wanted a dog. I want my daughter to have a childhood she’ll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy.”
“Oh honey, she will be. That little girl will be so happy, big brother. Because she has you for her father. I know we’ve all said that Buck, but I’ll always keep saying it; no one in the world could be a better father than you.”
“Everything I learned was from Bobby and especially from Eddie.”
“Well, then you’ve learned really well. You’re wonderful with Bella. Now, about the apartment…”
“I’ve already contacted a real estate agent, told them everything I’m looking for in a house and an acceptable price I’m willing to pay. Tomorrow, I’m going to see some houses.”
“That was quick!”
“She probably liked my budget.”
“Buck, that day you handed me your credit card and now the house…it was grandpa’s bank account, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s the bank account where my share of the inheritance was deposited when he died, and all the profits that are deposited from the businesses he left for the family.”
“How much do you have left?”
“Everything! Mostly” Buck shrugged.
“Wait. Everything?! Buck! That’s millions and…”
“I never needed it, Maddie. Grandpa died a few months after I ran away from Hershey; I was already far from here and with a job. At first, after the lawyer managed to get in touch with me, I didn’t want to use the money. I wanted to live and support myself without the help of our family, to show myself that I didn’t need anyone but me.” Buck took a sip of wine and sighed. “And after that, I don’t know, I honestly didn’t need the money. The jobs I took around the world always paid enough to keep me going. I could buy clothes and food, I always had a place to sleep; I didn’t lack anything, so I didn’t use a single dollar of that money. I guess I just forgot, you know? Like I knew it existed, I knew I had the inheritance value and the company profits being deposited every month…I just, I didn’t think about them, I didn’t count on that money to support me.”
“I can’t believe you never used anything. I lost almost everything; Doug bought that huge and ridiculously expensive house, he managed all the money, and when I finally got the courage to run away from him, I managed to get some money out and ran away. After he died, I used what little was left in my account to rent and furnish that apartment.”
“But now it’s just your money, Maddie. Doug may have spent our grandpa’s wealth, but the monthly profit that’s deposited is now yours alone. He can’t use that money anymore; only you can.”
“I know, but sometimes I stop to think about it all and I get so angry, you know? If I hadn’t been so dumb and blind none of this would have happened.”
“Maddie, you can’t keep blaming yourself for the things Doug did. Leave him in the past where he belongs.”
“You’re right. Let’s forget about Doug. Let’s go back to your house; are you excited? Have you told the others?”
“More excited than I thought I would be, but I haven’t told anyone yet, you know, except you.”
“Not even Eddie?”
“No, not about the house and not about the inheritance. But it’s something I’m going to tell everyone as soon as I decide on which property I’m buying. I talked to Carla earlier; she’s staying with Bella tomorrow morning while I take a look at the properties]. I told her I had a few things to take care of and she always comes here after dropping Chris off to class anyway.”
“Oh shit, I’m so mad I have a shift tomorrow; I would love to be able to go with you.”
“I would love that too, but hey, you can help me decorate!”
“I can’t wait!”
House hunting was…definitely more fun than Buck had imagined.
Fun aside, he was concerned with analyzing each house with extreme care, ensuring that at the end of the day he would have decided on the perfect option; the house that would be his daughter’s home, where she would grow up and be raised with all of the love that Buck had dreamed of receiving from his parents, where she would run around and have fun without worrying about being punished just for being a kid. And not just Bella; he also wanted a space where his friends would feel welcomed, a backyard with a good space for lunches and barbecues with the 118, a pool big enough for the kids to play in, and most of all, a place where Christopher would feel happy. t Buck could never choose a house without thinking about Chris and Eddie.
For a long time, Buck’s home had been them; no matter where they were, Buck felt at home whenever he was with Chris and Eddie.
Now, he wanted a place where Chris and Eddie would feel at home, would feel like they belonged. Because they did.
Chim stops wiping the coffee table with the washcloth and straightens up. “What is it?”
“It’s Chris…” Buck doesn’t look at either of them. He walks over to the couch and sits down, his gaze transfixed in front of him. “He was so sleepy and I was tucking him into bed when he… he called me the D-word.”
