You have done your part in trying to understand your parents. You did consider where they were coming from and why they were doing this, and it didn’t help. You’ve done enough trying to forgive them. You’ve made yourself and your feelings irrelevant far too many times already. You’ve asked yourself ‘why don’t they love me’ far too many times. You’ve cried enough because of them. You tried to deserve their love for far too long. You walked with your heart broken and chest empty far too many times. You’ve done enough. It’s been enough. You walk free of this with no obligation or shame on your part. You’ve done everything you could. You’ve given them every possible chance to stay in your life. You’ve allowed them lead you on, with fear and hope in your heart, for far too many times. You don’t have to do it ever again.
“Narcissists don’t learn from hardship or loss about appreciating, caring, or respecting others.”
— As proven by no change; when I was in the hospital (either time), when I was housebound sick for 2 years, after my car accident, after dad’s accident, after living out of state for 6 years, after passing family members, etc….
The fender bender NM had, where my forehead flew into the windshield has been on my mind today… Didn’t even ask if I was okay
who else naively thought their parents would acknowledge something is wrong if you spent days locked in your room, doing hunger strikes, openly said you’re suicidal or refused to speak to anyone… our child selves were really out there crying desperately for help in any way available and our parents couldn’t care less
Watched Encanto a few days ago. I cringed right quick from the beginning. It’s very ouch to see a lost child/ scapegoat/ black sheep role. Even a full out estranged child. And it irritated me bc I knew where the plot line from Mirabel was going to go… she’s the fixer. She helps heal the family, and bring them together. She had to make the effort. Then comes the cliché Disney ending where everyone realizes they were wrong, admits their problems, and everything is fixed and happy…
Nice. But reality sucks. And so many dysfunctional families will stay toxic for generations, and even if people like me want to be awake to the cycle and try to help, it will fail because the other parts of the family don’t want to disrupt their role or make an effort to be better.
So it’s certainly an emotionally triggering movie.
I like that their are many other viewers out there using it as an example of dysfunctional family dynamics, and doing psychological breakdowns of it. There’s some comfort in knowing we aren’t alone.