Chimney chuckles at that. “Dumbass?”
“No.” Buck shakes his head slowly. He raises his head and makes eye contact for the first time since he’s come out of Christopher’s room. The expression on his face is bordering on terror. Was it an even worse curse word? It couldn’t possibly have been ‘douchebag,’ not with Chris. “It was, it was dad.”
“Huh,” Eddie says.
“Mmmmm.” Chim follows.
“Aaaah…” Buck sounds like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. Eddie should know.
Right, this conversation is off to a great start.
This was in my drafts for IDEK how long. I kept meaning to say thank you for the kindness, but I kept getting too emotional. But if you see this, I hope you know I’m ALWAYS grateful for every bit of kindness, and always amazed when anyone notices my fics, bothers to read them or remembers them, let alone recommends them to others! Thank you so much! I just… can’t explain how much this means to me. Just know that, to paraphrase Jane Austen, if it didn’t move me so much, I would have managed to find the words to thank you for this far sooner. Thank you again, hon! xoxox
Confusion makes his eyebrows scrunch, and he looks around one more time. There is a slim chance that he missed him heading out as he came in. Eddie had gone right to the center of the building where the bar is, and it isn’t impossible that Buck had been coming from the slide and slipped right past him without them ever seeing each other.
But Eddie doesn’t feel like that’s what happened. Eddie feels like something is wrong.
—
When Buck doesn’t come home after a bad shift, Eddie goes looking for him out of worry. What he finds is worse than he imagined.
This fic goes out to @herodiaz happy belated birthday!
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Karen is asking, eyes wide and—yeah, she’s definitely about to start sympathy crying.
Eddie never really has a filter around her, but it’s even worse with a bottle of fancy wine down between the two of them. “Buck would fucking love that planet,” he says, voice wet and miserable and probably a little too loud.
…or, Eddie + Karen + wine + feelings = the most embarrassing confession ever.
Like most things, this is for @bieddiediaz <3 also @bedhadakdiaz because we talked about this and I combined both headcanons into this monstrosity dajsklj. The AO3 version has an embedded image so I recommend reading it there!
Eddie knows how that sounds. Everyone thinks their wedding to the love of their life is…well, perfect. Just for getting tobewith the man he loves most in the world, celebrating it with his son and the other people he holds close, Eddie thinks it ranks pretty far up there on the scale of perfect moments.
But what he knows for sure, is that everything outside of Buck and Christopher’s presence didn’t just getto be perfect on its own.
They had issues with just about everything, from the venue to the flowers to the centerpieces to the seating arrangements and an appearance from Clipboard Buck didn’t exactlyfixmatters.
(And Eddie won’t ever admit this out loud, but Clipboard Buck is one of his favorite versions of his husband. There’s something about how bossy Buck gets the minute he gets a clipboard that’s always gotten under Eddie’s skin.)
Maybe it was their fault for getting married within six months of dating, and booking all the venues last minute, but there had been a checklist of things to do, and none of them had come to fruition. At the end of the day, they chose to have a quick ceremony in the fire station parking lot before a small reception in Tía Pepa’s backyard. There were no fancy centerpieces that cost more than the furniture in their home, no flowers that would make Buck and Christopher sneeze, and no frills to make their pockets hurt.
Eddie doesn’t think it could’ve gotten better than that.
But it does, because one night, a week after the wedding, Eddie stumbles across a crumpled sheet of paper shoved into the kitchen writing desk.
Or rather,multiplesheets of paper.
He furrows his brow as he presses the papers flat against the table, trying to smooth out the wrinkles as best as he can before looking over the words.
And then he freezes.
Because some of these words might be familiar, but the handwriting is more familiar to Eddie than his own — scrawled across the calendar haphazardly hung outside, printed across erratic Post-Its on the fridge, scribbled in the corners of random notepads. Some of Eddie’s books have this same handwriting annotating it, absent thoughts written in the margins.
One of his most prized possessions is his favorite book annotated just for him in this same handwriting.
It’s Buck’s, clear as day. He’d obviously hidden the crumpled pieces of paper in the drawer so Eddie didn’t see them when he took the trash out, but must’ve forgotten to toss them out later.
They’re his vows.
They’re not the final ones — not by a long shot. With the exception of maybe two or three sentences, Eddie knows none of these words were in the vows that he and Buck had exchanged privately, after their first kiss as husbands and not where everyone could see them.
Bobby had let them take a moment in the bunk room, where Eddie had wasted no time pressing all of his words and vows and promises into Buck’s face in between deep kisses, made better with the press of their wedding rings on each other’s skin.
Buck’s vows had left Eddie a mess, of tears and snot and love and affection that couldn’t be contained in the little band that now decorated Buck’s finger. So instead, he’d elected to play one of the songs that reminded him of Buck without fail, and they’d slow-danced to other people’s words in lieu of their own, under the gross light of the bunk room.
Buck had never looked more beautiful to Eddie than he had during that moment. Standing tall in his crisp suit, a wide smile on his face, the dimple that Eddie had spent countless hours tracing, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes — Eddie doesn’t remember a time where Buck had looked happier, doesn’t remember a time where he’d felt happier.
But here, where he can see crosses and scribbles where Buck’s tried to draft out his vows, Eddie can almost see it in his head — Buck sneaking out of bed, shutting the door to the kitchen to scribble these down where no one could see him, then shoving them in the drawer away from everyone’s view.
Eddie wonders when Buck decided that drafted vows just weren’t going to cut it.
As he traces the crazy loops and the sharp edges of the letters in his husband’s handwriting, an idea begins to form his mind, and Eddie smiles to himself.
—
Buck usually never knows whathis husband’s up to, but he always knows whenhe’s up to something.
Eddie’s been skittish over a few days, but not in a way that would make him pull away from Buck. If anything, he’s never been closer, with an arm slung around Buck at all times, with his palm pressing into its spot over Buck’s heart, his legs tangled with Buck’s own until they’re little more than a pile of limbs.
But there’s something shifty about the way he’s a little quieter, his fingers absently crossing over his side to brush over his own ribs while he’s lost in thought.
Given that Buck’s usually stuck to him like glue at work, and that he sees Eddie shirtless on the regular, he knows it’s not an injury.
But there’s something that Eddie’s contemplating, quiet as he mulls over something that he’s not sharing and it makes Buck just that little bit more nervous.
“What is it?” he tries asking one day, covering Eddie’s side with his own palm. “What are you thinking so hard about?”
Eddie jolts like he’s been caught doing something he’s not allowed to, like touch his own damn skin, and Buck’s about to tug his own hand away when Eddie presses it back against him.
“Perfect,” he murmurs, seemingly to himself. Buck stares at where his hand rests with Eddie’s on top, then back to his husband’s face.
It’s nonsensical to Buck, and doesn’t answer either question he asked, but for the kiss Eddie pulls him into right then, he can’t bring himself to push the matter further.
(If he swings a leg over Eddie’s hips to pin him to the sofa so he can stop brooding, that’s Buck’s business.)
Like everything, the truth eventually does come out.
Buck’s not expecting it when it does, but to be fair, neither is Eddie because he nearly jumps ten feet into the air when he walks into the house to see Buck sprawled out on the couch Saturday afternoon, munching on popcorn while watching Big Hero 6 for the umpteenth time.
Sue him, Buck loves this movie.
“What the fu–” Eddie cuts himself off before the curse can fully form, one of those habits formed from years of living with a kid. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here, Edmundo,” Buck teases, furrowing his brows. “Did you hit your head or something? Did you forget our marriage already?”
Eddie rolls his eyes but shakes his head, leaning down to kiss Buck’s forehead on his way to the kitchen. “No, and I could never. But you said this morning that you were going to Maddie’s for the afternoon, right?”
“Yeah but Jee-Yun caught something at daycare so Maddie and Chim are up to their eyeballs in puke today,” Buck explains, grimacing a little at the thought. He hates the idea of his niece hurting. “I offered to help them out, but Maddie said I’d either bring the bug back home, or Chris would bring it home in a few weeks anyway.”
“God forbid,” Eddie mutters, a little uselessly. There’s an inevitability to kids catching the flu at school, and both of them know that. Buck laughs at the resigned look on Eddie’s face.
It’s then that he takes in what Eddie’s wearing.
It’s not the same tank top he was wearing all those years ago, the one with the open arm-holes and deep neck that dries Buck’s mouth out. Whenever he remembers it, he remembers the sweat-slick form of Eddie underneath, with ruffles of curls falling onto his forehead as he listened to Buck’s territorial dumbassery. He remembers his eyes tracking the light stubble on Eddie’s face, and the grooves of his muscles, and remembers hating that he couldn’t stop looking at the new guy, in what he now knows what him being irreversibly attracted to him.
If anyone had told him then that the man underneath the unfairly attractive racerback tank would become his husband, Buck would’ve laughed in their face.
This tank top is pretty damn close to that one, though.
The sides of the tank top are almost completely open on the sides, and it’s looser, falling and framing Eddie’s narrow waist, and as sexy as he looks, it’s not Eddie’s usual style.
“What are you wearing?”
Eddie winces, but before he can open his mouth to offer an explanation, Buck catches sight of a familiar glossy bandage dully reflecting the overhead light.
Saniderm.
“Did you get a new tattoo?” Buck will deny that he screeches the words to his dying day, because he’s been caught completely off-guard, so he deserves a minute or two.
Eddie’s face grows amused, even in the face of his own floundering panic, and Buck forgets to be embarrassed.
He jumps off the couch, joining Eddie over where he’s downing a bottle of water, his eyes tracking Buck warily over the rim as he drinks.
“Let me see?” he asks, keeping his eyes on Eddie’s face even though he sobadlywants to see it right away — he just doesn’t want to see it without Eddie’s permission.
“Don’t get mad,” Eddie cautions, hesitation clear in his voice as a hand comes up to cover the tattoo.
Buck’s forehead creases in confusion as he shoots Eddie a weird look. “You’re regretting the tattoo approximately twenty minutes after getting it? Why would I be mad?”
“Oh,I’mdefinitely not regretting the tattoo. I think it’s my favorite one, just…”
Eddie’s nervousness, in turn, makes Bucknervous. What could Eddie have possibly gotten inked on his own body that would make Buckmad?
“Okay, here goes nothing,” Eddie mutters to himself, letting his hand fall away. He lifts his arm to brace on top of his head so Buck can see the scrawl over the lines of his ribs through the shirt.
For a minute, Buck doesn’t know what he’s looking at, before it hits him and he sucks in a breath.
“My-my vows,” he breathes out, hovering a hand over the words in his own handwriting, redness outlining the fresh ink.
Buck is more than familiar with Mikael, Eddie’s tattoo artist, and he’s done an eerily fantastic job of copying Buck’s handwriting to make it look like Buck himself has written over his husband’s skin in permanent ink.
He reads over the first line, and frowns. “Wait, these aren’t–”
Eddie digs a piece of paper out of his pocket, silently handing it to Buck. He unfolds it to see one of the drafts that Buck thought he’d thrown away, complete with scribbled out words and crossed out phrases that Mikael has replicated exactly onto Eddie’s skin.
They’re not the vows Buck had given him — they’re the ones he’d tossed.
“Where did you get this?”
“The kitchen drawer.”
Buck’s quiet for a minute, running his finger along the rough edge of the crinkled paper. The tattoo rests on Eddie’s right side, scrawled over his skin with black ink. The lines coast down the side of his torso, a total of eighteen that go from a couple inches below his armpit, down to the level of his bellybutton. Mikael has copied every last letter, every space, every punctuation mark, every scratched out word, every slant, even the uneven spaces between the lines — it’s all there, embedded on Eddie’s torso forever.
“Why these?”
His voice is smaller than it’s been in years, and part of him feelssmall — like he doesn’t deserve to be a part of Eddie’s body even though Buck’s hands and fingers and lips and body have mapped over every inch of him a million times over.
Eddie lets his arm fall, curling his fingers around Buck’s wrist. “Buck,thesewords are you. The raw ones, the ones you threw away because you thought I wouldn’t want to hear them, but baby, I want everypart of you. You’re…” He sucks in a breath, tracing the vein that follows Buck’s pulse before looking back at him. “You and Chris arethe best parts of me.”
Tear prick at the corners of Buck’s eyes, because Eddie had said something similar in his vows, but even if he hadn’t, Buck knows for fact that Eddie has always expected, always wanted100% of Buck — even the parts of him that other people think are too much.
He’s never made any secret of that, and less so in the six months they’ve been together.
For the first time since seeing the tattoo, Buck lays his hand down over it, spreading his fingers over the glossy bandage so the words peek out in between.
It’s then that he sees the purposeful space, and he realizes how Eddie decided where to ink it. This is where Buck’s left hand lands without fail whenever he holds Eddie like this — spanning over his right side as if he can gather all of him under one palm.
On Eddie’s back, coming up the same side, is a tattoo Eddie had gotten last year — an imprint of Christopher’s baby footprints. Mikael had made that tattoo look like footprints walking, a total of eight, growing smaller until they faded.
Buck can’t help but notice that the fade of Christopher’s footprints ends right at the edge of where Buck’s words start.
His ring lays nestled onto his hand, fingers spread wide over the raw promises, and Buck thinks to himself that there’s symbolism for something beautiful there. “Eddie, I–”
“Are you mad?” His husband’s worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, and with his other hand, Buck gently tugs it free, dragging Eddie into a searing kiss that leaves Buck’s bones vibrating with just how much he loves this man.
“Mad in love with you, maybe,” Buck cheeses, too far gone to care about how sappy he sounds. “You could’ve put the ones I actually said to you.”
“Yeah, I could’ve,” Eddie acknowledges, a soft smile lighting his features and turning him even more golden in the afternoon sun. Buck feels a little dizzy just looking at him. “But these areyou. This is my husband, the one I get to see and love.” He taps his side to accentuate his point.
“You’re such a fucking sap.” A lump curls into Buck’s throat as Eddie wraps him into a hug. He keeps one hand on his husband’s new tattoo, tracing the lettering over the plastic. He’s conscious of the dull ache that probably lives under Eddie’s skin but he can’t stop touching him.
He can almost see himself scratching out words and phrases, can almost feel the phantom frustration of not being able to pick the right words for how much he loves Eddie. He’d cracked more than one pen, globs of ink bursting out of the nib with the force of him pressing down as if the words could follow the pressure.
After that, he’d switched to pencil. Easier to sharpen, weren’t rendered useless if Buck pressed too hard.
It needed to be perfect to him at the time, but standing in front of his best friend, who not only married Buck, but also got his goddamned handwriting tattooedon his skin forever, Buck doesn’t think there couldn’t have been any more perfect words.
“Then why did you look like you’d just swallowed a bunch of needles when you came in?” he manages to ask around a thick tongue, tilting his head down to press his emotions into a soft kiss over Eddie’s exposed shoulder, next to where the wide strap stretches over the divot above his collarbone.
Eddie laughs, a gentle, rich sound that ruffles the hair on the side of Buck’s head where they’re still pressed together. “Because I wasn’t sure how you’d react, since I wasn’t meant to see these.”
“You weren’t,” Buck agrees, lifting his head to press his forehead to his husband’s. “But you did, and I’m glad you saw them. I was a mess trying to get them to be absolutely perfect, but….I didn’t need to. I didn’t use the card I wrote the night before, and I didn’t use any of the improvised sticky notes I stole from Bobby’s desk.”
“You stole Post-Its at our wedding?” Eddie’s eyebrows shoot way up, disappearing into his hairline. “From the Captain’s office?”
“I put them back!” Buck defends himself, shrugging. “I also learned that Bobby doesn’t have secure passwords for anything.”
Eddie laughs, and Buck feels like he can breathe a little easier. He tangles their fingers together and pulls Eddie over to the couch, maneuvering him onto his side so the tattoo faces upwards, open for Buck’s eyes.
He pushes the coffee table back and sinks down to his knees in front of the couch, taking his first close look at the new tattoo. Eddie stays quiet, his eyes tracking Buck even as he lifts his arm away from his side.
“God, I love you,” Buck murmurs absently, bending to kiss the edge of the tape. The lines of the tattoo are crisp in a way his pen wasn’t during the night he scribbled these.
“Tell me about them?” Eddie whispers.
Buck’s quiet for a second as he looks at the picture his husband makes against the couch cushions, the flame in his chest belonging to Eddie blazing into an inferno until he thinks his blood is made of nothing but Eddie’s love. “I tried for three weeks to write the perfect words. Every night, I’d come out here after you fell asleep. The first few days, I completely blanked. Not a single word came to mind.
“Then we had that taco night, and you had queso on your koala apron while you and Chris made the bowls with all the toppings, and I’d never been more in love with you, and suddenly, the words came. I had to write them all down on my phone so I wouldn’t forget.”
“Queso on the koala apron. After everything we’ve been through,” Eddie mutters, shaking his head fondly. The soft, warm smile on his face gives him away instantly, and Buck grins at him. “I love you too, you know.”
Buck gestures to the tattoo, lifting an eyebrow. “Oh, I know.”
He jokes about it, but truth be told, his heart hasn’t stopped skipping against his sternum every time he looks at his words on Eddie’s skin. He’s never doubted that Eddie doeslove him, but the strength of just how much bowls Buck over every single time.
“Any words you give me are the perfect ones,” Eddie says matter-of-factually, like he hasn’t just obliterated Buck’s whole world with one action and nine perfect words. He scoots backwards until his back rests against the sofa, leaving a space for Buck as he holds his hand out for him. Buck climbs into the space Eddie made, letting his husband tuck him close so he doesn’t fall off.
The couch was not made for two men over six-feet to lay side by side, but they make it work with Buck half on Eddie, his husband going boneless into the cushions as Buck’s weight presses him into it. Eddie hums as his arm goes around Buck’s shoulder.
“Stupidly romantic asshole,” Buck murmurs into Eddie’s chest as they lay together, tears sparking behind his eyes.
Buck’s hand, like a beacon, finds the tattoo again, tracing nonsensical patterns along the short letters. He moves the fabric away so he can look at where they curve over the natural bumps and curve of his ribs, the soft skin of his waist. He splays his hand across the scroll of writing again.
Eddie’s chuckle is low and rich, burning a smooth path down to Buck’s stomach. “Only for you, Buck. Only for you.” He’s quiet for a second before pressing a kiss to the top of Buck’s head, murmuring the last line of the discarded vows — one of the lines that Buck had kept in his actual ones. “I can’t wait to spend forever with you, either.”
Buck turns his face into where Eddie’s heart beats steady, traces the letters again, and smiles.
—
I’m writing these while you drool on your my pillow, face down and still. You didn’t move when I climbed out of bed, and while other people wouldn’t that might not mean anything to anyone else, to me, it tells me that you feel secure safe around me. It surprises me every day.
I’m not sure whatI don’t know what words to use to promise you that I’ve loved you before I even knew long before I knew my home was made of you and Christopher, and it might have taken us a long time to get here, but now that we are we’re here, I never want to leave never want you to leave. I want to live with you, cry with you, laugh with you, die with you and when our time comes, I want to go with you. I promise to (never) go anywhere you can’t follow. All those years ago I promised to have your back, and today, I’m promising to uphold that vow for the rest of my life our lives. I love you, Eddie, and I can’t wait to spend my life forever with you.
Written for the Bad Things Happen Bingo: doesn’t realise they’ve been injured.
“This— firefighting— it’s just something that I’m meant to do, same as you,” Eddie says, without any hesitation. “Plus, Hen and Chimney are pretty damn good at their jobs. They’ve patched you up enough times.”
“Too many times,” Buck groans. “They’re never going to let me live this down.”
They had taken him— Eddie sucked in a shuddering breath at the sight of the scratches in the floor— literally kicking and screaming from their home.
Their beautiful, bright home that was now dark and empty and broken. Furniture was overturned, glass was everywhere, and the scratches on the wall were paired with scuff marks from boots.
Buck had fought them tooth and nail.
aka the James Bond AU with 007 Agent Eddie Diaz reporting for duty.
